| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 4:16:50 PM | | I recently met a man who is 15 years younger than me, we've dated a few times, I find him very mature. The age gap doesn't seem to bother him a bit, but I'm a bit insecure, what else is new. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:29:17 PM | | I've dated women who are in their early 20's and the age difference was never an issue. It's the maturity of the person that can make it or break it. Maturity has nothing to do with age. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:31:51 PM | | She was 22, I was 48. And she pursued me for two years before our first date. Oh yeah, she and I are no longer "us" due to pursuit of her career in a city far, far away. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 6:18:47 PM | | Hon, I say go for it. People will give you tons of reasons why it won't/can't/shouldn't work, but hey, 50% of relationships crash, regardless of the ages involved. I'm current;y talking to someone 20 yrs younger than I. We live quite a ways apart so the chances of it going places are slim, but in either case she and I have more in common in every way, than anyone i've met close to my age. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 6:23:08 PM | misread the title.
thought you are 16 years old... no it is not ok to date an underaged, 22 is ok. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 6:42:53 PM | Yes, there will be a problem. First, my parents were 15 years difference in age. That was 1932. My mom spent one year working and quit to be a stay at home wife and mother. Dad had the career. It worked for them. She never wanted anything but her family. She loved being at home and was a great mom and wife.
Fast track to 2008. You are young, you may marry this man and love him dearly. When you hit 40 which comes rather quickly, he is going to 56 and thinking of retiring to somewhere where its warm probably. You, on the other hand most likely will be hitting your peak earning years and have some kind of a career. You are not into looking at retirement with an older man. And you will begin to notice the difference in energy, sex drive, etc.... It happens and its normal. If you have a great relationship, it may change to father daughter slowly without you noticing it for years. Sad, but true.
Are you willing to give up your career goals when he decides to slow down? How about your children if you have them? They have to go to school, and someone needs to keep making money for that.
I have met three men in the last 6 years who married a woman 15 to 20 years younger. The women all left them and they were devastated. They had young children and they were in their 50s. They thought it would make her happy. SHE wanted kids. Well, she wants a younger man to father them too. She has goals and they are not to slow down and watch their husbands fall asleep in front of the TV while she parents. Now, guys, I could be totally wrong here. I am painting a worse case scenario because I want this lady to think about it. I will say these 3 men do exist and realize they made a mistake marrying a younger woman. It was a real blow to their egos and they are still trying to recover. All have been in counseling. They are now dating OLDER women of course. They realize that their judgement was off and the age difference made a big difference.
Think long and hard about it. And look at his parents if they are alive. See their relationship. ITs a big clue to the future. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 6:46:07 PM |
Its not really about age, but about maturity levels and common interests. If the 2 of you are on the same page it could work.
As someone who had an LTR with someone 16yrs older I'd agree. I wasn't mature enough for a serious relationship when I got with the one I was with, and that was the biggest problem - I had no idea what to look for or what read flags to look out for. If you're ready for an LTR, then his age isn't a big deal.
As with any relationship, dont underestimate the blinding effect of the 'lust stage', dont overcommit until you've spent lots of bad, lazy, and disagreeing times as well as good ones.
Myself, if a family member decided to tell me they'd seen a red flag on a bloke I was seeing, I'd listen and do a bit of soul searching to see if I thought it might be right but in the end it isn't their life. Its nice that they care enough to say though, after all you're probably wearing love's blinkers and could use a sharper set of eyes watching for you!
As for your Dad, he'll just have to like or lump it if it turns out this bloke is right for you. Most likely, if he can see that you aren't rushing in to it and that this guy treats you well, he'll come around eventually. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:14:55 PM | | Yes, there will be a problem. You will outgrow him. You will break his heart. You still have a lot of changing to do. You think you are grown up, but you are not. You will experience so much change in the next ten years.... you won't even recognize yourself. Your Dad is right. He wants you to get some serious things done first, like finish your education and find employment that you LOVE. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:23:47 PM | You are not 56 yet. When you are and she is 40. Tell me what a good decision this was.
It worked for my parent's generation but women did not have careers and opportunities like today. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:07:39 PM | I'm in total agreement here. I had a 4 year relationship with a guy 16 years my junior. I know he loved me, but the closer I got to 40, the more embarrassed he was to be seen with me. He had made a lot of promises and it hurt a lot when he left.
You will change more thru your 20s that any other era of your life. Let it go. Find someone you're own age. | |
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scbf
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:48:50 PM | | the common denominator in most of the posted replies is "my ex".... find a guy your own age and save yourself the heartache. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:03:49 PM | | HI, I married someone 14yrs my senior and it was a big mistake but that's not to say that it won't work for you! | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:08:58 PM | | Sounds like a lot to me...my own personal rule of thumb is if you're old enough to be my parent, or I yours, then the age gap is too great.... | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:15:00 PM | | I'd do a sixteen year age difference. But it would be for sex only. I couldn't think of any other reason for me to hook up with a fifty year old. I've dated close to ten years older several years ago. And learned that when there is that many years difference you'd have to consider how you are perceived by your partner. I don't believe a women in her latter forties to early fifties would consider me to be anything other than something for sex. Nor would I think she would consider me to be an equal. | |
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TrinB
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Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:21:14 PM | are you still living at home..? how do you know you both want the same outta life..? by 22 you may not really know this yet (what you want that is)...have you crossed the state line yet? dont get me wrong i date younger guys....to each his own just be careful with this 38 year old(probably actually 42)...and remember this.....EVERYONE has an agenda! ask yourself this......does he have kids ,exs, baby momma drama, paying a bunch of child support,a career?...on the flip side does he own his own home? by 38 a man should have alot goin for himself....he may want to date a girl your age because your expectations are much much much lower than his counterparts!
...he can feed you a line of BS and woe is me all day long and all you'll do is sympathize...trust me he knows this...be careful (do a background check)....and who knows maybe its all legit but......i doubt it!  | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:57:15 PM | | I'm 45 yrs old and find that the men I meet that are 16 years older than me are way too old. It may not matter to you now, but I'll betcha it will later. Are you sure you're not lookin' for another father figure? | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:20:56 PM |
Sounds like a lot to me...my own personal rule of thumb is if you're old enough to be my parent, or I yours, then the age gap is too great....
I agree. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:56:25 PM | | I hope you are catching one common thing is most of the 'Age doesn't matter' advice. That is one's 'ex', a former spouse (a failed marriage) ... is much older/younger. I 'used to... (past practice) date a younger/older person or that they 'know someone who is married' to someone that is much older/younger. Does age matter? Yes and no. Yes, because when you are 35 & might want children, he will be 51 & most likely not want to start a brand new family (what a 65 year old 'dad' tossing the football around with junior in the back yard-when is he going to take a wheezing break)? And 'No.' Emotional maturities can be arguments for the emotional equality of chronological disparities, however I know some 17 year old boys who are more emotionally than some 25 year old guys! (as well as 20 years women who are also more mature emotionally than women 10 years older than them). Age differences can be a potential source of problems or not. It is up to the couple themself to discuss such matters and deal with it themselves. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:02:30 PM | At your age the number does not matter. It's the chemistry. If he is good to you and for you, your parents will understand. My ex is 18 years older and all that mattered to my parents ultimately was my happiness. If he is what you want, go for it! I wish you the best!
:) | |
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TrinB
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Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 45 | |
| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:05:16 AM | My ex is 18 years older and all that mattered to my parents ultimately was my happiness.
good point! your ex | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:01:00 AM | C'mon guys..... 95% of the people on here have ex's, that's why we are here!
If you hook up with someone exactly your age does that mean they won't become an ex????? | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:19:55 AM | Most people change during the course of long term relationships anyway regardless of age, and about half or more fail anyway.
The problems you will have, have already been posted, and can add to that.
There's always exceptions. There's always folks that don't follow the mold, old folks that stay active into their eighties, and 20 year old couch potatoes.
I would think at least give the relationship several years before making a major commitment.
Nothing's ever a guarantee regardless of how careful you are though. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:27:55 AM |
I still dont see much future in her relationship anyway since her profile clearly still said shes here looking for a man to DATE ..
If was HE was the ONE she would have changed her profile .
^^^^^^ Yes...I see what you mean christi66.
The OP is talking about worrying about what her folks will think that she has an older boyfriend..
I wonder what the " older boyfriend" would be thinking, if he realised that his girlfriend is on as dating site looking for a man to date...
If he is the only one for her.....she would have changed her profile to reflect this
I think the OP is going thru an experimental stage.....to see if the older models run as smooth as their younger counterparts.....but is keeping her options open......JMO | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:59:41 AM | The impression I get is that this can be a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe one of the two likes the other taking care of them. Maybe they occupy seperate bedrooms. One likes the city, one likes the country. Maybe they are more like friends. Rather than a couple. And it drives one of them to smoke.
The influences in ones life will either get you to where you could be happy. Or makes another happy. | |
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| 16 years gap
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:39:53 AM | Hey OP,
Good for you! Ive been blasted for dating younger women many times (mostly by women my age or older who are disappointed in the dating pool available to them). Dojnt let this bother you. If the chemistry is there embrace it and enjoy it!
When I was 24 all the hot women dated older men from 30-45. There are reasons for this. anthropology, finances, stability and maturity are winning arguments. Older women can still date younger men... As can older men date older women. What is wrong with doubleing your dating pool? NOTHING!
ER | |
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