| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:38:39 PM | | All I know is, I treat a lady to a nice dinner, open doors, and try to learn more about them. After a few weeks of going out, I get usually get rejected for being too nice of a guy. What is up with that? I dont push women towards anything, I dont smother them. I often send them their favorite flowers... and I end up in the friend zone or worse.... they try to set me up with someone else... isnt that somewhat like re-gifting a person? Later on when a guy treats them badly, I get a call. Crazyness! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:32:57 PM | Courting is a way a man choses to tell a woman he is interested in her. It's not a mandate, it isn't even a "request" from me - when I meet a man who is a courter, he definitely has my attention and respect - that is something that seems to be lost, at least in may of these responses - but then you get what you are. Courting is a way of showing respect and interest - if the guy isn't into it - then he isn't - sure that should be respected - but if I get to chose one or the other - you know which way I'm going.
Mike, don't knock being put in the friend zone - yeah I know it wasn't what you were hoping for, but I don't think you would rather be put in the a**hole zone. I knew a guy like you once. As it turned out, he was the one that got away - I believe there is someone for every one - I also bet you broke heart or two in your lifetime - Been done to me to - just wasn't a match - no matter how much I thought I wanted it. A dozen roses at my door is not a sure lay, but it is a sure appreciation. I think the guys who have courted me did so because they liked it too - fair enough.
Then there was the one I had to have - we are divorced now - I put him on a bus home  - just couldn't hang - careful what you pray for - you just might get it. And he did not court me - so go figger 
Anyway - hooray for courtship - only for those who like it - girls: don't settle
Guys: plenty out there who will take you the way you are - just leave the rest of us free to follow our pursuits. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:53:44 AM |
(Msg 174) I think alot of the time, rather than show up with flowers, you'd do just as good to show up with beer and chicken wings.
I'm sure if that became the norm marriage would increase ten fold! 
(Msg 177) Courting is a way a man choses to tell a woman he is interested in her. It's not a mandate, it isn't even a "request" from me - when I meet a man who is a courter, he definitely has my attention and respect - that is something that seems to be lost, at least in may of these responses....
"he definitely has my attention" Ahhh, now I see why our approaches differ. When dating, I wasn't interested in getting the gals's attention. I sought those whose attention I already had.
That's where chemistry comes into it. The interest was already there and the gal would show it. We were sort of already in a relationship, if you will. The difference was my "little attentions" were given to someone I already knew was interested as opposed to trying to spark their interest. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:22:08 AM | | The art of courting has gone the way of the dinosaurs along with high moral standards, ethics in business, and good, old fashioned honesty. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:18:05 PM | | Courting is definately NOT dead. The man I have been dating for the last few months does all of the sweet things that would be considered courting. He is a gentleman in every way, treats me with respect and consideration. He is a few years older than I am and I think it comes with the generation. None of the men I dated my own age were like this. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:24:01 PM | Courting is dead because it was the tradition to the archetypal male-dominion of taking whatever woman he wanted as long as he owned the land/money and went through the proper motions.
the art of courting was a tool most used as a formality to impress the family of the woman more than the woman herself. Back in the days of courting, marriage was more a political and financial decision than it was of love. Course there are always exceptions, and you had the low class who did the things too, but people were much more religious then.
I ask you, what exactly, does courting accomplish?
Furthermore, the basics of courting are still the very foundations of the human 'mating ritual' anyways. We all end up 'meeting the parents' of course, later on. Sex is almost always meant to be held back on, but in today's society... you don't have too if you both don't want to. It's how it should be.
If you are talking about chivalry, well, it is not dead. Men who are good people are simply chivalrous by nature, and will be that way because it is who they are. It often goes un-rewarded too. Not everyone is chivalrous, just like not everyone is an asshat. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:32:45 PM | | Nah but it is on the endangered species list. There is no problem with it in my mind as long as it does not involve being taken for granted...been down that road more than I care to recall. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:58:04 PM | That's where chemistry comes into it. The interest was already there and the gal would show it. We were sort of already in a relationship, if you will. The difference was my "little attentions" were given to someone I already knew was interested as opposed to trying to spark their interest.
Now THAT DOES explain it my argumentative little friend - your ego would never allow you to show interest in someone first - a first move has to be made - I guess you wait for her - I'm from a different world - I like mine better. Nothing to say you can't keep eours. I'm just happy I'm not raising a daughter in these times - chemistry is not instant (not the enduring kind anyway - that's called lust)- so many men have become quite jaded, lazier and more self absorbed in the relationship area - not the kind of qualities that solicit enduring relationship - yes, I've had one - he's passed - I remarried - someone like you - didn't last - I was the giver - he was, like, the taker - difference between our perspectives- (yours and mine). My late husband pursued me - didn't take much, but he moved first the more he gave to me - the deeper I loved him - no, you wouldn't understand what I'm trying to say - anyway, - to each his own - | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:03:02 PM | The art of courting has gone the way of the dinosaurs along with high moral standards, ethics in business, and good, old fashioned honesty.
Boy! Did you just say a mouthful! Thank YOU for putting it in such simple and articulate terms! I LOVE it. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:04:41 PM | | 'mating ritual'.... with terms like that, yeah its dead. I'd like to think that its just my generation has lost its mind sometimes, but I grew up raised by old values. So maybe I've just lost my mind and not kept up. And someties I'd rather have to work for someone's attention (to a point, I have also been used quite a few times), it is usually more rewarding and i'm not just talking sex. I dot exacty hae the looks/body that brings the ladies to my door... I make up for it with my sense of humor and personality. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:15:41 PM | I've tried to put across my thoughts on this before and perhaps it is simply that original poster has not read previous threads on this subject. Courting is not wooing, or buying fancy gifts or opening doors for the lady - that is simple old fashioned chivilry. Wikipedia states that courship is.... and I quote...
"Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval."
So, with that description, I can tell you that modern courtship is very much alive and it is a growing custom among young christians. It does not include premarital sex. I think what you are all talking about is wooing, which could very well have been killed off somewhere along the way.... sigh | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:11:21 PM | Post 186:
"...So with that description, I can tell you that modern courtship is very much alive and it is a growing custom among young christians. ..."
Young christians in North America, maybe, but certainly not young christians in Europe. Sounds like almost an arranged marriage process, ie back to the future! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:39:43 PM |
(Msg 183) Now THAT DOES explain it my argumentative little friend...
Well, at least I'm a friend.
...your ego would never allow you to show interest in someone first - a first move has to be made - I guess you wait for her
There's a huge difference between making the first move and courting.
..chemistry is not instant (not the enduring kind anyway - that's called lust)- so many men have become quite jaded, lazier and more self absorbed in the relationship area...
I beg to differ. Chemistry is exactly what happened between my partner and I. We met at 11 AM, in a park, and after spending the day together she left my home at 7 PM. That was 12 years ago.
Granted, that's unusual but that is an example of chemistry. It's the wanting to be together. That's really all it is. Two people wanting to be together. It could happen in the morning and the couple spend the day together or it could happen in the evening and the couple spend the night together. Spending the night doesn't have to mean sex. Just thought I better include that.
My late husband pursued me - didn't take much, but he moved first the more he gave to me - the deeper I loved him - no, you wouldn't understand what I'm trying to say -
When there is chemistry one is not thinking about "who is giving what" or "whose turn is it to make a move". It's two people wanting to be together.
When two good friends get together one doesn't say something and then sit there and wait for the other person to say something. They just chat. It flows and that's how chemistry works. One is not chasing. One is not pursuing and the other feigning resistance. Nobody is slowing things down. If there are any doubts/concerns one will say something because they want to clear things up and move on. That's chemistry. Both are equally interested in each other. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:28:43 PM | I beg to differ. Chemistry is exactly what happened between my partner and I. We met at 11 AM, in a park, and after spending the day together she left my home at 7 PM. That was 12 years ago.
Granted, that's unusual but that is an example of chemistry. It's the wanting to be together.
Happy it worked out for you - that's pretty risky behavior - but you got lucky - it's a good thing for you both.
Look, you are a certain personality type and the idea of courting just would not work for you. - I'm not talking about sitting around waiting to see who's turn it is to make a move - I happen to agree with you about the ebb and flow of a relationship - courting is part of that for me - it's not for you - You aren't wrong - neither am I - it's a preference - all your arguing differently does not make it different - what constitutes a relationship and all it entails for you is not cut in concrete for everyone else - I know a good relationship when I see one - I also know the kind of man that is attractive to me - it's all I need to know - My husband and I were together 15 beautiful years before he died and the only time we were apart was when he was in the hospital and visiting hours were over. You have no idea what I know. - He sought me out first - you don't have to agree with that, - the truth is the chemistry in your relationship is just that - your's - no one else needs to agree or disagree with you. Your argument has been heard - thank you for sharing . | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:39:34 PM | | Dave, I like what you said about communicating and chemistry, but I also like the evenings just curled up on the couch with someone, reading to ourselves and just... communicating without words I guess is the way to put it. Knowing what the other is thinking and anticipating needs and wants before having to say a word. I miss that too. I enjoy sitting under a shade tree with someone all day talking and laughing and carrying on, then laughing about getting chiggers later ( if you dont know what a chigger is your from the city lol feel free to ask ). Just it seems most people I meet anymore are looking for instant love. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but its usually great getting to know someone too, even if it might not lead anywhere. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 9/15/2008 11:03:38 PM | | I think Mike is right. When my late husband was sick, there weren't any words exchanged, just presence - it was all that was necessary. Same thing when a football game was on - I hated football, but being in the room with him was quite enough - I learned a lot about needlecrafts during football season. I believe too, that those things are nurtured along most of the time - time brings experience, which breeds trust, which breeds an inner knowledge of each other that can in no other way be attained except to know,love and trust one another implicitly. Amazing how much I miss him. Thank you for waking me up Mike - | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:22:26 AM | It's DEAD as a doorknob! No need to "court" when u can "hook up"! Those days were with our parents and grandparents era! No more! With "liberated" women and the "thug" and "bad boy" culture being glorified, guys have said what the hell???
This is the "HOOK UP" generation (it's very common in college)! I think the only ones that are complaining about "courting" being dead is the ones that's isn't used to being courted and NOW wants that! It's too late cause even guys with "nothing" going 4 them can get a piece of "tail" so why....eeehhhhhmmm..COURT! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/28/2008 4:31:07 PM | No courting is not dead. I have had several very nice men take me to dinner and want to spend some time getting to know me. That being said...that is what I want and expect. Not the dinner but the wanting to get to know me part. I am not in this to find just some guy to waste some time with. I am here to make a real connection with someone. Even if we only end up being friends...that is ok also. It is still a real connection that will hopefully develop into a real relationship.
If I wanted casual sex...I could get it. You have to make the choice to be courted and in what manner you want to be courted and accept nothing less. Courting is just an old fashioned term. You still have to take the time to really get to know someone and build your relationship.
Best of Luck! | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/29/2008 9:27:26 AM | | yes in seems to be, a woman friend of mine has been recently bowled over by a guy and now she wants to marry him, why? , well she s only met him once and he paid for them to go on a holiday to north africa for a week, does this make sense to you?? | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/29/2008 12:17:30 PM | Courting has taken on a new meaning. Now it takes place at the end of the relationship.
"Courting" over child payments. "Courting" over who gets the house. "Courting" over alimony. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:11:18 PM | I love the idea of being courted...
Everyone is always in such a hurry, slow down take your time to get to know a person. I think it is all part of the romance.
~Charmed~ | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/29/2008 4:41:29 PM | Ladies 100 points question for you:
Say some janitor guy comes to you and make courtship and respect you.
Would you be still interested? Or he can just spin his wheels as much as he likes?
Or he could end up getting some "nice anwers" for being too pushy?
Ta-ta-ra-tatam. | |
|
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/30/2008 1:01:42 AM |
some janitor guy
My father was 'some janitor guy.' Being a janitor, or having any other occupation, is not the issue: it is if the person of the opposite sex is compatible and interesting, someone you want to get to know and spend time with. If a man is interested, showing courtliness is a good thing, has nothing to do with social position. Has to do if the two people are compatible and a relationship is realistic. Being courtly is more like icing on the cake: not required, not really going to change the essense of things, but makes the whole experience a lot better. | |
|
| |
| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/30/2008 11:28:13 AM | OP,
Some women want to be courted.
Some women only want to be amused.
Some women want to be taken.
Some women prefer just to dance.
Hard to know how she is going in.
But that is OK.
I like a good mystery.
Fun to sort out.
:-) | |
|
Home
login 
