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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:03:37 AM | | well you have to ask yourself if your cool dating a slut that has a CONSITERABLY higher risk of STD's ... if your cool with it, then its ok.. if not then no.. I guess its all a matter of what your standards are.. Personally being 21 I date women between 18 and 25 and I think that between 0 and about 5-6 is perfectly normal.. if she's had 10-15 then I think shes kinda a slut.. but thats just me.. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 9:57:11 AM |
It means temptation is everywhere. With VERY little effort on the part of woman.
That is precisely the reason men don't want a woman who has been with every guy. It's because it shows more character for a woman to say NO than for her to say YES.
You don't think men may be insecure if a woman told him she had 100 lovers? Even 20? Oh please. You've got to be joking. Isn't this the entire point of this thread? Or did I miss the Kool-Aid? In all actuality, I don't care how many partners a man has had.
I wouldn't want a guy that has been with 100 lovers. It's not insecurity. It's simply that I don't want someone who thinks sex is casual. Sex should mean something to those involved. It shouldn't just be about getting off. Otherwise it has no more meaning than any other bodily function like defecating.
It's also my choice. I don't want to wear used clothing either. It might be a fabulous dress but I don't want to wear it if all my friends wore it too. I won't drink from a dirty glass either.
If he is with me as a partner he is high quality. I am highly selective. More experience- better sex.
A guy or a girl could get all the best experience with one partner. Multiple partners does not automatically make you a better lover, and might in fact make you a worse lover. There have been a few people in the forums who have said that also. Some people just never learned anything more that Wham Bam Thank You Maam because they didn't stick aroud long enough to find out more. Learning how to be a good lover takes time and patience and openness and communication. Communicating to find out how to be a better lover is a bit difficult if you can't even remember each other's name in the morning. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 10:01:57 AM |
Can the self-pity. There's a woman I'd date right now whose numbers are way above anything yo're talking about, if she were available. It's not just an ex. I got clued in and figured out, it doesn't matter.
But you're not dating her right now are you?
I think that is the point the other guys have made. You're not living with the situation now are you? In other words what you think would be going on in your head IF you were dating her is all hypothetical isn't it?
I know you may believe in yourself that what you think doesn't matter is ok. But lots of people say they can handle stuff and find out later they can't. It's not a dig at you it's just the reality of life. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:19:45 PM |
But you're not dating her right now are you?
Sheeesh... READ I've dated such women in the past with no problem and I'd do it again. Why should it be any different the next time?
I think that is the point the other guys have made. You're not living with the situation now are you? In other words what you think would be going on in your head IF you were dating her is all hypothetical isn't it?
No, it's actually something called logical inference. I've driven a car. I'm quite likely to drive a car again.
Based on previous experience, I don't expect my ability to drive a car will change much, even though I'm not driving a car right this second. Do you have any expectation that rocks wil fall down instead of up the next time you see a rock? | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:27:30 PM | That is precisely the reason men don't want a woman who has been with every guy. It's because it shows more character for a woman to say NO than for her to say YES.
Character is about having the personal integrity to do what one thinks is right and stand up for it, independent of your opinion or anyone else's opinion of what that is. You can make your own judgements and act on that accordingly, but your judgements are yours, not mine and yours aren't any better than mine. I'd argue the reverse, since your idea of character imposes constraints which are unrelated to that concept. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:35:12 PM |
As was said before. We're can't handle the truth.
Maybe you can't. I prefer handling the truth, since reality isn't going to change for my benefit.
How will you know someone is clean? Some STD's don't show up for a hell of a long time even in testing.
Life is a risk and eventually, you'll die anyway. The only way to make the most of the time you get is to try and discover all of the facts you need to make an educated decision about the risks involved in doing something. Note that you can't make an educated decision if you can't handle the truth. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:40:28 PM |
READ I've dated such women in the past with no problem and I'd do it again. Why should it be any different the next time?
I dated women in with a lot of partners in the past when it didn't matter. I wasn't planning on keeping them so it didn't matter....
Now, the girl I'm seeing, I plan on keeping so it does make a difference...
You can't compare past and present. Different people, different experiences, everything is different... | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:49:37 PM |
I've driven a car. I'm quite likely to drive a car again.
Based on previous experience, I don't expect my ability to drive a car will change much, even though I'm not driving a car right this second.
Age and eyesight, reflex changes may or may not impact your ability to drive a car in the future...
Move to downtown New York, you may never drive again due to preferences...
Move to England, driving is really different... you can't assume you can drive on the roads the way you used to....
Logical inference reasoning can only find the best explanation among many alternatives. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:25:26 PM |
That is precisely the reason men don't want a woman who has been with every guy. It's because it shows more character for a woman to say NO than for her to say YES.
Precisely? Hahaha. I can appreciate the point of view, however character is one factor. Insecurity is another. Amongst many others.
I wouldn't want a guy that has been with 100 lovers. It's not insecurity. It's simply that I don't want someone who thinks sex is casual. Sex should mean something to those involved. It shouldn't just be about getting off. Otherwise it has no more meaning than any other bodily function like defecating.
It's also my choice. I don't want to wear used clothing either. It might be a fabulous dress but I don't want to wear it if all my friends wore it too. I won't drink from a dirty glass either.
Everyone has choice. Based on many factors. I don't disagree with that. You speak of your own personal choice. I am speaking generally. Also~ I am not a proponent of sex for sport, just for the record.
A guy or a girl could get all the best experience with one partner. Multiple partners does not automatically make you a better lover, and might in fact make you a worse lover. There have been a few people in the forums who have said that also. Some people just never learned anything more that Wham Bam Thank You Maam because they didn't stick aroud long enough to find out more. Learning how to be a good lover takes time and patience and openness and communication. Communicating to find out how to be a better lover is a bit difficult if you can't even remember each other's name in the morning.
I disagree. In a perfect world, perhaps~ you can get "the best" experiences with one partner. We don't live in a perfect world. Quality over quantity~ in a realistic sense. I'm not talking about a series of one-night stands. Perhaps you misconstrue me. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:28:37 PM | [quoteI dated women in with a lot of partners in the past when it didn't matter. I wasn't planning on keeping them so it didn't matter.... Now, the girl I'm seeing, I plan on keeping so it does make a difference...
I don't date women I don't plan to keep. The fact that it makes a difference to you is something you need to deal with instead of burdening your girlfriend with your issues. You can't possibly make her feel good about herself if you're having so much difficulty accepting her as she is. Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if she were to have so much difficulty deciding if you were worth keeping because you had done something (it doesn't have to be sex?) You'd probably be depressed because there is nothing you can do about it and you'd constantly being trying to make up for it or apologize for it. I understand your problem, because it was something I had to get over. But, I really think that it would not make any difference if she was a virgin. You would eventually find some reason to feel insecure. You need to stop caring what OTHER people MIGHT think about you because of your girlfriend or whether your girlfriend is comparing you to anyone. Are you going to pass up someone who could make you happy for whatever time you get to live because of such a silly thing? Notice that a large number of people in this forum who haven't had a lot of partners, who are divorced and who have ridiculous problems with relationships haven't fared any better because their partner count falls below some arbitrary number, pulled out of someone's a$$.
The worst that can happen is that your relationship won't last. I'd say that with in your present frame of mind, it's a sure thing to not last. You really have nothing to lose by changing your outlook.
You don't have to believe I'd accept your situation. The message is not the messanger. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:37:24 PM | Age and eyesight, reflex changes may or may not impact your ability to drive a car in the future... Move to downtown New York, you may never drive again due to preferences... Move to England, driving is really different... you can't assume you can drive on the roads the way you used to....
Analogies are just analogies. They serve the purpose of making a point clearly, not providing a perfect parallel to substitute for what they analogize. I'm sure you get the point. You are just determined to misconstrue it in order to wallow in existential malaise. You can be miserable or you can be happy. People who are miserable forget to be grateful for what they have. Your issues are inconsequential compared with what many others face, through no fault of their own. Appreciate what you have.
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 11:29:38 PM |
I don't date women I don't plan to keep.
Well, that's damned magnanimous of you...
However, I was a teenager, then a bit older etc....
I learned a lot over the years... There were times when I went out with women with no other purpose other than to fill my evening, or my bed... I grew out of it...
I'm so glad you never did that even as a teen.... Wow.... I'm humbled....
The fact that it makes a difference to you is something you need to deal with instead of burdening your girlfriend with your issues.
Yep... My issues.... that's why we have times when she lies there and cries... when we're making love... or when a scene in a movie we're watching triggers something... And I'm still trying to figure out what' going on....
Yes, it's definately my issue, when she's sobbing into her pillow because her ex husband used to force her to perform a blow-job every night....whether she wanted to or not....and she's having flashbacks... Stupid me for having an issue with that....
Stupid me for trying to make a difference... | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:00:39 PM |
I dated women in with a lot of partners in the past when it didn't matter. I wasn't planning on keeping them so it didn't matter....
Now, the girl I'm seeing, I plan on keeping so it does make a difference...
Most guys seem to be that way. If they don't plan on staying with a woman whatever she's done in the past is not important. But when they want to settle down, they don't really want a slutty girl. Oh they'll tell you anything and everything about how it's not iportant and all it is is just more of what he Bull dropped in the pasture. | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:18:39 PM | My, my! The double standard IS alive and well, even in the 21st century! What about men? Is it acceptable for them to be promiscuous? Have women judged you by the number of other women you've been with? It goes both ways, honey. Having indiscriminate sex isn't acceptable for EITHER gender.
But, if a woman is being honest with you by divulging this sensitive information, then it means that she TRUSTS YOU and believes that you won't judge her by that ridiculous notion that women should remain virgins while men sow their wild oats. Take that into consideration: she is with you - she trusts you enough to open up to you completely. But obviously, if you're going to obsess over it, then it more than likely means that you're simply insecure and can only focus on your needs. Have a nice day!  | |
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:33:58 PM | going to obsess over it, then it more than likely means that you're simply insecure and can only focus on your needs.
And noone here seemed to think it was ok for a guy to be a man-whore or male slut either, but you ignored that also. Afterall, we women could never be insecure now could we?
I wouldn't want my guy to have had sex with a 100 odd women either. Doesn't make me insecure. Makes me a bit more discerning in what I want.
Obviously anyone who has those kinds of number, completely lacks any form of discerning behavior.
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| men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/7/2008 4:39:21 AM | | Who cares - as long as she loves you and is totaly commited to you and you only . She could have 200 and would not change anything . I know when i go home she is with me . that is thee most important thing . I was with one girl who said she was going home with another guy . made me feel 2 inches tall . to think all I was good for was "just " so she find another guy . I would not care if , she had 50 F buddies . | |
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| Bette Milder & her husbands response
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:36:21 AM | When someone's book exposed Bette Midlers true appetite for men, she went to her husband and asked how he felt about it (she was worried b/c they have a good marriage). I loved his answer "Good....let everyone know what a hot babe you are....and now you are mine". What a classy guy.
My philosophy comes from years of hearing men talk about cold women; the women we are talking about in this post, are usually very warm and like to be touched. The women who hold out for the right one, are not always as warm, touchy feely as the bette midler types. | |
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| 5 dates a year!
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:54:18 AM | "course in another post you have someone stating it's common to have sex on a first date...so you wonder how women end up with 5 guys a year?if the poor girl only has five dates a year...."
Very funny. well put. MAde me laugh. (if this were the real situation....)This poor girl (with the 5 dates) should do some serious searching to find out why she has only one date per guy.
This is why I tell people who ask me for advice.....keep the first date out of the bedroom. After all, its hard to be sure they are free of HIV in just one date. also remember the condoms have been known to break. | |
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that means she got no respect for her self
