| Starting over
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:58:21 AM | | In my mind, the willingness of an online beau to shop you around to his real-life friends and family - and the impressions you get of his social connections from those meetings - tell you an immense amount about how real he is being. Probably more valuable all in all than the vaunted background check. You observe how he treats others and how they treat him. Is he respected at the restaurant he takes you to? Does he introduce you properly when you run into a co-worker of his? These are great ways to know what he is made of and what his intentions are for you. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:20:39 PM | "^^^ I am not referencing you directly sorry if you felt I did, but starting over is difficult for some nothing to do with self confidence either."
My posts had nothing to do with what you were saying so I am a little confused why you would like it did, but no worries.
Starting over usually means people have just gone though a break up which can be for some hard on the self confidence. Unfortunately, some people look to replace the relationship before they themselves are ready to do so. That can be a huge issue. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:38:01 PM | | OP: always ALWAYS listen to that little voice in your head. IT never lies to you, even when you aren't sure why its screaming 'run, run NOW, and dont look back ever'....just listen and DO IT ! We all have that little voice, even those who say they dont...do. Some call it the gut reaction, but whatever you name it it is there to protect YOU. I think its our subconscious telling us what our hearts don't always want to hear. If you are lonely and seeking a partner you tend to look over the obvious and eventually you know it was a huge mistake. That little voice however, knew it was THERE and tried to warn you...think about your past relationships and you'll see that you (at some point after it ended) eventually say " I KNEW there was something wrong about xyz that he/she did or said but wasnt exactly sure what IT was and let it slide". To me, its honesty and trust. I trust my little voice a whole lot now. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:14:01 AM | some things have changed little. anyone on pof has had some sort of failed relationship that lead them to internet dating or else they have had none at all. either way there is baggage. some easy signs that you hooked a scum sucking bottom dweller (or at least a person not ready for commitment) is how they talk about past relationships (are they still angry and blaming or moping?) how do they treat their kids if they have any (both are a clue) check out forum posts in the pond (this can show you a lot of where someones head is, if they never post that might tell you something as well) also be aware of what you put on your profile. predators smell blood , in the pond that is they can tell when someone is vulnerable because they are lonely. they zero in on that every time. being alone is not being lonely i know but reread your profile and make sure you are putting forth your best foot. if you have e friends ask them to give you some honest feedback on that as well. those are good starting poings. if you still hook on the not so rare bottom dwelling scum sucker (or the mope fish) just cut the line and move on. another thing you migh consider is looking at profiles and making first contact yourself. that way you have some control. you can easily get tight control by hiding your profile then only the people you want to contact you, those you contact first, can do so. just some thoughts from an old fisherman | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:17:35 AM | The best advise I give my adult children is that life is simple.......beings make it complicated. We're really not "starting over" as that would indicate a "repeat performance".....We're actually "starting fresh".....and I believe that's how we have to view it.....wipe the canvas clean....fresh water.....new brush....perhaps more vibrant colours....
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:01:59 AM | Op doesn't matter if your Male or Female. As in the cyber world of Pof or in the real world go about meeting someone the way you would in the real world. Get to know them for a period of time before advancing into exchanging phone numbers and meeting in person.
Yes there are Con's men & Women out there and everyone must be concerned about there own personal security. That is why time and listening to what the other person has to say is the key. See if there story remains the same or changes. Just by doing this you can save yourself that $ 25.00 background check. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:57:37 AM | | Welcome to online "dating". These sites have the best of the worst. The only way you can do it right is learn to spot the "bad" guys. You have to be very selective and aks the right questions. You can usually tell by what they email, the way it is worded, clues to their life, how and where they live. I ask lots of questions. If you ask the wrong ones, the guy will get pissed off and give up. There are millions of clues but you have to be open to deciphering them and if you are desperate or innocently blind then you are going to be a victim. I have met every kind of guy there can be on this site, sexual perverts, had nude photos of penises sent to me, phone calls where sex was every other word in the conversation, control freaks, angry guys, and rehabilitated alcoholics, and married guys, guys who just wanted to sell me something, and almost every other kind of guy EXCEPT a really nice, well rounded, good guy who is sincere, and really wanting a great relationship. I have given up and do not think they exist any longer. They have gone the way of the DODO bird. My Ex looks better every day compared to what I have found available. I am sure there are some great men on this site but evidently, I am not what they are looking for. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:23:59 AM | Over time I've gotten much better at recognizing warning signs. Pay attention. Trust your instincts. Use caution - i.e. only meet people in public places. Keep first meetings to no more than an hour.
It gets easier. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:11:30 AM | | well i would chat with them for a while, before meeting, need to cover all topics. This way you may know if you can relate to one another. But need to always meet in a public place the first couple of times never alone, be safe. But watch their eyes while your together are the scoping the room or are they interested in what your saying. If they are checking out all the women that are around prett much say they are a player. Also remeber some of your chats and bring them back up see if you get the same story. A liar will say something different, because they cant remember what they told you. Just be careful and if you dont get the feeling deep inside that you could click then , just say next. | |
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| Starting over
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:43:45 PM | | Go with your gut. We all as women have that intuition, go with it. I am starting over too and boy have I met some creeps, con men and just all around nuts. I am a good person so I keep looking because I feel that there have to be other good people out there like myself. | |
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