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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:28:42 AM |
guess maybe I'm still looking for reasurance that what I did in my previous relationship was ok. I admit I still feel terrible to behave the way I did. I saw myself acting almost like a mirror image of what my ex with BPD did. It haunts my conciousness.
Papi...
Rather than trying to get reassurance that what you did was ok, figure out WHY you did it, and never let yourself get in that position again...don't go overboard with caution, but if things start heading in the same direction, start paying close attention to the similarities and differences...
Maybe what you did wasn't ok....we all make mistakes....figure out where the mistake was... tell yourself it won't happen again....and then let yourself out of jail.
Next subject....
No BPD is beyond help...I don't care if they are a hooker on a street corner, addicted to everything from aspirin to heroine.....
The problem is facing the deeply ingrained "belief" that you are "bad". It's like having a phobia of snakes, and being handed a snake, and having to hold it, and turn it over, and figure out how it moves.....most people can't handle it. If that can be done, a gigantic weight is lifted from the shoulders of the borderline. They don't have to "hide" how bad they are from everyone anymore, and can move on with their life.
Don't think I don't realize that I'm saying they have to "hide" how bad they are....and a good number do act very badly.....they act what they believe to be true...no matter how self defeating it is....... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:43:24 PM | I believe that someone I dated has BPD.
Much of what has been written here regarding BPD "behavior" has resonated with a BPD relationship I experienced over the time span of three years.
What I have not read in the 14 pages of BPD information is any salient info regarding the BPD brain or more specifically the "brain problems" a BPD individual might experience.
To be even more specific regarding possible "BPD brain" issues I want to zero in on problem behaviors associated with the prefrontal cortex area of the brain. According to the Change Your Brain Change Your Life Master Questionnaire by Psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. A prefrontal cortex in trouble may exhibit these behaviors:
Inattention
Lack of forethought
Procrastination
Impulsive
Disinhibited*
Poor Judgement
Lack of Empathy
Disorganization
Lack of Ethics
*It is worth noting that many Borderlines are exceptional lovers according to a post on one University website! A Borderline's lack of inhibition I feel contributes profoundly to their sexual prowess and desirability. If you factor in the "emotional bonding" that takes place due to "oxytocin release" that occurs with EVERY orgasm a Borderline gives you...it's not surprising to read about multi-year relationships with a Borderline. Although Borderline behavior can be mentally...emotionally and physically devastating...their lovemaking can be ineffable!
Marilyn Monroe was supposedly a Borderline.
I can't help but wonder if anyone who dated a BPD experienced many of these 9 different prefrontal behaviors? I experienced at least 7 of them.
It is note worthy that a concussions to any part of the head can damage the brain since the brain (which has a consistency of soft butter or custard) is housed in a hard skull that can have bony protrusions on the inside of the skull.
I know the lady I dated had at least two concussions in the prefrontal cortex area of her brain. Therefore I can't help wondering how many other BPD's may have had any head injuries in their lifetime that "might contribute" to their BPD behavior.
Given the POF prohibition for posting internet weblinks. Anyone who would like to know more regarding additional BPD info or weblinks can contact me directly and I will be glad to share the weblinks/info I have discovered related to BPD.
Hopefully IF any of you are trying to understand or cope with BPD behavior (for whatever reason) this prefrontal cortex info will be helpful. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:59:27 PM | I am appalled that a lot of people view someone with a mental illness as "untreatable" and not worth someone else's time.
Some people with BPD are not horrible as they've been made out to be in this thread. Many with BPD have worked hard to get and keep the illness under control. They do have their moments but many have went through therapy and know what their "triggers" are and when a "trigger" happens they are able to remove themself until the mood swing has subsided. A lot know that their thoughts are irrational so they DON'T act based on their current thought/mood. Some are highly intelligent, hold good jobs, have many friends who haven't abandoned them cause of a mood swing, have goals and work hard to achieve those goals, and I've seen some that have taken a hell of a lot better care of their children than their husband/wife who was "sane". So don't think all with BPD are like those mentioned here and should be avoided at all cost. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:07:45 PM | lol.. borderline?? lol umm.. I know women who can go from zero to **** in .03 seconds and there personnality goes from princess to Xora warrior princess castrator of power.
People all have this.. lol.. I know im a little off.. and people think im crazy for it.. people having a discussion about issues and randomly just blurt out.. I like chicken.
I dont know why I do it.. it just pops in my head and I say it.. its gotten me into trouble cause I have said things I shouldnt have..
I think its border line toreets maybe.. I dunno.. I remember one day walking out of my office building walking with a friend late one night and there was a nightclub opening up across the street had the street light batman style light things going the whole bit.. about 1000 people out on the street.. and I didnt even think about it.. I just yelled at the top of my lungs.
VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (thats vagina) then hid behind a pillar as my friend kept walking.. well those 1000 people all stopped cold and turned and looked at him with me out of sight.. he laughed and told me he hated me.. but it was just so random and I dont know why I did it I just did it..
I dunno sometimes its funny but I know I have to check myself sometimes cause I know its not appropriate. :P | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:19:26 PM | "I am appalled that a lot of people view someone with a mental illness as "untreatable" and not worth someone else's time."
Yeah- try living with one.. we are not being as judgmental concerning their worth as to salvaging a potential victim's own sanity- that is what is at risk.. and as far as medical treatment or counseling - I doubt it- first they usually won't admit anything is wrong except your hangups.. if you enjoy engaging the tar baby- have at it, as for me I advise cut and run as soon as it becomes apparent, and that's the problem.. sometimes it doesn't become apparent until it's too late.. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:58:17 PM |
Much of what has been written here regarding BPD "behavior" has resonated with a BPD relationship I experienced over the time span of three years.
What I have not read in the 14 pages of BPD information is any salient info regarding the BPD brain or more specifically the "brain problems" a BPD individual might experience.
To be even more specific regarding possible "BPD brain" issues I want to zero in on problem behaviors associated with the prefrontal cortex area of the brain. According to the Change Your Brain Change Your Life Master Questionnaire by Psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. A prefrontal cortex in trouble may exhibit these behaviors:
Inattention
Lack of forethought
Procrastination
Impulsive
Disinhibited*
Poor Judgement
Lack of Empathy
Disorganization
Lack of Ethics
*It is worth noting that many Borderlines are exceptional lovers according to a post on one University website! A Borderline's lack of inhibition I feel contributes profoundly to their sexual prowess and desirability. If you factor in the "emotional bonding" that takes place due to "oxytocin release" that occurs with EVERY orgasm a Borderline gives you...it's not surprising to read about multi-year relationships with a Borderline. Although Borderline behavior can be mentally...emotionally and physically devastating...their lovemaking can be ineffable!
Marilyn Monroe was supposedly a Borderline.
I can't help but wonder if anyone who dated a BPD experienced many of these 9 different prefrontal behaviors? I experienced at least 7 of them.
It is note worthy that a concussions to any part of the head can damage the brain since the brain (which has a consistency of soft butter or custard) is housed in a hard skull that can have bony protrusions on the inside of the skull.
I know the lady I dated had at least two concussions in the prefrontal cortex area of her brain. Therefore I can't help wondering how many other BPD's may have had any head injuries in their lifetime that "might contribute" to their BPD behavior.
Given the POF prohibition for posting internet weblinks. Anyone who would like to know more regarding additional BPD info or weblinks can contact me directly and I will be glad to share the weblinks/info I have discovered related to BPD.
Hopefully IF any of you are trying to understand or cope with BPD behavior (for whatever reason) this prefrontal cortex info will be helpful.
Unfortunately Dr. Amen's symptoms could ALL be attributed to a person who is very drunk, for example....very vague.
I just did some research for a friend of mine...in the US...(I'm Canadian)...who is in the Military, and wanted to know about the possible effects of close proximity to bomb detonations, and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). Seems some vets are coming home after being "close" to a detonation, and having trouble with cognitive, and behavioural problems. Since there are no visible wounds, the vet is not listed as being injured during "combat", and doesn't qualify for some of the benefits that they need.
TBI can be likened to "shaken baby syndrome", except in an adult. The brain shakes back and forth inside the skull. The damage can be quite profound, and some of the effects do look similar to BPD.
Since I wrote it, I'll find it, and post it. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:14:08 PM | TBI
Enjoy......
Traumatic Brain Injury is caused by sudden physical injury to the brain.
Physical, behavioural or mental changes that result, depend on the areas of the brain that are injured. Focal damage is always present, common causes are, where the head hits an object, or an object hits the head.
In addition to focal damage, "closed head" injuries cause diffuse brain injuries (injuries to other areas of the brain). The diffuse damage occurs when the impact of the injury causes the brain to move back, and forth against the inside of the bony skull (brain shaking....eg. reverberation from being close to an explosion)
Cognitive (thinking) and Communication problems depend on the individual's personality, severity of damage, and pre-injury ability.
Focal damage is long term and permanent.
Deficits include difficulties with: concentration, organizing thoughts, concentration, memory (forgetfulness), learning, problem solving, decision making, planning, judgment is affected, language problems (word finding), mathematical abilities are often affected.
Psycho Social Difficulties include: An inability to interpret other's actions, social situation problems
Spoken communication and actions are often inappropriate for the situation
TBI sufferers often give lengthy and faulty descriptions to cover their lack of understanding or word finding ability. Often unaware of their errors, they become confused and angry and blame others for communication difficulties.
Reading and writing abilities are often worse than speaking or understanding spoken words.
Diagnosis
As soon as possible after injury occurs, is optimal. Assessment of cognitive (thinking) and communication problems should be continual, and ongoing.
Personnel needed for diagnosis
Neurologist...initial diagnosis
Speech/Language Pathologist...cognitive and communication skills
Neuropsychologist...other cognitive and behavioural abilities
Occupational Therapist...cognitive skills - ability to perform ADL's (Activities of Daily Living)...eg. dressing, meals...
Audiologist...hearing
Optometrist...sight
Assessments should continue frequently, so that progress can be documented and "treatment plans" updated.
Cognitive and communication problems are best treated early with the focus being on improving orientation to person, place, time and situation.
Longer term rehabilitation may be individual, or in groups, in a facility designed specifically for treatment of individuals with TBI. This setting allows for intensive therapy by speech/language pathologists, physical therapists, occupational therapists and neuropsychologists at a time when optimal benefits will result from intensive therapy.
Goal of Rehabilitation
The goal of rehabilitation, is the most independent level of functioning possible eg: describing consequences of actions or events.
Therapy focuses on regaining lost skills, and compensating for abilities permanently changed by the brain injury.
Source: National Institute on Deafness and other Communication Disorders
NIDCD Information Clearinghouse
1 Communication Ave.
Bethesda, MD 20892-3456
toll free: (800) 241-1044
fax: (301) 770-8977
E-mail: [email]nidcdinfo@nidcd.nih.gov[/email]t5r
I believe that with BPD, it's possible that certain areas of the brain don't develop normally as a result of trauma. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:39:45 AM | hmm, im not sure if i could classify this guy as BPD but he acts like hes really into me ((i have known this guy for 3.5 years) even goes as far as saying he loves me and wants me to go with him when he moves out of state soon and then when I tell him how I feel he totally flips the switch and actually goes off on ME and starts raising his voice at me on the phone.
That sounds nuts to me. Would that be BPD? or just a plain a-hole?  | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:59:00 AM |
I hope my previous post didnt offend anyone. If it did, i apologize.
It didn't offend me, and thank you for apologizing, anyway. You are a "nice chick".
I don't know if the man you're talking about is BPD or not.
I would advise you to be very careful, when considering uprooting yourself, and moving to a different state with him.
At best, I think, he doesn't know what he wants.
Please do what's best for YOU. There are many more fishies out there, for you to snag...
I know it's REALLY HARD, but please hold out for someone who treats you nicely. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:00:51 PM | Typical neurologic functions carried out by the pre-frontal cortex area is executive function. Executive function relates to abilities to differentiate among conflicting thoughts, determine good and bad, better and best, same and different, future consequences of current activities, working toward a defined goal, prediction of outcomes, expectation based on actions, and social control the ability to suppress urges that, if not suppressed, could lead to socially unacceptable outcomes. It's pretty obvious.
Memories of trauma were associated with increases in blood flow in right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. Could it be that sufferers not sustained physical traumas but prefrontal circuitry is effected from childhood based traumas? With that said childhood or significant trauma could include, physical, mental, sexual abuse and a million other possibilities.
Impulsive aggression, a core symptom of borderline personality disorder has been paired with abnormal fronto-amygdala circuitry.
It's hard to say what came first the chicken or the egg? Could it be temperamental predispositions of affective instability and impulse aggression? This could pose a threat to developmental tasks of childhood and adolescence. There comes your learnt behavior as a result of temper tantrums that cause a parent to either give them the attention or at other times lock them in their room almost neglectfully because of an inability to deal with the child’s tantrums. This intermittent reinforcement of inconsistent responses could make the tantrums more likely. Could this stage of development contribute to the tantrums displayed by adult suffering from BPD when faced with a potential loss or feelings of abandonment?
I mean this is the tip of the iceberg here. Sexuality issues? Well those can stem from many different things. Sexual abuse could be a trauma sustained that may effect prefrontal circuitry. I mean sounds more common then head trauma to me but I could be wrong. There are high numbers of prostitutes that have experienced sexual abuse some time in their lives. Almost all homosexual sex trade workers I have encountered have had some form of sexual abuse early on in childhood or adolescence. I of course encountered these individuals professionally don't get any weird ideas.
I don't think this is specifically environmental, social or experiential. I see a large basis of biological factors that may give this disorder a lot of play. The problem is that the variables which caused each individual suffering from BPD to behave the way they do could be many. That’s what makes the disorder so complex to treat.
From what I've seen there’s such a complexity in BPD sufferers, emotional rages, addictions, substance abuse, suicidal tendencies, depression and on and on. One could significantly impact the other and cause complex variability to ones biology especially as a parent passing on such predispositions or influences to a child.
I feel it's so hard to pinpoint this disorder generally. That’s why there is no common cure or treatment. Each BPD sufferer is so individually unique with their own set of biological make up and past life experiences. Our grandchildren could continue his thread and won't come to any conclusions. We could complain, make assumptions, theorize, and make advances for a lifetime. I do not believe this will find an end all solution to BPD. Maybe we are looking in the wrong place. BPD grew up from something throughout the ages and it seems the more we feed it the worse it gets. It would take a huge joint effort from the masses to stop it. Or maybe it has gotten so out of control we just have to accept it now as part of our society. Look around you; observe how many things carry BPD commonalities. Is it a problem with us as individuals or is it our society as a whole. Think again about that question if BPD is cross cultural. | |
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jaemey
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 337 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:11:19 AM | In my very honest opinion (and anything but textbook...lol), I believe that BPD is one of the hardest disorders to treat for the following reasons:
- I believe that the disorder is formed in critical childhood years were the brain is in a prominent state of development. We already know that the first 3 (or you might say 5) years are the most critical time in brain development in infants. When the synapses are being created the brain is being wired at that time and the more positive attention and parenting the child recieves will create better wiring in the brain, thus creating a child that is ready for society (or as ready as they will ever be..haha). If the child has neglect, abuse, trauma.... etc present in their childhood.... it will wire in their brain as negative. As the child's full brain contiues to grow and hardwire itself, developmental deviations can occur if the trauma is severe enough for the child. BAsically the child will need certain "wires" to survive... if the child surviving in an abusive household or a loving one?
- which brings me to my next point. We are all human... we are all different, and so is our threshold for pain (physically as well as emotionally), and i believe that some people have more predominant genes for their tolerance to trauma. With this is our ability to cope... hence the hardwiring in childhood, from early abuse or neglect.
- I also believe that we are all born with innate traits (like being more joyful, laidback, hyper..... basically our way of communicating), and i think that those can be driven one way or another by the influences in our environment after birth.
I think this disorder is a personality trait only in the sense that it was a developed personality from early childhood. When the brain was evolving and forming itself, the traits and functions it held onto were that of what the child needed, skills for surviving in it's present environment. So as the child matured it lacked the basic funtioning needed to thrive in society and that in itself can also cause a trigger.
All studies to date are unable to pinpoint the specific area in which this disorder occurs, and i personally believe it is because it occurs in several locations in the brain, as when the brain is forming..... the child's life and environment are continuous, thus affecting each part of the brain that would relate to all emotion that individual would feel from whatever the trauma was. Could be anger, hurt, shame, embarassment, attachment, abandonment.... anything to do with emotional involvement ....there are so many, and that is why i believe the range can be so different in BPD sufferers.
Neuroimaging of the brain has only been occuring in the past few years, but it is showing some promising evidence. So like i said, i believe it to a personality disorder only only on the notion of childhood brain development and deviation. Considering that i would have to say i believe it to be a chemical imbalance as well. I think that when they can pinpoint the deviations in the hardwiring they will be able to manufacture a new medication that will be able to target those specific areas, and also find a more effective way of therapy ( although current therapy may sufice if medication can target some of the symptoms). I think we already know the preventative measures, but there may be more to come.
This is a very small rundown on my opinion about the disorder, I have much more to say ...haha....
Very interesting though, i am curious now with the neuroimaging going on how much of a change it will be to the development in research... i think it will speed things up quite a bit, but at the same time the brain is a very complicated thing.
Oh... 2 quick comments. I still believe it is cross cultural as each society parents differently and has their own standard of behaviour in society as well as different diagnostic criteria for the DSM.
Also i believe for the BPD that it should be classified on childhood environment as opposed to brain injury in the frontal cortex. Studies have also shown that although the two have similiar traits in regards to emotional factors, the brain injured frontal cortex also showed additional traits.
Hope it all made sense.... it is one in the morning.... night all, see you in a few hours | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:56:55 PM |
I think this disorder is a personality trait only in the sense that it was a developed personality from early childhood. When the brain was evolving and forming itself, the traits and functions it held onto were that of what the child needed, skills for surviving in it's present environment. So as the child matured it lacked the basic funtioning needed to thrive in society and that in itself can also cause a trigger.
i agree and i appreciate this sort of insight. it helps to understand what really goes on when you find yourself on the receiving end of a tantrum.
I think that when they can pinpoint the deviations in the hardwiring they will be able to manufacture a new medication that will be able to target those specific areas, and also find a more effective way of therapy
i look forward to developments like this as well.
these people do suffer. and the ones who take the initiative to proactively manage the problem have my deepest admiration. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:06:51 PM | Great posts....
Thanks junipermoon for the vote of confidence for people with BPD.
Papi and Jaemey...good stuff, all of it...
When I found out about my "tendencies" I started trying to trace back to when they might have started.
I didn't discover anything that I could point my finger at specifically.
I can tell you, that by the time I was three, I already felt "bad".
I remember a specific incident where "the grownups" were letting me help dry the dishes. I accidentally dropped one, and it broke.
Nobody noticed (maybe that was part of the problem?) but I went upstairs, and went to bed...it wasn't bedtime. That was 45 years ago, and I can still remember thinking that I was a "very bad person", like it was yesterday...that it was almost "unforgivable".
This is the earliest specific memory that I have ( I have been told that I did other similar things, but I don't remember them) of the "angst" and that's pretty heavy for a three year old of BPD. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:27:53 AM | Dear Sans,
I wanted to thank you for your post. I agree. Lableing anyone with any one of these mental illnesses even with a degree is highly unprofessional.
You (not you Sans, You ppl in this Forum) don't have the right to Judge others, with or without a degree because you have not had the pleasure or opportunity to converse with the individual.
You only get to hear one side of the story. That is the side of the person who is venting. Who is to say someone is Bi Polar, or has a Personality Disorder even if they have dated them. Where is the empathy? Have you walked in their (the person who is unfairly being diagnoised) lived their life? Know what horror they have witnessed. Do you know the Trauma that they lived through? Of course not.
People stop and think for a minute. Even if you have been with someone for a very long time, there are thing that are bury so far in that persons pysch that the person you are unfairly diagnosing doesn't even know.
Remember no one has the right to Judge others. Take your own Inventory instead, it's much healthier and perhaps you will learn more about yourself, rather that laying blame and lableing your significant other, friend, family member etc.
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jaemey
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 342 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:46:54 AM |
Remember no one has the right to Judge others. Take your own Inventory instead, it's much healthier and perhaps you will learn more about yourself, rather that laying blame and lableing your significant other, friend, family member etc.
Dakota (and Sans).... i couldn't agree more. I always have to wonder what the personality of the individual posting such hatred or full blame on their ex is like. There are two sides to every story, so someone who seems to not be able to accept responsibility for there part might need to take a deep look at themselves.... it can only help (not harm) future relationships. Just because someone behaves a certain way does not give you the right to diagnose them based on your interpretation.... it is all subjective and percieved by one's opinion. I also think that some people have been diagnosed and the ex uses that diagnosis to blame the downfall of the relationship... still without accepting any part, which in many cases is simply not justifiable. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:37:19 PM | Dakota and Jaemy: You guys are smart cookies for seeing some of these posters for what they really are in regards to how they just "know" someone has BPD or any other mental illness for that matter based on their own personal experience with one or two people. I would think it takes years of study and education in order to assess anyone with a mental illness and I would love to have someone whom truly qualifies as an actual therapist to read this thread and analyze what they've read. They won't. There isn't a therapist on earth that will read words on an internet screen from a few angry people's perceptions of a past SO/friend/family member and try to make a qualified diagnosis of BPD or any other mental illness for that matter, because a true professional knows there are many more complexities involved in diagnosing and treating someone with a mental illness.
All of us have had less than pleasant experiences with people in our lives that have hurt us, made us angry, and have just driven us crazy at times. Well, those same people may be getting along just fine with someone else but they didn't with us. Does that make them mentally ill? No, it doesn't. It just means their behaviour wasn't something we could or would live with in the future but to someone else, their behaviour is just fine. Who's right? And who's wrong?
I don't value the opinions of other's that try to analyze my behaviour in a negative way because I may have had a bad day that day and sat in the middle of my kitchen floor and cried. Does that mean I need medication? no..it just means I had a bad day. I may get angry about something someone said and lash out at them. Does that mean I have BPD? no..it just means someone said something I didn't like and I said something they didn't like but in a louder voice.
If we all took a look at ourselves, I'm sure we can all remember a time in our lives where we behaved less than normal to outsiders based on our circumstances and emotions at the time...so I guess we've all been a little crazy at some point in our lives but I refuse to make such a dangerous assessment of trying to diagnose an ordinary person with BPD when I know for a fact how insane I'll be behaving in a few more weeks if the gas and food prices go up much higher. YIKES!!!! lol
Sans | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:00:33 PM | Actually my last serious relationship was with a guy who was bipolar II. We were together for about 7 months. We spent nearly every weekend together. Being that he was bipolar II I saw a lot more of his depressive than his manic side. However, seeing him in a manic episode the one time I did was a bit scary.
I was originally attracted to him for his intelligence. He is literally a math genius. While I knew nothing of most of what he was talking about, it's nice to have intelligent conversations about other things. He was a bit removed from reality and it wasn't always the easiest relationship to maintain. I cared about him but in the long run it just didn't work out for a variety of reasons. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:42:32 PM | HEY EVERYONE.
I was wandering, as i have kind of resurrected this post and YOU ARE ALL very very intelligent, sensitive and good people, can we kind of change the subject.
I need help.
What i want you lot to tell me is.... How do you get over being in a relationship with a borderline? How do you move on after being so damaged by their actions, heatbroken, used, abused,.... How do you make the pain of what they brought to your life go away?
How do you go to sleep at night without seeing these EVIL EVIL peoples faces.
BPD is..................... simply Hell. The residue they leave behind when they have gone reaps your soul and makes you scared forever.
Im still scared. Anxious constantly. A relationship with them is like being involved in a near fatal car crash........... you have flashbacks every day.
Im scared. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:46:02 PM | On the flip side of this thread, a lot of posters have recognized in themselves that something may be wrong regarding their behaviour in the past. Kudos to you! If you see a pattern of failed relationships, lack of self-esteem and erratic or violent behaviour within yourselves, then by all means get the necessary help you need in order to function normally and don't take ANY second hand advice from complete strangers on a public forum that copy and paste what they've read about BPD on google and claim to be an expert on the subject. Only a qualified professional can help you.
If someone (unqualified) tells you that you have BPD, run. They may be the one that are in dire need of help and not you. People will say anything and everything about you if you've hurt them in some way to ease their own pain. Never second guess yourself and only seek out help if you think there is cause to.
Sans | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:56:21 PM | if you find yourself in a dangerous situation with one of these people, call the police. don't let anything go by without making sure of your physical safety.
once you have that under control, you can set about healing yourself. i understand the destruction they can do, but you need to realize that you didn't bring it on yourself. you didn't cause their problems, you can't control their problems and you won't cure their problems. as the posters on this forum can attest, only the borderline can help their self.
they had issues they needed to act out and you simply got in their line of fire. now you know what to look for and you won't attract that sort of person again.
you need to focus on your own recovery. find ways each day to value yourself. try to become involved in things that will make you feel at peace. maybe you can find some sort of support group in your area. even something like codependents anonymous can give you some insight.
try keeping a journal. i know it helps many people. and listen to your own rationale. when you are ready to release the past, you will find the way.
all the best to you. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:06:00 PM | Hi,
I dated someone, i'm not sure if he had BPD, but he was the most complicated and mixed-up individual I have ever met.
He constantly talked of his ex girlfriends, from as back as 25 to 30 years ago, and his dead wife, who had died 7 years before i met him.
I am not insensitive, but when someone talks DAILY about his dead wife, giving intimate details, well i found this very strange indeed.
In fact he divorced his wife 6 years before she died, and yet he say's he is a widower on this site, and his photo is over 2 years old, i call this dishonest.
I met him in 2006 on a different site, he is on this site now, i wish i could warn the other women using this site.
He is a member of the Seventh Day Adventists 'church', i researched this church, and the more i found out, the more i am convinced that it is actually a 'sect' or 'cult'.
Why do i believe this?
They disapprove of dancing, tobacco, alcohol, jewellry, cosmetics, cinema etc
and yet they approve partial birth abortions!!
His 'charming' and colourful emails, so complimentary, he is well-spoken and educated, a 'posh' accent in fact
But beware, when you get to know him, he will criticise you, and try to control you.
He was the most insecure man i have ever met, hence the controlling side of his nature.
I finished with him 7 months age, and it was like a heavy burden had been lifted.
He lives with his frail mother, who reads his text messages when HE SHOWS THEM TO HER.
The 'click' on the telephone line, she listened to conversations.
I could write all night long on this subject.
To all of you women on this site, all i can say is beware.
I will say that he is 50 years old and looking for love and happiness.
I cannot give more details for obvious reasons.
You have been warned!!!!!! | |
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