|
|
|
|
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:44:43 PM | Levi, I think you have the making of a second career..Teacher? Author? Men's advice Columnist? 
You're ideals are perfect. I wish more men would follow your lead. | |
|
| |
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:21:11 PM | Humble apologies Levi for I would never ever wish to cause a man to lose his man card!  That would be a fate worse than death!
OT: I think courting is still very much alive and well. You just have to find someone you click with, someone that gives you those ole butterflies everytime you see them. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:47:18 AM | doesn't appear that way from where i sit.
i think there are some fabulous gentlemen out there and many are right here on POF and i could name a few right off.
i think it's much more casual and often that's for the better.
i also think we set the tone for the world we live in, if we require respect and courtesy and humour and a positive attitude in ourselves we'll often find it returned to us in the people that we meet.
there'll always be the coarse and unkempt .....god bless them too ......just don't ask for a date please! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:42:02 AM | Is courting dead?
I think its more like the art of communication that has died a slow and agonizing death.
I must share an experience with you readers however. I met someone off POF and before I knew it, the conversation quickly turned to sex. I simply looked at the man, stood up and said.........I'm so sorry, but I thought I was meeting someone of intelligence. I didn't realize it was meet a moron night. At that, I turned around and left.
He phoned me 2 days later, appologized profusely and we've since become good friends. He said he'd never had anyone be so direct with him and it was the proverbial slap in the face he needed. He has since changed his approach with women in general, shows a great deal more respect and has since managed to have more then ONE date with a woman. He just needed to realize that in order to date/court a woman, he had to stop acting so juvenile, raise his own bar in being a decent person and think BEFORE opening his mouth. Maybe its something we all need to do from time to time - food for thought  | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:53:03 AM | | courting is not dead......and proof is the number involved in the judicial system | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/8/2008 6:59:25 PM | | I sure hope it' not dead. Gentlemen?????? | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:54:00 PM | real 1-2care,
Thanks for the compliment! Sincerely!
On Topic:
I know there is another thread going on in the "Relationships" forum regarding the same question of "courting", but I prefer to respond here. I think MOST of us at our age are a little calmer about our differences.
For me, when I exhibit the (OMG) "traditional" courting behaviors (although modified slighty) and it offends a woman, that's ok. I don't judge her as wrong. I only judge her as a non-match.
Some like it and some don't. What's the fuss?
My match will enjoy it. The extreme "femininst" will not.
Good information for US to make a decision with.
Isn't is basically about all of US finding a match?
just a few thoughts | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:05:16 AM | Heartnsoul51 said:
I simply looked at the man, stood up and said.........I'm so sorry, but I thought I was meeting someone of intelligence. I didn't realize it was meet a moron night. At that, I turned around and left........
.......How sad that you felt it was your place to belittle the man instead of just saying "I am not interested in talking about sex till we know each other better" Maybe before going on a date you should bring an agenda of subjects you wish to discuss. And present it to your date at the beginning of the evening. Or maybe you just enjoy making a man feel like crap. I don't know you, so I can only go by what you presented. But it appears to me that you were awfully rude. Talk about a lack of communication skillse crap | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/9/2008 1:07:34 PM | I hope not. because that is the only way I will date. IF the the guy can't understand, that I am not going to jump into bed with him on the first date, then he can pass me by. I might not get as many dates. But it eliminates a lot of the riff raff | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:17:37 PM | Courting by its very definition is wooing for the intention of marriage usually- women used to "hold out" so this was the only way for a guy to get the goods. It was a workable system.
The world is fast, sex is fairly easy so the incentive to spend countless hours winning her affection is rather archaic. Just decide if you want to be with him or not. Is it fair to keep a guy on a string while you get all the benefits of his affection?
"Mature" to me is being open and honest to each other about what you want and deciding together if you'd like to share a future. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:26:15 PM | Hi - sorry for coming late to the party..
I think if courting isn’t dead it on life support. Courting, romance, and being a gentleman all require effort, thought and some creativity. Most individuals would never put out the effort and have probably never been exposed to these concepts. It’s too easy to repeat a catch phase like ‘Hey baby, let’s get busy’.
I place myself in the almost a gentleman category. I’ll hold the car door open for you, but maybe peek at your legs. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:56:18 PM | I didn't have the energy to read all 5 pages of this topic. However, in the first two pages I didn't see anyone address what I'm thinking. So excuse me if I'm reiterating what someone already said.
That is, when you ask if courting is dead, you don't define what you mean. For you, courting might mean having the guy pick you up in his car and take you out to a fancy restaurant, with dancing afterwards. Or it might just be having him thank you for the evening, saying that he likes you and would like to see you again. Maybe you're just saying that all the guys you're meeting have one thing on their mind, Monday Night
Football, sex, or whatever.
That being said, the guys you're seeing may think they are courting you just because their idea of date behavior is different than yours.
Or has that idea already been talked about? | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:35:33 AM | I kind of agree with that Anjru.....it is different things to different people and my list wouldn't be Levi's.
Not really into all the froo froo cliches other than common courtesy things like be on time, say what
you mean and mean what you say... more, have a special twinkle in your eye that I know is just for me, rub your
gut and sigh happily if I cook you a spread, notice if I do something just to make you happy, want to spend your
time hangin' out with me and have fun plotting the next adventure...whether a load to the dump or 6 weeks in
Peru, speak from your heart and listen from there too and don't come in trying to put me in some box from
your past, just take it as it comes with an open mind....that's courtin' to me. | |
|
| |
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:48:54 AM | That works if you use your heart to speak.....but many of us use our brains because the heart has been so abused and damaged over the years, that using it just reopens one of those fragile scars.....
OT......Courting is an equal opportunity employer now that equality is what most of us yearn for when searching to have a relationship.........
I do not need to "fluff my feathers", and "strut my stuff", in a courting ritual that is as out dated as the thoughts that women are inferior to men. What I do need to do, is show how real I am, and seek to find another that is just as real.......
Just my opinion......   | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:52:57 AM | I sincerely feel that there aren`t that many men out there that are going to do the old fashioned courting thing any more, unless they are looking for a LTR or a girlfriend or marriage. Then they may be respectful. but for the most part, the majority of guys who just want to get laid as easily and quickly as possible, they would rather go through the numbers until they get one to bite right away, rather than go through grueling efforts for an unknown result. Hey basically, I am accepting this as fact from
most of the posters here on the forums, being real as to what most men want, and accepting this as the way it is. From my own experiences also it rings quite true. We are in Kansas any more Dorothy.
Dating is now basically about the quick aquisition of sex. So if that isn`t what you are up for, you better just stay home and take a big, maybe permanent break. The gentile
refinement and respect of the past is pretty much extinct. So many women who aren`t up for the aggressiveness of the game have chosen to stay alone. They just can`t handle how aggressive and nasty alot of men have become so they quit dating. I guess it is the old rule, the strong survive and breed. The weaker are taken out of the gene pool. Natural selection and survival of the fittest.
Actually where my head is at, why bother dating at all. I mean if most guys just want the sex and nothing else, and are going to bawk at even the slightest effort of kindness,
picking up a cup of coffee, trying to enjoy the company of a woman outside a bedroom,
actually planning activities. If all he wants is access to a source of sex between football games, I guess we as ladies have a choice to make.We have sex with them if we want to , and if not , don`t bother and don`t see men. I mean this is basically what it has gotten to. If guys are going to whine about the whole process of dating, don`t want the
companionship of a woman besides for sex( and this seems to be what is proposed by alot of men on the forums) and want to be left alone to their own lives, choices, and free time other than the bedroom, this is what it is. I doubt if we are going to change their minds. So as far as I`m concerned, they have pretty much told us what they are willing to do, have sex and that is it. Take it or leave it. I`m sick of trying to get a guy to think otherwise. So now I think like them. Isn`t this a lovely world? Hope the guys like it like that. If they want to be emotionless, uncaring, and selfish, I guess women need to step up to the plate and reciprocate. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:55:40 AM | | I just did a search of the online obituaries. Courting is not dead. Or, if he is, his family did not put notices in any accessible publications. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:09:23 AM | the majority of guys who just want to get laid as easily and quickly as possible, they would rather go through the numbers until they get one to bite right away, rather than go through grueling efforts for an unknown result. Hey basically, I am accepting this as fact from
most of the posters here on the forums,
Be careful of how you interpret the opinions on this forum. Keep in mind that this is a very select subset of men answering - most of them are single (and those that are in committed relationships are still coming to a dating online forum for entertainment) and there are going to be a bunch of guys who would be all for courting, but since they are good at that, they are in successful committed relationships and wouldn't be on this site. There might be a bias here towards the ones against courting to not be in committed relationships because if you were into meeting lots of women and being casual, you wouldn't put the effort into courting.
I think there are more men who still court around than these forums would indicate. It's just that when guys do the right thing, it doesn't get complained about in threads. I've met a number of true gentlemen through POF. I've also met non-gentlemen, mind you. But the gentlemen are out there. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:36:50 AM | desert......Your premise that if one does not "court", one must be just out for sex is as biased and derogatory towards men, as it is for a man towards women if said, once you are "older", you are "useless"....... 
Why should courting accommodation's be made by just men? Where is the equality in that, and what so many of us have been striving for all these years? Have we not yet moved past all these antiquated ideas that were driven by male ownership over women?
If I have my hands full with groceries, I applaud the woman that will "hold" the door open for me to pass through...... I applaud the woman that will give up her seat in public transportation for an "older" man that can barely stand........ I applaud the woman that will make sure that she "pays" the check this time for dinner, because I have the last two...... I applaud the woman that truly believes that she is my equal when it comes to almost all things, and I am not offended in the least, if she makes more than I do, yet asks me to "open" that jar because she can not.......
You can not have it both ways when it comes to demanding equality, but also demanding courting in such a way that the other has no choice but to treat you as the weaker damsel that needs to be taken care of.......
Notice please, that I have not mentioned sex or getting laid one time in this thread response, because that is not what this is all about, and I fully believe that most, if not all women, my equal, enjoy and think about sex as much as I do....... We may arrive there by different roads and methods, but we arrive there just the same.
Just my opinion...... | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:23:44 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^if anything, I have been the epitomy all of my life of equality. I do open doors, I do pay for meals, I do the kindly thing for a person,I do give up my seat, regardless of men or women, I have all of my life. No one has EVER taken care of me, not one bit. Sooooo, how in the world did you work that into an inequality of me wanting to be treated like a princess.
Heck, the majority of the men I have dealt with my entire life, don`t want to do anything.
They want you to do it all. And yeah, there are a lot of guys out there like that.
What I am saying is, that I am just accepting that a lot of men in general only want to be with a woman for what he can get out of it, sex, a backrub, ego boosts, something pretty to play with,financial security, a comfy lifestyle, his laundry done and his food cooked and his errands run. Get real, this is what it is.
They aren`t willing to do anything in return. Nothing. Don`t say they aren`t like that because there are. And there are a ton of women that accomodate it,in exchange for a few morsels of kindness and some sex. And the minute that they find a sweet young thang for a night of unbridled passion, what do you think they are going to do?
I`m just being a realist here. You can sugar coat it all you want. But there is a percentage of guys out there that are only into seeing women for what they can get out of it. All I am saying is that I accept that this is reality, I don`t expect or need to be courted. Let`s just all get real as to what alot of men want. They want sex with no hassle or work. Done, end of story. Not all men but alot. Everyone talks how we are all equal and this doesn`t go on any more. Bullsh*t. Alot of guys are going to milk a situation for everything they can get, as do some women. I have never in my life been
around a man willing to "take care of me", in any way shape or form. I`ve never even run into one that would want to take the time to listen or comfort me when upset. Not one. So I don`t know where guys get off saying that they all have to take "care of women". I`ve seen just the opposite. I mean from my experiences, beyond sex, men are somewhat a liability in your life, just making your life a whole heck of a lot harder, never, never better. So what is the whole point of this big show of courting we are putting on? It`s all about having your wants and needs met and if the other is willing to do it for you. I would rather just deal with it realistically, as a man would do and leave it to what they like best , the sex, and not expect ANYTHING else, only to be disappointed. I am saying that I`m okay about it. I accept how a lot of guys really are and I am dealing with it.
EDIT: I would Never ask a man to open my jar for me, wouldn`t want to interrupt his ball game viewing and have him get ticked off, while I am cooking his dinner. That has been what my reality is. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 12:18:11 PM |
there are going to be a bunch of guys who would be all for courting, but since they are good at that, they are in successful committed relationships and wouldn't be on this site.
WOW - I take real offense to that! That's one of the most ridiculous things I've EVER read on the forums. You have the audacity to say that if a guy was good at courting, he wouldn't still be on POF?? Whatta load of BS!!
If we all followed YOUR "logic", I'd have to ask:
YOU are still here, so WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?? Don't you know how to make a man happy and keep him around!?? Why aren't YOU in a successful, committed relationship?? You MUST be doing something wrong!
Do you see how absurd and offensive that sounds?
I don't know any other way to start AND continue a relationship with a woman, other than courting her. The fact that I haven't found "the one" yet and that I'm still on POF, has absolutely NOTHING to do with my courting ability. It has to do with compatibility, attraction, and whole lot of other factors that could NEVER all be lumped under the heading "bad at courting".
Un-freakin-believable! You have a lot of nerve... | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:09:52 PM | not completely, but i def think less men do it now.
i like to be courted. i love chivalry. i am thrilled w/men who open doors, pull out my chair, & take my coat for me. what woman doesn't like to be pampered? i want to feel like im important. i don't mean that in a conceited kind of way, but if someone wants to date me they had better act like i am important to them just as i would do in return if i was interested. if someone doesnt court you to win you over in the 1st place, how will they act once they've already won you? will they act like u matter then?? | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:18:37 PM | | I hope courting is not dead! I am getting discouraged however after being on site for awhile.. it amazes me the men that I have been in contact with via IM that begin talking about sex within the first 10 minutes. Am I the only one that is turned off by that? If thats what you are looking for then say it in your profile -- cut the crap about how romantic you are! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:18:39 PM | Hey it`s all about getting something that you want. If a guy wants a woman`s body, or her assetts, or enjoys her company, whatever, he will break his butt to get it, until he doesn`t want it any more. He will do as much as he feels he needs to do to win her over, or as much as he values having her. No more no less. If he gets to the point where
he feels it isn`t worth the effort, he will stop. And the younger , and better body and prettier she is , the more she will be courted. I mean it is pretty much a given. It`s kind of a value/financial thing, for the most part vs. true emotion.
Yeah, sometimes women court men, but I think as a rule it is the guys that do it if they want the woman. If they are wishy washy about it, they don`t bother. Women know that eventually some guy will be attracted to her and want her, so she doesn`t tend to do as much courting. Plus it turns off some guys. A lot don`t like being chased. They view the woman chasing as desperate or needy. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
