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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:52:59 PM |
now.....
why in the hell would anyone do that?
huh?
date a nutcase?
pffft...
I admit that I was diagnosed as having "tendencies"....but I've traced them back to the age of three.
Go back and read my posts....do I seem like a "nutcase" to you?
I probably know the weaknesses of my personality better than most people on this site...I've spent numerous hours analyzing my thoughts, and changing the inappropriate thoughts, and learning how to control my moods....have you? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:22:35 AM | i feel its time i respond to this thread. i was indeed involved in a 2 yr relationship with a bpd female. how do i know she has bpd? she told me. how did she tell me? she recited bpd criteria. all 10. she just didnt know the name for it. it wasnt till everything crashed that i was able to figure it out. it was the typical relationship. met her on-line. she fell for me hard and fast. she mentioned marriage with in a month. i was shocked at her marriage statement. she said she was only kidding. she wasnt. the moodswing came hard and fast. this was my first time meeting someone like this so i didnt know what i was looking at or how to handle it. you want to talk sensative?! crap, nothing you say or do comes out the right way. i fell for her traps hook line and sinker.when ever she wanted a complement she would play me. how? things like, " i dont feel attractive in this outfit" my reply "you look beautiful" she loved to play the get me hot and bothered game. she would get me all worked up, then get up and do the dishes or something. or go do laundry. talk about confusion. my life became consumed with putting out her fires. she was cold and very distant. i would cry because she would hurt my feelings and she would just walk away. she said all she wanted to do was settle down. so i go and by us a new house. mind you there is a new car in this for her. it really is ALL ABOUT THEM. at the end i was catching on. one day she said "i love you" to me. i didnt reply. she said "arnt you gonna say it back" i said " i was just waiting to see what you were going to say. when i met this girl she was broke. had debt like i have never seen in my life. 2 words to describe her... IMPULSIVE and UNSTABLE. dont get me wrong guys, i have no hate for this girl. i will have her in my heart forever. its the illness thats bad. its aweful. when i learned about it, my heart was crying for her. to love someone who was suffering so deeply. it was like someone constantly throwing themselves into the fire. i was nothing but a security blanket. the relationship truly was going in one direction. she never, ever gave anything in return. when she was tired of me, she just ran out and had an affair. i was devistated when i found out. her reply to me when she confessed was 'i dont know why this is bothering you so much"  needless to say, while i was down on the ground she began kicking. she told her family and friends i was mean to her, i was jealous, you name it. mind you guys, she is very beautiful, intelligant, and very much appears ti have her shit together. this is where we fall. they are the master of disguises. she did what she had done in her past. just up and left. left all he belongings, it was hell to get to to be responsible. the childishness set in. i guess ending one relationship was getting in the way of her play time with her new mate. i ended up putting her things in storage and sending her the key. i had to go into therapy and meds immediatly. i was right on the edge of a nervous break-down. i have been in recovery for a yr now. it devistated me to no end. please, stay away from these people. read the dsm criteria. one p-doc told me they are dangerous. they are. because their moods change quick. remember this, whatever they are feeling they are feeling it 10x more. be it negative or positive. if you want you life ripped apart, destroyed, and in therapy, then go play with these folks. my only beef with my ex is she knows she needs help. she admits she destroys all her relationships. she knows her brain doesnt function right. she is very intelligent. its such a wate of human life. they cant handle much stress. my ex was under so much stress when she left she began dissociating. now we can talk all we want about dissociating, but you really have to see this in action to really understand it. this is wher the danger comes in. i believe most of us think of a mental illness as being something we can obviously see. well, it isnt true. they know how to cover it up. when its gets tiring, they begin to slip and you can see it. but the slip is only a glimpse. its gone so fast you almost question what you have just seen. this is where we begin to loose or question our own sanity. by the way, my ex was married within 7 months of leaving. i have not seen or heard from her since. she did contact my neighbor to let him know how happy she was now. human beings are DISPOSIBLE to them. in her very own words.. JUST A STEPPING STONE TO SOMEONE ELSE..............  | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:28:54 AM | Oh my god my friend.
Its like i could of wrote that myself. Your story is almost identical to mine, the person you went out with... its like its the same evil, evil girl.
How did you cope mate? Im in the middle of trying to get over the damage caused. I want so desperately to move on with my life, but every time i blink, i see her standing there, i see her with my blood on her hands, without a care in the world.
How do you recover from having your heart ripped out and set on fire? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:54:33 PM | | well guy, the most important thing i can tell you is to research and NO CONTACT. no. none at all. this is what i have learned about our state of mind at this early time in the crash of the realtionship. first of all, some very important chemicals in our heads are out of whack. i felt mine go out immediatley. i went to the doc the next day. since i had never felt my head do this before, i knew something was up. its called trauma. later this becomes ptsd. ptsd is no laughing matter. in the beginning i suffered from anxiety attacks, night sweats, deep depression, i lost 50 lbs in just a few months. my focus went out the window. i couldnt organize anyhting. and the biggie of them all............MOODSWINGS..yep. now these little guys are the devils themselves. all i can say is, dont make any decisions if you are depressed. do not act on any impulses. i had gotten some news as to something my ex had done during the cheating stages and i literally destroyed my house. obviousley my meds were taking time to adjust. anyow, please try to find a therapist who understands personality disorders. even better join a support group here online. they are ill because the brain chemicals arnt functioning well. for us in the beginning our brains are out of wack. i think they slowley go out of whack during the realtionship, but its suttle. the end sends us crashing big time. i would also reccommend to get rid of anything that might bring memories. mind you, i am a person who is freinds with all my exes. guys, this is DIFFERENT. dont go there. not even for a visit. good luck...... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:20:52 PM | Cheers for the reply mate.
My relationship with this girl only lasted 4 months. But this time in my life was something i still cannot comprehend to this day.
Like u i got straight to the doctors and started instant counselling which helped.... but when i got home i was back to normal. One night, i felt so so so ill i walked into A&E and practically collapsed with the shakes i was so depressed. They put me on valium and ive been fighting an addiction.
My time with this girl made me go insane. But breaking up with her - they way she ended it and the sheer coldness of her to me SENT ME OVER THE EDGE. After things ended... i was a walking, walking disaster. Couldnt eat, sleep, do anything. I had to quit my job because i constantly felt scared inside. I felt so scared, i dont know why. Its amazing how just one single person you fall for can make u go so crazy.
Its been 3 months since the relationship ended, thankfully, i am calmer than i was back then. My mate took me to Malia for a 2 week holiday. It was awesome, just the break i needed. Unfortunately, my confidence was so so so low i could hardly look at another girl. I feel so insecure about myself. She made me question everything about life... she was an alcoholic and clubaholic. Every time i go out, i am reminded of what she did to me in these environments.
I just want her face to leave me. I want peace. I hope im moving along slowly,,,, but these wounds seem to be taking one hell of a long time to heal. So damaging. So so damaging.
I do beleive this hell will make me a stronger person.............. it just feels like what she did to me,, the way she stole my heart.......... i feel so weak, so so weak.
Weak and lonely. The worst thing is, she is the only girl i have ever loved. I don't know if i will ever meet anybody like this again......... its like, she has left a hole inside of my body where my heart used to be.
I feel so anxious all the time. Its all over now, i am rebuilding my life. I just want to be happy, i do not know what it feels like. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:05:17 PM | i promise you this will pass. its still soon to feel completly better. yes, the wound is deep, and very deep at that.getting them out of our life is the easy part. now, to get them out of our heads, thats another story.she is still fresh in my mind every day. i think i saw her in my neighborhood last week. i hope it wasnt her. they are known for there relationships to crash soon. they really only last about a yr one doc told me. but it sems the majic number is four months. it seems they either get bored or they split. its usually with no notice. be happy your relationship was only 4 months. the more into the fog you get, the harder it is to get out. man, please watch out for that xanax. i was throwing them down my throat like candy. i had to switch over to weed for a while and it helped. i have never smoked weed on a daily basis, but i remember some friends telling me it helps with the anxiety. seroquel is the best med ever. the sleep i get is awesome, and man, what a relaxer. you will fall in love again. i promise. just go through this. there is no other choice. i just read a really cool book. zen path through depression. read this book if you can find it. it talks about the positive aspects of depression and how it can make us better people. our exes are on a road to distruction. lets not follow them. remember this my friend, they got there because something bad happened to them. something bad has happened to us. lets not go down the same path. please think of yourself as being lucky. you realtionship was fast. you will probably heal faster then i. keep being around friends. take the dating thing slow. your self esteem will come back. please man, keep up no contact. you remember the anxiety, well it can get worse then that. i understand the going places and the memories. i to am struggling with that. i am planning on leaving here soon as i feel a new change of scenery might help. well guy, take care. everything is gonna be ok!!!!!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:11:02 PM | An ex was diagnosed with that at some point in our 5 year relationship, it was also suggested bipolar, I think she had so many problems the doctors werent quite sure. I think her bpd was a result of a pretty bad childhood. She never really knew who she was exactly. Always looking for ways to define herself. cue crazy ideas. on top of that her kid had high functioning autism. I was naive when I started it and didnt know what I was getting into. Talk about a hard relationship. I'm a notoriously calm person but that was pretty stressful at times. She was either depressed or having crazy ideas. Well not all crazy but seemed unable to tackle anything in small steps. Some of her ideas were kind of odd, painting the hall in the middle of the night was disturbing. She worked for a while, which was good for her but eventually couldnt handle the politics. She was a raw vegan for a while which was amazingly good for her but couldnt stick to it. She had to be sectioned for a while over various issues. Had various ideas about going to college/being an acupuncturist/homeopathy but they never quite panned out.
What broke the camels back, was taking the kid out of school to hometutor him against all reasonable advice including mine. She spent a fortune on ebay on materials and then couldnt get the kid to do any work. That wasnt entirely her fault. The kid was extremely headstrong. It was pretty much impossible to get him to do anything if he didnt want to do it. Especially if the people asking were as familiar as family. At least in school he had to conform as best he could to other people's rules with the help of a support person who was less familiar to him. He had friends too, although that had to be taught how to deal with his more alarming tendancies. Most of his friends were girls for some strange reason.
It was a sorry situation taking him out school, he lost contact with his friends, she didnt take him out that much. I was working. Did the best I could at the weekends. she got depressed over her inability to cope. social services had to take him out to places just so he got out of the house. His social development at a crucial point in a growing child's life was completely devastated and the stress of having to manage the kid completely killed the relationship. As much as one doesnt want to desert a kid at some point one has to save ones own sanity. Fortunately we were both in the same mind it wasnt working anymore. She wanted me to agree to try to change some aspects of myself but I declined. Eventually she got with my best friends brother and now live as happily as can be in another part of the country. The kid went crazier and they had to get him on some serious medication but they've finally managed to get him back into education, into a special school that can handle his specific issues. She's getting back into the raw veganism that was always good for her.
The best that can be said about that relationship is we both learnt a lot of things about ourselves and you really find out who you are when you have to deal with a lot of difficult things. doubly difficult with the kid as well! It was a rite of passage. We've both ended up in better relationships after it. | |
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DBLADY
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Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 358 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:54:50 PM | I started reading these forums to try and comprehend what has been happening to me these last 11 months. I'm no doctor but all of you have given me a lot of insight and some understanding of BPD that sure fits with the craziness that I have been living with this past year. I had never encountered anyone like him before, and never hope to again! Yes he is on this dating site with 17 favorites already to his credit (found out he was "chatting" with many before our final exit and who knows what else). The closer we became the more confusing his actions and words became. Didn't pay attention to the "red flags", kept trying to "help him" and reassure him. Lost touch with my friends, my family, lost my job of 16 yrs, almost lost my house of 18 yrs (through one of his "schemes"), lost most of my savings and almost lost my sanity....the biggest loss was my heart. Now he has me involved in legal issues that could affect the rest of my life and career....so where is that "...nice looking,just a good guy..." now? You may have already chatted with him and/or have started dating him....I have my own issues, as we all do, but no one would believe that this "just a good guy" is like this....I wouldn't have believed before this experience....I should have listened when his own mother said there was something seriously wrong with him and wished he would get help...but I pushed those negative thoughts away and thought in time he would see how much I loved him and all I had done for for him (how pathetic and gullible do I sound) . Hopefully the legal issues won't be as bad as I expect and hopefully I will get some of my belongings and "loans" back...but I'd rather just stay far away and heal myself. I'm sorry he has mental health issues, I wish him the best, but ladies (and men) please pay attention to those "signs", "red flags" or whatever you call it.
I too am trying to heal my broken heart because when it's good, it was the best....but the bad is just too much...knowledge (of which you all helped on this forum) and time will heal me and listening to my intuition will sustain me. Thanks everyone! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:56:39 AM | | the one thing i realized was i new something was wrong, but i couldnt put a name to it. my friends would ask what was WRONG, but i couldnt descibe it, so i thought it was me. in my situation she told me everything right from the start. she hated heself, thought she was ugly, didnt get along with her family, had no friends at all and no desire to either. i should have bolted when i found out after she had moved in with me she still had ads on other dating sites and was still responding to them. god, was i dumb or something? charismatic, thats what had me blind. she had already been through 2 or 3 other people before she met me. this was only in a years time mind you. looking back on it now, she dumped me cold. she new i had no family or friends. she new i was real sick when she left. i hate to sound like the victim here, but i was the victim. she kept saying she was tired of going from one person to another, duh!!!! well then stop already! wanna hear somehting funny? there is a girl at work who started hitting on me. she came to my house for a min. or 2 after work. man, she jumped right into that strange personality. i told her to stop. she said why? i said i just got out of a relationship with someone with this type of attitude. her reply? "did she have a personality disorder to? creepy creepy creepy. now it seems when these folks get into realtionships it triggers the weird behaviour. the girl at my work now has a live in b/f. she has started getting weird. i moved to the other side of the work area last week. the other day one of her freinds there said "what the heck is wrong with you?" you are acting so stupid these days. man, after you live through this its so easy to spot unhealthy behaviour. good luck. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:24:02 AM | ["you are acting so stupid these days. man, after you live through this its so easy to spot unhealthy behaviour. good luck." ]
Unfortunately this is not correct... these people, and I'm referring to BPD personalities, are so engaging and charming - it is all too easy to let your guard down..
I doubt if a person will see the dots at first, much less be able to connect them... it takes a while..
And that is the big problem for many of us who have been through the sausage grinder of trying to make it work with one of them-
I for one am so skeptical of anyone now, instead of looking with a non-judgmental eye, I am constantly looking/expecting indicators of negative behavior... and that doesn't work..
The potential for being subjected to that type of behavior is so repulsive that it seems easier to avoid dating altogether than to swim with sharks for fun..
Once again, it seems that many responders here are mistaken in their own experiences, and others believe that a clinical diagnosis is the exclusive gold standard for spotting one- actually most of the BPD personalities are never willing to seek help unless ordered to by court- but they have all the symptoms the same as diagnosed...merely remaining in a state of non-diagnosis...
they just go from one failed relationship to another.. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:23:29 AM | Thankyou so much for your time guys, especially FEMSPIRIT.
Its very very sad, that we, good people have had to go through these nightmares. All we have ever done wrong,,, is fell in love with someone we shouldnt of. The only true mistake we have ever made, is trying to follow our hearts, trying to help the one we love, trying to fight against the devil.
Unfortunately, the fight was never ever going to end in our victory. We all get sucked into thinking we can win, but we cannot. Its one thing finishing with the borderline, but another trying to get over the damage.
She left me in the gutter, sick as a dog, so low i didnt know if i could go on. She left me for dead.... while she just erased me from her mind and moved on to someone else. She told me she loved me, that i was all she ever wanted, she cried on me she was so happy, i was her life. A week later, she dumped me saying she couldnt be in a relationship and needed to be on her own. 2 days after this, she started a new relationship with an asian man who has an arranged marriage coming up.
She almost did it to hurt me even more, when all i had ever done is love her. The pain just doesnt seem to go,,,, i lost faith in everything... how the only person i ever felt so close to..... could destroy me without a care in the world.
She's out getting sh*gged left right and centre now, she was a real slag, i always knew it. I could of made her so happy.... if only she didnt give up on love, life,,, and give in to her illness.
Everyone told me i deserve better than her. I think i do to, but im scared i will never ever find better. I guess i have to trust Gods path in life.
I so want to move on....... but every day its so fresh. I wake up and the first thing i think of is.............. "How could she do that? Where is she now? What have i got to live for? Why?"... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:29:11 AM | My ex-husband was diagnosed with BPD, a perdominately woman's disorder.
The highs and lows eventaully became unbearable.
One day I was the best thing that ever happened to him, the next day I was a **** that was out to get him ....
He would never stay on his prescribed medication. Unfortunately I did not know of his disorder until after we were married, he kept it from me ...
You have to be a strong person to deal with this in extreme cases I think ... alas I was not strong enough so it seems ... | |
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DBLADY
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Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 364 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:19:44 PM | Wow...our stories and feelings sound so familiar! I could have been writing these about myself.
MBlengendleah - I had and still have some of these feelings. Your right she is out getting sh...and isn't giving you a thought or care....so why spend more of your time giving it to her. That's what I think about when I think of him and I get angry that more of my energy and health is being spent on this person that had no respect or regard for what I did for him. I am a good person and it's time I spent that energy and good feelings on myself...I hope you will do the same. Don't cheat yourself out of those feelings. When you start feeling the pain, get up do something, anything...take a shower, clean up...anything so that you feel you have accomplished something for yourself! It is really difficult to get up, have a shower, get dressed and go on with life but YOU MUST for your well being. What she did to you was not your fault or failure...remember that!
These are the things I have been doing to get myself over this tough time. I'm scared for myself as you are, that I will never be good enough....but each day I remember how loving and strong I was for him so I will be that way towards myself!
Why give more to them then they deserve?? I grieve for the good times and feelings but I then remember how I felt during the bad times. How stressing it was to wonder how he would react to just everyday events....there were times I could almost predict his unfounded accusation and crazy dillusions and my body would just tense up....the crying, so on and so on....this was no way to live...why should we grieve for that life?
I hope this helps you....remember you are a unique and giving human...give to yourself and the friends that stuck by you - they and you are worth your time and the reason to move on. I don't know if I'll ever find a true loving relationship but I am not going to waste anymore of my precious time on this earth over someone that couldn't care less about me....I'm giving it to the people that matter...my family and my friends and especially myself.
Thinking of you and sending good thoughts and wishes your way! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:54:18 PM |
Thankyou so much for your time guys, especially FEMSPIRIT.
Its very very sad, that we, good people have had to go through these nightmares. All we have ever done wrong,,, is fell in love with someone we shouldnt of. The only true mistake we have ever made, is trying to follow our hearts, trying to help the one we love, trying to fight against the devil.
Unfortunately, the fight was never ever going to end in our victory. We all get sucked into thinking we can win, but we cannot. Its one thing finishing with the borderline, but another trying to get over the damage.
She left me in the gutter, sick as a dog, so low i didnt know if i could go on. She left me for dead.... while she just erased me from her mind and moved on to someone else. She told me she loved me, that i was all she ever wanted, she cried on me she was so happy, i was her life. A week later, she dumped me saying she couldnt be in a relationship and needed to be on her own. 2 days after this, she started a new relationship with an asian man who has an arranged marriage coming up.
She almost did it to hurt me even more, when all i had ever done is love her. The pain just doesnt seem to go,,,, i lost faith in everything... how the only person i ever felt so close to..... could destroy me without a care in the world.
She's out getting sh*gged left right and centre now, she was a real slag, i always knew it. I could of made her so happy.... if only she didnt give up on love, life,,, and give in to her illness.
Everyone told me i deserve better than her. I think i do to, but im scared i will never ever find better. I guess i have to trust Gods path in life.
I so want to move on....... but every day its so fresh. I wake up and the first thing i think of is.............. "How could she do that? Where is she now? What have i got to live for? Why?"...
I have to intervene here.....
Do you realize that you are basing the WORTH of your LIFE on a four month relationship with a woman who is mentally ill?
Does that sound normal to you? It doesn't to me.
I have been on both ends of the Borderline coin....my Mother was Borderline, and I have "tendencies", so I consider myself knowledgeable on both sides of the story.....
I realize that you are from Britain, my family are from Britain too....your posts are full of hyperbole....(which is a very British thing), and I believe that you should seek counselling for your "distorted" thoughts. If you continue to think the way you do now, your life will not be very pleasant.
Notwithstanding your girlfriend being Borderline, nothing in life is guaranteed. Unfortunately for you, she had free will. Whether she used it wisely or not, is not the point....she is free to live her life as she chooses. If she chooses not to seek help, she is free to conduct herself as she sees fit. If her behaviour is as outrageous as you suggest, I suspect that her free will could be taken from her involuntarily. Again, that would be of her own doing.
I suggest, that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on....do not try to figure out her irrational thinking. I could not figure out my Mother's irrational thinking, and I have a good idea of how she thought......the human race's mind reading skills have not, and will not ever be honed to a fine art. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:15:40 AM | Hey Quazi,
Thats a great message, you have hit it bang on.
I know its not normal the way i am thinking. Your right, it was just a small time in my life, i have to move on and accept what has happened.
To be honest, I already have. I am moving on with my life. The thing is.... i am just so haunted. I don't understand.... she is in my mind 24/7, i have no control over it. I have nightmares about her every night. This haunt is stopping me from living my life............ if i could just forget about her i would be fine.
It makes me feel so anxious and stops me from moving on. I am receiving counselling, which is theraputic, but doesnt make the thoughts and anxiety go away.
Will i find peace in my mind in time? Is it because my wounds are still fresh.
The worst part is,,, she was my first love and first time. I am young..... she is all i know, all i ever wanted. I still feel heartbroken.
How long............... before i find peace.............. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:33:22 AM | : Hey Quazi,
Thats a great message, you have hit it bang on.
I know its not normal the way i am thinking. Your right, it was just a small time in my life, i have to move on and accept what has happened.
To be honest, I already have. I am moving on with my life. The thing is.... i am just so haunted. I don't understand.... she is in my mind 24/7, i have no control over it. I have nightmares about her every night. This haunt is stopping me from living my life............ if i could just forget about her i would be fine.
It makes me feel so anxious and stops me from moving on. I am receiving counselling, which is theraputic, but doesnt make the thoughts and anxiety go away.
Will i find peace in my mind in time? Is it because my wounds are still fresh.
The worst part is,,, she was my first love and first time. I am young..... she is all i know, all i ever wanted. I still feel heartbroken.
How long............... before i find peace..............
Breaking up with your "first" is always devastating. That is a given.
If you are reliving your relationship, and trying to figure out what happened, don't bother.....you don't want to carry any "learning experiences" from this relationship into your next relationship.....try very hard to actually avoid that.
Try listening to music to stop you from thinking about her.....very loud music...drown your thoughts of her out. When your brain gets a break from the thoughts, it will turn to other thoughts. This won't happen overnight.....
The anxiety is a different story....why are you anxious? Did she say stuff that hit a nerve with you? Did she threaten you and scare you? That's what you need to figure out, and deal with in therapy.
The more, and faster, you work on this stuff, the sooner you will find peace....... | |
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psy-5
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Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 368 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:44:34 AM | | Even those people without medical labels are 'questionable' by my experience. You know, there is someone for everyone & if you don't like a person who has an on-the-edge personality, move on; there will be someone who loves them!!! Life is Life:) | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:46:13 AM | | I’ve just recently been in a relationship with a woman who exhibited virtually all of the signs of BPD. To me it was often frustrating as she would make me the villain one day, then be loving the next. The closer we became emotionally, she would display the classic signs of the disorder with greater frequency and severity. In the end I realized that her destructive behavior was having a harmful effect on me. It was perhaps the sadist time of my life as I had felt that this woman was the one I wanted to spend my life with. But just as the BPD needs professional help, the non-BPD, as I realized finally, risks great personal harm if he/she lingers on in such a relationship. When it finally dawned on me that things weren’t likely to get any better it became easier to let go, but knowing what we had, even if for a while, has made it hard at times for me to recover. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:16:59 AM | I should also add that when she fell into those “moody periods” there was nothing I could do to help and nothing I did that was right.
If I tried to help I’d get an angry “you are preaching to me. I can deal with this myself. I’ve never been able to count on anyone but myself”. But if I did as she asked, letting her deal with her problem, then I was berated for not being supportive enough for her. I even thought/hoped that holding out and letting her know that I loved her would be enough – ultimately none of it was.
So when SO’s or professionals who’ve been with BPD’s say run, I now understand, its for the sake of saving whatever is left mentally for the non-BPD. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:55:11 AM | I'm reading this thread out of curiousity. BPD's are similar to NPD's.
Its such a shock to your system to deal with someone like this. Most of us are pretty normal and people come & go in our lives, no biggie. But these people put such a mark on your pysche you can't easily forget. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:37:01 PM |
I'm reading this thread out of curiousity. BPD's are similar to NPD's.
I believe that many men who are diagnosed NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) are actually BPD. That's a different topic altogether.....
For anyone who may be dealing with a Borderline...here is what I do when faced with a raging Borderline....
Stand in very close proximity no further than 5 feet away...there is no question that I can hear what they are saying.
Look them right in the eye as they rage...and listen to what they are saying.
I don't respond, I just let them wind down...first time might take a while.....
Then I respond to the "allegations" in a very clear, precise tone, which leaves nothing to the imagination. I do not exaggerate or swear.
I state that this is the only time that I will address these particular "allegations" and that I won't be discussing them further.
It usually only takes this happening....two or maybe three times, before the Borderline realizes that I won't be drawn into the "drama", and they start being more "selective" about what they rage about.
This is a Borderline "tendencies" way of dealing with Borderlines.
Because BPD is essentially an emotional dysregulation.....we react to things waaayyyy more than the average person.....when people don't react to things the way we think they should, we get waaayyyy more angry, waaayyyy quicker than we should. This is not faked or done purposely. The emotions are extreme, and we don't understand why they aren't extreme for you too.
By remaining calm, and telling the Borderline exactly what your motivation, expectation, perception of a given situation is, you are showing them that you are addressing their concern, and that in most cases, their concern is exaggerated...(but don't say that!) and here's why.......
We aren't impossible to live with....but having a head's up on what works best really does come in handy....remaining calm, and not taking things personally are your best friends, when it comes to dealing with a Borderline.
I hope this helps someone....... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:04:21 PM | Because BPD is essentially an emotional dysregulation.....we react to things waaayyyy more than the average person.....when people don't react to things the way we think they should, we get waaayyyy more angry, waaayyyy quicker than we should. This is not faked or done purposely. The emotions are extreme, and we don't understand why they aren't extreme for you too.
i wish i had realized this. what a valuable statement! i will definitely keep it in mind if i ever encounter another bpd sufferer.
the entire post has so much worthwhile insight and i feel certain it can help anyone interact with a bpd sufferer more effectively.
sensing that the bpd's extreme reaction deviates from normal behavior, we (the non-bpds) tend to shut down instead of explaining ourselves in the manner you suggest. we sense that anything we say can lead to more abusive words.
i certainly see how your method would defuse the situation and allow for growth and healing.
thank you for such a valuable contribution. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:42:17 PM |
i wish i had realized this. what a valuable statement! i will definitely keep it in mind if i ever encounter another bpd sufferer.
the entire post has so much worthwhile insight and i feel certain it can help anyone interact with a bpd sufferer more effectively.
sensing that the bpd's extreme reaction deviates from normal behavior, we (the non-bpds) tend to shut down instead of explaining ourselves in the manner you suggest. we sense that anything we say can lead to more abusive words.
i certainly see how your method would defuse the situation and allow for growth and healing.
thank you for such a valuable contribution.
You're very welcome.
It's only through years of self examination, and dealing with my Mom, who was Borderline, that I've realized the most effective way (for me anyway) of dealing with a rage.
It's also showing the Borderline that they are being heard and their needs being addressed...just not in a hysterical, non-productive fashion. | |
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| PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:42:21 PM | CALLING ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY BPD.
Hello everyone.
I have turned to this message board because right now I am feeling about as sad as I ever have in my whole life.
The truth is.... since my ex girlfriend with BPD came into my life, I just am not the same man i once was. I had a relationship with a girl which was of utter emotional turmoil and hell. The relationship with her... was something toxic, even though i loved her. In the end, she left me............ turned her back and walked away on me, the help i gave her, the love i gave her. The ending was heartbreak and we no longer have contact.
I am still heartbroken to this very day. It has been months since we broke up and I fell into a hole of depression i just cannot, cannot, cannot get out.
Nobody understand why i have been affected so badly, only the people on this board do because they have been where i am now. People think it was just a bad relationship..... tell me to get over it, plenty more fish etc..... but the truth is.................................... once bitten by a borderline i dont know if its possible to ever go back to the way you were.
I'm scared people.
I cry every night of my life for this girl. I cannot sleep. Its not that I miss her... its that i still care so so so much, even though she did the dirty on me................. theres a girl i love out there with a really bad illness, not getting help, not getting love.
I just.... i feel so depressed over what i saw and experienced. Im so disturbed that a human being could degenerate so badly. I was by her side when she was so so so so so low.......................................... now i stay awake every night... its almost as if i can feel her pain... what is she going through? Is she ok?
The truth is, she is probably in a better state than me, i have been diagnosted severely depressed. I cannot even go to work, while she is probably off getting drunk, doing drugs, sleeping around and having fun, fake fun maybe but still fun.
I know its not my place to care anymore, because she is GONE FOREVER. BUt the truth is........... i cant get this girl out of my head. She haunts me, the terrible things she put me through, the terrible states i saw her in..... my heart bleeds.
Ive been having counselling. The counsellor told me to forget her and concentrate on me........... but i remember turning round and saying 'Ok, so I have a chance of getting better. Say if i make a full recovery and go on to have a happy life.... thats good..... BUT WHAT ABOUT HER?????? What happens to her wherever she is??? Whose going to help her???????????
Guys, i honestly think that metting this girl, it actually made me crazy, i still am now. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces after what i went through. I just cannot seem, cannot seem to move on or let go. There is no contact ANYMORE. She absolutely hates me now, PROJECTION. Blamed me for evetrything bad she did. I have to live my life feeling this hatred everyday.
U guys, ur the only ones i know who have been where I am now.
I know i couldnt be her saviour..... but the absolute scary thing is.... I was the normal one. I actually think i needed HER more than she needed me.
The drugs, counselling,,, nothing seems to make my darkest days fade. My darkest days of living in the past. It still scares me, everyday, to see a human tragedy before my eyes.
I used to be so normal. Now, i actually feel like i have turned into the girl she was when i met her. Someone scared, depressed, lonely, confused and un-loved.
I have all the support in the world, but my mind is always against me, making me feel so bad, what do i do????????????????
Im sorry guys............... but as i said, u are the only ones who truly know just how a BPD can get into ur blood.
Why does my heart feel so bad? I did my best didnt I? I feel so sad.
x | |
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