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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:24:31 AM | | Of course in another post you have someone stating it's common to have sex on a first date.... so you wonder how women end up with 5 guys a year??? that's a pretty low ratio according to another poster.... if the poor girl only has five dates a year... or maybe there is a sign of commitment with one of the five... tad bit of sarcasm but you get my point... | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:28:28 AM |
as far as STD's go the question to ask is when was the last time you were tested before "WE" bed down
That is foolish at best.
1) STD tests are not foolproof.
2) We don't know every possible STD. Even if we assumed that all existing STD tests are 100% accurate, they don't detect new diseases or even significantly varied existing diseases.
3) People lie, especially about sex. If you're having sex with people you barely know (and you don't have enough time to adequately know five different new people a year!), there's no way to be sure of their character. It's a huge gamble for an insignificant return. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:02:36 AM |
Yes, that's annoying. Stats you can handle, but not positions...
Yes, the numbers in themselves can mean very little...Afterall, afterall there's little difference between 20 partners and 22 partners... Still, However, there's a big difference between 20 and a 100 partners...
As for the positions...that's the hard part... If you're a guy you don't really want to think of the lady you're with having done some of the things you associate with hard-core porn now would you...?
Her sex life was probably not Hollywood, soft-focus and tender music and no money-shots... dry and clean... almost cozy....
In reality it was often hard sweaty sex with her grunting away as she was pounded at by her past partner or partners... complete with their fluids splashing in and on her...
Add to that if your partner took on multiple guys at once, you don't want to think of her taking it at both ends like a spit-roast or being double-penetrated... and enjoying it...
So your mind tries to sanitise the images and you avoid the thoughts by saying you don't want to know... As Jack Nicholson's character says in a Few Good Men... "You can't handle the truth!"
So you pretend it doesn't matter...
Yet, very few seem to be with those women now...
It's always "My EX this..." or "I was with a person..." or someone "I used to date..."
Funny how we don't hear too much from people who are currently in the situation...
Everyone talks the talk, but it seems like in reality... it's just a little different... | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:28:50 AM |
I'd bet that hardly anyone here who has exprtessed their opinions has actually been in the situation you describe... so they're talking off the tops of their heads... theaory is one thing, actual situations are another...
I have and to be quite honest, that made it very clear to me just how silly the whole issue is.
Anyone who thinks the past is the past is full of it... maybe when the numbers are comfortable, but not at the other extreme... especially if they haven't dealt with it in real life... Their thoughts are sanitized and not as graphic... everything people do or have done changes them... people will say, it's made me who I am... to that I say, just think of how much better you could have been....
The part about saying the past is the past is true. Some people just don't want to know. On the other hand, knowing about the past doesn't mean you have to make a big deal out of it. And yes, the numbers are probab;y much higher for a couple of women I've dated, than in your case.
I sometimes wonder why it is that out of all those guys, I'm the only one who could see she was worth keeping when so many threw her away...
It doesn't sound like you do. It sounds more like a struggle to rationalize it.
You wonder if one guy is enough for her...
You wonder whether or not you're enough for her...
You wonder am I the biggest, the best...
You have to get over it. Face it. You weren't the biggest. You probably weren't the best looking or the best in the sack. The last one can be fixed and the other two are irrelevant. If those mattered, she'd be with someone else.
She's suffers from depression over it...
She's had thoughts of suicide...
She's worried about going places where people will know and or talk about her...
She feels she was used and manuipulated because she was naive and didn't know better.... she had all the classic low self-esteem issues...
You aren't doing a whole lot to improve her self-esteem. Stop trying to rationalize her behaviour as being due to anything but her own choice and respect her for her choice instead of giving her a way to feel bad about herself. Your attitude is beating her down. She wouldn't be so worried about being seen or talked about if you were more positive. Your insecurity is not a positive thing. Your attitude ought to be, ``So what?'' She's dating you, not any of those people you might see or who might talk about her. If she's the topic of gossip, those gossiping need to get a life. If they're talking about her, then obviously they have some interest in the person YOU are dating. They may want to sleep with her, but YOU ARE sleeping with her. That ought to count for something.
Yes, there's nothing like making love to your lady and she suddenly breaks down into a crying fit because you've just done something that triggers a bad memory of what someone else did to her...
As I understand it, she was a willing participant. Your issues with that are the real problem. The more it bothers you, the moe she's going to feel like she has to feel bad about herself to justify her actions to you. Get over it. She did those things. There is nothing you can do to change it. Moreover, you won't be satisfied with anyone regardless of the numbers, even if the number is zero. Eventually, you'll find a way to feel insecure with a virgin. You'll always wonder if she wants to see what other guys are like; if bigger guys are more fun or better in bed. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:36:05 PM |
I have and to be quite honest,
And yes, the numbers are probab;y much higher for a couple of women I've dated, than in your case.
Again, since you say "I have" it implies that you're referring to an ex...
As I said, it always seems to be someone talking about an Ex but not someone they're currently with.... If I was referring to an Ex it wouldn't bother me at all either...
You have to get over it. Face it. You weren't the biggest. You probably weren't the best looking or the best in the sack.
I know I wasn't the biggest...not bothered, I'm ok with my size... .
So far, of the ones I've met, I am the best looking... no worries there....
As for the best in the sack, she claims I am... so not worried about that....
You aren't doing a whole lot to improve her self-esteem.
Well, that's different from what she's told me... She seems to feel that I have helped her a lot with that....
If she's the topic of gossip, those gossiping need to get a life.
I have to agree with you on that one...
You'll always wonder if she wants to see what other guys are like; if bigger guys are more fun or better in bed.
No, not worried about her that way either... She already feels she's had too much of other guys... If there's a positive, that is it, she's probably less likley to cheat or anything than the average... | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:53:10 PM | hiya matey,
i see your problem, but as most of the people growing up with you had been there they must have been some sort of a warning shot,
personally i have never had a one night stand and i suppose i would have the same things running round my head,
either way you have to deal with the fact and accept it, or get out if you cant, as all it would do is eat you up inside.
but this could be the reall thing and as long as she makes you feel your the one and only for her it shouldnt be much of a problem,
dunno if that helped but after reading it i can understand you situation :) | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:50:24 PM |
In reality it was often hard sweaty sex with her grunting away as she was pounded at by her past partner or partners...
My sister told me one day she had found a hidden videotape of her husband and an ex girlfriend of his. She geventually got up enough nerve (booze helped apparently) and she watched it.
She told me afterwords that it made her sick. She said the same thing that it was dirty and not pleasant to watch. She said the realitie is not the same as what your brain lets you think it is. It made her uncomfortable to have sex with him for a few weeks. So it's not only men who have these problems.
For me, the best part was when she told me that if she had realised what people looked like when they have sex she'd have had the lights out all her life!LOL | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:01:14 PM |
Insecure men might have asked me when I was 35....
Why were you dating insecure men when you were 35?
Or did you make them insecure? LOL
I think we do have a right to know what went on before we met our partners.
As a society we seem to think backwards when we ask questions about things that are important to us.
Get a breakfast in a restaurant, we ask does that come with home fries, fries or mashed? white or brown toast? Eggs, over easy or scrambled or sunny side up? Pea meal or bacon or sausage or steak? Ketchup? coffee ot tea or OJ?
Get a stereo and you want to know all the details, the whats, the remote and all the things it does. We compare online and we compare brands.
Get a car and you take it for a test drive and look at the color.
Get a house, you see it once, and put in an offer.
Get a lifetime partner, don't ask don't tell.
Makes no sense to me.
I think M_CHURCH has it right. We ARE afraid to confront things that make us uncomfortable. It's easier to pretend it's all ok. I think what makes us afraid is that reminds us too much and too uncomfortably about what we're trying not to see in ourselves. Pretend it's not there and make it all go away. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:49:21 PM | | OP, I've never been with a woman that has had as many partners as you mention, but every person I've ever dated has had more partners than I by at least a factor of 3. I was always cool with it. My problem would be if she was tired of sex. I don't care how many partners she's had before, but we have to be on the same page sexually or problems will develop. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:36:59 PM | 30 or more lovers! Oh how awful! Let me beat my breast! But first give me all the details so I can repeat them ad nauseum. But leave out the part about how you chose it and enjoyed it, or I shall have to shame you forever.
But I’ll forgive you of course, cause I’m just that big of a guy, but you must always hang your head in my presence and adore me for my forgiveness, my superiority, my righteousness, my martyrdom (but first more details please, I’m losing my boner).
See fellas, how I wrest this fallen maiden from the bonds of iniquity (and into the hands of my own perversity)?
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| 79 little green aliens break guiness record by cramming into a mini car.
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:44:45 PM | Personally I would have a problem accepting a partner who had had so many partners before whether in 10, 20 or 40 years of adulthood. I would question her ability to settle down and have a long term relationship if she had consistently bedded men year after year, even if she had waited say 2 months each time, the fact she had repeatedly either finished the relationship within 3 months (at 4 per year) or been finished, would suggest she was always choosing the wrong person to settle down with, so why would it be any better with me. How could I be confident I was what she suddenly realised was what she wanted, when her history says otherwise.
To justify that, may I make a parallel with abused women. Until they successfully manage to break out of the cycle, they have the habit of choosing the same sort of man time after time that abuses them. They dont intend to but its a subconscious trait they find immensely difficult to break out of. Each time they start afresh they think this time will be different because this new man is good, kind, honest and caring. Then he turns into the b@stard he always was and starts abusing her. In reality the signs that he was just the same trash as the previous scum were there all the time but the woman cant see or doesn’t want to see because she needs love. But those around her, like brothers and other family and friends see through the new abuser instantly. But we are powerless to stop it, short of burying the slimeball under the patio. You tear your hair out but to no avail.
Off topic? no, my point is that people are creatures of habit. A woman (or man) who has for whatever reason gone from sex partner to partner is not suddenly gonna stop, I ain’t confident enough of my uniqueness and superior tongue action  to change her if the previous 100 didn't.
It is typical of some men though to expect women to be virgins even though they themselves have bedded a few hundred other virgins. I have a theory that people tend to attract (as apposed to looking for it) what they want in a person or what they think they want, because they will indulge in behaviour that signals their wants. People who want easy lays tend to find themselves in bars and nightclubs, rather than the library or chess club.
BTW, I can count my partners on the fingers of one hand and I remember their names, faces and all the wonderful intimate details about them. That’s how much more sex means to me. Its about expressing love in a physical way, getting hot sticky and well horny with someone you know will be around the next day and the day after too. 
I would hope that my nature and the other qualities I look for in a woman would probably preclude the likelihood of me even having a date with a highly experienced woman.
Saying that you shouldn’t ask about past history is either burying your head in the sand, or hoping your own murky past can be glossed over I suspect, or even simply an acceptance that you are only in a casual relationship. In every LTR I have been in the subject of pasts came up fairly early, not to compare or compete or even criticise, but to discover more about the wonderful person you were preparing to embark upon a lifetime's commitment with. Doesn't an intelligent driver ask for service history, accident details etc of a second-hand car before buying. and a car is for a few years only, not for life.
STDs are here and they are deadly serious. If you check out the threads elsewhere on stds, you’ll see that many people have assumed full protection from a negative result only to find out here that as a standard, you are only tested for about 6 to 10 of the common diseases. There are hundreds of nasty nifts you can get and unless they become routinely tested who knows if they are rising in popularity. As a regular blood donor, I have taken my responsibility to a reasonable conclusion, i.e to avoid the risk of passing on a std through my blood to someone ill, I don’t sleep on a first date, though as I have suggested 2 lines back, who knows what other diseases we might have despite been tested.
love and peace
hug someone new today
regards from 158, defender of the faith, the weak and footballers with stage fright
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:47:03 PM | Would my chances of relationship success be greater with a woman who had long periods of celibacy between each relationship? If she had sex only with herself or with her toys? Or if she wasn’t much bothered by months of abstinence at a time?
How about if she chafed through long periods of celibacy but lacked the courage or know-how to find a lover? Or was too mired in sexual shame to think she could or should?
I think sex is a good and positive thing, that diseases are preventable, that wise and discerning people can make healthy sexual choices, and that creating a rich and rewarding sexual life for oneself gives one more to offer a future mate, not less. Women included. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:11:00 PM | First off OP~ this type of conversation has the EQ level of about 0.000001.
The past is not the future. Who here is the judge, jury and executioner? If this was a man, for example~ using typical male bravado to exclaim he had 1000 women, men would worship the ground he walked on as king. Not all men. But you get my drift. If a woman has had 30 lovers, she is a slut? This is bullshit. If you could go out and get 30 different women to sleep with you~ then you'd be a stud, right? Well, try being female for a day. Tons of male penny candy out there. DYING to get laid~ will do anything and everything to get in a womans pants. Yes, I said it. Again, not ALL men. Because a women is highly sexual and perhaps responsible, I don't see the reason for the slut label to be slapped on her forehead. This is ludicrious at best. It's almost 2009. Get with the program. You sound very insecure.
No, I am not promoting women to sleep around, nor men to worship other men that get a lot of action. But put the shoe on the other foot for once and take a look at the big picture. Real carefully. How would you feel if she read this thread? You're sharing information that shouldn't be broadcasted, IMO. Until you have a pair of breasts and have to deal with men coming at your from all angles on a daily basis, you will never truly understand what females have to deal with constantly. No, I'm not complaining. But I'm pretty dead on with that statement. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:45:32 PM |
how do you guys feel when your woman tells you she had lot's of casual sex and f-buddies before you met? [70-100] what if you know several of the from your life growing up? what if you know too many details? is there such a thing? can you still grow old together, sit on a rocking chair holding her hand and feel "ok"? do you ever feel emabarrased knowing so many other guys just knew her as easy? just wondering, not self pitying. would most like to hear from guys IN this kind of situation, not bashers. do you ever obsess on it even though you do not want to?
I would have no respect for a woman like that and sure and hell wouldn't marry her. I would think that anyone with such a casual view on sex is probably a sex addict who would cheat on you in a second with absolutely no guilt about doing so. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:22:54 PM |
I would think that anyone with such a casual view on sex is probably a sex addict who would cheat on you in a second with absolutely no guilt about doing so. Oh crikey. I haven't been with remotely close to 30 men, but I can say I've never cheated on or wanted to cheat on a boyfriend. Having a casual view about sex has nothing to do with being a sex addict. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:48:00 PM |
this type of conversation has the EQ level of about 0.000001.
It's just too ironic to ignore... I believe you meant IQ level?
If this was a man, for example~ using typical male bravado to exclaim he had 1000 women, men would worship the ground he walked on as king. Not all men. But you get my drift
Probably as a white trash male yep... He'd be worshipped by people who are dumb enough to think that 1000 lovers was a good plan... However, most of us males would just call him a man-whore or a male-slut... and we'd laugh at him behind his back too...
Until you have a pair of breasts and have to deal with men coming at your from all angles on a daily basis, you will never truly understand what females have to deal with constantly.
Ummm and that has what to do with the subject?
Because a women is highly sexual and perhaps responsible, I don't see the reason for the slut label to be slapped on her forehead. This is ludicrious at best. It's almost 2009. Get with the program.
Ummm I hate to point this out to you... I did a text search on all 67 messages in this thread posted up to yours, and so far you are the only person who has used the word 'SLUT'....
You sound very insecure.
Ahh the inevitable 'insecure' statement.
Every time the number of partners a woman has comes up, women immediately scream you're 'insecure'. If it was a woman complaining about the number of partners her man had before her it would be her 'right to make an informed decision'. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 11:52:02 PM | It's just too ironic to ignore... I believe you meant IQ level?
No, I mean Emotional Quotient. Big difference.
Probably as a white trash male yep... He'd be worshipped by people who are dumb enough to think that 1000 lovers was a good plan... However, most of us males would just call him a man-whore or a male-slut... and we'd laugh at him behind his back too...
Perhaps white and trash within the soul. Definitely not a broke bastage. Not that it matters. I used to work in a male dominated sphere. Some of the more unsettled/immature/unhappy types would come in every Monday, bragging and going on and on about their sex capades. I am dead serious. They thought that every male admired their err, "conquests and adventures". But to be totally honest, even the unhappily married men were laughing right along with us females. These were not teenage boys! They were men between 36-52 that obviously had deep seated self-esteem issues and will probably die from an STD, alcoholism or even both. Lonely, sad people, really.
Ummm and that has what to do with the subject?
It has everything to do with the subject. Until you've lived life as a women, you really won't get that one. It means temptation is everywhere. With VERY little effort on the part of woman.
Ummm I hate to point this out to you... I did a text search on all 67 messages in this thread posted up to yours, and so far you are the only person who has used the word 'SLUT'....
Does this word offend you? Slut?
Slang terminology for a promiscuous woman. Nothing more, nothing less.
Ahh the inevitable 'insecure' statement.
Every time the number of partners a woman has comes up, women immediately scream you're 'insecure'. If it was a woman complaining about the number of partners her man had before her it would be her 'right to make an informed decision'.
You don't think men may be insecure if a woman told him she had 100 lovers? Even 20? Oh please. You've got to be joking. Isn't this the entire point of this thread? Or did I miss the Kool-Aid? In all actuality, I don't care how many partners a man has had. If he is with me as a partner he is high quality. I am highly selective. More experience- better sex.
You can pontificate all you like, sir. I still stand by my previous statements.
I think we are on the same page~ within some of the quoted context. | |
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