| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:24:14 AM | Man, whatever happened to plain old marrying because you love someone? Many have said they would live together...well here in BC after six months of living together whats yours is mine baby! When did falling in love with someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them become all about money and looks? I was married for 21 years and have been divorced for almost ten. My ex and I are still good friends. Sometimes in life we are not given the "perfect" (who wants perfect anyhow) mate and yes some people gain weight and might develop habits we do not like but is that any reason to be so cynical? There are some great things about being single but if you have ever seen the movie SHALL WE DANCE...Susan Sarandan quotes what marriage is to her and I feel that is one of the best definitions of marriage. I will be 50 next year and when I find my soulmate I will be more than happy to marry him. As for my kids who are not fully grown yet, I raised them to be individuals and to be proud of their own accomplishments and to depend on their own abilities to see them through life.
Everyone has their own reasons for getting married or staying single and its nice to be able to express my own feelings on marriage. I wish every one of you a happy life no matter who or what you choose in life. Ms Behavin1959 | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:41:03 AM | I believe in marriage, but I doubt I would marry again.
I like the idea of marrying, but can't say why.
I think it would be nice to feel so strongly about someone that I WANTED to marry them, but I doubt that my logical side will ever again be so romatically overcome as to marry.
Does any of that make any sense? Probably not.
I'd like to believe at this point in life, that I can and will find one man to spend the last half of life with. And only one man. As I don't enjoy this dating bs now and really wouldn't if I was doing it again at 60 something.
I'd love to believe that men and women can commit and share life with each other as partner's, however I have never seen it actually done, or done well. So.....it makes me doubt the ability to do it. Especially given how badly we are messing up in the "dating" process.
I think it would be lovely to share life with one man. To know his breathing patterns, to hear his snore, to simply recognize the cadence of his life within my own.
I can have all that without being married, and would be entirely content with "living together" to accomplish that.
But deep inside me? There's still some old fashioned, morality, saying....live with one man for 30 years? or more? without being married???????!
Then the modern woman wonders - where in the world I would ever FIND a man I wanted to live with for a year, let alone 30 or more!
OMG! I'm an old fashioned, skeptical optimist, who wants to be married AND live in sin, with a bunch of different men.
LOL! Is that a commune?
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:08:18 AM |
That's kind of a silly comparison to the example he gave. I equate gaining 100 pounds to becoming an alcoholic or drug addict... none of which would be someone I would want to stay with. Maybe your level of commitment includes martyrdom?  Tom-A-to.........Tom-AH-to.....it's all ok. Two sides to every story. There are just some who can deal and some who can't, no sweat. Maybe I should have said false teeth. ~grins~Each to their own.
Man, whatever happened to plain old marrying because you love someone? Exactly.
Many have said they would live together...well here in BC after six months of living together whats yours is mine baby! As well here in some states. Had an aquaintance who got a wake up call on that by her ex "live in" of just 3 years. Court system there says, ....ya wanna "play" house then so be it, assests and all.
When did falling in love with someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them become all about money and looks? Which was my point. When did it become more about that.
Sometimes in life we are not given the "perfect" (who wants perfect anyhow) mate and yes some people gain weight and might develop habits we do not like but is that any reason to be so cynical? I've noticed over the years the cynicism on the subject.
Everyone has their own reasons for getting married or staying single and its nice to be able to express my own feelings on marriage. Yes they do and I especially like to see what people say their reasonings are. It's fascinating to me.
I wish every one of you a happy life no matter who or what you choose in life. Yep, and everyone to find that rainbow they are seeking. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:25:41 AM | | 21 years and an amiacle divorce doesn't lead to the kind of "cynicism" some others (including myself) acquired the hard way. I don't find it so much cynical as I do practical... and I'm a practical kinda gal. I'll do whatever I have to in order to protect what little I have left. If a man doesn't understand that, he ain't the man for me. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:28:47 AM | Common law marriage is no longer an issue the majority of US states... and is on the way OUT in others. FYI:
Common law marriage is recognized only in the following states:
Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:37:31 AM | I would definitely marry again...marriage is not something I have to have, however if I was with someone in which the actual legal "paper" was important I would have no problem doing the marriage thing again... The ceremony part of marriage, the actual admitting to God (if you believe), or a Higher Power...and in the company of your family and friends....that you want to spend the rest of your life, loving caring and cherishing the person in front of you..that piece of marriage......ya in a heart beat.....
If I met a man that was NOT into remarriage....I would be ok with that too...because ultimately it is about honesty, respect, and love...I don't think marriage changes how we feel, more it can enhance those feelings for some people.
To me the legal piece of marriage is not so important....but the emotional piece is...
I love weddings...what better "idea" or event to celebrate than the hope two people will find happiness and a path to enduring love....gawd gives me shivers...hehe..:)
Oh ya....I'm one of THOSE....I cry *snif* at wedding of people I don't even know!! hahaha..
If I was worried about what I was going to bequeath to my children I would make sure everything was laid out clearly in my will...that is what they are for aren't they? hehe..
And then of course there is always pre-nupts... | |
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Kra961
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:14:42 PM | | I wouldn't have a problem being married again frankly I don't really understand why so many have an issue with it in the first place since "marriage" isn't the problem your relationship with the person is. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:05:18 PM | | I was married for 25 years and have been single now for 8 years. Before I met my ex, I had no intention of getting married.. he changed my mind. So I guess I'd have to say based on my past, that if the right man for me came around and we wanted to be together and he really wanted to be married, I would marry him. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:34:55 PM | Interesting subject OP
I'm 31, divorced past 10 years, my son is nearing 14, so not quite grown yet. I already can not imagine marrying someone again save for falling insanely in love (insanely being the key word here). I could live nearby, or even together provided respect for personal space and alone time ranks high on both our value lists.
As for financial provisions, there are ironclad prenups, pre-marital property gifting, trusts, living wills and other simple measures to secure your child's assets. Just ask your family attorney.
Best of luck! | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:38:42 PM | Unlike a lot of people I was married just 4 years and have been divorced 28 years.
Would I marry again?
When I was younger I had all I could handle with child support and could not
support another family. Now that I am older I have become complacent and after
living alone 28 years it would be hard to live with another person. so no I
probably would not, but never say never! | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:13:00 PM | I somewhat agree with jimltec,, at this time I would say no.. 24 years on my own I am set in my ways. But I never expected to get divorced in the first place either. So I tend to think "que sera que sera". I bend in the wind and always am open to change.. so if I were to remarry , it would be with the woman that could really rock my world | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:31:00 PM | Yes! I believe I would marry again, but as far as living together, only with the intent of our relationship going into marriage. I too have become set in my ways, and maybe very difficult to put up with, as so may he. We need to know we can get through the little stuff of living together (picking up our laundry off the floor? or not?, leaving the toothpaste cap off? or not?, cooking? or not? types of food? our ways of doing things?) there are a whole lot of elements to consider, as well as traditions, is it important? is it not?, where do we compromise? or do we? etc..
For me I feel like I am a pretty flexible person, within my own reasoning, but gosh! you just never know? Marriage is a big commitment not to be entered into lightly. Divorces is extremely damanging on each of us, I hope never to experience that again, as well I do not want to live miserable either.
Marriage is a very good option, for the right two people, and I still believe loves happens at any age, as well as any point in our life. Just making sure you don;t marry the person you can live with, you need to marry the person you cannot live without!
That does not mean marry for money, or to be rescued either, it means you have found the right person for you that can enter into a partnership, with love and dedication, in other wards you have each others back! To each their own, my children are almost raised now, and the picture looks nicer than ever to consider a partnership for life, if I located the right person that is also at the right point in their life to consider. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:38:12 PM | | A few years ago I firmly avowed that I would never marry again; then in a period of temporary insanity eloped, married, and was divorced again in six months. I am really, really, really avowing not to marry again. That was my third marriage and third divorce; the first one was held together for the children for 17 years; the 2nd just shriveled to a halt after 22 years; and that third one was a big mistake. Enough already....so why am I on POF? Looking for a friend, companion, and lover who does not want to change her living arrangements any more than I want to change mine. I have my own house, income, car, etc. etc. Will that work out? Sigh...if it does not I am no worse off than where I am now. And maybe, just maybe, I can be a blessing to someone and she to me.... | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:45:03 PM | Renaissance Man: If you really believe two people can be in love and live together without marriage, then why can't they bring up children together without marriage?
I would hope that after marriage people would stop being boyfriend and girlfriend and become husband and wife. There is a huge difference. I feel that if you marry for the right reasons you don't have to "try" so much. You will do things that make each other happy out of the love you have for each other. Love shouldn't be a lot of work.
me_sweetpea: I certainly don't want anymore children at my age, but would love to be able to start a family by getting married.
As to the original question, yes I would love to get married again (really get married, not just a paper) if I could find someone that I truly loved and that truly loved me. Since I was 10 years old that is what I wanted. I would never just live with someone. I did it once, and will never do it again. It lasted for a year. I didn't like it at all. It made me feel like a little girl playing house.
I think being single just plain sucks. The only thing worse than being single is being married to someone that you don't love and doesn't love you. I just don't understand the need for space that some have. I don't understand liking the idea of having no one to answer to. To me having no one to answer to just means there is no one that cares enough about you to worry about what you are doing. I would gladly give up my so called freedom to find the true love of my life. Then the fear of losing stuff. What good is stuff if you have no one to share it with?
As to my children and grandchildren, what I would like to leave to them is the idea that how you treat others is more important than how much stuff you can build up. That the idea that find real love in your life is more imporant than anything. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:16:04 PM | Ok.. I have been divorced for 12 years. I myself prefer to look to the future and only learn from the past. We are all unique and it is not fair to say that someone with blue eyes as your ex had will be like your ex. Yes I would marry again if I find the right one who is willing to walk through life together hand in hand. As to what to leave your children.. leave it to the kids before you marry and start fresh with your new fiance/spouse. Then what you obtain both monitarily and otherwise could be split with all of "our" kids. Either that or leave all you have to the grandkids the two of you have. I believe in working together and trusting the one you have made vows with to do what they have said they would do. Love, honor, cherish until death do you part. I only hope that marriage does not become a thing of the past. Living together is just an easy way to exit if you get upset. Marriage makes you work at your problems more because it's not so easy to exit. If you think it isn't going to last to start with and that is the reason you don't marry then you shouldn't even begin the relationship. I'd have to say that relationship is lust rather than love. Just my opinion on the entirity of the subject.  | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:20:28 PM | Hi fishin08,
Most posters say they would not marry again. Their reasons make sense to me. Getting married is taking a big risk, and divorce can be costly in so many ways. Still, I hope to find a relationship that is worth taking that risk for. I hope the same for you. I hope that for all of us here even if we all choose to stay single.
Good fishing.
Sincerely,
Timothy | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:29:46 PM | | Sure, why not? Actually my kids are ALMOST grown at 17 and 19, and even though one is in college part-time, he still lives at home, and the other is a senior in high school. If I find the right person I would love to marry again, but I would want a really compatible person this time, and I must admit the urgency is not there as it might be for a younger, childless woman. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:18:04 PM | WOW...Kra..u hit it right on! I guess that is what I was trying to say...I for one believe in marriage and in love...its ok to argue the matter but hey, I am old fashioned with beliefs and that is just me..I won;t change..to each their own..all I am saying is have faith and keep your options open for you never know what life has in store for you...god bless...Ms Behavin | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:34:04 PM | yes.
I would have to think long and hard about taking on someone's kids who still live at home though.
living together: I never did that. I would consider it but seems like the key is always in the ignition and the engine is running, ya know? and separating things if it doesn't pan out , crips that sounds brutal. | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:13:47 AM | Absolutely.My first marraige ended in the early 70's fresh back from Vietnam,was a big mistake.I met who I thought was the love of my life in 77 and recently divorced her.As far as getting married again ,let me reiterate,ABSOLUTELY, if the right woman came along.I actually miss the cuddling ,hand holding,kisses in and out of public view.Plus, the companionship it would bring.As far as assets there is the prenuptial agreement | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:07:03 PM | [/If I was worried about what I was going to bequeath to my children I would make sure everything was laid out clearly in my will...that is what they are for aren't they? hehe..]
justme2you,
You cannot will from the grave (so to speak). My mother left everything to my stepdad, who had no children of his own, w/ the stipulation in her will that everything would go to her children after he passed away. Well, 4 mo after she died, he remarried, moved to another state, and had the will changed. He did not need our permission to do so.
My mother came into that marriage owning 2 homes, and although he had his own assets, his new wife now owns it all.
I will make sure that doesn't happen to my daughters b/c when I die, everything I have will go right to them.
The man I would wind up spending my life with wouldn't need my assets b/c he'd have his own - and would want to leave them to his children.
In my original post, I do not say I wouldn't want to find love again, just probably wouldn't marry him. (and yes, never is a strong word, so I won't use that). | |
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| People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:16:14 PM | bcfnc57--
great post. i am totally and entirely in agreement with you. too much emphasis on material things and my space :meaning, i think, me. and me is the underlining focus of people today. two people who are in sinc with one another don't have to try so hard to make a relationship/marriage work. some effort is required and that should not be a real problem--but then many people today don't like the concept of putting forth effort.
personally, i think being single sucks as does dating. all the things that many posters whine about losing in a marriage, my spouse and i had in ours. we were free to be ourselves and there was no loss of identity for either of us. was it perfect? no, we were both human and we worked out the problems. unfortunately my wife died. would i marry again? to the right person without a second thought. | |
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