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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:28:37 PM | Courting is not "dead", it's just changed. It's become more modern and a bit more gender equalizing. I'm not talking about "hook ups" -- those existed in the past, and are just more prevalent now, but that's a another issue altogether. We're talking about Point A to Point B: (A) Meeting a Lady to (B) Being in a serious relationship. Three things kicked off the change:
1. Not everyone's marriage-hunting. Women are more independent, and actually get careers, and of course men knowing this too, combines to make the average marrying age later in life -- which leads to #2...
2. More options for women. Being independent and with careers on their mind, in a mixed & more equal society, having more options opens up. This site is an example. Men approach women, women have more options, thus women spend more time taste testing. It also leads to men doing the same of course.
3. Women end up at least having an attraction to the "bad boy" - no, not a heroin addict, but you understand what I'm saying. This is due to them keeping to the "man in charge" tradition, in an age of more equal footing.
With those three things in mind, I believe it's led to this culture change:
1. Women want a CATCH, not a Mr. Nice Guy. With all the options, and at least a tinge for a guy who's a "bad boy" (definition relative to their upbringing), they want a guy who's not "easy" in the male sense. The guy who caters and pampers a lady before he's really gotten to know her? Modern generations laugh at such a thing. Those guys get shot down, and they remain confused because their mothers told them that's what women (in old B&W how-to-court-a-lady films) want.
2. No more sugar-daddying. What was once a man showing a woman he can provide for her by buying her heart, a woman now can at least take care of herself. Financial stability in a man is what a woman wants, of course... but sugar-daddying your way will either put you on the fast track to Mr. Nice Guy, or you'll end up with a lady who's a Paris Hilton wanna-be.
3. Dating's now changed where you BOTH are getting to know each other. It's a two-way street, not a one-way street in decades past. The lady too has to show how she is a formidable mate, has a good head on her shoulders, etc. She's not just a pretty face any more.
4. Women have many guys-on-the-line at the same time, due to more options and independence. This leads to guys getting many girls-on-the-line at the same time.
Men are still the initiators, and still the ones who carry more of the load of impressing the other person. But gone are the days of a big oration and song and dance to "prove yourself" to a lady. If a man tries to do this a bit too much nowadays, when the gal doesn't have a crush on him, he's seen as scary, if not a stalker-to-be.
Things have gotten more real, and less orated, thus, more complex and less predictable. Taking a casual approach to dating is definitely still there -- but it's not casual bringing flowers on a first date to a gal you don't know, when you're quite possibly her 3rd option that week.
Afterwards, when two are dating exclusively, it's more acceptably intimate, thus, by nature, there's no fake montage that previous generations expect. Can be a good thing -- you can see what the guy's REALLY like before any engagement talks, right? ;)
It's more real now, less fake. Leads to games, yes, and people in other ways doing fake stuff when trying to juggle their many options. However, just because the old requirement of marriage-before-sex is long gone, does not mean there's no courting! | |
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