| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:54:05 AM |
We met up from this site. He bought me a florida Orange (as i was on antibiotics at the time for a sore gum) and he had a half pint of bitter as he was driving.
Ok... Forgive my ignorance since I'm not really a drinker, but he bought you a "florida Orange". Is that a drink or did he actually buy you a fruit? If it was a drink, you say you were on antibiotics so does that mean there was no alcohol in it?
He had a half pint of bitter? Is that a term for beer? What is that? If that had alcohol in it, I have a huge problem with the part "as he was driving". If this was the case, he was one of the worse idiots out there; the dangerous one. If you stayed in the car while he was drinking you were allowing it which makes you not much better. If this was the case, it makes me wonder how insane the driving laws are in England... If it wasn't alcohol, then no problem...
As for the whole dilemma of who buys who what? I don't have a problem with a woman buying a drink for a man however I do think it was rude on his part to buy you a drink and then expect you to buy one for him without you knowing until after the fact. When he bought you your drink (or fruit?), had you said that you would buy the next round, that would have been acceptable. If you hadn't said something like that or there was no agreement before he bought the drink, then he had no right to have any expectations like that. So much for doing something nice for you when he was expecting a pay back; that kind of nullifies the deed. Oh well, at least he was only wanting you to buy him a drink and didn't expect you to put out for it. | |
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agrah
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Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 27 | |
| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:55:15 AM | My opinion is this: If you ask a person out, no matter what your gender is, you should be prepared to foot the bill UNLESS it is made clear up front that it is a split. This applies not only to the men in my life but also to my friends.
What bothers me about this is his expectation that you buy him a drink. Personally I don't have a problem sharing costs. I have bought my share of rounds and stood at the bar to get them too.
If your preference is for men that dote on you then be forward enough to find out what their expectation are on a date. Don't assume anything. Men are just like us, trying hard to make sense of a very confusing dating environment. Communication is critical. | |
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MizQ
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:55:39 AM | What bothers me about this is his expectation that you buy him a drink.
Well, she had the same expectation. What is the difference? Because he is a man? Oh, yeah, right. Gender inequality at work right there.
I think he caught on to the "uninterested" vibe and did not want to waste any more money on a woman he was never going to see again.
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:06:07 AM | I don't think it's out of line for a woman to buy the man a drink on the first date (or a meal or pay for the activity they are engaging in). To each their own.
I do find it strange that on a first date, one party is drinking alcohol while the other person is not. I've been on quite a few dates, and it's always been a mutual thing--either we both drink alcohol or we both have not. It seems a bit rude to me that he's indulging when you're unable.
Nutt | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:06:26 AM | | Yes.. I think a woman should at least offer. I am a child of the 70s and do not understand the concept that men should have to pay for a woman's company. I always offer if they are old school and insist on paying then I offer to at least leave the tip. And when dating or in a relationship have no problem with paying for dinners, etc.. Men have responsibilities the same as I do and I don't expect them to always pay my way. Now, would I have been put off if he said what he said before I got a chance to offer, oh yes! I think my first thought after that would have been that he is a scorekeeper. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:12:19 AM |
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
If you are living in a time warp (say... pre 1960) then NO, absolutely not! She should expect to be paid for in every way. A lady in the lounge, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore (or, as its all paid for, should that be 'prostitute'?) in the bedroom.
If, however you are living in 2008 then why the h£ll not?
When I meet someone it is as an equal.
I'm not some helpless little Victorian waif who expects her lord and master to 'provide' for her, for goodness sake! | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:23:52 AM | Nobody has mentioned that this 'date' is a singles site first 'meeting', which makes things a lot different to regular dating.
We are all, hopefully, going out and 'meeting' or 'dating' a lot. I, for one, would feel pretty bad if I didn't pay my share. I offer, if the guy refuses then that's great. But think about it, if they paid everything all the time - well they'd either be broke or they have to be earning lots of dosh.
By the way, this holier-than-thou attitude about drinking and driving: I don't know where anyone got the impression that the guy was actually drinking at the wheel. It's obvious to me that it meant that he would be driving later. Also, in England and here in Canada, you are not over the limit with a pint of beer - and yes 'bitter' is beer. He was being quite legal and I think he was actually testing her - tongue in cheek - about the drink - she could have said that she as uncomfortable with standing at the bar and could he keep her company, she could have said "I don't buy drinks for a man" and then he would have known what she's really like. Selfish cow!!
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:28:03 AM |
and he had a half pint of bitter as he was driving
The original post clearly states he was drinking while he was driving british, which is absolutely illegal in OUR Canada!
Nutt | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:31:53 AM |
By the way, this holier-than-thou attitude about drinking and driving: I don't know where anyone got the impression that the guy was actually drinking at the wheel. It's obvious to me that it meant that he would be driving later
I got it from this part of her post. I didn't see anything obvious, sorry.
and he had a half pint of bitter as he was driving
Not holier than thou...but having friends and family who've lost those close to them because of drunk driving, it's just a touchy spot. I understand that it's different everywhere. In New Orleans, there's drive through hurricane places and they have an open container law.
And you're right, she should have just said what she meant and then they both would have been good to go. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:33:59 AM | British Bombshell... I would suggest before you label me as having a holier than thou attitude, you reread the post. I see now that it can be taken two ways and I interpreted it that he was drinking beer "as he was driving".
and he had a half pint of bitter as he was driving
And here in Canada you are not over the limit with one bottle of beer however it's suggested that you wait an hour before driving. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:49:50 AM | Perhaps a bit of translation might be in order here.... (separated by a common language, indeed!)...........
When a person in the UK says that they are limiting their alcohol intake because they 'are driving', it means that they WILL BE DRIVING themselves home (as opposed to walking/getting public transport etc), it does not mean that they are actually embibing while at the wheel!
Also - in this country (which is what the OP is talking about) the legal limit is about two pints of beer (whether that be bitter, mild, lager, whatever) so in having a half pint he was being very sensible even if he DID manage to get the gold digging OP to buy him another!
Incidentally - I wonder if the gentleman that the OP met was actually already pee'd off with her old fashioned attitude to other things, and decided to get shot of her by asking her to stand her round (that means buy the drinks!)? | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:05:30 AM |
Your turn to buy the drink, what are you buying me? I laughed and said really? and he was serious. So i went to the bar and got him a drink and me a diet coke. I couldnt believe it. That completely made my mind up that i wouldnt see him again.
It sounds like both of you knew the date wasn't working out. If he had been into you, he wouldn't have blurted out that he expected you to buy the next drink. If you had been into him, the request wouldn't have irked you so much. There didn't seem to be any chemistry there, and he was being blunt and rude in order to make it clear that a second date wouldn't happen. Be thankful that it was only one date. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:20:21 AM |
The odd part is that you said that you didn't feel any connection, but that his expecting you to pay made up your mind for you. That definitely reeks of "gold-digging"!
Yes you're right, this is not only odd but disconcerting. Is this why women feel it's the guy's chivalrous duty even though the woman has already decided that there's not a connection? Isn't that dishonest or at least deceitful? | |
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MizQ
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 45 | |
| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:23:53 AM | mostly because i hate when people think they are entitled to things .
Well, then surely you have that opinion of the OP as well as her date, correct?
Is this why women feel it's the guy's chivalrous duty even though the woman has already decided that there's not a connection? Isn't that dishonest or at least deceitful?
It sure is...If she was really that "bored", then she never should have joined him in the pub. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:25:46 AM | i think its kind of rude for a man to insist u buy him a drink i would be put off too...mostly because i hate when people think they are entitled to things
Your're missing the remark the OP made in her first post:HE bought the first round.
If she was sticking around after the first drink and wasn't interested then she isn't entitled to anything either. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:30:22 AM | | In response to your comment, absolutely, a woman should definitely buy second drink and so on, on a date. Reminds me of time few years ago i met this stunning Swedish girl in town one wkend, arranged to meet in Blackrock for drinks few days later. Anyway i bought first drink, we both finished and theres me waiting for her to buy her round as you do...nothing ...she just kept flicking her hair as if to say i dont buy drinks from where im from!!! so being a gentleman i popped over to bar and bought another round but made exit after 2nd, haha, not a sucker!! I am a gentleman and would definitely pay for meal on first date but drinks 50/50! | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:33:21 AM | | Whenever I go out with a friend or on a date and have a few drinks, one person usually gets the 1st round. The other person gets the next round and so on. A woman should not expect a man to pay for the entire date because he asked her out, he's a man, or any other reason unless he specifically mentioned that he would pay for her. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:42:14 AM | I'm with the OP on this one merely because of the following reasons:
1. he bought her an orange juice for the first round.
2. they actually left and were chatting outside when -
3. HE suggested they go back in for another drink.
^^^^ right there I think he should be paying. There's been many times I've been chatting by cars and suggested we go back in and stay awhile. Since it was my idea I have every intention to pay.
It's not like they were BOTH slammin' beers. I could see if they were drinkin' a few rounds but they weren't. And she wasn't even drinking alcohol.
Then he was so rude he sat while you had to stand and fetch him a beer?
Sorry people, I am totalllly on the OP's side. | |
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