| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:16:33 PM | I don't understand how this could be a matter of a "trust issue" as some of the posters say. Your "boyfriend" who made an exlusive agreement is in the pond of singles actively looking with new pictures.
Its different if people that are in relationships go out to bars and or clubs with their friends. Yes, they have the chance to meet someone but they aren't actively going for that reason.
Now, you think its a trust issue if your girlfriend or boyfriend is going to "speed dating events" or "single meet & greets"? Its the SAME thing as going online with new pics, single and available online!
Its not about trust, its about looking at their actions which is obviously showing that they don't see the relationship as you do, nor do they care if they know how the other person feels and keeps doing it. He is trying to get his cake and eat it too.
I would dump him!! | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:01:26 PM |
he has since then updated his profile and added new pictures and stuff. I think it is time to update yours then, pictures, expand the profile. Because I mean well, you are going to have to cut another pony from the herd when he find someone else on one of those sites.
If he is, take him at his word. Uh huh, yeah. You know you are going to have to check.
Don't bother listening to what most people say, always look to their actions to see their intent. Some people will say anything to avoid a confrontation or protect their naughty activities from prying eyes.
If he has a profile up that looks as if her is looking, then he is looking and you cannot trust him or his word, no matter what words are coming out of his mouth, period. That is not the sort of person you want or need to be involved with on a long term basis. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:31:56 PM | I need to go buy a stamp that says.
(SET CLEAR BOUNDERIES!)
None us know what he is thinking, not even you. Who cares what he is up to? He has obviously past an obvious boundary of yours. If you will not enforce your own boundary then why would anyone bother minding them. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/2/2008 9:08:03 PM | If the profile was on a site like this and he was active on forums, I'd say it was understandable but if you two are exclusive and have been together three months, I see no reasonable reason why he's still have a profile, let alone be updating it.
It may be that he's insecure and afraid of being left out in the cold if you leave him but if you've expressed how much it bothers you and he went and updated it and posted fresh new pics, it sounds like he's either trying to test your trust, make a statement to you that maybe he's not ready to be exclusive or really isn't that into the relationship and is still looking.
In any event, I honestly wouldn't be comfortable with it at all either. To me, the purpose of a dating site is to meet someone. Once you have and are happy with that person, unless it's a site like this where you do make some same sex friends and have the forums which I think are great, there's just no reason to have the profile. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/3/2008 2:58:53 AM | | Best bet is try to communicate with him again and ask him why he feels the need to keep a profile up on the dating websites. If he can't or want talk to you on an open and honest level then maybe you should give it a break. Unless this type of unhealthy communication is something you can deal with and try to work on the relationship is probably going to be doomed for lack of trust. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/3/2008 1:29:47 PM | Back in the day before the whole internet thing.We kept our options open dated a few guys/girls until both had mutually agreed not to see anyone else.But that was also before the whole sex craze of the 60/70 when people decided to sleep with the world on the first date.Fast foward to the internet.Now we can check up on someones word.We have Google ,myspace etc.Once our word was our bond .We had to go with the grapevine in town to find out if our Bf/GF wasn't doing the right thing.The internet has changed all that.We can check for ourselves.It causes crazy behaviour.Mistrust.The candy store is always open.Normal acting people are driven crazy by all the access we now have.Its up to us to play fair.If you both agreed to take the profile down then so be it thats the deal.If only one has agreed then thats not being "exclusive".That term actually means "We will exclusively see eachother and not entertain other relationships"Until we mutually decide to go foward or not.If he is disrespecting your need to be exclusive than he is disrespectful.Loving someone means sometimes having to sacrifice.Making your partner more comfortable in a relationship means "Commitment".I don't care about the "Well I like the chit chat blogs".You fished caught one now either throw it back or keep it and spend time with that person.Ask them their ideas instead of being tempted by going online to chat.And if its a social network of "friends"then you can chat with them on regular IM and text,email.No need to be on a dating site for that..And I don't agree to hide the profile.Hiding it is the same you can hide it and log on many of these sites anyway.Once its hidden your activity isn't shown so all that does is gives the illusion to taking it down.Its not like your saying don't look or talk to the opposite sex.That happens in everyday life.I found this out the hard way.I dated someone very long term.He hid the profile or took it down and all along he was online cheating.A friend saw his unhidden profile on another site."Say what you mean and mean what you say".No rush to be exclusive if thats not what you both want.Tricks are for kids.!! | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/3/2008 5:53:08 PM | | I think people read the first post and then post their own response without reading the rest of the thread. They've been together for three months. She confronted him about his profile here. Then he updated it and added pictures. I guess the old profile wasn't working for him to find the OP's replacement. He's done. Move on. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/3/2008 8:32:07 PM | OP:
Is this something you really really REALLY want?
LoL then for a couple of weeks make him the happiest man on earth. Then ask him again to remove his profiles.
If he doesn't comply, dump him! And then tell him, if he removes his profiles, you'll take him back and explain to him how he doesn't need them. Be firm and don't' give in.
LOL this could backfire though, but if he does get rid of them, you know you have something very awesome. If not, then you'll be grieving the dream of a relationship of what could have beens.
I say do it. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:59:36 AM | | Leaving a profile up is one thing...but updating it and adding pictures? I find that a bit odd for someone who is in a serious relationship. | |
|
| Boyfriend on dating sites... Confused.?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:37:27 AM | | I THINK HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS..I WOULDN`T MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING..IF HE WANTED TO IT WOULD BE OFF..PUT YOURS BACK ON AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS..SOUNDS LIKE HE IS NOT CONVIENCE THAT YOUR THE ONE... | |
|
Home
login 
