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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 12:07:33 AM | I want that butterflies too. It used to be real date back in the old days when meeting throught the internet were still less common. But I agree with message 379. First meeting is not first date, if things go well ,first date can follow right away. Some guys are willing to drive for over 4 hours each way ( after talking on the phones few times) to meet jus for coffee. When this happened, I get hesitate. But I met nice guys this ways.
People have different experiences (some had been fooled by misleading pictures, etc), that I had guys who actually would try to just "have a peek" from the parking lot of a strip mall without actually physically meet. (i had few guys talking abouth this kind of meeting !!). | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:37:34 AM | What don't you get hon.... chemistry? Lemme help ya here darlin'.... CHEMISTRY is what makes you feel all wiggly and giggly.... it's the thing that takes you from emails into the bedroom..... it's the lusty part of the relationship and without it, there's nothing but friendship or less.
I agree that there should be chemistry. But a problem I have with the "quick coffee dates" and internet dating in general is that many people expect chemistry right away with a person they haven't actually met before. Otherwise they will quickly lose interest. I'm not saying people should spend a lot of time and money on someone they don't like. But unless a man had used old / deceptive photos or there was something about him that was clearly a turn off, I would spend more than 15-20 minutes with a man before making a decision. At least for me, sometimes chemistry can develop when I begin to know a man better. If the date / meet starts to go downhill, then I could end it at that point. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:32:58 AM | a problem I have with the "quick coffee dates" and internet dating in general is that many people expect chemistry right away with a person they haven't actually met before. Otherwise they will quickly lose interest. I'm not saying people should spend a lot of time and money on someone they don't like. But unless a man had used old / deceptive photos or there was something about him that was clearly a turn off, I would spend more than 15-20 minutes with a man before making a decision. At least for me, sometimes chemistry can develop when I begin to know a man better. If the date / meet starts to go downhill, then I could end it at that point.
Again, I disagree that what you're looking for is chemistry. I think for *most* it's there right away.
One of those intangibles that you either feel or you don't.
*Some* would argue that it takes some time, but I don't think they're looking for a chemistry reaction...
I think they're looking for a connection beyond the initial attraction.
And I don't agree that chemistry naturally means a connection should be there......
Just my take. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:41:39 AM | ^^^I'm with Bullie...I believe people say "chemistry" and actually mean "attraction".
Attraction is a given to most of us as a requirement for dating, and therefore if it's missing, while getting to know someone is nice and all...there's no future in dating them. Most of us can tell if we have attraction to someone or not in the first 5 minutes of being face to face with them.
Determining chemistry takes longer, but since romantic attraction is a part of overall dating chemistry, it stands to reason that no attraction means no chemistry. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:56:04 AM | Again, I disagree that what you're looking for is chemistry. I think for *most* it's there right away.
One of those intangibles that you either feel or you don't.
*Some* would argue that it takes some time, but I don't think they're looking for a chemistry reaction...
I think they're looking for a connection beyond the initial attraction.
And I don't agree that chemistry naturally means a connection should be there......
I guess this comes down to what a person's definition of chemistry is. If a person feels chemistry right away, then it is purely based on physical attraction. Physical attraction may be part of chemistry. But IMO chemistry is more than just attraction. Chemistry can be how well 2 people click and that could include personality, intelligence, shared interests and values, behavior etc. These things usually aren't noticeable right away. I agree that if a man is completely unattractive, then most likely there would never be any chemistry. However there have been instances when I met a man that was average looking ( but not overly attractive ) and there wasn't any instant fireworks. But I found out other qualities about him that made him more appealing to me. Maybe my definiton of chemistry is similiar to your definition of a connection. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:38:17 AM | I agree......attraction is that initial connection and draw, but chemistry is what develops once secure in the attraction.
There are many good looking women that I find attractive, but have no desire to have a relationship with because there is not enough chemistry to warrant it. That chemistry is rolled up into attraction, personality, style, education, financial security, etc.
The whole point, for me at least, is that I want to wake up with you as much as I do taking you to bed........ 
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:41:50 PM | I agree emphatically!!
If a guy is a true gentleman and has any class, he will treat her with respect and buy her dinner. Otherwise, don't bother.
A man should never tell a woman "I'll buy you a coffee first and then see if you're worth more that that". It's rude and disrespectful. I think it speaks volumes about how he feels about women in general.
Keep up your high standards girl, you know your worth it. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:48:15 PM | agree emphatically!!
If a guy is a true gentleman and has any class, he will treat her with respect and buy her dinner.
Oh, boy!! Well, that is your definition of a true gentleman....opinions will vary. Dinner does not equal respect in my book..I have been bought dinner several times, and respect I soon found out was nowhere in the equation. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:11:26 PM | ^^^^^ I agree MizQ...... comments like the one you quoted give me the willies.
No man is expected to buy me ANYTHING upon meeting me or anywhere down the line.
If I want to meet someone as much as he wants to meet me, we'll do just that. MEET.
We'll enjoy a cup of coffee/tea/soda pop and see if there's anything worth taking any further.
IF THAT HAPPENS and he asks me out, he's STILL not obligated to buy me shit!
That attitude of "I deserve" leaves such a bad taste in so many mouths.
Those with that kind of talk don't deserve shit...... *you're* just a squirrel, lookin' for a nut and the only thing *you* deserve is a kick out the door for that kind of "gimme" attitude.
Oh, did I just say all that?  | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:50:39 PM | For me, coffee isn't a first date, but it is a nice way to meet and see if there is any chemistry. After all, I've yet to meet a man who actually "looks" like his picture, (and I'm sure it's the same with women, but I'm not dating them so I don't notice lol) and while that isn't the main basis for my choice of a mate, physical attraction is important to all of us. Fortunately beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder so everyone is attractive to someone.
Online dating is so different from the old type of dating where you meet someone, find attraction and then go on a date. In online dating you really do need a way to "test the waters" so to speak. After all, in the traditional way to meet people that's what you do when you come face to face for the first time. Weather people realise it or not , they are sizing up the other person. How do they hold themselves, what manerisms do they show when they speak, when they talk to you are their eyes drifting somewhere else, are they comfortable around you or fidgety? It's all taken in through what we see, hear, and smell on that first meeting, and as versitile as the internet is, it's hard to get all that over the web or phone.
After the initially meeting, if we are still attracted, then we can go on a real date. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:47:48 AM |
For me, coffee isn't a first date, but it is a nice way to meet and see if there is any chemistry.
That's because most people are afraid to even use the word "Date" these days...don't know why...but if I meet a woman from a "Dating" site...well....what do you think I call it?
I call them as I see them. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:25:42 AM | | Photos and conversations over the phone are not enough no matter how realistic they are to know if there is chemistry in real-life. I would prefer something simple to see for myself if there is chemistry, attraction, if the person is how he indeed presented himself, etc., for me to invest more time in him later and plan for a proper date. Other than that would be the real waste of time to me. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:26:34 AM | That's because most people are afraid to even use the word "Date" these days...don't know why.
I explained why earlier, and the poster above you explained it as well. At least in my age group (35+) and region, the word "date" implies you already know and like and want to learn about someone, and it comes from a time you'd meet people before you talked to them. On a dating site before you meet in person, technically you don't know any of that yet.
Once I know I have attraction and interest in knowing more (and it's mutual), then I don't care if it's called dating, cause to me that's what it is at that stage.
I also think a date is a situation where two people do something elaborate. Meeting for a 20 minute coffee to me isn't involved enough to be a "date". It's no more complicated then a business meeting, really. You meet, you sit, you see how you feel, you chat a little and you shake hands and thank them for their time.
if I meet a woman from a "Dating" site...well....what do you think I call it?
If you both meet and like each other in person, you begin dating - and yes you call it "dating". I think it's more that people are here to meet someone they might want to date, not date people they don't know and hope they like em. To me that's what "dating site" implies - that you're here with the eventual result of dating that one person that you click with. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:37:59 AM | I also think a date is a situation where two people do something elaborate. Meeting for a 20 minute coffee to me isn't involved enough to be a "date". It's no more complicated then a business meeting, really. You meet, you sit, you see how you feel, you chat a little and you shake hands and thank them for their time.
Most people don't know what dates are. They think it's either the typical dinner/movie or sitting in a bar somewhere.
Screw that.
If I want to take someone out on a date, I think I'd want us to participate in something we could enjoy and further stimulate conversation. It could be a myriad of things just as long as it keeps the flow going and we both have fun.
It's also a good gauge of how the other reacts. If they can let loose and have fun, I'd say it's a pretty good indication that they like what they're doing and who they're doing it with. Always a good thing. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:01:15 AM | | I have read these and have had a good laugh. keyzgu, you are hitting the nail on the head any woman who is worth meeting shouldn't expect dinner, may want dinner, but to expect it. Common on. I am currently involved in a relationship that began with coffee. I just expected coffee and conversation, and yes it was just like an interview for a job, you put your best foot forward to make an impression and hope for the best. And yes, if it works.....then dinner. But if shoes is limited on time, because of work and children, then get involved in some other way to meet single men who have the same problem. You know men work, men have children that they raise, some men have two full time jobs, things are so different in this society today. We are all so fast paced and we make the best of it all. So take the time to get to know the person before coffee, be willing to talked several times before the "coffee" date, and yes most of us are in a hurry to get something started. But the "coffee interview" worked for me. So good luck with whatever you find. Yes I still come to the site to see what the forums have to say.....Sasakigirl..... | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:52:51 AM | Good golly gosh! Where else can you go and find 16 pages about the topic of "coffee on a first date" ??? Gotta love these forums.
Seems like a lot of talk about a hypothetical situation, but in my opinion...the first blessed event really should be decided between the two people involved and might change depending on the situation. It might be a coffee date during lunch hour in one case or a quick drink at the local pub after work for another. Whatever the two involved persons agree on, no? Personally, I would lean toward a coffee or drink, but if the fellow was hungry after work and wanted to go dutch on a burger and fries...sure, why not. If dinner is suggested then I feel it should be discussed who is paying unless bachelor #1 says "I would like to invite you to dinner with me." Bachelorette can always say, "how about a drink and some appetizers..I'd feel more comfortable with that." OMG...just realized...that would require communication. Silly me!
Well, anyway...., a meeting, date or event of any proportion would be great with me.
I seem to attract guys who either want to pass go and hop straight in bed or prefer to talk endlessly on-line in some fantasy world where never the twain shall meet. WTF is up with that? I would give anything (ok, NOT anything) for a good, old-fashioned date!
All you guys posting on here...quit talking about it and JUST DO IT or do the ladies have to take charge?  | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 8:24:16 AM | I don't know what a "Frist" date is........
If you mean a "FIRST" date.......my thoughts:
I wrote that I would be comfortable meeting for the first time...not necessarily a "Date"....for Coffee..... I am a Woman.....not only Men post this.
That is a comfortable, light atmosphere, inexpensive, public, way to meet someone new. If you don't like Coffee....have Tea, Juice, Water, order a Danish, Pastry....whatever.......
Meeting for Coffee does NOT mean hanging out at Dunkin Donuts.....There are a lot of little Cafes that are pleasant, cozy, and have areas that you can quietly chat with someone. If there are no "Cafe's" or Bakeries in your area....go to a Restaurant and meet in the late afternoon...before Dinner hour starts. If you hit it off with this meeting, than stay for Dinner. ...have a beverage.....EASY.....No pressure.
If you don't seem to be a good match, than leave on a friendly note.
Expecting to go out on the town and to be spending a lot on a Dinner, possibly with beverages, can be a little much if you don't find an attraction to each other. Lets be realistic here.....with the cost of fuel, and dating a few people to find a partner,
it makes sense to go slow...if it works out......you will have more to spend on your next "Date" with that person.
Good Luck in your search......... | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 8:41:48 AM | Hi...again, I also read some of you prefer other activities. In this day and age UNFORTUNATELY...not everyone on line is honorable.
To meet somewhere secluded...like hiking, or to go out on a boat....or some other less public place, may be a safer choice for second meeting.
As well.....what do you do halfway through a hike, or out in the middle of the lake, and realize.............
there is nothing left to talk about, and there is no attraction.......by all means.....if your initial meeting goes well....head off to find a more creative place to get to know each other better.!! | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 9:59:23 AM |
I explained why earlier, and the poster above you explained it as well. At least in my age group (35+) and region, the word "date" implies you already know and like and want to learn about someone, and it comes from a time you'd meet people before you talked to them. On a dating site before you meet in person, technically you don't know any of that yet.
I am sorry, but that is incorrect. The definition of date excludes any kind of age groups involved (35+). And not relevant to whether you know the person or not.
A date is by definition: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. Example: to go out on a date on Saturday night.
Notice the definition doesn't say whether or not you know the person, or what age group that it entails. It does not imply anything.
Now, perhaps you redefined the definition to suit your personal situation. But the fact remains that it is still a date. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:01:01 AM | Elaborate?????.........For a first date? I must be in a different world then, but I am sure many think so anyway....... 
Meeting for coffee or a drink is just the "meet and greet" process, which allows two that find each other interesting, the chance to see if there is enough attraction and connection to warrant developing that potential chemistry so necessary for having a real relationship............
Once established, my dates can vary as much as the situations and women involved. It can be as simple as meeting in a park for a walk and stopping by for a drink and listening to some music, to as complex as planning a trip together to just get away.
I have invited some to join me climbing 14,000 foot peaks, spending the day at a "pow wow" enjoying all the native activities, riding with me on some adventure in the mountains on the back of my Harley, while we stop and listen to some bands play on the patio, to going out and enjoying a nice dinner together.
There are many times that a date can consist of taking turns cooking for each other and putting on a fire, sliding a movie into the DVD and enjoying wine while we watch.
Other times there are NO plans, just a get together to spend that time so necessary to develop your relationship.......nothing mandates "elaborate" at all, and sometimes the most mundane things will be fun when doing it with another that you enjoy......
Just my opinion....... | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:32:19 AM | All you guys posting on here...quit talking about it and JUST DO IT or do the ladies have to take charge?
We do but few of us get a date and even fewer get a second date.
And to those women who said coffee meets are "cheap" and "rude and disrespectful" :statements like that show your true colors...I hear there's gold in them thar hills. | |
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| Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:32:52 AM |
I am sorry, but that is incorrect. The definition of date excludes any kind of age groups involved (35+). And not relevant to whether you know the person or not.
In my book, it's the way I and most people I know in my age group see it. To ALL OF US the point of a date is to get to know someone we already like. Period. It may be incorrect in your personal definition, but in our case it's right on the money.
A date is by definition: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. Example: to go out on a date on Saturday night.Notice the definition doesn't say whether or not you know the person, or what age group that it entails. It does not imply anything.
I don't date anyone on a Saturday night I don't know like and want to spend more than 10 minutes with regardless of what Webster-Mirriam says. Thanks for saving me the trouble of looking it up tho, not that I planned to.
If I don't know you and it's 30 minutes or less, it's a meet as far as I am concerned.
Example: "Let's MEET for a quick coffee." Or: "Let's meet for a quick drink/appetizer." "Date" doesn't work in that situation...not for me anyway.
Now, perhaps you redefined the definition to suit your personal situation. But the fact remains that it is still a date.
I explained several times that it's the way I see it...if it were just me, I'd let it go, but I'm not the only one who sees it that way. It's not to suit me alone at all.
Meh - you originally asked why people don't like to call it a date, I told you (again). For those who don't - that's usually the reason. You dont have to agree with it or like it, but it is what it is. | |
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