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jaemey
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 251 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:56:43 PM |
Jaemey, you have not dated nor come in contact with someone with BPD so thus you have no clue. I lived with a BPD for a couple of years and he was medicated and thus know what I speak of and stand by my comments. The chaaracteristics I mentioned ARE associated with biopolars and they are incapable of having a relationship with anyone. If in future someone I happen to be dating tells me they are bipolar I will promptly stop dating them. I'm not going down the road of hell again of lies, cheating, drama, verbal and physical abuse, negative behaviours, addictions (bipolars have addictions ranging from alcoholism, excessive spending, sex, gambling and the list goes on). It's not a generalization, it's the truth and I speak from experience you don't.
Dating someone with BPD that is on medication and dating someone that has bipolar and is not medicated are two completely different things. Someone that has BPD and is medicated and doing (or done) therapy, has (and is) working on their issues, thus ... i doubt you would see many of the emotional dysregulation associated with BPD. So comparing any symptoms or signs from these two individuals is illogical.
The characteristics that you mention CAN be associated with both BPD and bipolar disorder, although the attachment and control are more commonly seen in BPD.... and depending on how common the abuse, lying and cheating i would guess it to be more of a trait of a person who had BPD as well. (I'm not even assuming to know your situation, I am just saying if it was a fairly regular occurance or a sporadic one). And yes, the rate of bipolar co occuring with abuse is very large (i believe it is upward of 60%)
BPD and Bipolar have some similiar features and can sometimes co- occur or overlap. The main difference is that BPD is a personality disorder and has to do with emotional dysregulation . Although they both deal with mood swings, BPD mood swings are generally brought on by internal or environmental situations (like that of work or relationships) and are often short lived .... upto a few hrs. Bipolar mood swings are generally external and happen without control, time varies, but usually lasts at least a week.... followed by a drastic change in the polar mood... whereas BPD will return to a normal level.
You have no idea about my situation ... dating, coming in contact, or general information on the subject so maybe i should state now that i have PLENTY of knowledge on this subject. Also an over -generalization it was.... one person does not represent an entire group.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:01:48 AM | I dated a guy with BPD for nine months, and he was absolutly fine when he was on his meds. It his other problems that caused us to break up, not the BPD.
I think saying you would never have anything to do with someone if they have a mental illness is being a bit judgemental. Mental illness cover so many things, anything from PTSD to depression to mild anxiety. Not everyone who has a mental illness is crazy. You cannot assume that. As someone who suffered from depression, I know I wasnt crazy and to be honest I doubt you would have guessed that I was ill. So guys try no to be so judgemental of mental illness, we arent all crazy! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:11:54 AM | | Oh yes, four months with someone who came off their medication when he met me (it affects their sex drive). For a while i wasnt sure if it was him or me but believe me when he went mad at my home one week, i was sure it was him... my advice, get out of it before it drags you down. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:18:07 AM | | Serendipity Lou, you are VERY, VERY young, and it appears that you are idealistic! I don't think the posters here are being "judgemental" about the mentally ill, just sharing experiences....I lived with and had to deal with, and continue to deal with the mentally ill...been doing it for longer than you've been ALIVE, and it IS difficult, and no, I wouldn't recommend dating/marrying unless they are willing to give up a stable, peaceful life..... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:23:57 PM |
I have one now that sends me messages on Yahoo Messenger. I want to find out how I can stop him from harrassing me dailey. He just doesn't get it that I'm not interested in him. We met and it didn't work so I want this insanity to stop.
From reading these posts, it sounds like the best way to get rid of him is ask him to marry you. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:08:01 PM | My experience, albeit brief put me in therapy. He lied about everything from owning a cat to being single (he was very much married). He totally reinvented himself around everything i said i wanted in a man so of course, i fell hook line and sinker for him, not only did he make out he was good, he made out he was amazing.
Then he ran like hell and never looked back and it was months before i put all the pieces together and worked out what was wrong. Five weeks after promising his wife he would never hurt her again, he was back on adult sex sites looking for his "fix". At his best, amazing, sexy, passionate and sensitive and at his worst a coward, user and dirty lying cheat... be careful x | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:19:09 PM | | Was married to someone like that i stress was......it was like living with dr jeckyl and mr hyde.....breaking tables and chandeliers for no reason just cause i woke him up spank kids so violently they threw up out of fear and threw me across kitchen cause i wasnt standing at stove watching his pasta i was changing a diaper....best advice....get out now.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:03:11 PM | I havent' a clue to if you really have a disorder or not, but 79% of mental drugs used in the world are used in the U.S. Its an American phenomenon and I think its crap IMHO. Thats me. When we can't handle something we run to the doctor so he can give us a disorder and put us on meds. so we have an excuse for our behavior. Its kind of like ADHD which is so over prescribed. Kids can't sit still in a classroom but they can play video games for 12 hours on end without a problem.
Anyway, no I would not date a person with any diagnosis like this. My best friend did, and they had the same problem. The person was very flaky and got mad when they couldnt' get away with doing whatever they wanted to do, blaming the disorder.
If they treat you bad or if they act strangely all they have to do is say its not me, its the disorder. There was a post in another section that a guy saying he was bipolar cheated all the time because of it. Come on. just my opinion. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:12:29 PM | i knew little about bordeline until i encountered an individual i met on this site who suffers with bpd, among other things. this woman 'befriended' me over 2 years ago, and we spoke on the phone regularly. initially the conversations centered around life experiences and commonalities. however, at some point, they took a turn into the bizarre. i should have stopped taking her calls. but, like a dumb sh*t, i felt i could help her and continued talking (or i should say listening ) to her. finally, the pleas for help and counsel turned to demands. and the demands turned insulting. and the insults turned abusive. i alternated between goddess-like stature and the root of all evil to this person. i have enough problems handling my real-time friends and my family. i don't need to listen to a virtual stranger who alternately whines drunkenly and raves incoherently.
so. now i know what to watch out for. and if i catch even the slightest hint of it, i know to head for the hills. i will give of myself endlessly, if the other person truly wants help. if someone works a program of therapy, i will totally support them and encourage them in any way i can. but, if i get that narcissistic raving, that self-absorbed petulance and the hallucinatory babbling, i'm out of there. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:43:50 PM | I’ve shared a bit of the best of both worlds on this one. I lived with a person with BPD for 5 years and that pretty much drove me to the brink of insanity.
Even years after I left this person the abuse continued as we had a child together and I was forced to continue a relationship with them. After I moved on years after that relationship ended I displayed the characteristics of BPD within my new relationship. I could see everything I was doing and I knew how hurtful it feels as I have had someone do it to me previously, although I couldn’t stop, I was overwhelmed by something.
I have gotten allot of help since then and have come to terms with my past. I'm not a person suffering from BPD but as I mentioned I got to experience how it might feel and believe me it’s scary. It's just as scary to the person with BPD as it is to the person living with them. It's a rather complex personality disorder.
As a mental health professional I know firsthand treating a person with BPD is not easy. As soon as you fix one problem ten more arise. Most importantly I’d like to say, people suffer from BPD they are not BPD. It is a mental disorder and it’s classified with all those other scary disorders some people suffer from. What we need to realize is people with BPD are not evil and they don’t really intentionally want to hurt others. If you have met someone or have been involved with someone with BPD chances are you were attracted to them because of your own insecurities and your own emotional inadequacies allowed you to believe and buy into their bullshit.
Mental illness is tough. It leads many great, good hearted people to do bad things. (Causes negative behavior). The best we can do is recognize not everyone is perfect and do the best we can to improve ourselves mentally and emotionally so we can help those who cannot. To answer your original question a person rarely drives you to have BPD, although it can lead you to having very low self esteem, major insecurities, and major attachment/abandonment issues. Those characteristics are quite predominant in BPD although many people without BPD suffer from these issues regularly. If you want help and you want change you can find it.
Do not be discouraged if you do not see results right away it can take some time. It took you a long time to get this way it will take a while to undue it. Just like if you’re a couch potatoes and your fat, you’re not going to get thin by sitting on the couch some more. You got to get your ass off the couch and hit the gym. You can’t go for a ten mile jog right away or you will have a heart attack so you got to start slow, and be ready for disappointment. But if you keep at it and you are determined to achieve a healthy new life I can almost guarantee one day you will be laying on the beach with a smoking new body. This is an analogy to recovering from BPD but one important thing is just like being fat not everyone asks to be fat and not everyone suffers from BPD or its effect because they wanted too. Best wishes! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:27:41 PM | Hmmmmmm
Haven't read the whole thread, but haven't seen a positive comment yet.
A few facts:
BPD and Bi-Polar look very similar
As has been mentioned, Bi-Polar is a mood disorder, and is very manageable with medication.
Borderline is a personality disorder, and doesn't respond terribly well to medication...one has to "think" their way through Borderline.
If the individual embraces the diagnosis, takes responsibility for themself, and their actions, realizes that bad behaviour will be met with CONSEQUENCES...they have a chance of living a relatively chaos free life.
With the exception of "if the individual embraces the diagnosis" the above paragraph applies to all of the more that 6 billion people inhabiting this planet.
Borderline Personality Disorder is the scourge of the earth. The people who suffer from it are not.
Emotional dysregulation is an exhausting phenomenon. Extreme shifts in mood can occur numerous times per day. Most energy is expended through the stress associated with the constantly changing emotional landscape.
ANY additional stress whatsoever is akin to being burned with a hot iron.
Borderlines cannot keep up with their own emotions. Add any other emotional landscape into the picture, and the stress becomes unbearable.
Remission is possible with much therapy, and behavioural modification. Unswerving dedication and courage are required to achieve maximum recovery.
Recovery is not for the faint of heart. One must acknowledge the distastefully distorted thinking patterns and replace them with more "appropriate" alternative patterns.
Contrary to popular belief, Borderlines do not realize that they think differently than the average person, they have to be told. For some, the diagnosis of such a "distateful" disorder is too much for the emotionally dysregulated psyche. The suicide rate for Borderlines is approximately 10%. The average suicide rate is .01%.
Borderlines don't like themselves.....this is where the problem lies. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:58:35 AM | quazi's got some good points on this.
The problem that ended my marriage, I believe is BPD. But even after 3 suicide attempts, being Baker Act'd twice, and doing stints in both inpatient and outpatient mental health facilities (I think Sanitarium sounds better, but the PC police will get after me for using it) it was the proverbial "can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink" problem. She thought she would be OK with meds only, and she would "doctor shop" with counselors until she got one that told her what she wanted to hear. And as soon as a doc would tell her the problem was in her, not the grand conspiracy of the rest of the world to make her feel like shit, she would decry them as a quack and stop going.
Court ordered inpatient treatment was the only thing that helped a bit, but as soon as the order was lifted, she was back to the "its not ME its ALL OF YOU!!!" thought pattern.
It is VERY hard to deal with, both at home, and the fallout at work from it. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:48:42 AM | | BIP's are best left alone, because they lack self-esteem. They will drag you down into their never ending hell. They are charming when having a good episode, but this contagious euphoria can be replaced by the ever-hating tormenting hell of all creation. So, if you can't take the good with bad, then EXIT QUICKLY. Pray they will be on their way to find another person to obsess on. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:57:41 AM | Yes, i dated a lady from vegas unawared she had this disorder. Her name was Peggy Sue, had fire engine red hair. BPD is the worst of the worst, they either charm your socks off or cut your throat and laugh about it, no gray area's with this disorder. RUN ,RUN, RUN!!!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:00:32 AM |
I dated a guy with BPD for nine months, and he was absolutly fine when he was on his meds.
Well, that's the catch, isn't it? I was married to someone for 12 years who was bipolar. She was fine when she took her meds and went to therapy. But when things would get a little off balance (like her meds needed adjusted), and she would start into a manic phase, she would decide she didn't need her meds anymore and she would quit taking them cold turkey. She ended up destroying our family and completely abandoning our pre-teen son.
The only guarantee you are going to have with someone who is on medication and therapy for a personality disorder is that you are guaranteed to end up with a VERY false sense of security. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:32:11 AM | Seems like a few people are confusing BPD and Bipolar - two separate animals, no pun intended...
The thread was started asking if any had dated BPD afflicted people, but the topic got sidelined as usual... but if you notice there is a commonality of thought of us who have experienced the actual problem, and that includes dealing with it is usually futile in a long term sense, and I might add destructive to both the afflicted and the people who try and reach them..
Attempting to engage the actual problem with these people is like holding quicksilver in your hand, it has a way of escaping no matter what you try to do, due to the fact that the issue is theirs alone and seldom include you in facing the problem..
In fact they usually have no scope of the whole problem, they see it as a series of isolated and unrelated cases, compounding the problem is their thinking usually concludes the problems are not theirs, but a problem with controlling issues by others.. only occasionally will a lucid moment occur, and as soon gone..
Feeding the alligator with hopes it will either not eat you, or eat you last might be the only course you feel is at your disposal.. but eventually the alligator will see you for what you represent, and you are next.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:43:01 AM | Congratulations NOMEXSHREK.....
You actually stated that there was some validity to my post.
There are differences between BPD, and Bi-Polar....but if the diagnosis comes during an acute episode, it can often be wrong....
The patient's actual thoughts might need to be analysed to arrive at the proper diagnosis
"I can do anything, and I can do it by myself"....grandiose...Bi-Polar
" I can do anything, and you better not try to stop me!"....threatening.....Borderline | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:54:19 AM | | Yes and when I found out the guy was on more medication than I could imagine, I decided I valued my life to much to take chances with this person so I said goodbye. A friend's daughter dated a man with BP and when they were out driving one day, she was the driver, he pulled out a gun and shot himself as they were driving down the street. They are unpredictable and if they go off their medication, forget it etc, they are very unpredictable. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:01:21 AM | | YES I met someone on here who seemed wonderful and was looking for long term. We hit it off immediately. Then he changed. Suddenly he cant handle being in a relationship, he is meant to be alone and live a solitary life etc. One minute he was outgoing and fun, the next serious, screaming at me for things his ex did. Many people on this site like him. When you meet him at a pof party, he is a ton of fun. Try dating him....he is a serial dater who rarely has a second date with anyone. I had almost 2 months with him constantly, but I couldnt stand the personality changes and his constant screaming and yelling over made up nonsense. Bi-polar?? Manic depressive????? Something is seriously wrong there! It just destroys all the fun things about being with him. I notice his profile went right back to looking for long term. Why bother? He will tell you he is meant to live alone always. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:23:42 AM | | Jaemey, honey I don't need a lesson. I know exactly what I speak of. I lived with a man for 4 years who was BPD, manic depressive, and had ADHD so don't start running off at the mouth at me. I'm an expert on all 3 medical issues having lived with someone who had all 3. It doesn't matter if a person is medicated or not the addictions and issues remain uncontrolled regarding BPD and manic depression (which is bipolar). I will not respond to any more of your silly posts since you have no clue what you speak of and I do. I stand by my comments. I think you should seriously further educate yourself on both manic depression and BPD by speaking with others who have firsthand experienced the hell of living with someone who is BPD and/or manic depressive. A physician can further explain more to you in great detail. I bet you didn't know that a majority of individuals who have survived a relationship or marriage with someone with 1 or both of those illnesses acquire post traumatic stress disorder. I give lectures via a local Toronto Hospital via my doctor to individuals who are recovering from being in a marriage or relationship with someone who is BPD or who is manic depressive. I help others get back on their feet and I show them it's possible. I survived and I'm damn proud of it and helping others is very rewarding. Bipolar mood swings may last a week but not necessarily. Sometimes longer sometimes shorter, there is no set time frame. The symptoms between bipolar and BPD are very very similiar and a majority of individuals who have 1 have the other as well. They go hand in hand. You obviously need to further educate yourself on both illnesses as you are severly lacking in experience and knowledge. Good luck! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:23:03 PM |
She was fine when she took her meds and went to therapy.
the way i understand it, meds do little for bpd. everything i've studied indicates that it involves behavior and not biology (unlike bipolar). you'd basically have to knock the person out with tranqulizers to see any effective difference ~ from what i understand. please correct me if i'm wrong. | |
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jaemey
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 274 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:56:39 PM | 1miss... I don't really know where to start here.... no one is an "expert" on mental illness, not even psychiatrists. Mental illness is a relatively new study and one that is not an exact science... living with someone with certain mental illnesses can make you an expert in that relationship but not overall. Also, I will always need to further educate myself.... my degree in psychology and extra study in mental illness and addictions is always going to need upgrading, for the same reason i posted above.
When properly medicated bipolar issues and addictions are controlled, although not with BPD... Juniper moon has it right on the head when saying medication does little. It can help taget some symptoms (such as violent outbursts or depression, but is not always helpful, as these symptoms are brought on by environmental situations and constantly change), if a comorbid diagnosis is present than yes, medication can help....
PTSD.... yes i am aware that it can be brought on by this type of situation... although i am at a loss for the statistics right now, i am also aware it is not the majority of these people.... i will see if i can not find a recent statistic for you... or if you have one please share. I also agree about your comment regarding mania in bipolar.... wasn't my intention to state it simply like that, i just meant that is a standard criteria. There are some people that believe that individuals with rapid cycling bipolar show the most common simularities in symptoms to those with BPD.... the last percentage i saw was that those people with BPD ..... 19% had a comorbid diagnosis of bipolar as well. Bipolar patients had an 8% comorbidity with BPD.....
In no way am i trying to down play your experience... I think you are a very strong individual, and using your experience to help others is great. I know a man who left his wife who had BPD... he is still recovering. I also know a woman who has BPD and has gone through hell and back to fight this... medication and therapy helped and she is now one amazing woman and has been for quite a number of years. Not everyone with BPD is the same just like not everyone that has bipolar is the same. They are two very different disorders in origin although they do have some similiar traits.
Anyone interested in reading about BPD.....
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx10.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:25:19 PM |
If they treat you bad or if they act strangely all they have to do is say its not me, its the disorder. There was a post in another section that a guy saying he was bipolar cheated all the time because of it. Come on. just my opinion.
Have you ever actually spoken to anyone who is bi-polar or BPD?
Their actions are, in fact caused by the disorder.
Where the problem lies, is that most "sufferers" will not accept responsibility for their actions, and therefore don't agree with CONSEQUENCES.
I have been a moderator on a mental health board, and I have seen cases of someone signing on in a raging episode of mania, and posting.....I'm goin' out to get me some, I need it right now....I'm tired of pleasuring myself in public washrooms.......
Hypersexuality is one of the symptoms of a manic episode. It apparently is quite distressing, as the person cannot get relief.
So, it's possible that is why the guy cheated all the time.
But he needs to take responsibility for it, and take measures to stabilize his mood. | |
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