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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:59:45 PM | Well said not laura
I am sorry to hear you suffer so
but impressed with your self honesty
I appreicated your input
and I hope and pray for complete healing for you in time
you are not a cliche
you are wounded human who deserves love and kindness and compassion
God bless you
hugssssssssss
sweetie | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:17:23 AM | Oh yes took me forever to figure out what was wrong. He was classic BPD and for some time i tried to be his friend and "help him" and was told so many time there was no medication for that diagnosis but they had to specifically take care of themselves or therapy and meds wouldn't work anyway. He, of course, did not do antyhing to help himself. I took it upon myself to look this up. There is a few great books out thee and my favoritve by far is "Stop walking on eggshells. How to love (or might be live with) someone who has BPD" The book scared me a lot due to the perfect examples they showed me of this man's life and personality. Nothing he could say was the truth and through a new friend ( she was also his "victim" in a relationship) we found many people whom he was sleeping with , lying to and manipulating. We have banded together and seek out others and call our selves the " i survived ____(insert his name here) club"
Good luck to anyone who thinks they can help or make their lives ok with somone who truly has a severe case of BPD.
My life is 100% better now that he's finally gone from me. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:10:28 AM | I quess you live and learn, BPD did and still does play a living part in my life! I dated and married a lady with it and it was for years I thought that there was somthing wrong with me!
The reason I say it still does- is that we are divorced ( 10 years ago) after 12 years of marriage! The on going influnces is that we had children and we have to be cordial to each other when we cross paths for the childrens sake. Some times quick and sightless pickup visits for( for the boys) the sake of useless arguements she starts.?
I didn't even know what it was till I read a book ,that I highly recommend "Walking On Egg Shells"By Paul Mason. It literally saved my life after many years of her outrages and mental and verbal abuse at me .
The most crippling thing about my life is trying to keep a balance with my teenage "Boys "who are young men and not old enough for the explanations of BPD.
I regret the fact this disorder is fairly new to the phycolocial world. Many studies are needed to help manage it and help the innocent victims maintain their sanity. Add this book to your reading list its great! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:33:56 AM | i'm not dealing with bpd, but i am dealing with a partner with ptsd. not to mention my own anxiety disorder... the thing that works for us is a) we both know we have disorders and understand our disorders and b) we can tell each other when our disorders are getting out of hand. in my experience, if the afflicted person neither knows nor is willing to accept that they have a disorder, then there is nothing you can do to help that person nor your relationship. and unless you're willing to take the abuse and heartache that goes along with a person unwilling to help themselves within their disorder, all you can do is leave the relationship. unfortunately.
if your partner does know about his/her disorder, then learn as much about it as you can. the internet is an invaluable resource for information on university and psychology sites. there are also online support groups in the form of blogs and chat rooms dedicated to specific disorders. and most importantly, talk to your partner and ask THEM how you can best approach them when you see a problem arising. sometimes, the person afflicted is your best resource in dealing with the matter. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/31/2008 4:44:45 PM | let me clarify ugh first of all I should never post when Im really tired
Im al ready bad enougth lately and lazy in my typing as you can all see lol ugh sorry
but I did notttttttttt date woman, I meant to say
I know woman who date woman very well and i know both sidessssssssss not side..
ugh
oh man am I gonna get emails now from lesbians or from men who like lesbians lol
I hope not
So I am here to clarify that
ty | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:34:02 PM | Hurtinsong heres one for you. I was set up on a blind date by an old friend in that deals with psychological problems in the school systems[masters degrees etc.] This high function borderline even fooled her after 9 years of friendship. This gal was crazy about me right after the 1st meeting , even to apolagizing to the rest of the people there about how much attention she was giving me. As i lived 600 miles away and on one of my frequent trips there i said we should get together when i get back in 2 months. Fine she said she was getting out of a bad scene[1st clue] and that would be great. In the meantime she was asking all kinds of info about me from this friend of mine. She does nails for a living so the girls always got together every 2 weeks or so. I let her know thru my friend that i was interested and would be back shortly for a visit. Show up and she instantly had to spend all her free time with me, it was like i was the man she had been looking for all her life. We did everythihg but fall into bed together and when i had to leave it was like the world ended for her. So what about a plane ticket to come and visit me and see what im all about in the new house i built for myself? She shows up couldnt be happier met all my good friends, had to wash the sheets everyday, felt right at home and the mental part of all this was over the top! I really had to pinch myselve if it was all for real.. she assured me completely that is was! Take her to her flight back and she presses a note into my hand basically saying she will follow me anywhere thru thick and thin complete with the tears . Flash forward we are burning up the long distance lines and really starting to get into a huge soul mate connection, so after 3 weeks of this i tell her im coming down to stay with her for a week or so. Great stuff she says and phones everynite with that sweet young voice counting down how many more sleeps till i get there . So i show up and shes dragging me all over to show me off to all her friends etc. Couldnt be happier... then it starts to happen next thing she gets into is tyrades about me and starts with the personal attacks about she is not good enough for me how i should look for someone else and shes not good enough in bed and that i can cook betterthan she can etc. etc. etc. None of this was warranted at all im the most easy going understanding guy out there. Next day it was it never happened but this continued day after day, the oxycontin and a few other goodies with a few too many wine coolers was not helping[2nd clue]. The nite before i left i put on a superb toes pointing to the ceiling performance where im certain she saw god that nite but in the morning it was all she could do to rush me out the door as nice as she could.Flash forward once i get home the phone starts ringing at 1 or 2 in the morning sometimes nice sometimes not [these are only the late calls] every other time she is back to her own sweet self. She would like to move here with me and lets everybody know that at age 50 she has finally has found her dream guy. She wants to come and stay for xmas so i book her some tickets great she says and then it starts big time. I send her a dozen roses and she literally throws them in the persons face, then the florist phones me long distance to tell me she called them and would not even repeat the langauge that she used on them about the delivery of these. Then the late nite abuse started, accusing me of everthing that way way out of line, theh hanging up and calling back crying and tell me how much she loves me and plse dont be mad and dont leave me. Of course by now im starting to doubt my own sanity, then followed by no contact for days. I call the airline and find out she has cancellad the tickets 2 days before she is to leave good thing or i would have been staring at a empty baggage carousel. Not even the courtesy of a call and mine go unanswered not to mention all the excuses i had to make here to all the people that were expecting her. To top it of all her family lives close by so we were going to visit them as well as she told them[3rd clue] Her family i found out 4 sisters want nothing to do with her. Flash forward again she apolagizes like hell with a great bunch of excuses about xmas[shes good] and wants me to come out for my birthday Jan 14 so shes all nice knows what time im coming in will pick me up and we will pick it up where we left it. You guessed it she was a no show so i had to phone the people that set me up in the 1st place just to get a place to stay. Now thats not a big deal because i was the best man at their wedding and she certainly felt bad about the whole thing Then she calls that nite and said she fell asleep after a massage and invites me over to the legion where she hangs out. Well i was there before and made a lot of friends with her introductions before but all of a sudden these people are treating me like a have the plague! Needless to say i figure i have had enough abuse by now and politely and loudly told her to get f***ed. Im still trying to figure out what to do with this stack of perfumed love letters and cards all sealed with red lipstick. Perhaps ishould burn them in effigy along with the bunch of pictures she sent me?Because she did tell me that she could be very evil if she wanted and a lot of people thogt of her as a black sheep. Go figure... any suggestions anyone? Or should i use one of her pictures as a BPD poster girl of the year? Let the forum speak!!!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:26:26 PM | Wow can I ever relate to this thread!
I was involved in a 3 1/2 yr relationship with a man who was not only diagnosed with BP, but also a string of other diagnoses. BPD was the prominent one though.
It was, as many have shared, a true roller-coaster ride. The lies, manipulations, emotional/verbal abuse, guilt-trips, anger, rage... it was a living nightmare. Yet also, it was like living a fairy tale at other times with the outpouring of affection, the attention, the thoughtfulness and consideration, the passion. Sadly though, the 'bad' far outweighs the 'good'. I, like too many others, believed for too long that it really WAS 'my fault' every time things spiralled downwards. I also believed, with all my foolish heart at the time, that if only I did enough, cared enough, helped enough, loved enough, it would all be okay...
My ex took his meds, but messed with the dosages. He took various herbals and messed around with diet and nutrition, all of which altered the effectiveness of the medication. He refused to let me see his psych. dr. because he had been living a lie - the dr has no idea what this man is truly about. I wanted to get help for myself in dealing with the manic and depressive episodes; but he refused it. I read, I researched, I educated myself in order to be a 'better partner'... but it wasn't 'enough'. Instead, he belittled my efforts quite often for joining message boards, support groups online, and reading anything I could get my hands on. All the understanding and knowledge in the world is not enough if your partner is in denial in the slightest way. Denying it has an impact on the relationship is a HUGE problem!
If you're in a BP relationship, there is nothing you can do if your partner is not willing to seek the help required, and/or to allow you seek help or participate in his treatment.
I haven't read all of the postings on this topic, I apologize if this is something being repeated, but I found a tremendous amount of useful information and amazingly supportive people at bipolarworld . net Truly an amazing group of people - BP sufferers and their supporters, offering help, advice, and support for anyone involved to any degree. The support message boards for families and loved ones was the best.
To those who have posted in defence of BP sufferers, please do not generalize us all into the same category of non-compassionate, lacking empathy, never-at-fault blame layers. I can only speak for myself, but I am certain there are countless others who feel the same way. When I learned the difference between when I truly had erred, and when it was a BP episode, I then was able to accept responsibility for my own errors. I never once believed I was completely blameless, even now after-the-fact. In fact, the opposite is true: most significant others believe whole-heartedly the messages they're given that they are solely at fault... for a long, long time. As far as not showing compassion - I have to say in defense of myself and any others who love or have loved someone with BP, it is not a lack of compassion that drives us to leave the relationship. It is a realization that I am ('we' are) worthy of something more; am/are not deserving of the mental, emotional, and verbal abuse that is slung our way every 6-8 weeks; have tried to make it work by any and all means possible, but there comes a time when you realize that loving someone does not 'cure all'. Sometimes you do have to put yourself first, and in order to maintain one's own sanity and sense of self, it becomes clear that getting out is the ONLY option.
After 2 1/2 years with him, it became clear. It then took a year to prepare to leave - the manipulations, threats (both outwardly spoken and underlying), and controlling nature of the 'beast' had to all be dealt with and planned for ahead of time. It was NOT easy, but it WAS worth it! It's been a year and a half since getting out of that relationship - and still, every 6 - 8 weeks, he attempts to contact me, believing we will be reunited. I don't reply, I don't respond. As for me? A year and a half later, I'm doing great! No more stress!! I'm happy, optimistic about what life has in store for me, and am feeling pretty darned good :)
So... my final thoughts to share to anyone considering a relationship with a BP sufferer? If he/she is diligent with his/her medication and appointments, if he/she is able to discuss openly (when in the correct frame of mind, of course) how the illness impacts upon your relationship and upon you personally, and if he/she is open to sharing some counselling sessions with you, then by all means go for it. The positive aspects of the person I loved were astounding! Passionate, generous, thoughtful, considerate... those are wonderful qualities that can be shared and enjoyed if the illness is properly treated. However, if there is any denial about the impact this illness has upon your love interest's life and upon yours, then run... run and don't look back. YOU are worth more than what an improperly treated, or untreated, BP sufferer can offer...
Just my thoughts... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:44:35 PM | YES!
Except she was supposed to be "cured."
If I had a second chance at it, with the better understanding of relationships that I have now, it might have worked out better. I catered to her weaknesses and moods and became an enabler.
If I were to do it again I would tell her I was going to hold her to the same standard of behaviour that I would anyone else. If she was fine with that, then great. My forgiveness and patience would know no bounds. But if she hid behind it like an excuse then forget it. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:41:42 AM | Probably, but didn't think of it that way at the time. If I did I probley just wrote the guy off as a jerk after a while and was done with it.
HOWEVER... I have a family member who has some sort of personality disorder and is higher functioning in the eyes of people who don't know that person well. I beleive it may be BPD. I gave up on the family member when I was 11. I figured out it wasn't me & although that probley saved me some sanity it didn't really make things much easier. Although it was hell I was lucky to have a solid sense of self that couldn't be taken away from me. Self image stuff- yes, I had to deal with that. Unrealistic social stuff- yes. Self pride or sense of self- no. I guess a lot of children who have to deal with that have problems with regaining a sense of self. I have friends who are also not BPD but who have family members who fit the description and a lot of them have a very hard time with their own sense of self. Sense of certainty is something that's brought up... I'd imagine people in relationships have to recover some of that as well.
And I have at least one good friend who probably has it. One friend who has some kind of diagnosis, probley I think BPD, isn't easy at all. I do care very much for her but have learned that it's best much of the time to do so at some emotional distance. And she is a person who trys very very hard to control it in herself. Unbeleiveably hard. If she didn't she would not be my friend. And even so there are times when I have to leave or tell her to leave. It's a very positive friendship for me because I can see some of the patterns I had to deal with as a child and it clarifies things. And it's probably good for her because I don't buy into her world when she goes there. But it's NOT easy. Dating? Heck you might not even know the person had it, but a relationship? No thanks.
I think if people find themselves dating people who might be BPD (or any other PD) over and over again... If you grew up with people who fit that description that might be more of an indicater than anything you're DOING on your part. It might just be that that is familiar to you. I can't say I've had relationships with people just like my family member- I stay away, but I HAVE regretably had some relationships with extremely selfish people which is close.
OXDROVER I have to say one of your "red flags" might not be so much of a red flag. I suppose it's sometimes more of HOW something is done rather than what is done. I have made many many immediate good friends in my life and have experienced mutual falling in love at first sight twice and neither I nor those people have BPD or ASPD. And the friendships and relationships were generally good ones. But... I have also had people try to become my friend immediately and had bad feelings about it and shyed away... There is usually something "grasp"-y or obsessive there. And yes, as soon as you shy away they become angry whether they conciously show it or not. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:38:28 PM | Please keep in mind that all of the experiences of those that have responded to your question are just that; varied experiences of other people. ( i know that is exactly what you asked for)
I thought I would mention that counseling is a good coping method option. Learning from reputable websites and books is another idea.
Borderline Personality Disorder is basically an emotion regulation issue. It doesn't mean that you can't get to know the person you are dating, and it doesn't mean that they have multiple personalities.
All the emotions that the average person would feel in any given situation will be felt by the borderline as well, only 10x stronger. This can also vary if the borderline suffers other mental illness, which is usually the case.
The borderline is a person though, and a unique person too! It will take a certain kind of person to mesh well with someone on such an emotional roller coaster.
Imagine what it feels like to be "triggered" into a fit of rage when someone inadvertently hurts your irrational feelings. It's really more sad than funny.
The way it turns out just depends on what you put in.
In my situation, had I been more knowledgeable about the illness while in the relationship, it may have ended nicer. Instead there are hurt feelings, unanswered questions, regrets and empty promises.
Good Luck to you.
Thanks for reading my two cents :) | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:02:08 AM | | I agree with you alwaysgot2beme - in fact, the DSM newest edition might be changing the name to "Emotional Dysregulation Disorder", largely because of the damaging stigma often attached. They did the same thing with Multiple Personality Disorder - now known as 'Dissociative Identity Disorder.' I have worked with individuals suffering from EDD - wouldn't wish it upon anyone - however, some can and do cope very well. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 4/21/2008 10:56:00 AM | No, but have had to deal with the long term mental illnesses of my former mother-in-law, daughter, ex-husband, etc., etc.
LIFE IS A LIVING HELL WITH THESE PEOPLE...YOU CAN LOVE THEM, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH....
D-E--T-A-C-H | |
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| Please, Listen To Me.
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:38:16 PM | My story is very similar to some of the peoples on here.
THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
I split up with my Borderline girlfriend just 2 months ago. I am now on diazepam, having counselling and i am questioning my whole life and even sanity over what i have been through.
Basically, the story goes like this. I met a gorgeous, fun, exciting girl one night. We met again and.... it was amazing. She was sexual, passionate,,, just a truly exhilerating girl to be with. It started off as fun but..... i began to fall head over heals with her. I fell in love, and, love for the first time. Oh No. She wasnt like the other girls.
I realised she had some major problems but i was so blinded by my love that i couldnt leave her. I thought i needed her more than she needed me actually - i loved her.
She actually fell for me, she loved me, told me a million times. Life was amazing when me and her were alone. But unfortunately, she was an alcholic scitzophrenic. Her personality changed every time she drank, she became............ evil. Once she saw the devil and spoke to me in devil language at night. I was quite scared, thought i was going mad and imagining it, but i wasnt.
I actually dated four girls in her,,, the sweet little girl i fell for, the high manic exciting girl, the suicidal 'LEAVE ME IN USELESS' girl and worst of all,,,, the evil evil cruel hateful girl who would humiliate me in clubs, mentally cheat on me, manipulate me, betray me and... yes,,, make me cry.
The relationship was toxic, i just couldnt walk away because, like the other suckers here i was in love, believed i could help her... and my self esteem was too low to walk away and be alone.
She had the characteristics of self harm, black and white thinking, anorexia, panic attacks, substance abuse, alchoholism, binge eating.... paranoya... the list goes on.
But i did love her. When she was nice, she was the most amazing girl in the world,,, when she was bad.................. she destroyed my soul and even made me out to be the villain. I became depressed so much i had to leave work. I lived her life, i still do.
One weekend, she told me she loved me and imagined herself marrying me on the top of Scafell Pike. She said we were soul mates. Things were amazing. The next week, she dumped me claiming she needed to be alone to help herself. Just two days later however, she started a relationship with someone else and rubbed my nose all over it.
It ruined me, she took my heart out of my chest and set it on fire. Deliberately with NO REMORSE AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was there for her through thick and thin, told me she needed me,,, then dropped me because she had got what she wanted from me... a new life in my city. I was used, abused and left to die in the gutter.
When i reacted to her abominations with heartbreak and told her what a state i was in, i was made out to be emotionally unstable and crazy - she takes no blame for what happened, feels no shame or guilt. That girl absolutely hates my guts now................ its the sadest thing, i repeat, the sadest thing to ever see happen. The girl you give one hundred percent of your love to.... throw it back in ur face.
We tried to be friends but i was too messed up to talk to her. Every time i got upset or angry about her cruelly hurting me, she had a panic attack. I got calls of her dad accusing me of TIPPING HER OVER THE EDGE! Unbeleivable.
My sister once saw her in a pub in town and attacked her because of what she had done to me. She stood there laughing in her face. EVIL, I REPEAT EVIL.
The life of a borderline,,, a human tragedy before my very eyes. She made me crazy.... i'm trying so so hard to move on but i am so damaged. I saw the girl i love go insane before my very eyes turning me even more insane in the process.
She was so evil, she haunts me at night, keeps me awake.
I wish her well still, i wish she was normal. I cannot save her, nobody can.
my first love. She showed me what it is to live, love,,, and die. I have no hate. My love for her will always outweigh the unbelievable venom she holds for me.
I pray to God us victims will one day be strong.
P.s, in terms of what you should o if you ever meet one?
RUN RUN RUN!!! RUN AWAY, AS FAST AS YOU CAN, DON'T EVER LOOK BACK, DON'T EVER GO BACK! YOU HAVE TO GET AWAY BEFORE THEY EVILLY SUCK YOU IN AND RUIN YOUR HEALTH, LIFE AND FAITH. RUN FOREST RUN! NOBODY DESERVES TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BORDERLINE PERSON,.,........ THEY, LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD, WHERE SADISM RULES.
PLEASE, RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. This is me on diazepam, imagine what im like normally. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:41:13 PM | | I resided for a few years with someone who was bipolar, had ADHD, and had depression. He refused to help himself nor take his medications. Hell on earth and NEVER AGAIN! I had no idea what he was like until we started living together and my nightmare began, over time his negative behaviours became apparent. Biopolars are great actors and great at hiding their negatives. He cheated, gambled, lied, abused me mentally and physically, disappeared, drank heavily, and threatened to kill me if I left him. One day I decided I had enough. Can't help someone who won't help himself and I realized it's his problem not mine. Called the police one night after being abused and fled. He was arrested charged and convicted of domestic abuse and uttering death threats and served. Then I learned he had been charged and convicted of armed robbery as a teen and served 5 years. I would never again date anyone with any of such ailments. Biopolars are liars, cheaters, manipulative, and will try and destroy a non. Biopolars only care about themselves and will attempt to destroy anyone and anything in their path to get what they want. They are great at using people and blaming others for their own problems, which they inflict upon themselves. 2 years later I've got my life back postively and I'm stronger than ever. Would I change anything? No! Because of that hell I endured, I know what I want from life and love. I have a strong sense of identy and love who I am as a person and as a woman. I've made peace with my past postively and I focus on what matters my present and future, my health, family, friends, and my job. I had a choice I could bury my head in the sand and let him win or take control and get my life back, which I have done succesfully. I was lucky. I escaped the abuse. Some women aren't so lucky and loose their lives at the hands of abusive men. I count my blessings every day and thank God and my family and good friends for watching my back. I have never spoken to him since the day of his arrest and never will again. He's the past and there's no turning back and no looking back. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:29:03 PM | glad you let go of the past blue eyes.........
borderline and bipolar are two totally different disorders....borderline is classified as a "personality" disorder....and bipolar is classified as a "mood" disorder....although what you describe seems to describe borderline more than it does bipolar..
mental health diagnosis is not an exact science...some clinicians have a particular bent towards a diagnosis and its evident in the number of people they diagnose with a certain disorder. | |
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jaemey
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 243 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:11:39 PM |
Biopolars are liars, cheaters, manipulative, and will try and destroy a non. Biopolars only care about themselves and will attempt to destroy anyone and anything in their path to get what they want. They are great at using people and blaming others for their own problems, which they inflict upon themselves
This is a terrible generalization.... Not all people that have bipolar are like this. Lots are on medication and functioning "normally", and there are also lots that have not sought out proper treatment. Also these characteristics that you describe are not normally associated with bipolar disorder.
On a more positive note.....
I'm glad you took your life back and wish you all the best.
Back to thread topic.... I have not dated someone with BPD.... would I?.... All depends on the person I think. How are they coping and what steps are they taking to work on themselves...... | |
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| Please, Listen To Me.
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:56:57 PM |
HE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
I actually dated four girls in her,,, the sweet little girl i fell for, the high manic exciting girl, the suicidal 'LEAVE ME IN USELESS' girl and worst of all,,,, the evil evil cruel hateful girl who would humiliate me in clubs, mentally cheat on me, manipulate me, betray me and... yes,,, make me cry.
The relationship was toxic, i just couldnt walk away because, like the other suckers here i was in love, believed i could help her
She had the characteristics of self harm, black and white thinking, anorexia, panic attacks, substance abuse, alchoholism, binge eating.... paranoya... the list goes on.
But i did love her. When she was nice, she was the most amazing girl in the world,,, when she was bad.................. she destroyed my soul and even made me out to be the villain. I became depressed so much i had to leave work. I lived her life, i still do.
One weekend, she told me she loved me and imagined herself marrying me on the top of Scafell Pike. She said we were soul mates. Things were amazing. The next week, she dumped me claiming she needed to be alone to help herself. Just two days later however, she started a relationship with someone else and rubbed my nose all over it.
It ruined me, she took my heart out of my chest and set it on fire. Deliberately with NO REMORSE AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was there for her through thick and thin, told me she needed me,,, then dropped me because she had got what she wanted from me... a new life in my city. I was used, abused and left to die in the gutter.
When i reacted to her abominations with heartbreak and told her what a state i was in, i was made out to be emotionally unstable and crazy - she takes no blame for what happened, feels no shame or guilt. That girl absolutely hates my guts now................ its the sadest thing, i repeat, the sadest thing to ever see happen. The girl you give one hundred percent of your love to.... throw it back in ur face.
The life of a borderline,,, a human tragedy before my very eyes. She made me crazy.... i'm trying so so hard to move on but i am so damaged. I saw the girl i love go insane before my very eyes
She was so evil, she haunts me at night, keeps me awake.
I wish her well still, i wish she was normal. I cannot save her, nobody can.
RUN RUN RUN!!! RUN AWAY, AS FAST AS YOU CAN, DON'T EVER LOOK BACK, DON'T EVER GO BACK! YOU HAVE TO GET AWAY BEFORE THEY EVILLY SUCK YOU IN AND RUIN YOUR HEALTH, LIFE AND FAITH. RUN FOREST RUN! NOBODY DESERVES TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BORDERLINE PERSON,.,........ THEY, LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD, WHERE SADISM RULES.
Now imagine marrying this girl. It's hell. BPD people will accuse everyone of ruining their lives, while pretending to be the nicest, sweetest person, while making your life hell. And they have no problem with it.
And they can put on a hell of a show when they have to. They "act normal" for the courts, their friends, family, etc, and make your life a living hell behind closed doors or around strangers.
My ex did not put me into the shrink like the guy I quoted, but there were a few times in dealing with her I was questioning my own sanity. But when my mom or her mom was around, she became the nicest, sweetest person.
Her official diagnosis was "severe manic depression with schizophrenic tendencies" but more than one of her docs thought she was BPD or somewhere between that and skitzo. Having read/learned more about it in an attempt to help her before we divorced, I lean towards BPD as it explains a lot of the stuff she did. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:28:06 AM | | I have great sympathy for people with this disorder but if you are considering dating this person.........RUN!!!!! like the devil is two feet behind you....and don't look over your shoulder because it will only give he/she incentive to run after you faster! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:46:29 PM | I'm so depressed after what ive been through with a Borderline.
Whats made it worse is that it was my first love, i suffer from depression myself and, i now have to live with being HATED for things that someone else did.
After the relationship broke down and ended badly between us, mainly because she mugged my heart and made me an emotional wreck while she just forgot about me straight away.... i actually tracked her down in an ATTEMPT to make peace and stop the AWFUL THOUGHTS about her haunting my mind.
I walked into her pub,, was so so so so nice............ told her i was so sorry for the way things worked out and she would always hold a special place in my heart. What happened?? SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY VILE!!!! TOLD ME TO F OFF out of her life forever and that I'M THE PSYCHO!! She couldnt even say goodbye after all i had done for her.... instead, she projected all of the bad things inside her onto me.
I forgive this girl for all the bad things she did to me in the realtionship because she is, genuinely MAD. But.... how am i honestly meant to MOVE ON without a peaceful ending. ALL I WANTED was to make peace, to make sure she was ok and DIDNT HATE ME. All i wanted to do was say goodbye to the girl i once loved without any bad blood..... and she couldnt, just wouldnt give it to me.
She loved having the power over me, she loved making me feel guilty for her abominable behaviour... she loved making me feel depressed because it makes her feel better.
The only way that borderlines can survive is by SHIFTING ALL responsibility onto other people. They take what they need, screw u up and MOVE ON without remmorse. They won't ever give u a second thought.
They are incapable of LOVING because they have NO HEART!!!!!
I'm scared the ghosts that haunt me will never ever fade. I pray they will in time. I still see her evil face every time i close my eyes,,, i still hear her NASTY cumbrian accent echoing in my brain.
FOR GOD SAKE,,, I LOVED A GIRL,,,,,,,, HOW COULD IT ALL GO SO SO SO WRONG.
My relationship with her was a truly amazing story,,, with the saddest of endings.
I should right a flipping book. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:09:46 PM | | My sister has it and I cannot be around her. It was like that movie "Single White Female." Being around her freaks me out and scares me. I have to love her from afar. A person with this disorder needs therapy and maybe medication. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:01:22 PM | This I know all to well of late. A woman who initially contacted me through POF and latter I discovered is a customer of the retail store I manage, started talking, went out for dinner, we had a great time and shared a lot in common, so I asked if I could see her again. We made plans for the weekend, that went great as well, so we decided to see each other again; however, at this point her visits to my store increased greatly (more than her reoccurring payments required), which I really had no problems with until I began to notice drastic ups and downs in her moods, absolute changes in her personality and her personal problems with her family (which is another long and really strange story itself). Unfortunately, I decided to look past the small red flags and give it a go, I am a firm believer no one is perfect and everyone has flaws and things progressed at comfortable pace. Intimacy became a steady part and she became a regular overnight guest at my home until another small flag appeared. My clothes had been rearranged, personal items had been changed or gone through and various contacts that I keep on my computer contacted. Once again, her moods started going off the scale, a complete change in personality and a emptiness behind her eyes. So, a situation happened in concerns to the item she had financed through my store and her ex-husband, so advised her to seek legal action under the grand larceny law in the state of Virginia. Over the past month she grew distant and I welcomed it as an opportunity to re-evaluate our situation and discovered many other warning signs that I should have noticed, but because of my desire I was quite blind to.
Today, the case was taken before the judge and everything on my part was resolved. Afterwards, I had a few details still to be ironed out with her ex-husband I approached him (and to this moment he knows nothing of my personal relationship with his ex-wife outside of my store), we begin to chat first about the business at hand and then he breaks down and tells me all the things she has accused him of and all the things believes about her. I started to notice a pattern, (I am in no way saying that he is the victim or innocent) down to how she even acted right before court. Like a an exploding volcano, she became unpredictable and volatile. Absolutely exploding in contradiction to almost everything she has ever did or said to me, painting a moment of absolute clarity to the stream of lies over the past few months. Her many disorders and personal problems became quite apparent, then the commonwealth’s attorney made a few comments that verified my worse fears. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:10:06 PM | | Jaemey, you have not dated nor come in contact with someone with BPD so thus you have no clue. I lived with a BPD for a couple of years and he was medicated and thus know what I speak of and stand by my comments. The chaaracteristics I mentioned ARE associated with biopolars and they are incapable of having a relationship with anyone. If in future someone I happen to be dating tells me they are bipolar I will promptly stop dating them. I'm not going down the road of hell again of lies, cheating, drama, verbal and physical abuse, negative behaviours, addictions (bipolars have addictions ranging from alcoholism, excessive spending, sex, gambling and the list goes on). It's not a generalization, it's the truth and I speak from experience you don't. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:21:44 PM | I haven't read the entire thread, but agree with 1missblueeyes - I would NOT enter a relationship with a person with BPD. My ex, while not clinically diagnosed, exhibited many of the traits of it. We were in counseling and during a solo session the counselor mentioned BPD so I did some research.
My ex was so irrational, blowing the tiniest things WAY out of proportion. She would go from fine to ballistic in a heartbeat, and then never let it go. Every day I waited to see which thing would set her off and make her pissed for the rest of the night. She also started a marriage-killing 'addiction' while we were trying to fix our marriage with counseling. And all this time we had 2 kids under 3, which she gave zero thought about.
She's better now (was on meds for a while), but she threw away our marriage and family and I am tied to her for the rest of my life. I don't wish this experience on anyone.
DO NOT sign up for this if you don't have to. | |
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