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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:11:03 PM | I dated a man who had BPD AND bipolar for 8 months. That is, off and on for 8 months. He never admitted having it, just the bipolar, which he said he was only diagnosed with that because he was drinking at the time... lol Later, at counseling sessions, I found out he had both.
Anyway, BPD people cannot be helped... you cannot help them enough, it's NEVER enough, AND there is no real cure for BPD. You can try through therapy to learn to live around them or how to go about your daily activities, but there is nothing anyone can do for these people. Medication just doesn't seem to work.
This man told me when we met that he'd been married twice. Later through an ex-wife, I found out he'd been married EIGHT times, had several bankruptcies, three more children than he claimed to have, didn't talk to any of his family, had been in prison, and the list goes on.
After several months of trying to get rid of him, he was gone for good... sadly though, he met another woman on another dating site and she is now his next victim.
I also met a man just recently who has bipolar, something I found out AFTER we started dating. Even though he was supposedly on medication, he ended up acting in much the same way as the BPD/bipolar guy. I thought being on medication it would make a difference, but in HIS case, it did not. Either that or he wasn't taking the medication properly.
My advice to anyone is just BE CAREFUL. BPD is a horrible thing for the person going through it and the people involved. In my experience, bipolar wasn't any better and in the future, I will choose not to be in a relationship with anyone who has either. And just for the record, I am probably one of the most understanding and tolerant and patient persons in the world... this bipolar man was also a paraplegic and I accepted that also. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:29:00 PM |
Anyway, BPD people cannot be helped
go back and read the thread again. you will find that, with hard work, effort and determination, a bpd sufferer can make great progress.
you cannot help them enough, it's NEVER enough
this i agree with. the only person who can help is the bpd themself.
and no, no matter what you do, how supportive you are, how long you hang in there, how many hours you listen, how many demands you try to meet, if the person refuses to acknowledge the problem, your efforts really are never enough.
but i do believe help exists for these people. particularly after reading this thread. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:37:35 PM |
Quazi, don't take this personally, but i've realised u are an aries. Thats wierd..... ive noticed a lot of people with BPD are aries. My ex was.
Don't get angry by my comments now, im speaking hypothetically. But, its well known that ARIES people are some of the most nasty, selfish, narcisstic, sadistic people out there. Cross an Aries with BPD and u get someone who, u wouldnt really want to know, not that it applies to u Quazi.
But, i'm a true believer in Astrology. For me being Pisces, dating an ARIES could never ever ever have worked because they are just too insensitive. Fire and Water don't go. U lot shud read into star signs and, u will realise...... it really is un-cannily true.
Aries,, i'd never go near another one. Ive dated two. Even my male friends who are ARIES arent very nice people.
Go and do some research. You'll be surprised.
Funny....it's my Ariesness that has given me the strength to rise above the BPD, and get so far with my "remission".
Possibly the worst BPD that I know is Pisces....isn't really big on rages, but manipulation, and vindictiveness....wow.....if he's angry at you, check the brakes on your car to make sure they work before you drive away....
If I sat here long enough, I could probably think of someone from every astrological sign who is BPD. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:26:48 PM |
with hard work, effort and determination, a bpd sufferer can make great progress
OK I should have qualified my statement... BPD people cannot be cured, they cannot be helped if they don't want it or don't acknowledge they have a problem. They do make progress at times, but it never goes away completely. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:47:54 PM | It's a sad day when you start looking up personality disorders to try to figure out your partner's issues. My experience with an udbpdx, (yep, I read through hundreds of pages of BPD central) was horrific. Some classic signs of BPD, some classic signs of NPD.
My understanding is almost everyone has varying degrees of different personality disorders, few people are a true single disorder, combinations of disorders in any extreme can be a dangerous concoction of emotion.
What I took away from this four year roller coaster was, the "normal" thought process is something happens to us that makes us feel a certain way, and we react to that. A person with this disorder feels a certain way, anger, hatred, love, and they have to create the reason they feel this way. The reason is often totally made up, but in their minds, they believe it, because there HAS to be a reason for their feelings.
The very nature of the disorder makes them difficult to diagnose let alone treat. They can be masters of deception, but the fact is, they not only decieve the people around them, they also decieve themselves, and often don't recognize their problems as their own; it's usually someone else's fault.
Confrontation will be thrown back in your face, it goes from being your fault, to "I know, I'm ALWAYS wrong, I admit it, I'm a prick, you should leave". For me, it was a no win sitch. There was no normal conversation ever, everything could start out fine and always turned into him reading something into whatever I said. I could say something really nice or complimentary to him, but he would read it as sarcastic, and there would start an hour long rage. Sometimes two hours or two days.
And you know what? He joined this site, after seeing it on my computer and calling it "smells like fish" while I was still living there, and I don't care if he sees what I write. I'm OUT.
Perhaps if you were to meet someone with a personality disorder, they recognize they have a problem and seek treatment, they have their disorder treated and they stick with whatever the treatment is, or at least try to understand why they are how they are, and you are an extremely strong person, are faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, you MAY be able to handle one of these disorders. I am not one of those people. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:28:34 PM |
Don't get angry by my comments now, im speaking hypothetically. But, its well known that ARIES people are some of the most nasty, selfish, narcisstic, sadistic people out there. Cross an Aries with BPD and u get someone who, u wouldnt really want to know, not that it applies to u Quazi.
I'm an aries!! I have my own biases, but not one of generalizing an entire population of people whether based upon their astrological sign or something else.....everyone is different, regardless of their "sign". | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:44:32 PM | try asking someone with the condition instead !
LIKe me !
Yes i have the condition and have had it for 20 years .
my partner who i met on this site incidently loves me and deals with me well !
the way to deal with someone with this condition is a great understanding and alot of thoughtfulness .
we dont ask for this condition nor do we enjoy this condition !
All i can say is my partner ignores me when i am at my worst and humours me .this often gets me back on track .
he is a special guy with great understanding we met as friends and talked for a long time before we dated .I completely trust him and he makes me feel secure and that is generally what we need .
We dont need bad publicity as i have read in these threads we are human we just have a medical condition.
We dont enjoy having it and we dont mean alot of what we do or say .
we want the same as anyone else to be loved and trusted to find the man / woman of our dreams who will love us reguardless
I acknoweledged my problem and take the relevant medication and will have it for the rest of my life but circumstances of my life gave me this condition i wasnt born with it !
My best advice talking is the best thing in the world and alot of understanding but someone who sees past this slight problem is the person you need to be with ! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:46:58 PM |
What I took away from this four year roller coaster was, the "normal" thought process is something happens to us that makes us feel a certain way, and we react to that. A person with this disorder feels a certain way, anger, hatred, love, and they have to create the reason they feel this way. The reason is often totally made up, but in their minds, they believe it, because there HAS to be a reason for their feelings.
I dunno about this...alot of the time, I wouldn't have a clue why I felt the way I did, unless something dramatic was afoot. I've spent many therapy sessions going through what has transpired that could have triggered the mood. Now, if I'm angry, let's say, I can usually pinpoint what caused the anger. Usually it has to do with past events that are recurring in a similar form.
There was no normal conversation ever, everything could start out fine andalways turned into him reading something into whatever I said. I could say something really nice or complimentary to him, but he would read it as sarcastic, and there would start an hour long rage. Sometimes two hours or two days.
OMG.....I have probably spent years trying to explain myself, because something has been misinterpreted. I really dig into the vocabulary to keep it clear, but if the person is in a real "devaluation" mode, and is irrational, (yes, it is possible to be rational, I've done it) don't bother....you could bow and kiss their ring, and it would be wrong.
Perhaps if you were to meet someone with a personality disorder, they recognize they have a problem and seek treatment, they have their disorder treated and they stick with whatever the treatment is, or at least try to understand why they are how they are, and you are an extremely strong person, are faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, you MAY be able to handle one of these disorders. I am not one of those people.
I like that ^^^^...it's good... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:13:22 PM | Yes I have dated someone with this condition.
When I started seeing her (btw I found her on this site) she told me straight up that she started seeing a theorpist and they said that she had BPD. They gave her pills and started regular sessions to help with the disease. She also told me about how bad her past was that led to her developing BPD. At the time I didn't know anything about BPD so I looked it up and saw what it was all about. Maybe than I should of just lost her number but I thought come on I have to at least see it through and get to know her a little bit.
After only the second time I realised that she was funny with alcohol. Once she started she could not put it down till it consumed her and this whole new person would come out. I think due to the fact that we were out I only saw the good side of that. Later on when we'd just chill at her place and have a few cold ones she would start freaking out and talking about her past and how bad it was. Now that part was ok I don't have a problem listening to someone espiacelly when they are in need. But when she starts to wanting to hurt herself and talk about being unworthy, that is taking it way too far.
So after the first freakout I saw her have I told her she should either stop drinking or at least drink at a slow pace. She said she'd try to drink slower. But I knew she couldn't so I put it upon myself to make sure she drinks slowly. What a mistake that was! Like any drinker my reactions get slower so maybe I was lucky at one time but I wasn't always able to stop her. I'll get back to that a bit later. Other than alcohol consumption the serious issue I saw was her mood swings and how quick she'd change her mind over anything. She had very low self esteem even though she has a lot of things going for her (looks, smart enough, funny, fun, etc). Her past explains that but still, I'm the type that will eventually overpower any situation with a little self belief. She just could not do that, and probably still can't. Also she'd see a tiny comment by me as a very personal attack and something so innocent could develop into world war 3 in seconds. I thought at first ok some people can be like that but the way it was happening and how agro she'd get was just insane.
What I think really complicated matters was her roommate. She's this middle aged sad excuse of a person who had no life, and was either jealous of us or just hated me. I think it was the latter. She also had some kind of condition, I think bipolar or something I am not sure. Anyways she would go online and use my ex's account on msn to chat to me. And she sounded a lot like her too. Though pretending to be someone else online is not that hard. So I told this old hag god knows how many personal stuff, and it strained the whole relationship with my ex. She was definatelly a bad influence when one night she brought something like 2 dozen beers and than her and my ex started drinking. They got soooo drunk their moods went up and than deep deep down to the point where they started cutting themselves. My ex did the most damage. Something like a dozen cuts on her arm and another dozen on her thighs. They were across the arm so they were attention seeking cuts not a suicide attempt. I wasn't there to stop this insanity.
Anyways on to the 'incident'. This involved insane alcohol consumption. Something a normal drinker would have over 4-5 hours she had over 2 hours. Yeah I was drinking with her and got quite drunk myself and couldn't really control the situation (I still feel a little bad about that). Now I know you lot have been involved with someone with BPD for probably a lot longer time than I have, but seeing someone in an insane fit, screaming and chanting and hitting themselves was just plain insane. This lasted for hours till she herself called for an ambulence. So I had to go to the hospital with her. I haven't been to one in ages before I met her. It was one of the most horrible and saddest things I have ever seen in my life. I thought I had issues and tended to look negatively at life, but that is absolutelly nothing compared to that. I felt sorry for her but at the same time I should not be the one to get punished for all of those who have hurt her. I had tried to make her talk about her stuff, and work through it. I guess that was no good, and in fact when I tried to help her, for instance with her insane drinking, she accused me of being controlling. I am very sure it had something to do with my ethicity since her friends didn't really like it that much. But that is not the issue. The fact that as time went on she appreciated me a lot less. She took me and the situation for granted.
After the incident I wanted to think things over. To be honest I did think about breaking up with her right than and there because mood swings and dealing with insecurities is one thing but having to take care of someone who over drinks and has no regard for me is a completelly different thing. Before I decided on anything (this was just a day and a half after the incident) she called to talk online. There she said she was breaking up with me. I was sad and pissed, because it was my decision to make not hers. Than after 10 minutes of that she undoes the breakup. At that point I was just pissed off. How can someone just not care about the other person without any regards to their feelings? I told her well you wanted to break up so you have it. She pleaded and pleaded with no good. Eventually after that (about 10 days after that) she fought with her roommate and left. She called to see me. Only at the time I did not know that she had no place to go. So when I see her she had all her stuff. Basically she put me on the spot so I had to let her stay at my place. It only lasted for one night though. She never thanked me for that. She could of spent the night on the streets if it wasn't for me. After that I thought we were going to just be friends. So I kept on talking to her online. After 3 days of that I realise that it was her roommate again. That is when I had it. I realise that people like her go through so many highs and lows and at time they are can't be explained, but this clear lack of regard to me (espiacelly after all the sweet nice things she would say to me) was the last straw. I just told her I couldn't do this anymore and left it be. She showed how much she cared by leaving a nasty disgusting voice message. That was pretty much it.
Oh except for 2 calls by her roommate. I never answered because I did not want to be draged back into it. I don't mind a little drama but hers was insane. Two months after it ended I did call (I still don't know why) but she didn't really want anything to do with me. She sounded very hateful. So I thought fair enough. A month later (on my birthday of all days) she sends this email telling me oh I'm not such a bad guy and things just did not work out. She also added that she met someone and is engaged. I was just shocked! I guess I was right she didn't see much in me if she moved on THAT quickly. Still it wasn't exactly nice of her rubbing my nose in it. Oh well.
Its sad that in her mind that I am like all her other exs, people who used her and treated her like crap, because I didn't, I liked her a lot and tried my best to help, but in the end I think I made things worse.
I have a question though. Does alcohol make it a whole lot worse? I ask this because in my situation thats when the insanity really started. The pills were working for the most part (except for a few weird moments when she'd just act coco in public).
Look obviously my situation wasn't as bad as some other people's. I only knew her 4 2 months, and while I liked her I didn't fall in love with her so I was able to leave when stuff was just getting insane. Getting over her was a little harder than I thought because I still wish I could of helped her. I kept on thinking on what I could of said or done that would of helped instead of what I did in fact do or say. Oh well.
I still think of her, sometimes, not because I want her back, just curiosity I suppose. Is she better or worse? Is she really getting married or is it another sick joke by her roommate? And if it is true how did that happen and how full of crap was she while she was with me? I'm just the curious type, it has nothing to do with feelings because I know it didn't work for a lot of reasons and I'm ok with it. Time to move on....... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:15:58 AM | OH MY GOD MATE OH MY GOD.
Ur story is amazing. Its almost EXACTLY THE SAME AS MINE, bloody hell, this girl wasn't called Jen was she?
I could of wrote ur story. The only difference is... I was one of those sad people who did actually FALLLLL IN LOVE, BIG TIME. It was my first ever serious relationship, my first love.... so my recovery has had to deal with the hell of a ripped out heart as well.
My b!tch was an alcoholic too. She used to drink around 6 pints of cider each day. Before she drank we would be together and she would tell me how much she loved me, how I was all she ever wanted. When she drank, she transformed. When we went out, she'd flirt with every single man in sight, mentally torture me, be abusive if i intervened and.... all of this was usually ended with her cutting herself or going into a deep depressive 'MARK LEAVE ME' state for about a day,
Does alcohol make it worse? BLOODY HELL YES! My ex was on the harshest meds around and the doctors told her there was NO WAY SHE COULD DRINK, so what does she do?Becomes an alcoholic. If I ever questioned her drinking and advised against it she would go into a rage at me saying 'YOU CAN'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE, UR NOT MY DAD, I HOPE U CAN HANDLE ME!!'
Once, out of spite she ended up getting so obliterated she passed out and had to go to hospital. The next day, she bragged on the phone to me saying'SEE, i told u you cannot control me" You live once HAHAHAHAH'
How i put up with this stuff I will never forgive myself. She might of been ill but she was EVIL. I don't care about all you people out there that say 'its a shame, they are good people really, they don't choose to be this way' -! I mean,,, Some people say that ADOLF HITLER was mentally ill. Would you use that as an excuse for what he did?????????????
Sorry if i sound so disrespectful, its just.......... i really really really really hurt from what this girl did to me. You havent heard the rest.
OH YEH, like you mate, SHE also had the cheek to finish it with me! I had stayed by her side through thick and thin, helped her, her family, did everything.... then one day she run away from home and said Mark, i don't wanna be with you.
I was beside myself with grief.,,, whenever i would get upset and ask her WHY JEN WHY JEN, she would accuse me of forcing her to be in a relationship she didnt want (when 2 days ago she told me i was the love of her life).
When i became an emotional, heartbroken wreck and NEEDED HER HELP FOR ONCE, she turned her back on me and left me to die on valium. 3 days later, she started a relationship with someone else.................................... it killed me yes.
Now, i'm like you, wander what the hell she is doing, where is she? I still care........................... but caring for her from the start is the biggest mistake i have ever made..........................................
I even hear she is engaged to yet ANOTHER GUY NOW, its only been 3 months.
The word gutwrenching doesnt come close.
Inconsolable Devestation might.
Its funny,,, she drove her ex before me to the brink of suicide. I used to think he was the crazy one.......................................... what she did to him... she did to me.
So scary.
These BPD people................................................. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:44:07 AM | Borderline Personality Disorder is a quirky form of mental illness, however before "disorder" makes it's way into the picture, Borderline Personality exists on a continuum from having it a little to having it alot. It can be said that everyone has it. This is true because characteristicly Borderline Personality manifests in uncertainty about life; an existential wondering. Who can say they've not found them self in a state of indecision? Accentuate existential wondering and indecision amplified to a point where it obtains a chronic hindering and disruption of a persons life and those effected and you acquire "disorder". All have it to a degree. Did it take you a year to finally decide what to major in? Was what was affecting your decision plagued by how others may esteem you? It truly is a matter of degree.
This is merely an FYI post on BPD | |
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| 301.83
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:25:01 AM | -BPD IS treatable...but many providers wont
-usually does not respond to many drugs, but they can help
-therapy is effective only when client highly motivated
-causative definitive etiology is unknown...but often children who have been abandoned at a critical juncture of their childhood, orphans, adoptees...and often the egregiously abused ...develop the traits...whether they express in a manner allowing diagnosis due to manifestation of at least 5 of the 9 markers...listed here:
1# antic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2# A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3# Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4# Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5# Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars, or picking at oneself.
6# Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7# Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
8# Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9# Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms
but it is far more complex to diagnose than just reading the DSM4-r...
wiki quote: DSM-IV Personality Disorders 301.83[1] is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a long-term disturbance of personality function. It is one of four related diagnoses classified as cluster B ("dramatic-erratic") personality disorders typified by disturbance in impulse control and emotional dysregulation, the others being narcissistic, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders.
Disturbances suffered by those with borderline personality disorder are wide-ranging. The general profile of the disorder typically includes a pervasive instability in mood; extreme "black and white" thinking, or "splitting"; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.[2] These disturbances have a pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life. This includes the ability to maintain relationships in work, home, and social settings. Common comorbid conditions are "Axis I" disorders such as substance abuse, depression and other mood disorders. Attempted suicide and completed suicide are possible outcomes without proper care and effective therapy.[3] Onset of symptoms typically occurs during adolescence or young adulthood, which persist for about a decade; while this period can be trying on the patient, their support system and their therapists, the majority of cases lessen in severity over time.[3]
As with other mental disorders, the causes of BPD are complex.[4] The most consistent finding in the search for causation in the disorder is a history of childhood trauma (possibly child sexual abuse and separation),[5] although some researchers have suggested other possible causes, such as a genetic predisposition, environmental factors or brain abnormalities.[4] Neurobiological research has highlighted some abnormalities in serotonin metabolism. The incidence has been calculated as 2% of the population,[6] with women three times more likely to suffer the disorder.
The mainstay of treatment are various forms of psychotherapy. In general, medication is an effective method in controlling the emotional dysregulation symptoms of those with BPD.[citation needed]
The term borderline derives from Adolph Stern who in 1938 described the condition as being on the borderline between neurosis and psychosis. Because the term lacks specificity, there is an ongoing debate concerning whether this disorder should be renamed.[4]
Borderline personality disorder is frequently comorbid with other psychological disorders, particularly the Cluster-B personality disorders.
One dating/married to a BPD suffering person (NEVER FORGET, there is a PERSON under the diagnosis)
learns to walk on egg shells. It can be an extremely difficult walk to stay with one.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:53:35 AM |
Borderline Personality Disorder is a quirky form of mental illness, however before "disorder" makes it's way into the picture, Borderline Personality exists on a continuum from having it a little to having it alot. It can be said that everyone has it. This is true because characteristicly Borderline Personality manifests in uncertainty about life; an existential wondering. Who can say they've not found them self in a state of indecision? Accentuate existential wondering and indecision amplified to a point where it obtains a chronic hindering and disruption of a persons life and those effected and you acquire "disorder". All have it to a degree. Did it take you a year to finally decide what to major in? Was what was affecting your decision plagued by how others may esteem you? It truly is a matter of degree.
This is merely an FYI post on BPD
This is a perfect description that nobody has really touched on.
There are as many combination of BPD, as there are people who suffer from it.
No two people have had the same experiences, so every BPD has their own unique "case" of BPD. And as xinxspired mentioned, everybody had the characteristics to some degree...and degree is the operative word.
Outside influences, such as alcohol, and drugs can complicate matters exponentially.
My Mother was an alcoholic, and I can vouch for the fact that she turned into a different person when drinking. Her constant nagging at me to NOT drink, may well have saved me (I realize that it was my choice) from becoming an alcoholic...I'm very grateful for that.
The two stories that were related are very dramatic....I've had similar experiences myself. I was brought up with experiences like these stories....I don't know any different. My question to the two gentlemen, is, after bad things happened a couple of times, cutting etc. is definitely not normal....didn't you realize that you were in a bad situation?
I was brought up in this kind of environment, but if it were to happen now, the person would be at the hospital as fast as the ambulance could get them there. And believe me, if they've been cutting, they would be staying.....
I have gotten to where I won't tolerate the behaviour.....and a hospital stay should be a wakeup call if nothing else. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:01:29 AM | "Borderline Personallity Disorder"? WTF???
Whatever next "Needy-****bag-Control-freak-stalker-won't-let-you-out-of-sight-for-5minutes-Disorder"???
There's a politically correct name for just about everything these days. If the guy was a freak or weirdo, just avoid him.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:15:21 AM |
OH YEH, like you mate, SHE also had the cheek to finish it with me! I had stayed by her side through thick and thin, helped her, her family, did everything.... then one day she run away from home and said Mark, i don't wanna be with you.
Consider yourself lucky...had you finished with her, she likely would have stalked you. I know it would feel better than her finishing with you, but it would have been worse....trust me.
You're well rid....please move on. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:14:53 AM | Hey MBlegendJeah I just saw more of your story (I didn't read the very first messege you left) and yeah it sounds like it was a major shock to the system. Actually that is probably an understatement. If she was actually your first love and you've never ever been hurt or let down that badly by a chick in your life than I wouldn't be surprised if it takes 6 months for you to get over her completelly. After that you should slowly start functioning normally. That is exactly what happened to me the first time I got heartbroken (not by a BPD), but I think it is all the same. You feel empty, lack self esteem and self belief, can't talk to any chicks even if your life depends on it, and basically you feel like you lost your manhood. In the end really its about going out there and reclaiming it. I had to move for uni and luckly over there I took it upon myself to reclaim my identity and I have not looked back. Maybe that is why that while my ex did effect me and the whole relationship was a shock to the system it did not have the same effect on me that it had on you (though I admit your jen sounds a million times worse than my ex) . So basically what I am saying is that maybe things should look up sooner rather than later. Than you have to start thinking selfishly and reclaim yourself, otherwise your just going to keep on getting more lost in this sea of depression and quite frankly, death. Stop being so nice about things in general and about her specially, that will not get you anymore.
In the end I let my ex go, and if she is actually going to get married than good for her, some weird guy is actually going to take care of the psycho. The same applies to your situation. Some other guy out there has taken upon himself to become a psycho nurse and take care of her instead of you. He is actually doing you a favour. Even if the sex was great and the time alone you had was heaven, so what? That is better than facing the hell she eventually leads you to. You can get back to heaven with some other chick way down the track.
In the end the reward will be grand; if you get over it almost nothing can get you down. If you don't....... well...... it simply won't go good for you mate. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:53:32 PM | Thankyou so much for your reply mate, it was really nice to hear.
Yep, i've lost quite a lot of stuff inside, its been three months and I still find myself crying for her,,, and my sanity. A lot of really really bad stuff happened.
I had to quit my job because my depression got so bad,, now I'm in the process of trying to re-build my life.
Yeh, she was my first.... everything really. I put my life, soul and trust in her. When it was good, it was so good, too good.
I'm not sure how long its going to take me to get over this, 6 months looks quite good right now. I am better than i was undoubtedly, but the pain just won't go away.
Wierdly, I cant seem to sleep in my bedroom, been like this for three months. I moved my bedroom round when she left but the new layout has unsettled me. It just feels so lonely in there, i resort to sleeping on the floor downstairs.
God, one thing i am struggling with is memories. I re-live memories of me and her wherever i go. Tonight I went for a drink with my mates,,,, theres no escape. If i look at a cider and red, i remember the way she used to be when she drank them....
Its gutting. My mate took me to Malia to get over her, but i was so low i failed to get with one single bird over there - that must be a record surely? What is wrong with me?
I feel desperate. Desperate to find another girl and replace her memory, desperate to make a mense over my past and only relationship, desperate to prove to myself that my love and efforts can be appreciated.
Sorry for being so depressed.
I wish the pain would go away. | |
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blue70
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Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 420 | |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:05:29 PM | My ex has it BAD- and I tried everything, you name it- everything to try to get him to get help.
Nope- he doesn't have a problem, everybody else does. So with that thank the Lord he finally left me. During the course of our marriage he took everything and everybody so down with him it was a relief to just get out alive.
Me and the kids. He has a golden tongue, and there is never a lack of people who will believe his 'hard luck' story until they too are taken- used, abused, then dumped when they try to stand up for themselves.
He is a living nightmare and yet one of the sweetest men on the face of the earth. He's a real dichotomy.
He's probably a sociopath but with many of the BP features. I spent YEARS on a support board for people involved with borderlines. I would have done anything to have him get help as I still feel he has so many gifts to offer- especially our children.
He is a tragic waste of humanity who is banking on the consciences of our children [something HE lacks] to care for him when he is old and infirm because he has done nothing to prepare for it- no savings, no retirement, never had health or dental care, never paid taxes, no social security, nothing but bad credit, liens, debts, collections, no assets EVER, you name it- the list is endless.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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blue70
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Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 422 | |
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| PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:52:04 PM | You said you feel "hatred": Very, very bad for you. Hatred never ceased with hatred, with love only hatred ceases.
It is not important to reflect on how and why.....just turn into yourself and look deep inside: eventually you will see whom you have become and will forgive yourself and her as well.
I strongly suggest turning this into a search for the spiritual in life.
Best wishes.
May you be well. | |
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| PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:29:41 AM | | One last thing: don't believe that you are justified in your negativities just because someone else did something unskillful. Loving others has nothing to do with them: don't say that you love her when you are unable to find peace.....Loving others is a quality of one's own heart, it does not depend on what the other person does or does not do. If she is out of her mind, you don't seem to be any better either, by the way you are reacting. Sorry to be tough on you.....but this is what I personally see. If you were the healthy one, you would have let this go in forgiveness; if you had truly loved her, you would feel compassion, not hatred. After all, this is not all about you or all about her. Clear your vision.......go inside, detach yourself from unhealthy emotions. | |
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