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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/3/2008 5:03:48 PM | | i know exactly what you are going through,, i broke up with my bf, its been a month and he decided to just walk out on me cuz i told him that he was gonna have to start helping me pay bills cuz it was bull crap that i paid all the bills and he got to do whatever with his money... and this went on for off and on two whole years,, well about one and a half years,, this guy swore that he loved me ,, and i should have known better but they do say "love is blind" and in this case i couldnt see at all!! lol so one day he got mad and walked out cuz i finally tole him i had had it , i wasnt putting up with it anymore,, and it tore my heart to pieces when he did walk out... and he had the nerve to tell me that he would always love me?? i mean git real here.. now he acts as though it aint hurting me not one lil bit,, he hasnt called ,, wrote me a letter or anything,, and i have been so stinking depressed over this man, i just dont know how to deal with it,, i know that one of these days it will git better but in the meantime, i cant think of anything but how bad he done me and what kind of situation he left me in and how stupid i was for letting him do it to me... i treated him like a king and he took advantage,,, and right now its really making me hate him,, how do i git over this??? im afraid to go out with anyone or even talk to anyone on the phone cuz i feel like im cheating even though i know im not... plz help me if you have any suggestions..?? thank you.. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/3/2008 6:00:12 PM | | You have to break it off and move on. It's hard for me to say that because I do the same thing. I have been so hurt and dealt with all of this. The only this you can do is look to the future. It's rough....I know, but others are right there with you. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:38:49 PM | | fanimate how do you deal with it??? i mean i stay depressed all the time! its like i cant drag myself out of it,, i know that brighter days are ahead but its like i sure cant see it right now and i just dont know how to handle it.. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:46:20 PM | | Sounds like you were used. Move on. Put a smile on your face and get back in the saddle. She is not worth your depression. She did you a favor by leaving. | |
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kyna2
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Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:58:31 PM | | Been there. Done that. Some people are cruel in the way that they will treat you. Once in a while, I still think about the one who did something like that to me. The episode used to upset me. Now, I just feel disgusted with the whole ordeal. Yet, I did get on with my life. I look at the whole thing as being a very valuable lesson that I learned the hard way. Don't let this person make you feel bad. Life is too short for stuff like that. Things will get better. One day, you will meet the person who you're meant to be with. Until then, don't let this get you down. I know. That probably doesn't mean a whole lot to someone who has been recently hurt. It's the best way that I can say it, though. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:22:02 PM | | Dude, you are being played... Been there and done that. When they say they want you back and they want you in there kids lives etc after a month.. BEWARE ... Believe it or not, some women a players and pathological cheaters. If you just found this out now, consider yourself lucky. Dump her and move on... Don't be surprised if she tries to get you back later when her next fling goes sideways... It's called tag and release, she'll do this every time she needs you before the next one comes along. There are a lot of great women out there, just be selective, you'll find the right one.. Or She'll find you. I know it hurts, dust yourself off and remember this lesson. You know what they say, the first cuts are the deepest... You'll be tougher now. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:34:33 PM | He's most likely married, So you're not going to be the only one hurting. When money bags, does dump her, I hope you 'll be smart enough not to pick her up.
as they say " What goes around comes around." by the time she gets hers, hopefully
you will be on to new and better times. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:35:53 PM | Your a good lucking man, the world is your oyster when you are ready.
Her???? She is filling her karma piggy bank full of shit, guess what she gets when she goes to withdraw?
I know at this moment it seems like you are getting the raw end of the deal, because your emotions were there, and you really believed you were in this thing called love together...
Sometimes what you need to do is set a time each nite to mourn, feel bad, feel anger, feel what ever it is about her. THe rest of the time that isn't devoted to that, which is like 23.5 hrs, you work real hard to push those feelings and thoughts to that moment when you can let it bug the hell out of you.
Believe me after a week or so, you will be so sick of that devoted time of thinking of her, you will be done with it.
In the mean time, treat yourself kindly, buy that thing you've always wanted, but didn't because you were using that money on her and her kids.
You state she's playing patty cake with a married man... Pssshhhh, from Boston no less, ahhhhhh I have visited the East coast, and when his wife catches wind of his fandango, he will not be doing so well... These gals don't take so kindly to that... They may let their man play, while they use his money, but if she gets to deep, she will be the one that gets burned, and bad...
That is the time you will really need to be strong, and done with the player she is...
Yeah she's having her cake and has been eating it too, BUT to many sweets adds on the preverbial pounds, and she will be unworthy of any truly decent mans attention.
I have to admit, I personally have come to the conclusion that 2nd chances are not a good idea...
Good luck, Namaste' Kate | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:04:04 PM | | Been through it. Take time out to work on yourself. Don't talk to her for at least 6 months. Move, a new location is good. Find a better job, more money. Save, pay down bills, buy a new car. Look at yourself. Your body, hair, clothes. A new image. Then start dating again. The new outlook and new women will make you not want to go back. You will find something better and hopefully will have learned what not to look for. The hurt you are feeling is really from rejection. Very few of us can accept it. The trick is to look at the situation from the outside . Think of yourself as a theropist, or third party. Once you do this you will see more clearly , the depression, waste of time. Good luck. Kathy Mmm | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:02:41 PM | | Well, what can I say ... except heaven help anyone who gets involved with her! She sounds as if she just uses guys and lies too. This is obviously very painful. The pain will wear off, but it's like a physical addiction at first and the body has to withdraw. You will start to feel better before too long, though I know you probably can't even imagine that now. She wasn't the person you thought she was and she would have brought you more pain in the future had you stayed together. One day, a lovely woman will come along and wipe out most memories of this woman you are pining over now. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Cry a lot - it's the body's natural way of getting it out of your system and giving you rest. You will come through this. You are worth so much more respect than this woman has given you. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:51:34 PM | | Thank you everyone for all your support. It really does mean a lot and when I get down(which is quite often) you all make me feel better. I know in time it will get better, and looking back I realize she never really loved me. It was a take take relationship. I try to look at the bad that I went through. For instance my grandmother just passed away. She decided to go to a bar with her friends that evening after I heard the news. When It was time for me to pick her up, she had me removed from the bar saying I was stalking her. Mind you, I was living with her at the time, and we were talking about getting engaged. What I cant seem to understand is after all the means things she has done, why am I still hurting. | |
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tinab3
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Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 62 | |
| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:10:10 PM | | Your last line really struck me...why after all...do we still hurt? I do know that we have to grieve. I'm still grieving even though I'm trying to get back out there before I totally lose all of my self-esteem ;) It still hurts even though he lied, and I knew he did. He said he loved me and told someone else I was just a brief affair...ouch. I think the cliche is true man, time heals all wounds...not what we want to hear, but well...it's been a month since my last little ouch, and I still cry sometimes. But I promise it does go away :) I don't understand how he did the he did...how people do things like that, like she did to you - but then again, we won't. When we figure that out, then we move on. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:25:23 PM | | Wow, I feel sorry for what will happen to her when her bad karma comes back to bite her in the a$$. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You have been traumatized. So you need to have absolutely no contact with her while you are healing to avoid reopening the wounds. You WILL get past this. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:46:16 PM |
What I cant seem to understand is after all the means things she has done, why am I still hurting.
After my first love broke my heart and went back with his biotchy ex gf, I wondered how could I hurt so dang much... The anwer I was told is because I really cared, and I really meant what I said when I told the person I loved them...
If you had plans to be engaged, then you were really in there deep, so deep that those little things like what you stated about your grams passing, you let that go by, because you gave her yourself unconditionally.
That is a double edged sword, because unless the person is giving their self unconditionally too, they would consider the consequences of the pain they are causing, or going to cause you. In fact you would be here telling this story, because she would have never went to the bar.
In her inept selfcentered little world she viewed your grief as weakness, and she certainly wasn't about to put herself out to care.
But still you had hopes and dreams that you wove into your life, and made the best of working around her short comings hoping in the long run your true devotion and love would be enough...
Mate, I hope you don't grow bitter and close yourself off, thinking all women are like that.
The man I met and am with now, had been in take take relationship, and was feeling as though he did something to deserve meeting all these takers... Then finally he met me, someone that was always the giver, and got took more times than not...
Keep reminding yourself of HER BAD, and how she really is the one that really will pay for her bad...Trust me, she will get it in aces...
I have seen many of the people who hurt me bad, and the up comings they got delivered even made me feel bad for them... Dang am I to caring, LOL... Ok admittedly there is a small part in me that very secretly relishes just a tiny bit being able to see that karma does work...
You are still hurting because you are one of those guys that really truly loved another... When you get up again, and decide to ask someone for the dance of love, you will be picker, more guarded, but it will end up being worth it... | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:50:41 PM | sad thing but it is called life, dont know how old you are but a broken heart is never easy,, at 48 yo, I have figured out you get alot of disappointment in life, and you learn from each and every relationship,,,
I would call that gal the B word,, you will get over it, keep your head high, she is the one messed up,, | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:19:15 AM | Best advice, since your asking: Take the good time memories and cherish them forever. And let gooooooooooo. There are a few soul mates out there for you! You just relax and bring the good back into your life, love you’re self... then things will happen!
My ex was seeing the CEO, extremely wealthy!!!!!!!!, also married, for ten years before I found out. I felt like dog meat. I was told by good counselors that it would not work out. She broke the marriage. Within 1 year it was over with them, his wife found out. Is this kind of people we want in our lives, you may say yes but truth be told we really don't...
Let her go with love and forgive her!
Move on to a new chapter...
Prayers & Peace,
Scott | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 3:11:40 AM | tmheartbreaker, HE AINT WORTH IT!!!
I was married to a guy that essentially bummed everything off me, he owned his own business but shared NOTHING with me, he took MY gas card and gave it to his employees to use, he made me pay for all the gas and fuel to his construction equipment with my child support and side work pay, he never gave me a red cent , ever!! not for groceries, not for anything. I had to pay his employees and help build a garage . but it was "always for our future"
I put more money into this man than any relationship ever! Vacations, i paid, we got home, he had 3,000 in BoTH pockets when my mom and i went to do the wash. YEP. 6,000 CASH but i paid with my hard earned scratch money so we could get away for the weekend or week. He would buy his employees lunch with money he asked ME for!! yep.
SOMETHING wrong with this picture yet???
he then kidnapped our kids and turned around winning EVERything!!! because his family owns half the county...
Of course the judge gave me my kids back , but it was the longest weekend of my life.
Had i not been able to sock up money and obtain a lawyer in 2 days, i would just be out of luck. something he hadnt counted on.
these kind of men are not worth it, hun, there are way more PEOPLE, both men and women who really want to be good spouses.
after every hurt he put me thru, ten years later he is now trying to claim the home i live in, which was supposed to be my child support which he dont pay. so basically ...he is still trying to hurt me and he is still a bum and a loser.
be thankful that he is out of your life, hun!! seriously. Too many out there who will help you and love you! | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 4:35:00 AM | More seriously if you have any suicidal thoughts, take this very seriously see doctor. I was very badly burnt four years ago by a guy who had been a close friend before he said he wanted a relationship. I had had breakups before and been sad. This was very different. Normally a positive person could not get over it. Severe depression had to see psych. 7 go on antidepressants. Non of the usual think positive things work when its that bad so in that situation you may need to medicate for awhile. Non of my friends could believe it when this happened to me because I am so strong normally so it can happen to anyone.
Good luck !
Aryhian | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:06:24 PM | | You shouldn't have let her in; this person is being wooed by money and power and not the woman for you. DONT contact her or communicate. I went through the same thing when I was going through bad times but I NEVER let her back in. I wasn't going to be treated like a stray dog. Again, move on and NEVER let her back in. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:35:02 PM | I to have been betrayed by my wife of 15 years. She picked her oxy's over me and had me thrown out by claiming abuse after I tried an intervention to get her off 5 oxys a day plus anti depressants and sleep aids and get this muscle relaxers. The bad thing is she still has my three beautiful kids in my home and I am the bad guy. My heart is crushed by the woman I loved and wanted to get back. The drugs made her someone else. My kids are being alienated and I am hurting. I cant belive the courts let her do this by claiming abuse with not a mark on her ever in our relationship. I must go on. I do forgive her but have a hard time grasping what she did and why. Guess it was the drugs talking not her. My heart is broken, I need a friend!
aj | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:33:08 PM | She is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. She lied and cheated on you!!! Why would you think about someone like her? Stop thinking about her!!! She does not deserve that you do!!!
Block her from contacting you and do not contact her anymore youself.
You will find someone better and I hope that you feel better soon!!! 
Down is some hepful tips on how to get over someone:
Step1 Talk to your friends.
Step2 Get clear with your ex. If there are a lot of unresolved issues involving money, possessions, etc., clear them up.
Step3 Distract yourself. Movies, sightseeing, outdoor activities, games and a good book are all possibilities.
Step4 Take up a new hobby or enroll in some classes.
Step5 Exercise - put your mind on something new, like training for a marathon, improving your tennis game, or working on those abs.
Step6 Work hard. Work can be a great distraction, especially if you feel like you're accomplishing something.
Step7 Indulge yourself. Chocolates, massages, facials, shopping sprees - whatever helps make you feel good about yourself.
Step8 Date other people.
Info came from http://www.ehow.com/how_61_forget-about-ex.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art
How To Forget Someone in 8 Steps
Step 1:
Cry out everything you have to cry about! When we get hurt, it's normal (and good) to cry. Don't ever think you're being weak for crying and don't feel embarrassed because of it! It's normal and it's good! When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music...but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain! Just let her go!
Step 2:
Get busy! When you're trying to get someone out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. In other words...get busy! It doesn't matter how, you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, watch a play, travel. It doesn't matter what are you going to do--the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy. If your mind is busy, it doesn't have time or space to think about the person you're trying to forget.
Step 3:
Spend some time with your friends. Friends are always great to have in this kind of situation! Friends can make you feel good about yourself and get you distracted very easily. They will certainly make you laugh and make you see that you're way more important than you think! The only warning is: Ask them not to talk about the person you're trying to forget. If they start bringing the topic up in every conversation, you won't be able to forget, and instead of making you laugh, they're going to make you cry. So be honest and ask them not to talk about it!
Step 4:
Avoid the person! Try not to go to places you know you can meet that person. When you're trying to forget someone and you two keep seeing each other, it gets hard to get over it. If you meet him/her somewhere, just be nice and kind, but find an excuse to go away as fast as you can! If you work or study with him/her and you can't avoid seeing him/her, just try not to look and not to talk too much. Just be gentle and keep busy all the time so you won't have excuses to look at him/her or to chat.
Step 5:
Go out and see some different faces! Being at home gives you more time to think about it, which makes the process even more difficult. So even if you're not feeling excited or you're in a bad mood, just put on your best clothes, best shoes, best smile, call some friends and go somewhere nice where you can dance, drink, listen to some music. And the most important: See some different faces! When you go out, you notice that the person you're trying to forget is not the only one who's got a perfect smile and an amazing voice...thank god, there are other interesting people around the world, too!
Step 6:
Avoid every kind of romantic thing! If you're trying to forget someone, you'd better not watch romantic movies or listen to romantic songs...it makes you feel bad and you will certainly remember the person you're trying to get rid of. It doesn't matter if it's a song you love or if it's playing on the radio...just change the station or do something else! Put on some happy songs, dancing songs, watch some comedies, terror movies, whatever...you just need to avoid the romantic things for now!
Step 7:
Take good care of yourself. Women tend to run for some kind of self-destruction when they're hurt. If we break up our perfect relationship, then we have no reason to get our nails done anymore and the only thing that gives us comfort is chocolate and sugar. That way, the only thing we do is to become less attractive and lessen our self-confidence. So if you're hurt, just try to use your pain for yourself instead of against you. Go to the gym, work out a lot, get your nails and hair done...do whatever you can so you can feel more pretty and confident!
Step 8:
Accept the process! You can be really strong and it's still going to hurt. The process takes time and you have to accept that! You can't hope to forget in 2 days someone you loved for 2 years...and you can't pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it's not easy and it's going to take some time. When you're patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier...
http://www.howtodothings.com/family-relationships/how-to-forget-someone-in-8-steps
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tinab3
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Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 72 | |
| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:27:44 AM | Whoa! This is something we all should have in our little box of important things. If we get our hearts broken again (hopefully not!) and we don't know what to do...read the steps.
Thanks for adding!! | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:54:01 AM | If it's any consolation, I went through the same thing. I was with a man for a year. He told me he loved me, saw us together forever, wanted to live together, etc.. Then, it seemed, out of the blue, he admitted he was not ready for anything "lifelong". Imagine that! After all that emotional investment, including bring my 2 boys into the picture, and he his 2 children, he just ends it. He still wanted to "see" me on occasion, but I said no, that I could not possibly be with him knowing he was seeing other women.
He brought a new lady to a family event that I was with with my boys just 3 weeks after our breakup. Can you imagine? I found out that she is still in his life and it's been a year. So, so much for not wanting anything "serious".
Anyway, I suggest you immeditately get an appt. with a psychiatrist or psychologist and talk to someone about your not eating or sleeping. You are depressed, and you need some help. I lost 15 pounds over my breakup (weight I definitely did not need to lose) and couldn't sleep either. I was a train wreck and nearly ended up in the hospital. But, after seeing my therapist for over a year and trying a few medications, life has improved. I am not 100% yet, but I am better.
Best of luck to you. I am really sorry to hear about your pain. | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:19:56 AM | OP-one: the heart doesn't break, its just feelings your going through and
two: find a good woman that wants you for YOU!!!
these broken hearted stories really bother me these days. People rush too fast, think they are in love during the first couple of months because it all feels soooooooooo good and then wham! But i understand more with the younger generation, experiencing break ups and feelings, its actually a good thing, helps you grow, helps you figure out what you want and don't want in a person, but its the people in my generation that scare me when they contemplate suicide just because of a break up. There are a kuzillion people in the world and being depressed over ONE that doesn't want you? come on.........find your self esteem and move on! I will never tell you "get over it" cuz no one gets over anything, but people do move on, its a choice. Sit in the "poor me's" or say to heck with her, she's not worth it!!! | |
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| Severe depression over a broken heart
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:27:00 AM | | Dude i've been there too, i see your a musican, so you feel deeply(normally we do) if you dont mind me saying, have a good couple of crying spells with music, this helped me when i had a broken heart-im not going to say more others gave good advise.you'll be ok. | |
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