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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:57:33 PM | The idea of ever dating someone with a mental illness scares me half to death. Who wants all that drama in their life? ......even if they were fantastic in bed it wouldn't be worth it to me. I guess if you want more excitement in your life then that's for you. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:14:30 PM |
Nobody wants the drama. It just happens.
And if you really, truly, don't want it, you say "check please!", and you leave the situation.
This is what I believe Papi, and I know that I am trying to say. You're a grown up, you don't have to live with the drama. In my case, I had it growing up as well, I was powerless....you have "free will", and can make decisions for yourself.
The reason I joined this thread, is that even though I am both a "victim" (as a child, you better believe I was a victim) and a "sufferer" I have taken responsibility for my life. If people are causing drama that is affecting my health...(this would be nearly my entire family), I steer clear of them. Yes, my own family, by choice. Do I feel guilty....nope....I've accepted the responsibility of my illness...they haven't. They don't want to talk to me either...they are afraid, because they just don't understand why I won't accept the guilt, expectations, and manipulation that they try to dish out. I have no problem saying "no thanks" when things get out of hand, and walking out the door. This is very perplexing, because I am breaking the "tradition" that has always worked in the past. And it's funny...the guilt, expectations and manipulation are usually always about the "same" old topics....I haven't "done" anything in the past few years, and they have to go back, sometimes to birth....I ruined a housewarming party by being born a few days early....BAD GIRL...and I've heard it so often, that I can smell the story coming a few minutes before it does....there's a pattern.
Nobody can inflict drama on you that you don't want to accept....it could take a while to disentangle yourself, but you can get rid of it.
I have paid dearly for my relationships with BPD's...INCLUDING MYSELF....but do I insist on blaming them for the "abuse" I suffered? When I was a child, yes....after I became an adult, no....I have free will, and choices. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:50:08 PM | YES I WAS MARRIED TO ONE WHO DROVE ME CRAZY. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS UNTIL AFTER WE WERE DIVORCED. SHE HAD TO HAVE CONTROL
OF EVERYTHING. A BPD USUALLY HAS A NEW RELATIONSHIP GOING BEFORE
THEY GET RID OF THE LAST ONE. IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT IT
READ THE BOOK BY JEROLD J. KREISMAN M D AND HAL STRAUS. IT IS
CALLED I HATE YOU -DONT LEAVE.
AFTER THE DIVORCE I STARTED TO DATE A GAL I REALLY FELL FOR. SOON
I RECOGNIZED HER AS A BPD. I TURNED AND RAN SO FAST. IT WAS HARD TO DO BUT NO ONE NEEDS TO GET MIXED UP WITH A BPD. TAKE IT FROM ONE THAT KNOWS | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:48:06 AM |
I'm sure there are some people who would feel guilty walking away from someone like this but I'm not one of them....I did my time...my ex had issues like these and I stayed for many years. I'd NEVER do it again...at the first sign that someone has even minor problems coping with reality...I'm out the door. It is actually one of the first things I look for now.
I almost lost my mind and committed suicide...I'm NOT going through that again.
I was with my ex for a total of 16 years, and had no idea that whatever was wrong with him even had a name, until he was diagnosed. I also became very depressed, and felt trapped because we had children. I absolutely would never get involved with someone like him again, but I think it's very unfair that people seem to blame us for staying for as long as we did. I do know that I put every ounce of effort into that marriage that I could, until I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know at the time that no amount of effort would have ever been enough. My world was turned upside down, and I feel for anyone who's involved in a relationship like that....sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees until you're so deep in the forest, you can't find your way back out.
As for the people who continually make the statement "you CHOOSE to be a victim", get over yourselves. Emotions just happen. Nobody CHOOSES to be in a bad relationship, or to be involved with someone who has issues like BPD, or to get hurt. A little bit of venting, a lot of learning, and a few shoulders to cry on during the healing process are far more helpful than the old "buck up" philosophy. Knowing there are others out there who've gone through the same thing can sometimes be a great source of comfort, and a beginning for the healing process. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:56:43 AM | I was with my ex for a total of 16 years, and had no idea that whatever was wrong with him even had a name, until he was diagnosed. I also became very depressed, and felt trapped because we had children. I absolutely would never get involved with someone like him again, but I think it's very unfair that people seem to blame us for staying for as long as we did. I do know that I put every ounce of effort into that marriage that I could, until I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know at the time that no amount of effort would have ever been enough. My world was turned upside down, and I feel for anyone who's involved in a relationship like that....sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees until you're so deep in the forest, you can't find your way back out.
As for the people who continually make the statement "you CHOOSE to be a victim", get over yourselves. Emotions just happen. Nobody CHOOSES to be in a bad relationship, or to be involved with someone who has issues like BPD, or to get hurt. A little bit of venting, a lot of learning, and a few shoulders to cry on during the healing process are far more helpful than the old "buck up" philosophy. Knowing there are others out there who've gone through the same thing can sometimes be a great source of comfort, and a beginning for the healing process.
I was with my husband for 13 years, I didn't know he was BPD until three years after I left him...which was when I found out that I was BPD. Right now this ex-husband is out of work, and at home, suicidal....this situation has gotten exponentially worse, over the years, but it was on a very basic level the same, when I left. He will not accept help, and does not think he has a problem.
Soon after I left my husband...but not before, no promiscuity...SURPRISE!....I started dating another man with BPD again close to three years before I was diagnosed.
After I found out that I had a problem, and I realized that they both had a problem....I had just gone through two nearly identical relationships...I started changing. They didn't...
I realized how dysfunctional they are, and how distorted their thinking is.
You do CHOOSE to be in a bad relationship. When things start happening that you don't like...your partner won't negotiate...it's his/her way or the highway....your liberties start to be trampled on.... they threaten....they manipulate.... they withdraw "privileges" when you have been "BAD" that you should have a 50% say in.... I won't even mention the rages.....and you stay, you are CHOOSING to be in a bad relationship.
If your relationship was bad, sorry, but you didn't do anyone any good by not leaving. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:36:27 AM |
I was with my ex for a total of 16 years, and had no idea that whatever was wrong with him even had a name, until he was diagnosed. I also became very depressed, and felt trapped because we had children. I absolutely would never get involved with someone like him again, but I think it's very unfair that people seem to blame us for staying for as long as we did. I do know that I put every ounce of effort into that marriage that I could, until I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know at the time that no amount of effort would have ever been enough. My world was turned upside down, and I feel for anyone who's involved in a relationship like that....sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees until you're so deep in the forest, you can't find your way back out.
As for the people who continually make the statement "you CHOOSE to be a victim", get over yourselves. Emotions just happen. Nobody CHOOSES to be in a bad relationship, or to be involved with someone who has issues like BPD, or to get hurt. A little bit of venting, a lot of learning, and a few shoulders to cry on during the healing process are far more helpful than the old "buck up" philosophy. Knowing there are others out there who've gone through the same thing can sometimes be a great source of comfort, and a beginning for the healing process.
Forgot the quotes the first time...... | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:14:27 PM | I'm so sorry guys to have to come back here.
As u might remember, i have been trying to rebuild my life after a relationship with a Borderline girl which sunk me into the worst clinical depression i have ever had, and has left me feeling inhuman.
I've been doing so so well for the last 2 weeks........................... but the last 2 days have hit me like a train. The pain feels worse than ever. It only takes one small thing to remind me........ and my world comes crashing down again.
I don't know what to do. I feel like i need real psychiatric help,,, brief counselling with a guy who knows nothing about BPD isnt doing anything. But where can i get it? My doctor is useless, tells me i'm fine and that I just need to have some fun. HE DOESNT believe me when i tell him i am dying inside and crying my heart out everynight for the pain i feel, the ghosts that still haunt me.
Im scared i will never ever get over this relationship due to the things i felt, pain i saw. I fear i will never get over this because she refused to give me the closure i begged her for, refused to make peace with me,,,,,,,,,, turned her back on me when she knew how desperate i needed help.
I just cant take the pain anymore. I dont know what is wrong with me, i dont even know if i am crying for her, or myself anymore. I keep wandering, is she on the other side of the world having the time of her life,,, or is she slitting her wrists in her lonely bedroom in the lakes? Either way, it makes me feel SAD,, so so sad.
Why cant i let go of the past? The girl treated me so inhumanely, she doesnt deserve a second thought off me.............. I just cannot see any light past this story i have written. My mind is almost hyping the last 6 months out like ive being kept prisoner and torchered in Iraq.............. how can i be feeling so desperately insane about having my heart broken by a menal girl? Why cant i stop obsessing about this girl, like she is some sort of SPECIAL ALIEN that landed in my back garden.
Whats really, really, scary, is that when i feel like this, this low, this helpless in my own mind....... i feel like the only person that could honestly help me is her. I almost feel desperate to track her down, or send her an email. just telling her that i'm really not well and i need her help.
But why would she help me now? She has no idea what its like for me to be in this depression. If i ever told her,,, she would flip, could feel bad, could ruin the life she is rebuilding if i got in contact again. Is this not a good idea? To tell her how insane i am,,, and ask her for her help.
The truth is, if this girl came to see me, held me, told me everything was going to be ok and even apologised................... i know this pain would stop and i could move on.
But this is never going to happen, is it?
I'm insane, arent i,. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:57:53 PM |
I'm so sorry guys to have to come back here.
As u might remember, i have been trying to rebuild my life after a relationship with a Borderline girl which sunk me into the worst clinical depression i have ever had, and has left me feeling inhuman.
I've been doing so so well for the last 2 weeks........................... but the last 2 days have hit me like a train. The pain feels worse than ever. It only takes one small thing to remind me........ and my world comes crashing down again.
ok, Mark, if you're serious, I'll give this a shot.
Do you have any idea what set you back so badly two days ago....was it something obvious, like talking about her, or something?
I'm getting right into my personal stuff here....my Dad committed suicide when I was 18. I hadn't seen him in two years...because my Mom would make my life absolute hell for weeks afterward, if I saw him.
I asked myself "why" for years...cried about it....was told that my Dad would get depressed because he didn't see me.....(that led to a two year guilt trip) "why didn't I get to see him one more time..." "why didn't he write me a letter"
I was told that until I "ACCEPTED" that my Dad was gone, that I would not move on with my own life. I will never know "WHY"...not gonna happen. Sometimes in life, there are questions that you will never know the answer to.....yes, I know it isn't fair, but that's sometimes the way it is.
What I've written here is actually about 10 years of therapy in a few sentences.
I've seen your profile, you're a nice looking guy.
You aren't insane. I think you need psychiatric help..sooner than later...you're reminding me a little too much of me....the old not accepting "NO" for an answer thing. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:21:42 PM | Quazi,, thanks for what youve just written, Im so sorry if i've brought back anything for u... but i can see how strong of person you really are now.
Your right about accepting No. Genuinely, i beliee i have accepted whats happened, its cementing the damage thats the problem. At times, i feel pain, for the pain i went through, lol.
July started as a great month for me..... but i do know what set me back 2 days ago. It was a combination of things. 1) starting counselling again which brought back everything.... 2) beleive it or not, a song on the radio that has stuck with me,,, 3) going out with my mates to a place... im so reminded of her.
I feel bad for coming back on here and ranting about my misery, because i guess im ignoring the positive steps i have been taking. Im an emotional guy, sometimes i just have to let loose, and the people on here are the only ones that truly know what ive been thru.
My doctor is a w.nker. He's taken me off the anti depressants because i told him i was still feeling very low............ now im even lower - lol. Gona sort it out next week.
Im going to london tomoro for a design competition. If i win this,,,, everything ive been thru over the last few months would have been worth it,, so please say a prayer for me.
Quazi, brown eyes and whoever else is reading, i thank you for your continued support as i try and sort my messed up head out. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:18:36 PM |
Quazi, brown eyes and whoever else is reading, i thank you for your continued support as i try and sort my messed up head out.
MB... As we discussed earlier, you WILL get it all sorted out, I know it! And good luck with the design competition.
stillhopefultx aka browneyes | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:36:14 PM |
Quazi,, thanks for what youve just written, Im so sorry if i've brought back anything for u... but i can see how strong of person you really are now.
I remember when I "accepted" that my Dad wasn't coming back...it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I cried for about an hour, and I've been ok since.
Also, when something unexpected happens, the brain sometimes just doesn't want to have anything to do with it. This is called....denial.
Shove the denial off a cliff, and embrace the acceptance.
Don't let anything, or anyone stop you, Mark....you can do this.
Good luck with your design competition...let us know what happens...ok?
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:05:21 PM | i never post, as you can see, i don't even read you guys, but the things u wrote are so EVILY ****ing retarded. you all are EVIL ****ing retarded imbeciles, ALL OF YOU GO HANG YOURSELVES NOW?!! ALL OF YOU DESERVE IT ??!! your cowardly meanness makes individuals want to cry forever……COWARDNESS CRUELTY you berate the mentally ILL, they are ILL. no one wants to suffer crying, tears, misery, trauma from bad horrendous people such as yourself, horrendous events no one asks for.
who is to say all of you are not mentally insane, ill, what about the american psychological profession, it is effing joke, analyze it - you've never heard of psychologists, therapists hanging themselves, purposely overdosing, shooting a gun to their temple?! how many dentists, lawyers, or anyone in the medical profession or any profession hang themselves. there are countries that provide GENTLE caring for the sad, depressed, traumatized, where in u.s. its - medication, medication, counseling "oh no?!" you have a mental illness? more meds, off to psychiatric hosp. - which is equivilent of jail, how much of the prison population is mentally ill? i don't have the statistics - which as you know depending on who writes is is rigged, nevertheless, go research the statistics, i don't have it cause i never intended to write to you.
if it weren't for such heavily chemical forcement on children, do you see a trend in all the school shootings, workplace shootings? the psychiatrists in white robes - you've got to be joking - its not if you have 10 meaningless ph.Ds - believe if you talk to ppl in that profession, some are the lowest of the low scum compassionless ppl - as they think they are somehow "not human" and able to treat "human ailments" when really a loss of job, illness, crash of their stocks, savings sends they themselves to put that trigger at their temple tomorrow. don't mistake ppl's traumatic pasts, horrendous events they didn't ask for to happen to them & therefore they can't deal, they're suffering – don’t mistake that it does not all happen to you - what makes any of you think you will not be that way if ppl abused you as an infant, child, workplace, present day.
it is the saddest thing, truly, to watch people's emotions fall, they cry, berate, are terrified to deal w/ human beings, the fact that you have family/friends to support you does not immune you to the horrendous suffering of others, your cruelty - is that cruelty personality disorder.
g.w. bush calls children "childrens" - he's running the country, would you charge him with retarded personality disorder, how about cruel people - jerk personality disroder.
have you ever met anyone that's remotely a piece of inch normal? america is insane, your psychological system and how miserable americans can be - if a person wasn't insane b4 living in u.s. , they soon are after living here?! “and yet ppl make fun of people crying - r u too depressed, r u on medication, oh no! did u forget your medication, is she bipolar, where's her psychiatrist, oh no ?! where's your mom, where's your dad ?! r you ok? u don't look ok? i'm really worried about you ?! truly, I'm sooo sorry, i'm so sorry that happened to you, i'm truly so sorry, i'm truly soooo sorry, what would you like me to do?! how can i help?! do you want me to drive you to a psychiatrist ?! here, let me give you the name of MY psychiatrist, she's great, my dad knows her, i've been seeing her for many yrs since my brother died, don't worry, she'll prescribe you meds, just tell her I recommended you ?!"
who's laughing to the bank, u think the mental profession is not a $$ laughing joke as so much garbage out there, u do the suffering all on your own, all these yrs. no where on earth has so much oppressed emotions as there exists in pathetic united states, its as if showing emotions shows you are strange, you are emotionally in need of help. they should make it illegal for ALL to cruelly "diagnose / judge ppl simply because they are too emotional, the weather, temperature, whether if someone's ill, upbringing all determine at adulthood how temperamental an individual is. next time you're at your psychiatrist office - why don't u ask him/ her which pharmaceutical co. is pushing for him to push that prescription onto you, ask your psychiatrist what "crazy/ rude/cruel personality disorder " he suffers from himself.
Have you met a doctor that wasn’t impatient ***hole that’s full of himself ? they constantly **** about how they're not paid this not paid that not paid enough, so who do you think it funding their lavish yachts their mansion on hill lifestyles?! there are sick people out there, they’re in jails, in workplace maybe you don’t even want to admit to yourself that you are. Way too much oppressed emotions, as said b4 if you weren’t b4 moving to shithole miserable where anyone mouthily / calls themselves "humans" judge u.s, you are now. Ask yourself – who makes up the names of all the trillions ‘types of mental physiological disorder” who provides the funding, to keep calling you “insane idiots,” the pharmaceutical companies should be “evil/conniving/transpiring to take over world sly manipulative personality disorder” ?! the writings would be endless on this. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:15:30 AM | DAMN WHAT A BUNCH --OF ---B/S!!!
the above post didn't make a bit of sense _ wonder why some people waste time and effort to say nothing!!!
some of the lastest forums aren't worth reading -use to enjoy them!!!
Reckon I'll have to go back to the newpaper!!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:13:13 AM |
DAMN WHAT A BUNCH --OF ---B/S!!!
the above post didn't make a bit of sense _ wonder why some people waste time and effort to say nothing!!!
some of the lastest forums aren't worth reading -use to enjoy them!!!
Reckon I'll have to go back to the newpaper!!!! DAMN WHAT A BUNCH --OF ---B/S!!!
the above post didn't make a bit of sense _ wonder why some people waste time and effort to say nothing!!!
some of the lastest forums aren't worth reading -use to enjoy them!!!
Reckon I'll have to go back to the newpaper!!!!
Actually, some of what she said did make sense.
But when it's said as a Borderline "rant", it loses all credibility.
Reignbreeze....you're perpetuating the stereotype that you're giving these people hell for talking about....yes, that's right, you....trust me when I say that you will get NOWHERE with ANYONE if you continue with that kind of behaviour, and your life will be miserable.
This is not a threat or a lecture....I'm telling you from personal experience.....years, and years of it. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:31:32 AM |
I just cant take the pain anymore. I dont know what is wrong with me, i dont even know if i am crying for her, or myself anymore. I keep wandering, is she on the other side of the world having the time of her life,,, or is she slitting her wrists in her lonely bedroom in the lakes? Either way, it makes me feel SAD,, so so sad.
Mark..
I talked about how you have to "accept" the end of your relationship, yesterday....without knowing "why".
You have to accept something else too....you made a mistake....you picked the wrong girl...I think you're really beating yourself up about that. DON'T! We all make mistakes! Sometimes, we can forgive the other person, but have a real hard time forgiving ourselves.
You have spent so much time and energy on her, and I'm gonna be honest, anything could happen with her...from bad to good. Let her go.....
You obviously have a promising life, and career ahead of you...take it, and run with it. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:43:34 AM | OH MY GOD.
Who could ever ever beleive this.
I went down to London for the design awards....... i walk in... and who is there staring at me.... the BEST FRIEND of my BPD ex. Jesus, it sent an absolute shiver down my spine, she had entered too.
She was very nice, ,,, then of course we spoke about her friend. She told me she is in a worse state than ever,,, that she has in fact left my City and gone back home - so much for her new start,,, i do feel sorry for her.................................. I heard that she did to the next guy she left me for, the EXACT same she did to me, she has gone. Gone back to the hell at home she had when i met her.
Its so so sad......................... cant believe it, especially learning of this news yesterday of all days. My past, re-lived. | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:22:30 AM | gemstar
Sounds like my situation. I too knew something what wrong with our relationship (God, how I hate calling it that) and tried many times to get us into counseling. But the very nature of the disorder (Personality disorder) if that they (PD) will not accept responsibility or accountability for their actions and believe it is us that need only to change. So with that stated, hope most member here won’t waste years trying to (they don’t want it) help them and get out as soon as possible. And if you are unlucky enough to have children with them. Well, my heart goes out to you! | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:45:23 AM |
You do CHOOSE to be in a bad relationship.
This is not always true. Many sociopaths (PD’s) hide their disorder and blames others for the mess their lives are in. The general public should be educated about this disorder which they are not. And surprising even the “experts” trained professional don’t always diagnose them correctly the first time. Some are victims because they were lied too, manipulated and blame for everything that happen in that relationship. PD don’t take any responsibility for anything EVER! They are just people who drain other’s of their emotions cash and anything else they can get from you before leaving and finding yet other person (victim) to suck dry. Also there are many different types of personality disorder and BPD is just one. The worst of these PD’s are those sociopathic types with strong antisocial personality traits. Maybe Quazi 100 you “choose” to be in a dysfunctional relationship because by your own statement:
“which was when I found out that I was BPD.”
But it is unfair and wrong on so many levels to put other people in your shoes. In fact your statement show the very nature of this (BPD) of this disorder and those that suffer from it see everything in black and white terms. Good and Bad. Sorry but real life doesn’t work this way.
But as for my children and I we did not choose too. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:02:43 AM |
((i never post, as you can see, i don't even read you guys,)) but the things u wrote are so EVILY ****ing retarded. you all are EVIL ****ing retarded imbeciles, ALL OF YOU GO HANG YOURSELVES NOW?!! ALL OF YOU DESERVE IT ??!! your cowardly meanness makes individuals want to cry forever……COWARDNESS CRUELTY you berate the mentally ILL, they are ILL. no one wants to suffer crying, tears, misery, trauma from bad horrendous people such as yourself, horrendous events no one asks for.
And we do appreciate it. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:27:04 AM | | I relate to this so much as i was madly in love with a man for 3 years who was a total a**hole in that he was sooooo loving one minute then soooooo distant the next and never ever considered being committed to me even though he told me endlessly that he 'loved me to bits' Well if that man was sent to do a job on me he should get a bonus for a job well done - I now find that i cannot trust anymore - I get chatting with someone who i really like but as soon as he wants to meet then in my mind he starts to become just another tosser in an ever expanding world of tossers and my disturbed mind makes sure that i find a good reason not to get involved. Not fair on what could be genuinly nice people - so all you BPD people out there stay away from relationships and just be content with loving yourself - you are sooooooo goood at that!!! | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:30:24 AM |
OH MY GOD.
Who could ever ever beleive this.
I went down to London for the design awards....... i walk in... and who is there staring at me.... the BEST FRIEND of my BPD ex. Jesus, it sent an absolute shiver down my spine, she had entered too.
She was very nice, ,,, then of course we spoke about her friend. She told me she is in a worse state than ever,,, that she has in fact left my City and gone back home - so much for her new start,,, i do feel sorry for her.................................. I heard that she did to the next guy she left me for, the EXACT same she did to me, she has gone. Gone back to the hell at home she had when i met her.
Its so so sad......................... cant believe it, especially learning of this news yesterday of all days. My past, re-lived.
Mark....
How did you do in the design competition? Left out the most important part.....geez... | |
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| Help is on the way...
Posted: 7/12/2008 8:17:57 AM | I didnt win the competition.
It really doesnt bother me, because i realise there are so many more important things in life than work.
For me, the most important thing right now is staying sane, and trying, trying and trying to fight this horrible depression that has weaped my soul.
I don't know what to do. My heart is crying for this girl.... the fact that she has ended up back home after all this........... the fact that she is back to square one and wrenching every minute of every day...... it makes me cry. I know its not my fault, i know i did my best, i know theres nothing i can do... but the pain will not go away.
I just wanna see her and cuddle her telling her she isnt alone, like i used to when she loved me. I would never have left her fighting this alone, i just wish she knew and let me help her. I know i could of given her a secure life. I offered her everything, a place to live, money,,, i would of even found her a job. She turned her back on all that as the BPD hit her hard, now i feel, she has lost everything good. And i lost a part of me. | |
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