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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:12:07 PM | If I'm meeting somone from online...it's meeting for coffee, or at a bookstore or something simple. As the man aka the person who plans and pays for most first dates, I've been burned by women who dont look like their pictures or their personality didnt match the what they presented in the profile.
If I meet someone at a club or somewhere offline then it's dinner or somthing more elaborate.In that case I know the attraction is there and I have gotten a taste of what their personality is like.
For the women hav a problem with coffee dates...start asking men that you are attracted to out and take them out on fancy dates. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:16:14 PM | I see a lot of that in women's profiles as well. I think it is a short encounter so there is a built in "out" clause, or like you say an interview.
Your profile is your resume' and the coffee clatch is the interview to see if you should get the "job" so to speak. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:56:44 AM | The "Coffee date" isn't always a coffee, but it does require a place that you can establish attraction and try and build up a relationship with a total stranger. It has to be in a place where:
You are both comfortable so you both can relax and nothing is less comfortable than a ricketty bar stool.
Can talk to establish connections which rules out alot of pubs as they can have alot of noise.
See each other in a normal or natural light so bye bye resturants and pubs as they give dim artificial light.
As the situation is stressful often 1 drink is unreasonable as you will tend to drink more to do something with your hands cause you are nervous unless you get non-alchoholic. So a coffee shop has a good selection of non-alchoholic social drinks... but you can drink water too without having to get a stern look from waiter/waitress (I have had to order food if I wasn't going to drink at a pub before).
Time line - A coffee date is something that if things are not going well, or you run out of stuff to say but are still interested, you can break away from easily. Having other plans besides the coffee is very normal. IF it goes really well then you can brush of plans and go out for dinner. Thats why an afternoon coffee is a very good idea.
So gripe all you want about the generic coffee date... it is used alot for good reasons. With that said I have had first meets be at a mall, we had a drink, but I was really there to do some shopping, I could have called it a day after the drink, but instead she ended up spending the day with me shopping and we had a blast. It meet all the requirements that a coffee shop offered. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:20:01 AM | | What I suggest, and like, is a nice big mall for a first date. You can walk around as long as you like, or sit down for a cup of coffee. There is plenty of stuff and people to look at and talk about, if you want to sit down and get something to eat there is plenty to choose from. And if the date lasts long enough, the one I like in Tampa has a few places that serve drinks and one has a dance floor. On the other hand, if there is no interest on one or both people's part, it's easy to walk different directions and get lost. There are plenty of people around so the woman feels safe and with all the window shopping you can kind of get an idea what the other person likes if you see them again and want to buy them a little something. Works for me. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:31:24 AM |
So what did happen to the "real" date?
The classic I pick you up, I get there on time and you make me wait at least 5 min's.
I present you with a rose.
We are both dressed like it matters, I open the car door for you.
We go to a nice meal, have some good conversation.
When the check arrives, I with no questions asked take care of it!
We go for a nice walk in the evening air.
you seem chili, I offer you my jacket.
I drive you home and walk you to your door.
you give me my jacket back with the beautiful scent of you.
I get a soft kiss and a thank you for a wonderful evening.
You go inside and I walk to my car with a spring in my step.
Looking back at least once smiling.
You know, rock man, those are wonderful dates..
It made me smile to remember them, after reading your post... | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:39:32 AM | I like coffee for a first date. Having been out of the dating scene for about 15 years I find it very relaxing, and with little to no pressure. The fact that it is during the day is, for me, safe and I am able to really be myself. I think that dinner for a first date is a distraction; it is hard to hide behind a cup of coffee! | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:06:40 AM | Excellent p0st OP! This is a really great example showing that not everyone has what some of us call "good manners".
A "quick coffee meet" is often about considering the OTHER person's comfort level, and NOT just an excuse to be a cheapskate. Some people are so arrogant that they actually realize that while they themselves may have figured out there's enough chemistry for a free dinner, the OTHER person may not be quite that astute. Some people are emotionally mature enough that they are willing and able to allow another person a "graceful" way out if said chemistry turns out to be a case of temporary insanity.
If I want to interupt my day to JUST have a cup of coffee I'm gonna call one of my girl friends and catch up on the local gossip or talk about shoes!! Many man, darling things that they are; are not always quick enough to interpret comments like this one. It states: I have 0 interest in YOU, no amount of "chemistry" will ever be more important than my shoes, I am high maintenance + some, it's ALWAYS all about "me", "your" feelings matter not in the least.
The "non princess" types recognize that first meetings should be low key, low pressure and are in fact nothing at all like a "job interview". They are casual and comfortable for BOTH parties and allow either or both to tactfully decline any more elaborate "meeting". | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:11:08 AM | I used to be totally against the 'coffee' date - they always seemed more like 'interviews' than anything else.
However, after a couple of 'dinner dates' - where I was expected to supply dessert - ahhhhh, no thanx - coffee dates suddenly looked mightly appealing.
One of the nicest dates I had was grabbing a couple of coffees and spent hours walking around one my city's largest parks. It was relaxed..........so NO pressure...........and I felt we truly learned a lot about each other.
Things didn't work out 'that way' - but to this day, if we bump into each other on MSN we seem to be able to pick up where we last left off..........as two new friends. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:34:07 AM | God, will this thing never die? OK, we've established 2 things so far, I'm sure of. First, there are the coffee daters, they will continue to enrich the stockholders of Starbuck's and may even have a good point............FOR THEM!!
Then we have the daters, who would like a dinner or longer meet up. Some are romantic, some feel the will enjoy the evening, I guess from what some have said, some will beat you out of dinner.
Finally we come to the second thing we learned in 15 pages, many, many, many people do it differently, with picnics, walks in the park, coffee, dinner, malls, parks, grocery stores and the rest. Length of time is 10 minutes to 9 hours. You can wear a suit, kakhi's, shorts, wait, I think we can agree, no streaking.
My point is just like everything else involved with online meeting, everyone sees it through their own eyes and therefore does it differently. We are all just individuals who share only one thing, a desire to meet someone. Bob | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:14:04 AM |
First, there are the coffee daters, they will continue to enrich the stockholders of Starbuck's and may even have a good point............FOR THEM!!
Then we have the daters, who would like a dinner or longer meet up. Some are romantic, some feel the will enjoy the evening, I guess from what some have said, some will beat you out of dinner.
Bob2013,
Not necessarily. For a coffee date, I like to go to independent places like The Rocket Fuel Coffee Shop (which has live music on Fridays and Saturdays) and The Birds and the Beans coffee shop.
And for me, what starts out as a coffee date can progress into a walk to a local park or lakefront... and if it goes really well, extend to dinner.
A coffee date is merely a date that makes it easy to cut things short if they don't go well.
One date I had was to go bicycle shopping... which led to a walk to a park, which led to a meal and a very nice time.
Also, it depends on what's locally available. Many who live out in the suburbs only have generic coffee shops available. Since I live in the city, I have a wider range of choice.... so that plays into things as well.
And as has been mentioned, going on an initial meet to a place that serves alcohol is a bad idea if you're driving and might need to make a quick exit. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:14:50 PM |
<div class='quote'>A "quick coffee meet" is often about considering the OTHER person's comfort level, and NOT just an excuse to be a cheapskate. Some people are so arrogant that they actually realize that while they themselves may have figured out there's enough chemistry for a free dinner, the OTHER person may not be quite that astute. Some people are emotionally mature enough that they are willing and able to allow another person a "graceful" way out if said chemistry turns out to be a case of temporary insanity.
As always GrandmaBooBoo I agree with you,too bad there aren't more women by me that think like you do.
I always get a kick out of some members profile that say "I want a dinner on the beach sipping wine watching the sunset"...get real...unless you live by the beach then it ain't going to happen and a romantic dinner should be reserved for a second or third date. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:22:55 PM | Give me my butterflies! Once I stop being excited to meet someone that I have been emailing and talking to on the phone, I won't date any more. Why in the world meet someone that you don't have butterflies for? Low key, geez, I want excitement and feeling like I can't wait to meet. Visitor's center to pub, I don't care, I try to look my best. Low key, that just seems to take the fun out of dating. Might as well go out with my brother if I can't look forward to putting my best foot forward toward seeing someone in the flesh.
Maybe I see something wrong here, some people may be burnt out on dating? | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:54:11 PM |
Maybe I see something wrong here, some people may be burnt out on dating? It has absolutely NOTHING to do with being burned out on DATING. It has to do with perhaps being burned out on getting burned though.
A first "face to face" meeting is hardly the same as a "date". As I believe DJ has already pointed out, "online dating" has things just a tad backwards. IRL....you MEET the person BEFORE you "date" them.
A first "meeting" should be casual in most cases, although there's also nothing wrong if 2 people have been chatting for a while and determine MUTUALLY that they'd like to plan a more formal or longer "first contact" situation. Not everyone however is THAT comfortable before they meet face to face, and a "no expectations" meeting can be EVERY BIT as exciting (if not moreso) than a "date" which lasts for 9 hours..and one of the people is wishing that it had ended after 9 minutes!
I find it more "exciting" to meet someone for coffee thinking hey...it's just coffee....only to find that 2 hrs later, I don't want the conversation to end...and discover that....neither do they!
I think the difference is perspective is NOT due to any sort of "burn out", but rather to the differences between people who ARE able to be relaxed and casual and go with the flow...and those who have to have everything planned out to the last tiny detail or they're dissappointed.
What's the big rush??? Are they suddenly going to close every restaurant in town if you don't have dinner with this person....IMMEDIATELY? If indeed all those "butterflies" are present....then will they not still be there a day or 2 later??? I would certainly HOPE that if anything, a first brief meeting would INTENSIFY the excitement for a first "real date", not lessen it. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:28:56 PM | Again, remember that some areas have very crappy places to meet other than restaurants etc., so if you go to a restaurant, and it is the dinner hour, it does seem reasonable that you will be having dinner. Not everyone can date all hours of the day.
Personally, I have only had one doggy bag date. I think my approach to getting to know someone through emails and phone has gone pretty well. The doggy bag date was too rushed and I should have known better, but sometimes you do have to say what the fudge.
So please do keep in mind because some people do do other things for dates other than coffee, doesn't make them a princess or someone to ridicule. Some people get to know who they are going out with and can't wait to meet them in person and make a real date. Don't take it personally if you don't care to be excited and look your best for your first date. I do. I won't be relaxed regardless of where I go, so I enjoy the full nine yards of getting ready for whatever the date is.
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:37:41 PM | | Coffee works for me but it has to be during the day, there's no way I'm drinking coffee at night then I'll be wired!!.....it's a meet and greet, lunch works well too..It's an hour of your life if there's no connection you move on. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:17:03 PM | It's not about meeting for actual coffee. It's about developing a repoire with someone that you've never met before..i.e online. I've met someone online before ata bookstore for a quick first meeting. Nice person...but no romantic chemistry.
Now if I met someone at a store or a nightclub..that is much different. The repoire has been establishing. The mutual attraction is there. In that case I would take that person out to dinner for a first date. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:30:17 PM | Coffee on a first date is kind of silly.
I think that most people get confused between first MEETS and first DATES.
I don't want to go out on a date with a stranger, whom I know nothing about.
I'd rather meet them at a neutral place, for coffee or a smoothie, depending on preferences and weather.
If you like each other and there is interest, than you can "Plan" an actual first date.
JMHO
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:49:46 PM | I think that most people get confused between first MEETS and first DATES.
I don't want to go out on a date with a stranger, whom I know nothing about. I'd rather meet them at a neutral place, for coffee or a smoothie, depending on preferences and weather. If you like each other and there is interest, than you can "Plan" an actual first date.
I agree with the people who stated that calling the first meeting a "date" or a "meet" is semantics. One time I met a man for about 30-45 minutes. We had some ice cream. He considered it a meet. I met another man for the same amount of time. We had a couple slices of pizza. This man considered it a date. Although they used different terminology, it was basically the same thing. Just substitute pizza for ice cream. Technically meeting someone for coffee for 15-20 minutes could be considered a date. Because you are determining if there is any potential romantic interest. A date doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive or time consuming. The point that myself and some other people have made is this. There are other things you could do on a first date / meet that are relatively cheap, don't involve any time constraints, and IMO are more interesting than a traditional coffee date.
Regardless of what you call it, if there isn't at least some mutual interest. Then you simply wouldn't see that person again. Or you could end things early if the date / meet is really bad. JMO. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:53:25 PM |
I read a lot of profiles where men suggest a quick meeting for a cup of coffee as a "first date". What's up with that?
First off, it's not a "date".... it's a "meet"....... You meet, you like, you date. You meet, you don't, you move on. Only thing down, a cup of joe/jane.
Some elaborate their reasoning is to "just see if there is chemistry". I don't get it??
What don't you get hon.... chemistry? Lemme help ya here darlin'.... CHEMISTRY is what makes you feel all wiggly and giggly.... it's the thing that takes you from emails into the bedroom..... it's the lusty part of the relationship and without it, there's nothing but friendship or less.
I can figure out if there is enough chemistry to want to have a REAL l date by the photographs and a few telephone conversations.
No you can't. What your deducing is common interests or a sense of compatibility, not chemistry. Chemistry is figured out only by getting close enough to trade pheromones.... oooooo baby yesssssss..........................
I don't get these quickie Dunkin Donut meetings..They sound like your being invited to a "job interview". Forget that noice.
Jeez hon.... trade it up..... head to a nice, local coffee shop and give them some biz. Dunkin D's? oh lordie lordie.......
If I want to interupt my day to JUST have a cup of coffee I'm gonna call one of my girl friends and catch up on the local gossip or talk about shoes!! Coffee is not a date. .. not even if you throw a donut at me too.. Forget about it.
"interrupt"? Okaaaaay........ OP, it's not about the cup of coffee..... you DO understand that, right? It's about finding out in a low key atmosphere whether or not there's an attraction in person beyond the emails and phone calls, which to me are worth nothing more than the time you spent on 'em.
Reality is close up. Why expect a guy to shell out for a dinner if he's thinking about how to dump you off at home before dessert???
Good luck hon.  | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:02:18 PM | | I for one am not offended by the mention of coffee for a first meeting.Besides coffee being my drink of choice, I feel it is a nice casual meeting place where i feel safe. If all goes well who knows the date could be extended to a movie or lunch. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a first date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:27:26 PM | Well it may be semantics, but most of my life a "date" has been planned with established attraction and interest in getting to know more; I've always known or known of the guy I got asked out by. Before it's determined there is mutual attraction, I can't say I want to date anyone - so yeah it's a "meet" to me. Maybe it does seem like a job interview, but until I am face to face with someone and can experience knowing them in that way, it just can't be very personal.
I also can't get nervous or butterflies for someone until I meet them and decide I like them - there's nothing to get nervous about or nothing to go on which would create butterflies. For me that comes from in person attraction, chemistry and further interest...all of which don't exist before I get there.
I did feel that the first one or two times I met people and then realized for me that it was misplaced before an actual meeting to get nervous (beyond looking for someone for the first time and looking really dumb walking into a place, which I developed a method for).
After I meet someone and we both get that "spark" going, then sure I will have butterflies for the next bunch of dates, cause I like the guy and get nervous about it. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:35:35 PM | | Who doesn't love a large, hot cup of Timmys? Meeting someone online- nice, safe public place to do it in- my real thought? At first meeting if your expecting more than that, might be perceived as a gold digger from the start. Coming from the girl-coffee or a drink or two is fine- unless you don't partake. You may find you don't like dude at all- so why have him spend his money on dinner?? Save that for the good stuff later :) | |
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