| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:58:18 AM |
I've never dated anyone who didn't have keyless entry...one click and all the doors are unlocked. So it would never occur to me that I needed to unlock his door.
Ahhh, good point!
However, be careful - your crown is showing 
Frankly, these little "tests" that people have are just absurd, IMO. How about just being a good judge of character, keeping your eyes open, and NOT ignoring red flags? Seems like a much more mature approach - at least in MY mind. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 10:31:33 AM |
b) Pull it open for YOU and let you walk through first,
c) Open it, walk through herself, and brace it with her hand until she knows you’ve caught it as you’re on your way in behind her, I always do item B and it freaks some guys out. C is acceptable though.
Oh, and on the "tests" thing, I'm one that will reach over and unlock the guy's door unless it's already unlocked, I can't reach it, I'm busy holding something, or it would mean revealing a ton of cleavage when I lean over to someone I 'm not dating (say I'm riding with a friend).
That part was actually easier when I was smoking, because I'd always be standing outside until the last second finishing a smoke, so the guy would give up waiting and go get in the car and start it, and at that point I'd put out my smoke and jump in before he has a chance to just leave me there. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:22:43 AM | Oh, man, I love these threads about guys worrying about getting their a$$es whooped by some extremist feminist nasty b!tch. I mean really guys, any woman who is going to get out of joint about you opening a door for her, or maybe not doing it quite correctly, really throw that fish back, really. How many women are really that extreme that they are going to demand it be done to their specifications each and every time? That`s red flag b!tch BS. RUNNNNN!
Geeze, there are about 5 million things more important than perfect door ettiquette.
I like it when a man holds a door for me. I may hold it for him, or a Senior, or a stranger , or a mom with a stroller, whatever. If I see a guy has something heavy to lift, I offer to help. For me it is a matter of human kindness and it needs to go both ways.
I do love it when a man opens a door for me, but if he doesn`t do it every time, no big deal, not a deal breaker. Just do your best and get into a natural rythym. And if a lady wants to do something nice for you, help you with your jacket, whatever, accept graciously, she is showing her care for you. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:39:07 AM |
Hey guys! I’ve done some research on door-opening etiquette (yeah...I have too much time on my hands), but I can’t find the answer to the one common scenario that always stumps me. Picture this: you (a guy) and your date reach the two sets of doors of the restaurant/pool hall/coffee shop/wherever. The first door opens back towards you, so you grab it and hold it open. Girl goes inside. The SECOND door is now a problem...should the girl:
a) Wait for you to jog up and open it,
b) Pull it open for YOU and let you walk through first,
c) Open it, walk through herself, and brace it with her hand until she knows you’ve caught it as you’re on your way in behind her,
d) None of the above?
To the fight-proud feminists out there who are getting ready to jump down my throat...yes, I know that I can get the door for myself. I’m asking because I understand that some guys take courtesy/chivalry seriously, and they seem to get a little uncomfortable if their date doesn’t “let” them behave the way they feel they should. And for the record, I really appreciate having the door held for me! But let’s not go crazy...I was out with a male friend a few days ago and he clipped the side of my head with his elbow as he lunged past me to get the second door before me. Ouch. I’ve also gotten some funny looks from dates when I did (B), so maybe that one’s no good either...
If anyone knows “the” rule, or just feels like sharing their own personal preference, let me know. Thanks!
i always hold the door open for a woman to establish that I am in fact the gate keeper. it's a way of controlling her and establishing that she is my sexual plaything who should be grateful if I return her phone calls.
or maybe people shouldn't freak out over who opens the door. .. this is the kind of crap that makes me think some feminists are these bitter humorless academic types who spend too much time thinking of arguments to make in their latest angry academic journal paper rather than having a life.
i was once subjected to a feminist paper saying that all bathrooms should be unisex just in the way that they shouldn't have separate bathrooms for race. ridiculous. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 12:15:36 PM | I've never dated anyone who didn't have keyless entry...one click and all the doors are unlocked. So it would never occur to me that I needed to unlock his door.
It's a 45 year old car. Bet you don't ride in one that old too often either.
And yeah, the test still applies. And to the one's that think it doesn't, after failing the test you wouldn't hear from me again. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 12:32:09 PM | You know the double door entry area is called a "mantrap" for a reason!
Personally, I would like to go back in time and find the guy who decided that door opening was the primary definition of chivalry and just smack his head into the door.
I do it with a car for brownie points. I have a remote locking system. I don't do it every single time we go to blockbuster... sorry.
I do it entering buildings for anyone I happen to be ahead of and in close proximity.
I go a bit out of my way for elderly and will wait patiently
Sometimes in a hurry or going through the 100 doors at work I just go about my business and don't think about it.
If it is a man trap and it is a higher end place. Open first door allow her to pass. She waits for the second door. No racing to the finish line please.
If its a man trap and normal, first door yes, second door... I've already lost my concentration so either go in and check in or wait for me and I'll deal with it. :-P | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 3:26:53 PM |
I always do item B and it freaks some guys out.
THANK YOU, Whenyer! I thought I was the only one who this happened to... some guys (who usually turn out to be really polite, nice, respectful, etc, so please don't assume I'm making fun of them!) act like you've hacked their balls off with a rusty nail file if you hold a door open for them if they aren't on crutches or carrying something (and even then they get a little testy). Is something like that on an emasculatory par with asking your date to hold your purse?
And yeah, tests can be kind of immature...but it's not like they're completely arbitrary. People may think that a certain quality is absolutely necessary in a partner, so they devise a quick and easy method to see if the person makes the cut. I think that everyone has one or two little hoops that they make a potential partner jump through. Think about the anxiety people get when they bring their new squeeze home to meet the family...isn't that because they're subconsciously worrying that their sweetie won't pass inspection? | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 3:47:08 PM | This is actually a pretty good thread topic. I used to always put myself out trying to open the second door as well until I realized how ridiculous and impractical it was. Now I leave that one up to her.
Everybody gets one door.
Is something like that on an emasculatory par with asking your date to hold your purse?
Apples and oranges. Not even in the same ball park. Unless she's throwing up or something equally serious, I won't hold a girl's purse. Hold the door for me all you want.
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:11:31 PM | Easy.
The first person to the door holds it open, and thus ends up being at the pack of the pack.
Suppose you have three people:
Person A
Person B
Person C
They're all walking towards three doors in their current order. Person A arrives first and holds the first door open, allowing person B and person C to go through. The new order is:
Person B
Person C
Person A
At the second door, person B arrives first and holds the door open for person A and person C. The new order is:
Person C
Person A
Person B
At the last door, person C arrives first and holds the door open for person A and person B. The new order is:
Person A
Person B
Person C
Do you understand now??
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:50:07 PM |
It's a 45 year old car. Bet you don't ride in one that old too often either.
And yeah, the test still applies. And to the one's that think it doesn't, after failing the test you wouldn't hear from me again.
I want to elaborate on this. All I meant is the simplest things can show how much one feels about you. If she would even do this one time I would be very grateful for it. It takes no effort to do but can mean so much. Just lean over and TRY is all I ask. No more.
And no, it wouldn't be the last time she would hear from me. But I'd be a little more hesitant with her from that point foward. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:59:02 PM | OP, since I can't see your profile I'll suggest Vito get the door.
There's this word for an action in the English language that men and women of all kinds of character appreciate: Reciprocation. If your lazy a$$ doesn't at least try to prop the second door you better inflate me before the third if you want me to even think of engaging you. Otherwise don't let the door slam you in the a$$.
I of course have no idea what I'm talking about. I didn't minor in educut educaschun. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/29/2008 10:25:30 PM | | I have to agree with those who feel that how the woman handles the second door tells something about attitude, reciprocity,independence, and lifestyle. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:21:00 AM | Is something like that on an emasculatory par with asking your date to hold your purse?
Am I supposed to feel emasculated by holding my date's purse? I wonder how I should have felt when girlfriends have asked me to pick up tampons at the store. I'd have to wonder about guys who feel emasculated by that. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:00:50 AM | Am I supposed to feel emasculated by holding my date's purse? I wonder how I should have felt when girlfriends have asked me to pick up tampons at the store. I'd have to wonder about guys who feel emasculated by that.
I think there's a difference between girlfriends and dates. If you're on a first or second date with a girl and she tosses her purse at you with a flippant "Wouldya mind?" effectively treating you like a human coat-rack, you wouldn't feel even a little bit stung? Also, come to think of it, let's factor in the age group. Men around my age (20-25) have egos that are probably a little more sensitive about that sort of thing than someone in his mid-forties who probably has a great deal more self-confidence and perhaps a more realistic perspective on male-female interaction.
It's kind of interesting to see that a lot of the male posters who are 40-55 seem to be a little bit sterner in their expectations for women and door-opening than I would have expected. I would have thought it would be the reverse, that older men would be a little more "old-fashioned" in their beliefs (i.e., the guy gets the door if he's able to, period) and the younger guys would expect a little more self-reliance from their dates ("If she waits for me to get the door, I'm gone...nobody wants to deal with a princess") , consequences of growing up in a time where feminism and "girl power" are well established. I'm not making any kind of value judgement here, just saying that it's not what I expected, so please don't get all torqued up over it. Thoughts? Explanations? Contradictions? | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:49:31 AM |
It's kind of interesting to see that a lot of the male posters who are 40-55 seem to be a little bit sterner in their expectations for women and door-opening than I would have expected. I would have thought it would be the reverse, that older men would be a little more "old-fashioned" in their beliefs
Maybe more experiences and living real life to know that it's just a door. Now if it was an established relationship where she also maintained 'old fashioned' role duties and the shared little things to 'show' each other how special and fun they were to each other than it could be fun, sweet, and all good.
So if you reverse this and ask what is expected that a women do to show a womanly ideal to her man what is the list?
Cook? - I got the "Oh no you didn't!" responses back to that
Clean? - "Clean it your damn self!"
Nurturing? - "I'm not your mother!"
Compassion? - "Would you like some cheese with that whine?"
Wouldn't you get tired of opening doors for that? After all isn't the implied words that accompany the holding of the door, "After you my Dear." I do and will always open doors first when I can. Excluding the car doors on regular day trips and errands. Because it is general courtesy. And if the response back to my list is anything like I listed, "Get the damn door yourself!" :-)
Wow, Hope I don't sound like a bitter grouch  | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:45:54 AM | e)Completely ignore societal norms like this one, because they're anachronistic throwbacks to a time when men and women weren't equals.
I'll hold a door if I'd hold a door for anyone in that situation, but it's 2008. Women have equal rights and equal responsibilities.
I think it all goes to what you want out of a relationship. I sort of think of it as, you find your best friend, and you just take that to the next level. I'm not sycophantic to my friends, why should I be sycophantic to potential lovers?
That said, maybe women wouldn't notice, because I do open doors for friends, male or female, if the situation makes it more convenient to do so. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:45:49 PM | the answer is "c":
c) Open it, walk through herself, and brace it with her hand until she knows you’ve caught it as you’re on your way in behind her,
I often thought that they (the ppl who come up with the etiquette stuff) should abolish the "c" option and have the lady open the second door for the gentleman... coz let's face it... who awkward and ridiculous is it to make the guy "run" to get the second door when the lady is already next to it and could just simply open it for the man... a bit of retribution would be much appreciated by men I'm pretty sure...
Sly | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:33:57 PM | Here, you can add this one to your door-opening Master's thesis.
As a guy, you open the first door.
Then, when she goes in, you observe to see if she pauses at the second door, or goes for the handle herself. If she pauses, then you open the second door.
Unless you are dating a fight-proud feminist. In that case, you go to open the second door either way, to provoke her.
Then, you refer to your gesture as a satirical take on patriarchy (complete with obviously fake earnestness), and tell her she looks so **cute** when she gets all mad like that. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:43:38 PM | | If Feminism is only about opening-doors protocol, it's time to retire the programme. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:58:57 PM | Concerning the door opening policy for double doors: The guy should open the first set of doors. The woman should naturally slow down and give the man a chance to open the second set of doors too. That's what's considered 'proper' for 'courtship'.
I think one of the greatest 'gifts' that a woman can give a man is the opportunity to be a great guy. I think that so many women are too busy trying to be our equals that they forget that deep down we all want to be 'great guys'.
If my date and I are just 'hanging out', then I'm not too concerned how she handles the situation. But, if we are on a date, then I really want her to let me be 'the guy' that opens the doors for her, pulls hour her chair, give her my jacket when she's cold, etc. It's what helps me 'bond' with the woman. It's my way of SHOWING a woman that I really like her. Don't get me wrong, I really like and respect an independent woman. However, if a woman doesn't let me be 'a great guy' on our 'dates', then there is a very high probability she's headed for the 'friend zone'. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 4:04:27 PM | ok....my brain has officially turned into jello.
If i'm not back in 2 weeks forward my mail.
73's
Steve | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:12:03 PM | About the car with no power door locks, it takes once to find out that they aren't, so dont hold it against her when she has no way of knowing it.
So if she doesnt see you unlock her side from the inside, then she isnt going to know. And a lot of guys dont want things done for them, their ego says they're fully capable of doing these things themselves. | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:49:01 PM | Isn't the answer obvious ? Everyone KNOWS about this ever so important Rule!
In fact, it is this Issue that causes me to be "in between" Relationships at the moment.
I found my Dream Date/Ideal Mate a few months ago. She was perfect. The sex was great
We agreed on all Political Questions. We were both equally shallow on the same topics.
We got along while alone and enjoyed each others friends and Family.
We misquoted the same Bible passages. We both hated the right "wrong people".
She knew which end of an egg to crack!
Then one dreadful day we approached the Church where we were to be married.
I opened the first door and she ...she ....well, you KNOW what she did !
I was shocked ! I was devastated! How could she ? How could i have not
seen this flaw before ? How could i have been so blind ??????
Well Friends, i did the only thing i could do. I left her there and
hope to NEVER see or hear from her again ! I will NOT "settle" !
No Man should have to put up with THAT kind of abuse ! | |
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| Who gets the second door?
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:45:08 PM | For me, I am happy if she waits for me to open the second door.
It's the classy thing to do. : )
~ Kurt | |
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