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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:32:42 PM | Humor is an important element in courting and other things as well!
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:35:00 PM | | Very true, Nick. ;) Good point! But you know what gets to me? It's that cocky humor many men, now a days, have adopted. It's so sad when they attempt to use it on women. It usually tells us that they have their head so far up their own butts that they can't even come up for air long enough to be human. It's really annoying, especially to intelligent women. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:38:09 PM | Thus, as far as WOmen expect to be shown evidence of a man's appreciation for them via expensive gifts etc etc, and there are many who still do, even in these forums, yes, courting is dead
PS.
"But you know what gets to me? It's that cocky humor many men, now a days, have adopted. It's so sad when they attempt to use it on women. It usually tells us that they have their head so far up their own butts that they can't even come up for air long enough to be human. It's really annoying, especially to intelligent women."
Funny thing is that the exact same can be said by intelligent men regarding the humor of many women, etc etc.
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 154 | |
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:42:46 PM | OP, it seems to be, either that or it's on life support. Just from reading these forums I get the impression that people can't wait to get sexual as soon as possible. It's sad, really, that few want to get to know someone first.
N. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:16:54 PM | Actually, Nick, I'm sure it can and if a woman is using a j0ke and you are the brunt end of it, she shouldn't use it. But most women don't use co cky, funny humor on men...at least, not the ones I've communicated to.
That appears to be something 'some' men use, especially now a days. Maybe they do it, because they lack in other areas, and they think it's empowering to them. Sadly, it's just not funny when you put the person down, especially if you want to date them. ;)
Unfortunately, that appears to be what's some are attempting to use with women, especially as of late. Sad, really sad! Those are the guys that tend to blow themselves right out the door, by doing that. I certainly wouldn't date the ones that use it.
I disagree with you! Courting is no where close to dead! I've been courted by many here, and had no problem with those that did it properly. In fact, I made many friends, because of their courting, and even dated a couple that did so. I dated one of them for three years, in fact.
They didn't have to get me expensive gifts, although several offered. They didn't even have to take me out to dinner, but they did so, regardless. However, they knew I was a lady, and therefore, courted me properly, as such. They were perfect gentlemen!
So, no, I disagree..it's just 'SOME' men, but certainly not the majority. The majority are smart enough to know there is someone else out there, that would love to treat the lady 'like a lady', and he's just around the corner. And, he would have no problem taking the lady off their hands, in a heartbeat. Thus, he's smart enough not to let his 'ego' get in the way of him asking the lady out, properly, and treating her like a lady. ;)
And Ninki, I agree. Isn't it sad about how many want to just get sexual right away? Well, ladies, learn to just say no! hehe ;) | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:04:37 PM | Re post 155:
<div class="quote"> Actually, Nick, I'm sure it can and if a woman is using a j0ke and you are the brunt end of it, she shouldn't use it. But most women don't use co cky, funny humor on men...at least, not the ones I've communicated to.
Instead of any other reply I simply quote from post 150:
"Hey, Nick...maybe it's proper courting to be with someone like you. I'm glad I'm not your intended gf, hehe"
<div class="quote"> That appears to be something 'some' men use, especially now a days. Maybe they do it, because they lack in other areas, and they think it's empowering to them. Sadly, it's just not funny when you put the person down, especially if you want to date them. ;)
What does the above refer to? "Cocky humor"? IME many men AND women practice it.
BTW, addressing the other poster instead of the content of the post is both outside POFF rules and etiquette.
<div class="quote"> Unfortunately, that appears to be what's some are attempting to use with women, especially as of late. Sad, really sad! Those are the guys that tend to blow themselves right out the door, by doing that. I certainly wouldn't date the ones that use it.
Neither would a man date a woman who did the same!
Any statistics?
<div class="quote"> I disagree with you! Courting is no where close to dead! I've been courted by many here, and had no problem with those that did it properly. In fact, I made many friends, because of their courting, and even dated a couple that did so. I dated one of them for three years, in fact.
a) One agrees or disagree with an opinion, not the person who expresses it.
b) The funny thing is that I did not write that courting in dead.
What I wrote is: Thus, as far as WOmen expect to be shown evidence of a man's appreciation for them via expensive gifts etc etc, and there are many who still do, even in these forums, yes, courting is dead
And that is not the same as "courting is dead"!!!
<div class="quote"> They didn't have to get me expensive gifts, although several offered. They didn't even have to take me out to dinner, but they did so, regardless. However, they knew I was a lady, and therefore, courted me properly, as such. They were perfect gentlemen!
A personal example is iMO not the point. The point is .... (was made in previous post and previous comment)
<div class="quote"> So, no, I disagree..it's just 'SOME' men, but certainly not the majority. The majority are smart enough to know there is someone else out there, that would love to treat the lady 'like a lady', and he's just around the corner. And, he would have no problem taking the lady off their hands, in a heartbeat. Thus, he's smart enough not to let his 'ego' get in the way of him asking the lady out, properly, and treating her like a lady. ;)
A lady does treat a gentleman like a gentleman as well. Takes two to tango!
Farewell! | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:23:54 PM | Am I missing something? What's the above has to do with courting? I see it as just being polite and considerate of another person
Isn't that what courting is??
Edit: Actually, if a man isn't willing to court me, I'm not too interested in going out with him - at least not on a romantic level - he can be one of those "brother" types. If he is interested in me, he will take me out to dinner, buy me a flower, send a little text note that doesn't say much more than "hi" - Those are the things I am willing to do for him if we are romantically involved - so I want to know he esteems me at least that much. How else does one let the other person know they are special? The world has gotten a little more selfish and self-centered. sad | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:26:56 PM | Yes, Nick, but I don't want to date you, sorry! hehe No, many men and women don't practice it. Some women are tired of it, and since many men on this site use it now a days (and you appeared to be doing so, above my previous post, so I wanted to show you what it felt like), many women are starting to respond to it, negatively, in return with those who are choosing to use it. Thus, the use of it in my post! ;)
"BTW, addressing the other poster instead of the content of the post is both outside POFF rules and etiquette."
I addressed the post, not the poster, thanks. Sorry, if it wasn't something you wanted to hear, though.
Actually, I personally surveyed and did several questionaires to approx., a thousand women and men. Hence, my statistics. ;) Approx 800 women out of 1000 agreed with the above information.
Hmm...I disagreed with you that courting was dead. You take that to mean I disagree with you as a person? No...I said I disagree that courting was dead! ;) And, yes, you did say, " yes, courting is dead" ...want to see where?
Thus, as far as WOmen expect to be shown evidence of a man's appreciation for them via expensive gifts etc etc, and there are many who still do, even in these forums, yes, courting is dead
Um...need I say more? Do you just like to argue for the sake of arguing? That could be the real problem, you know? Just maybe? Maybe it's not the women, but the fact that you just like arguing for the sake of arguing? Just something to think about.
Yes, of course, a lady should treat a gentleman like a gentleman, as well. However, if the gentleman doesn't know how to treat a lady, the odds of him being treated like a gentleman are pretty unlikely. Just because a lady likes to be treated like a lady, doesn't make the gentleman a gentleman, unfortunately. I certainly am glad there are many more gentlemen though. It appears, some, on this site in particular, don't like to put that effort forward, sadly. Too bad, because they sure miss out on a lot of ladies that are really good people and truly ladies! ;)
One thing I have to admit, though...most other sites aren't like this one. Especially the pay sites. Apparantly, most of the ones that expect women to pay for their meals, drive to meet them, etc., are on the free sites. I wonder why that is...hmm!  | |
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| Great Contemporary [Sorta] Lies
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:30:40 PM | 1. God is Dead.
2. Arbeit macht frei.
3. People are our most important resource.
4. Men are commitment-phobic.
5. Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:32:30 PM | | I want to do the whole courting thing, and I am 19.... I am just a hopeless romantic like that. Plus the mind games are fun.... when you are in control at least... | |
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| Great Contemporary [Sorta] Lies
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:33:09 PM |
1. God is Dead.
2. Arbeit macht frei.
3. People are our most important resource.
4. Men are commitment-phobic.
5. Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle.
1. God is far from dead!
2. I have no idea what that means, but it's interesting.
3. I agree, they are!
4. You can say that again, especially now a days.
5. This is ever so true! ;)
I want to do the whole courting thing, and I am 19.... I am just a hopeless romantic like that. Plus the mind games are fun.... when you are in control at least...
So, court! ;) Nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. Mind games are NOT FUN, and someone always gets hurt when you use them! | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 3:28:27 AM | Re post 158 as it relates to the Opost
1) "Yes, Nick, but I don't want to date you, sorry! hehe "
I do not recall an invitation to that effect having been made! Thus the above constitutes
a) the type of humor that could be considered as "cocky"
b) Ad hominem (personal remarks) - addressing the poster and not the issue
:and you appeared to be doing so, above my previous post, so I wanted to show you what it felt like"
Again, addressing the poster and not the topic!!!
2) >>> "BTW, addressing the other poster instead of the content of the post is both outside POFF rules and etiquette."
"I addressed the post, not the poster, thanks."
The poster was addressed ("yes Nick", "to show you", etc etc)
"Sorry, if it wasn't something you wanted to hear, though."
I am actually shattered!
3) "Hmm...I disagreed with you that courting was dead. You take that to mean I disagree with you as a person? No...I said I disagree that courting was dead! ;) And, yes, you did say, " yes, courting is dead" ...want to see where? "
Thus, as far as WOmen expect to be shown evidence of a man's appreciation for them via expensive gifts etc etc, and there are many who still do, even in these forums, yes, courting is dead
"Um...need I say more?"
Using my Logic 101 course material from college, I dissect the statement I already made to make it 100% obvious:
Yes, courting is dead AS FAR AS women expect to be shown evidence of a man's appreciation for them via expensive ..... and there are many who still do
The "as far as" qualifies the statement "courting is dead"
How much more can one explain?
Thus, bottom line, if women expect those types of gifts as part of the courtin ritual, then men have an equal right to expect them as well from women, it is called Feminism and Equality.
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:24:59 AM | | I don't think courtng is dead.... but it is on life support and getting worse. Anymore it seems that people just want an instant relationship. You meet, if there is even a hint of chemistry, its straight to bed or shacking up in no time. After a short span of time most are at each other's throats and looking for a way out. That is lust not love and anymore a lot of people don't seem to realize there is a difference. What happened to just going out on a lunch date on occasion, or getting to know someone before taking th next step? And after find the right person, why change then? People like to recieve little gifts and reminders that you care, not just n occasional dinner or night out just to make them happy, but little notes, inside jokes, and small gifts spontaniously because ou care? Is romance dead to? | |
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| Great Contemporary [Sorta] Lies
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:43:17 AM | Arbeit macht frei
I have no idea what that means, but it's interesting.
It means "Work Brings Freedom"
It's a NAZI slogan they used to have posted on signs in concentration camps!
How it's germane to THIS subject is beyond me?? | |
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| Great Contemporary [Sorta] Lies
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:50:34 AM | ^^^Navigator6:
I have no idea what that means, but it's interesting.
It means "Work Brings Freedom"
It's a NAZI slogan they used to have posted on signs in concentration camps!
How it's germane to THIS subject is beyond me?? . Maybe something to do with "Great Contemporary Lies" (Arbeit macht frei)
?????? | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:53:00 AM |
(Msg 149) Whoa...since you're having to disagree with a lot of folks, I won't add to the poor ladies trying to tell you reality, hehe. That explains your presence here……………..You see, if you were that successful, you wouldn't be here for as long as you have been………………Maybe you should try being more of a gentleman in the beginning and you wouldn't still be here, then...instead of telling everyone what 'allegedly' WORKS for you, hehe. As I said, if it really worked, you wouldn't still be here!
And over and over again.
Let me enlighten you. I have been in the same relationship for 12 years. Perhaps between your repetitious comments you should have taken time to view my profile. Perhaps a change of attitude on your part would have shortened your three year stay here unless, of course, you’re one of those women you describe in the following:
Needless to say, in regards to many women I've spoken to, on the subject (and believe me, I speak to multitudes more than you could even hope to speak to, since I write about the subject of dating), that the majority of women ENJOY being wooed by men.
Of course they do. Who wouldn’t enjoy it. That’s probably why many hang out here.
As I mentioned earlier those seriously seeking a relationship will be interested in what the guy is like in every day life. They would prefer to get to know the man preparing dinner in his home rather than seeing him pay for dinner at a restaurant. They would rather have conversations of substance as opposed to the superficial small talk that usually happens on dates. That’s if the gal is seriously wanting a long term relationship and not just looking for some chump to entertain them, that is.
My partner wasn’t seeking the wooing. Being an educated, intelligent woman holding a high paying position with the government she was seeking substance, not superficiality and that’s what she’s received for the last 12 years and that’s why we’re still together. The only chasing done around here is between my office and the bedroom and that’s the way we like it. 
(Msg 157) If he is interested in me, he will take me out to dinner, buy me a flower, send a little text note that doesn't say much more than "hi" - Those are the things I am willing to do for him if we are romantically involved - so I want to know he esteems me at least that much. How else does one let the other person know they are special?
One lets a person know they are special by talking and making plans and spending time together. In short, by including them in their life and exploring the idea of building a life with each other. The exact opposite of what players do and for some strange reason people fail to see that or they are players themselves. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:29:41 AM |
My partner wasn’t seeking the wooing. Being an educated, intelligent woman holding a high paying position with the government she was seeking substance, not superficiality and that’s what she’s received for the last 12 years and that’s why we’re still together. The only chasing done around here is between my office and the bedroom and that’s the way we like it.
It's great that you found a woman who is on the same page with you - congrats! I really do mean that.
I hope to find a girl who is on the same page as me as well. Me, I enjoy "courting" and it has nothing to do with superficial small talk or being an entertaining chump - I'm just... a courter (yes, I know that's not a word?). When in a relationship, it's not just done in the beginning in an attempt to win over a girl under false pretenses. It's done throughout, simply because I'm a pleaser, so to speak - it's who I am in my everyday life and I enjoy it. You can't really fault that, can you? IMO, you can't just lump all courting under the heading of "superficial, unrealistic BS that goes away once the game is bagged".
Obviously, OP enjoys being courted and that's her choice. Hopefully, she'll find someone who enjoys courting throughout the relationship. As we've seen, there are some who don't enjoy it and that's OK too.
What works for some, doesn't work for others. I'm pretty sure that's why Baskin Robbins now has over 1000 different flavors. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:35:30 AM |
I'm just... a courter (yes, I know that's not a word?). When in a relationship, it's not just done in the beginning in an attempt to win over a girl under false pretenses. It's done throughout, simply because I'm a pleaser, so to speak - it's who I am in my everyday life and I enjoy it. You can't really fault that, can you? IMO, you can't just lump all courting under the heading of "superficial, unrealistic BS that goes away once the game is bagged
At one school where I taught, there was a woman teacher in my department; she was over 60 and had been married for about 30 years. Every year, on the first day of school, her husband sent her a bouquet of flowers, to the school, for her desk. That's courting...no reason other than to please someone, thoughtful gestures, part of everyday life, not to achieve anything. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:43:31 PM | | wvmike 1999 - YOU hit the nail square on the head! It's exactly why relationships are in so much trouble today - lots of babies with no daddies either - anyway that's another thread. You are right - we put the cart before the horse, and then we cry when the horse has to push instead of pull - it's all backwards, and it won't work unless we get back to the instruction manuel - courtship, attention, flowers, dinner, walks on the beach, long talks, sitting on the porch with a corny glass of lemonade - all without the sex - figure out if it's gonna be good after the orgasm - | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:52:54 PM | One lets a person know they are special by talking and making plans and spending time together. In short, by including them in their life and exploring the idea of building a life with each other. The exact opposite of what players do and for some strange reason people fail to see that or they are players themselves.
So you think little attentions people pay to one another are what? Useless? Lies? Dumb? I don't get you - yes players use those tactics, but then so do gentlemen - I've known quite a few of them, in relationship with me, and with others - you seem to be very bare boned - your privilege. Don't, however, criticize others for their preference, we allow you yours. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 4:59:07 PM | I'm nowhere near 45; I'm only recently turned 20, but I love courtship. Luckily I found a guy who does that (on here none the less!). 
However, I'd say 99% of don't even know what courtship is. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 5:05:47 PM |
(Msg 170) So you think little attentions people pay to one another are what? Useless? Lies? Dumb? I don't get you - yes players use those tactics, but then so do gentlemen - I've known quite a few of them, in relationship with me, and with others - you seem to be very bare boned - your privilege. Don't, however, criticize others for their preference, we allow you yours.
I suppose it depends on the definition of "little attentions", however, in the context most posters have used to describe them there is a difference between "little attentions people pay to one another" when in a relationship and demanding them as a prerequisite to a relationship.
It's not unheard of for women to use men under the guise of wanting to be courted just as men will try to deceive women by using elaborate courting techniques. The dating/courting/relationship paradigm has changed. Men and women were less likely to use each other during the eras when courting was the norm, for a number of reasons.
For example, people moved around less so one had to guard their reputation. The "user" would be quickly exposed. Also, word would get out two people were courting so others usually stayed away. In essence, the probability that courting would lead to a relationship and a lifetime marriage was a distinct possibility. In today's world, especially with internet dating, the odds are against a relationship forming and marriage, if one occurs, has only a 50/50 chance, at best. What this means is the reasons or purpose for courting have changed. Because of that it's reasonable to question ones motive for either desiring or implementing a courtship. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 5:09:25 PM |
Oh really? Like when they come to your house and meet the parents? Pick you up in their car and open the door for you? Please, no sane woman would have a man she never met, let alone met online come to her house on a first date/meeting. Wake up. This is 2008.
Respect the past but don't live in it - Cinderellas.....
Evidence right here that men can be clueless on how to date/court any age! | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 5:37:59 PM | I dunno.....I think alot of the time, rather than show up with flowers, you'd do just as good to show up with beer and chicken wings. But, hey, Whitey's been outta the game for awhile. Forgive Whitey.
-Kevin | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:43:55 PM | | Courting is on its last legs. A lot of women ask for it, but tend to reject it when it's attempted. | |
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