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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/27/2008 6:20:48 PM |
Thank you Mish Man, your response was both courteous and insightful. I can definitely see how that thought process may occur. That's why I try not to judge people too quickly; one's appearance can be very misleading.
OP, that is why I try to keep the judgements to a minimum, period. It goes back to the listing the Masters degree thread (I think you saw that one) and the vegetarian thread over on the Ask a Girl board - the thing is that people like to judge quickly since it frankly takes a lot less energy to do so and it helps bring some sort of order into their life. And these are just the stereotypes in those three threads alone:
1) Oh, she's attractive - that means that she is a walking Barbie doll that saying "I hate math" all the time.
2) He/she has an advanced degree - that means that they just did it to look down on others.
3) He is a vegetarian - that means he likes spraying people with red paint in restaurants.
I ask the question to try to see if there is any way to avoid the stereotypes, but the answer is always the same; there really is no way that you can - if they like stereotypes, people usually become polarized one way or another. Thus, all you can do is just be open with who you are up front and let people think what they want because they will always do so; just don't settle down with them for we all deserve so much more.
And why do I try to keep my judgments up front to a minimum? Because I am this guy with a Masters degree and a vegetarian - and I'll let you in on a secret; every day I do something that make me so proud of myself, and then I follow it up by doing an action that qualifies me for being the dumbest guy on the Earth. Every day I do it .... every day ... and if I'm doing that, what right do I have to judge anyone else.
The best of luck in your fishing, and I hope what I said made some sense ...
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:36:52 PM | | Believe it or not a lot of single men are afraid of very attractive women. They dont want to deal with other males hitting up on their significant other. There will also be that fear of being left for somebody else because of so many other prospects who are interested. Look for a strong confident man who believes in himself. Keep away from the married men in one on one situations. Develop a no nonsense attitude and reflect it in your body english. I hope this helps. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 3:36:18 AM | | While a lot of single men would not approach you because you are attractive, married men are past that fear. You might want to do the approaching next time and the asking. Most married men will hide the ring and lead you on. How to weed them out? No method, if there was it would be in my bestseller book.....lol | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 3:36:23 AM | Hey Op,
After looking at your profile and your pics you are obviously an attractive and sexy woman. I also noticed in your pics that you dress to show off your attributes. Not that there is anything wrong with that, as I suspect you are proud of the way you look. Since you are wondering why you INADVERTANTLY (being the keyword here) attract these men I really suspect it may be the way you present yourself in those environments (clubs and bars). Why don't you try an experiment and dress a little more conservative and classy (not that you aren't, I am just basing this on 3 pics!) when you go out and see what the results are. Then maybe men (which for the most part are dogs) might look at you a little differently. Honestly I don't think there is anything sexier on the planet than finding out under that classy attire this woman is smoking hot! I think it is all about the attitude you present yourself out with that you are conveying. Just a thought.
SteveDDS | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:04:32 AM | This notion that taking care with our appearance and dressing attractively is an open invitation for any and all men, including the married ones, to hit on you is utter bullshit...don't fall for it. Dogs will hit on anything that's breathing, so I reckon you'll have to learn to deal with the dogs as well as the (single) and respectful ones. You can't really control or stop who will hit on you, no matter how you dress or act, cause you can't control others...ya might as well learn to just let it roll right off you. If you don't want the attention, just pass it by.
The garbage people pull into their perceptions is JUST garbage until their willing to look a lil closer and get to know you. Take it to the curb and be done with it. :)
Or, you could craft you a few snappy lil T-Shirts with catchy phrases like "Sorry, big boy! My lovely tata's are only for single fellas!"  | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:24:37 AM | Funny Girl, I think you totally missed my point here. MARRIED MEN SHOULD NOT HIT ON ANYONE PERIOD! However if they are looking for what they PERCEIVE is an easy score then that is what she is attracting! You are absolutely correct that Dogs will hit on anything BUT they will tend to look for the easy prey first. I know single and married men...blue collar to surgeons...and sorry Funny girl but you are wrong for the most part when it comes to appearance and dress. You are right however that Dogs will hit on anything from naked to nuns! If you dont believe me go out dressed classy and then go out dressed like a tramp. I am sure you will get hit on both nights...just compare who and how many are doing the hitting. The OP asked why INADVERTANTLY....well number one...Men are Dogs
number two is her "physical appearance" which includes attire.
Cant be her "intelligence" no guy out there knows that untill they get to meet her which all came about from numbers one and two. I on the other hand personally thinks she dresses sexy and nice and if I was married I would not hit on her or anyone else. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:31:59 AM | As I said, I have the same problem but none of the attributes, after a while it does make you wonder if it's something you're doing wrong. I've come to the conclusion that it's because the married/attached guys are in no danger of anything coming of it, they have nothing to lose. For single guys to hit on you, they have to consider that it may lead to more than just one night's fumbling. Am I on the right lines?
H.x | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:33:04 AM | | This doesn't just happen to you...I think that married men do more "approaching" than single men do in general. Maybe if you stop dressing like a Hooter Girl, a respectable man would be more willing to approach you. As it is, you are attracting what you are attracting. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:38:32 AM |
Funny Girl, I think you totally missed my point here. MARRIED MEN SHOULD NOT HIT ON ANYONE PERIOD!
Don't know why you think I missed that...
However if they are looking for what they PERCEIVE is an easy score then that is what she is attracting!
wth?? So, what they're looking for is her responsibility? Their perception is all that matters? It's all her fault? Wow, who knew??
and sorry Funny girl but you are wrong for the most part when it comes to appearance and dress. You are right however that Dogs will hit on anything from naked to nuns! If you dont believe me go out dressed classy and then go out dressed like a tramp. I am sure you will get hit on both nights...just compare who and how many are doing the hitting.
lol, I'm a woman...do you think I have no experience in being hit on? Sure, you're a man and you do the hitting, but as you said, if you were married, you wouldn't hit on anyone, so this clearly doesn't apply to you. :) We're talking about dogs, remember?
I've been hit on by every kind there is my whole life...all types, both taken and not taken, no matter how I was dressed. I typically dress in what is considered "classic attire", such as business casual, but usually when I'm in a bar/club/restaurant just hanging out, I wear jeans (who doesn't?) and casual shirts. Sometimes I have a lil skin showing, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I wear the lil black dress that shows my legs, sometimes I don't. But I conduct myself in the same way, no matter what I'm wearing, and it just doesn't matter! I've been hit on by married men and men that weren't. I've been hit on by drunks and those that were sober, white collar and blue collar, bikers, cowboys and construction types, and all freakin' ages. Horn dogs have equal opportunity horns!
I'm recalling my early 20s...back then it was all about mini skirts, heels and big hair. I reckon you could say I looked an awful lot like a tramp, tho I think most of us did, lol...and it was no different then. I was hit on by all kinds. I learned early on to not take it personal, cause it so clearly wasn't about me...it was about their swollen dik and their willingness to take a chance.
One final point. Back when I first joined this site--from behind my computer where the only pics I offered were face shots , and every now and then, I'd add one where I sitting at my desk with one leg tucked under me and one showing, guess what response I received, regardless of my pics/profile? Approximately 95% of my responses were from married men. From behind my computer where I wasn't doing a single thing other than showing up on a dating site and participating in the forums! Don't tell me I was inviting it, I know like hell I wasn't...other than simply showing up and having a profile. But, it comes with the territory, so it's just plain pointless to take it personally. It's about them and their perceptions, them and their desire.
Yanno, there are lots of married men that wouldn't go anywhere near a near a naked woman, no matter how sexual she is, or how inviting she is. These are men that get that they are in full control of themselves, and what they do is on them, and that the way a woman dresses is not fully indicative of her interest in him, or him..or him, or anyone at all. Believe it or not, sometimes we're just moody assed critters that just wanna dress to look pretty or sexy, or casual or classy, or like a damned gardener or hockey player. It ain't all about SEX, and it ain't always an invitation.
But...if and when we decide to doll up and let it all hang out, we need to be willing to take the crap that WILL come our way, and handle it nicely. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:39:52 AM | I agree with SteveDDS. Single men who might be looking for a relationship are not going to go for a woman who is falling out of her clothes, because she's dressing that way to attract men. (And it's BS to say otherwise.)
A married man is not looking for a relationship, he's looking for a quick score, someone he plans never to see again. Which of those two men (single, respectable man looking for a relationship vs. married man looking for a one-nighter) is more likely to approach a woman who presents herself that way? | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:21:55 AM | | I dont think this is rocket science. If you read what the OP's question is about inadvertantly or sending out the wrong signals then yes she is obviously contributing to the type of man that is hitting on her. Is it her responsibility that married man hit on her? Of course not...that is all the married mans fault. Is it her fault that she may be inadvertantly or sending the wrong signals by her dressing to attract what she is attracting? Well obviously so or she would not have posted the question! | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:31:07 AM | | OP I think it's because you look just like the "calendar girl" they stare at and dream about every night at home before they get into bed with their wife (who probably isn't having sex with them) which is really, really common. By the way I was complimenting you. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:42:13 AM | "This doesn't just happen to you...I think that married men do more "approaching" than single men do in general. Maybe if you stop dressing like a Hooter Girl, a respectable man would be more willing to approach you. As it is, you are attracting what you are attracting. "
I understand that all you can base this on is my pictures, however, to clarify, the one picture was taken on Halloween (Iwas a ring girl) I don't dress like that when I go out. The other pic was at a pool party in the evening - so I had taken off my swim suit top and put on a tank top. I never dress like a "hooter girl"
I do dress well and classy. Many of the establishments that I frequent wouldn't even allow "hooter girl attire" | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:57:44 AM | That's good to know, OP...So then, I guess it goes back to the fact that married men are just more likely to approach "anyone" than single guys are. Married men who go out like that are out there with one thing in mind, (IMO) and they have to be more aggressive to get it, I would think. Like I said, this happens to a lot of people.
I think the married men are just more "on the prowl" than single men are, whereas single men can have a more laid back approach. Married men might not get to "get out" as much, and have to make the most of the time they do have out of the house.
It sucks that there are married men who do that sort of thing, but what can ya do? There are slimeballs everywhere. And there are married women in the bars and clubs who are doing the very same thing...I just think the married men and the married women should hook up and leave everyone else alone!
There are plenty of single men out there, it's just that the married men are the ones doing most of the approaching. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:16:06 AM | | If you are dressing classy then it obviously is the married men. They have nothing to lose and the worst you would do is turn them down. There is no rejection for them they are already married and they just move on to their next prey. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:55:55 AM | | Some women just have welcoming smiles, emanate warmth. From what I can see, you may be one of those jewels. When I see something good happening, I try to say so. Maybe that makes me a jerk, but I might well approach you, especially at a social gathering (but Hell, I compliment women on this site, in these Forum pages, especially the good-lookin' ones, when they say something I like), and tell you that you have a beautiful smile, etc. It wouldn't be a pass, whether I was married or not (I'm not), but you might think it was. Try letting some of it just roll off your back. You can be polite to whoever makes comments to you, but at the same time, you can move away from him, physically, or with the words you use. I've read (on here, usually written by people I didn't especially like), that it's a woman's "biological imperative to attract men" (see, too clinical for my taste, and kinda presumptuous). I like to think I'm something more than a moth drawn to the flame, moths can't speak, I can, so I speak to differentiate myself. Hey, I practice law for a living. Nobody compliments lawyers, and consequently, we never field them gracefully, so I'm pushing it to suggest a better way for you to do it. But I am trying to explain why I might compliment you, and I doubt I'm the only guy that's a "jerk" for behaving the way I do around an attractive woman, so that you can maybe understand that the spin on the ball isn't always the same. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:11:15 AM | You have no signals. You are you and you dress like you. You are a full blooded, attractive woman. It is not your fault.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT FOR BEING ATTRACTIVE.
But it is your fault for saying 'Yes'
Don't, then you will see them fall off your windscreen like drops of rain.
Don't wait. Have whom you like. Just don't moan afterwards. | |
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| Oh, cry, cry
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:26:39 AM | I have one other thing to say.
heh112072.
Dear, never, not once in my life, have I had a woman approach me. And I'm not a bad looking guy even at 52. When I was younger I had to fight for all the 67 girls I've been with, counting my two wives. So, please stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself - you have it good!
You think that you are spoilt? Not until you see Sophisicatae French and German women. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:42:12 AM | Holy hell batman. You are stunning babe, that's why.
Tell you what, I am neither married or attached and I would love to scoop you up over there in Ohio.
Really though, I think that there is too much thought going on about this. Simple fact is that you are gorgeous, fit, tan, smart and you work with special needs children(shows that you are caring, patient and selfless). As other posters have said, all men will be attracted to you. Case closed. Most women would love to have this problem like I would love to have Bill Gates' money problems. :)
And Nao_Namorado, you sound like a jaded, bitter man. Just sayin. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:18:35 AM |
Is it her fault that she may be inadvertantly or sending the wrong signals by her dressing to attract what she is attracting? Well obviously so or she would not have posted the question!
I'm sorry, that just makes no sense to me! How exactly is a woman to dress so that she doesn't attract a married man, but does attract a single man?
It seems to me she asked the question because she's pondering assuming some type of responsibility for other people's actions.
In no way is she "causing" a married man to hit on her. To say that she is responsible or invites it is just like saying that the way a woman dresses causes her to get raped. I don't care how she dresses, what the man does is something he is responsible for. If he chooses to perceive that she dressed a certain way to turn his head and invite him to hit on her, that's his lil red wagon. It doesn't make it true just because he thinks it's true, and it doesn't make her responsible.
And frankly, outside exploring her own self awareness, I can't imagine why one would take it all so seriously. If she's attracting that which doesn't interest her, all she has to do is say so...just tell him.
That aside, I'm speaking of the way a woman dresses only. The way a woman conducts herself is a whole other topic. Yep, she surely can be responsible for attracting others based on what she does. | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:39:45 AM | inadvertently sending wrong signals? I think its just because your a pretty young lady. should you dress down? , dam, dress the way you feel comfortable. you arent hurting anyone are you? its the person who is coming up to you and hitting on you(who is married) responsibility to act accordingly...., not your responsibility.
If I see someone I'm interested in.., I will ask if they are married, and be as respectable as possible..., before any hitting on takes place.
MG | |
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| Why do I,inadvertently, attract so many married/involved men?
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:44:21 AM | When are people going to realize that when it comes to *attraction*, it doesn't matter what you do with yourself - if you have something that the opposite sex desires in a mate, you're gonna attract all sorts.
Yes sir.
Let's use the OP here for a sec:
Nice face ..........check
Big chest...............check
Nice body.................check
Married men that are miserable with their SO's and probably cringe at the fact they have sex with them and want a fantasy date with her...............check
Single men that are enamored by her body and fantasize about her.............check
Single women that are enamored by her body and fantasize about her...........check
It's a no brainer here.
I'm not putting you down at all OP. I can imagine the frustration you are going through (well no, not really). But you just have to deal with it. | |
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