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| | Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| | Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)Page 2 of 37 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37) | interesting question
i have not dated someone with bpd
but i was diagnosed with clinical symptoms that are consistent with bpd
i also had a major serious depression with hospitalization required
also therapy and ongoing psychologist sessions
in my experience, the men that i have dated made several comments that were the same
they have commented that i "have major mood swings" "i change my mind consistently" "they never know what to expect" "nothing is the same way all the time when it comes to what i say" "spinner" "different" and so on also "it is very difficult to live with me"
as for seeing people as good or evil...yes i used to see people like that
either i hated them or i adored them, and it fluctuated daily or weekly,
it was hard to get into the grey
and to top it off, after sessions in therapy, i learned to merge the personality traits as all part of being me,,,,,it made a world of difference
but i dont think that i technically have bpd
well, that was just my comment for Rake | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:59:25 PM | The work of Abram Hoffer and others have shown that BPD appears to be related to an unusual condition: gut microflora imbalance, chiefly that of yeast overgrowth.
What does this do? These yeast, when exposed to a relatively shitty diet typical of many depressed patients, over produce compounds that are the precursors - the building blocks - of neurochemicals that excite the brain and produce anxiety.
More importantly, they are a feedback mechanism that revs up an already over-stimulated hypothalamus (part of the so-called HPA system = pituitary/hypothalamus/adrenal glands).
So what is going on here?
Childhood trauma, often early separation from a parent, and childhood and adolescent trauma and acute stress events. Abuse may be sexual, emotional or physical.
Comorbid (symptoms or syndromes occurring at the same time) mental issues include bipolar disorder, clinical depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.
But, ladies and gentlemen, the kicker here is the unusual production of those psychotropic compounds in the small intestines.
Very fvcking cool work by Hoffer. See, he figured out that these people also had screwed up gut absorption of certain metals and cofactors - B vitamins.
They also have an inability to produce adequate amounts of glutathione, a complex compound that is synthesized in liver. It requires - yeppers - certain B vitamins and two metals to now only be made, but also recycled. Its pretty cool shit, because it rocks back and forth between oxidized and reduced states, so it actually works like a buffer, absorbing reactive peroxides formed from oxidation.
Stress = extra oxidation in brain cells.
Start with fvcked up genes (these were mapped and reported late last year for the first time). Load up the mind with stress. Have a liver that has defects in making certain compounds, and to this chemical mess, add nutrient deficiencies and a yeast infection.
Voila. Mental nightmares - BPD.
Treatment?
Treat the intestines first. Add to it certain B vitamins, plus a few minerals/metals that are missing, and then folate (folic acid) because a real interesting cycle, called a biochemical pathway, in the liver also affects brain chemistry.
You add to this stress management plus behavioral treatment and modifications, usually cognitive behavioral therapy (shown in 2003 to be very effective in treating BPD).
There ya go. Interesting recipe using an approach called orthomolecular medicine.
http://www.healthy.net/scr/Article.asp?Id=708
Bottom line: this disease and others requires that the public become aware that the real treatment lies in understanding the important interplay between the gut, the liver, and the brain.
In more than 22 mental disorders, nutrient deficiencies associated with impaired metabolism of neurochemicals associated with mood, behavior and personality, have been directly linked, along with inheritable gene miscodings (that result in ineffective enzymes that play a role in the production of these key neurochemicals).
When combined with a clinical counseling/therapy rationale called CBT that directly links cause and effects explanations aimed at stopping circular and abnormal logic present in quite a few mental disorders - the approach of orthomolecular medicine to treat these often profoundly debilitating mental disorders has been shown *repeatedly* to work, and work very well.
Sometimes, treatment must also include anti-psychotics and anti-anxiolytics (anxiety control meds), but these are not permanent treatments. They are temporary, to quell the worst symptoms that keep patients from being able to function safely.
So y'all can shake your heads and say 'nuh-huh', no way!
But, you remember this post. You encounter these people, you can help point to a rational treatment method that gets right down to the nitty gritty chemical causes of the disease.
You can help make the difference in a life. Even if you never date them.
PS: Ignore the crap you hear about this being 'mega-vitamin' therapy. Dumba$$ writers don't quite get it. Its filling in the missing molecular bits in important pathways.
http://www.doctoryourself.com/lois.html | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:07:07 PM | OP (long, long gone) "I was wondering if anyone had dated or is currently in a relationshiop with someone with BPD and if so what are some of your experiences, how do you cope? how did it end up?"
Well, I consider 'BPD' to be a label, and there are considerable differences between individuals. Some are managing very well, thank you, others are due for some prescription meds, counselling or some other form of treatment, so they can be more productive and happier members of society.
I'd like to think a relationship would end up well, and certainly the more settled and stable partner in the relationship has a major influence towards that outcome. There's little hope, imo, if the partner does not have a stable and strong personality to cope with some aberrations and guide the relationship in the right direction.
Being empathic and caring, would be two major attributes needed by such a partner, towards being effectively supportive, and keeping things going smoothly. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:29:13 PM | | I was married to one for 27 years. This is hard to cope with. I stayed because I could not let her raise the kids. she was a treat. There is very little you can do. They dont cope with daily stuff very well, she is a good person but has issues. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:06:41 PM | When I was in college I went out with this drama student. Every time I said something to her, she would preface her conversation with, "Uh, oh," and then follow with what she was saying.
We were in the car in front of her house after seeing a movie she enjoyed, and I was getting ready to make a move on her.
"How'd you like the movie?" As I warmed up toward her and put my arm around her shoulder.
"Uh, oh, it was nice."
"What did you like most about it?" I said as I gently pulled her closer to me.
"Uh, oh, the part where she took the scissors and stabbed him in the heart."
"Huh? It was a romance; that wasn't in the movie!" I said as the puzzlement startled me into a new reality.
"Uh, oh, yeah, I know, but I liked it anyway." And then she pulled out a pair of scissors from her handbag and smiled back at me maniacally.
" Uh, oh, " I said as a shiver run up my spine when I pulled my arm back.
“Good night,” she said as she put the scissors back into her handbag, opened the passenger door, and let herself out. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:30:40 PM | Yes.
Advice above....
"My advice, run as far and as fast as you can."
"Hit the ground running."
is right to the point. That's my advice too. It's impossible to treat, and the "helper" types will get nowhere.....nothing will change....you'll be loved, and then demonized...seemingly randomly without doing anything differently.
And whoever Cas99999 is, someone should grab him. Putting up with that stuff for an extended period is above and beyond the call. If he can put up with BPD issues in someone, he can put up with anything. Well done buddy....I hope your kids appreciate it and recognize what you did for them. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:51:35 AM | Ok this has to be said....NOT ALL THOSE WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS ARE LIKE THIS....people are describing those who have an illness and choose not to regulate it with meds or therapy.
And for the love of god,can we have someone who has a good story?Not all mental illnesses are impossible to treat...enough of this over generalization!Anyone who does have an illness and has read the posts here must be mortified....perhaps they should all just be locked in rubber rooms!*she says sarcastically*
Let's try to open our minds and remember we are talking about human beings,here. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:28:11 AM |
Not all mental illnesses are impossible to treat...enough of this over generalization!
I don't see people generalizing about mental illnesses - we're talking about BPD here.
There is a big difference between clinical syndromes and personality disorders. When most people think of mental illness, what comes to mind are the clinical syndromes - diseases/disorders/illnesses that result in psychological symptoms. These are things that can be treated, albeit with varying degrees of success: mood disorders, sleep disorders, eating disorders, psychoses (such as schizophrenia), etc.
Personality disorders, however, go much deeper. They are entrenched, inflexible ways of thinking and behaving. Rather than being due to a mental disorder, they are in fact part of the person's *personality*. The traits of personality disorders generally include things which are part of many people's personalities; however, in the disorder these traits are inflexible and seen in the extreme. These are not things that can be treated or changed very easily, if at all. BPD is one, but perhaps the most well known is antisocial personality disorder - or what is commonly known as psychopathy or sociopathy.
Those with personality disorders may get treatment for some of the symptoms that result from the disorder, however such treatments as are available are generally insufficient to address the deeper disfunctions which lie at the heart of the disorder. In general, those with personality disorders do not believe they have a problem - any problems lie with those around them; this makes it unlikely that they will be receptive to any treatment at all.
I make no judgments based on either clinical syndromes or personality disorders - if I'm going to be judgmental, I'll do it based on their actions. ;) Mental illness, as far as I am concerned, is no different than physical illness. I wouldn't write a person off because they had PTSD any more than I would write someone off because they had cancer. But I choose who I want to be with based on personality - and a personality disorder such as BPD is not something that I could deal with. And my advice to anyone considering getting involved with such a person would be the same as what has already been expressed: run like heII and don't ao much as pause to look back, because you can't help them and you will only break your heart trying.
sv | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 3:30:37 PM |
I make no judgments based on either clinical syndromes or personality disorders - if I'm going to be judgmental, I'll do it based on their actions. ;)
Bravo! At last someone is making sense.I agree with the above statement whole-heartedly!
When I was 16 I was told I had a personality disorder(there go all my future messages )I didn't know what he meant,and to this day,I think it may have been a lazy diagnosis..I think I was depressed cuz I was trying to escape a horrendous childhood....Here I am almost 20 years later,with a normal job,normal kids,normal divorced mom life! I would be interested to know exactly which part of my personality is affected...I think at most it makes me a tad anti-social,as in I don't need 47 friends to make me feel wanted;the 5 very close friends I have do that well enough...but other than that,I do what all of you do each and every day.I go to work,come home,enjoy my kids,do the chores,and before bed,spark up a spliffie!If that makes me mentally ill,or incompetent,then so be it!:bounce:
Well anyways...I guess I am an example of the personality disorder,...honestly,I don't see what makes me disorderly!I am well liked at work,and it's been months since anyone ran from me screaming...
Seriously tho...this thread kind of freaked me out,I felt very uncomfortable and ashamed,I wonder if anyone else with a "disorder" felt that way when they read this?
-semper vera- made an excellent point,as I mentioned earlier in this post...I just hope there are many more alike out there,ready to judge me on my actions,not by a label slapped on me by some overworked doctor...... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:34:08 PM |
When I was 16 I was told I had a personality disorder
By whom??
Personality disorders are not generally diagnosed at that age, as current belief is that your personality is still being formed until early adulthood. The diagnostic criteria for personality disorders state that the indicators or patterns are of long duration and begin 'by early adulthood'. At 16, there is no way to establish such a diagnosis - there needs to be an enduring pattern since early adulthood, which means that you could not be diagnosed until years later. If this is part of your self-image, you might want to get a second opinion!
this thread kind of freaked me out,I felt very uncomfortable and ashamed,I wonder if anyone else with a "disorder" felt that way when they read this?...
-semper vera- made an excellent point,as I mentioned earlier in this post...I just hope there are many more alike out there,ready to judge me on my actions...
You may notice that those people who have advised running away are those who have dealt with this issue (except for me; I've never dated a person with BPD that I know of). I would suggest that these people are in fact making their judgments based on actions - actions which they saw a person with BPD exhibit within a relationship.
And I can assure you that at least some who see BPD as a deal-breaker are open-minded enough not to make every other diagnosable condition deal-breakers as well.
sv | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:52:38 PM | Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven to be extremely successful with borderline personality disorder. It IS indeed treatable, as are all personality disorders, however, the element of free will supercedes any treatment... do THEY want change? Quite often they see no reason for it, but some have insight into their difficulties and do seek help. I have seen both...
These folks have unstable relationships and chaotic lives. They are extremely emotionally labile and often make frequent suicide attempts. It is also very common for them to have substance abuse issues as well. They either love you or hate you... in fact, they seem to bounce between the two... as their own sense of self is equally tremulous..
I have learned about BPD as part of my program, have worked with these people and I have also deeply loved someone with this particular disorder...
Loving someone with BPD can be emotional he!!... the one emotion that seems to linger strong is guilt... they can suck you in and somehow make you feel responsible for their existence... their own self created chaos...
There is hope, but they have to want help IMO. This is an excellent websight that helped me to understand some things... Romeo is bleeding http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle.asp?page=/yw/articles/RomeosBleeding_TOC | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:54:08 PM | Double dose, lol.
Edit: Semper vera... you would be utterly shocked if you knew what children are being diagnosed with and medicated for today... I know I was! Four year olds being diagnosed with bipolar... 12 year olds on 5 different drugs, but its best to not get me started, lol.. | |
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| 40 Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:35:38 PM | msg 27 "feedback mechanism that revs up an already over-stimulated hypothalamus"
Abram Hoffer's been around for a while (90 years, if he's still alive). I'd put him almost in a league with Linus Pauling (Nobel Prize winning chemist/staunch advocate of Vitamin C mega doses).
It's an interesting theme, the consequences of gut microflora/bacteria and dietary choices, gone into at almost the layman's level, at:
http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:tIOsyLuCEdMJ:media.wiley.com/product_data/excerpt/39/04700231/0470023139.pdf
+gut+microflora+imbalance,+chiefly+that+of+yeast+overgrowth&hl=en&gl=ca&ct=clnk&cd=2
OP "how do you cope?"
But, the implied theme of this topic is, may a partner overcome the 'problems' of a partner with BPD?
The answer in most instances I'm confident is, yes you can readily cope if you're stable and of a strong character along with your partner being reasonably 'manageable', it just takes more effort than usual, particularly of a supportive nature. | |
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| 40 Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:17:38 PM | It comes down to who you want to be with and if you want your relationship to start off with a handicap or in the best shape possible. I have heard here that "they suck you into their world before you know who they are" and "run as fast as possible in the other direction". Without sounding to set in my ways, avoid this relationship! I believe this is the only way to go.
After 8 years in a relationship with two kids to show for it my ex found another man and left me. Ironicaly she found him on the net. This relationship was the best and worst I have ever had. I can't believe how in love I was. It wasn't until the breakup that I found that I was better off. She was diagnosed with BPD, she was taking meds and as a family we were working through it. I am sad to say that one of her personalities was not in the mood to be in this family and it won her over and ended our relationship. Their is no controlling or predicting their actions...it is the nature of the disorder. She was also completely codependant.
I am very sympathetic to those afflicted with this disorder and I mean no disrespect but based on my own experiences I wasted 8 years of my life and fathered two kids with a woman that cannot function as a roll model for our kids.
Good luck to you if you try but for heavens sake remember... you are never the one at fault, you will never know when you are at fault and the guilt you will feel is manifested because you cannot in your own head reconcile her/his actions.
I wish you all the best. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:27:49 PM |
Edit: Semper vera... you would be utterly shocked if you knew what children are being diagnosed with and medicated for today... I know I was! Four year olds being diagnosed with bipolar... 12 year olds on 5 different drugs, but its best to not get me started, lol..
sadly, no I wouldn't. Slapping a diagnosis on a kid and pumping them full of medication is fast and easy way to deal with unwanted behaviour. Those dealing with 'problem' children know who they can send those kids to for 'treatment'. That doesn't make it right.
I'm not saying that children can't suffer from mental illness, 'cause obviously they can, nor that they shouldn't be treated for same. But personality disorders, by their very definition in the DSM, cannot be diagnosed in childhood because that definition denies the possibility of diagnosing them at that age.
So, can't help but wonder how much labelling theory comes into play here: to what extent does falsely or prematurely labelling somebody as BPD (for example) entrench what would otherwise be alterable behavior?
Incorrect diagnoses aside, if you happen to be involved in somebody who clearly does have BPD, you're best bet is to run fast and far, 'cause things aren't going to get better. Not to deny the benefits of DBT, but it's goal is to improve functioning, it's not a 'cure'; it's success is measured in the reduction of self-injury and commitments to psychiatric facilities - that doesn't suggest to me that their relationships are going to be good.
But, the implied theme of this topic is, may a partner overcome the 'problems' of a partner with BPD?
The answer in most instances I'm confident is, yes you can readily cope if you're stable and of a strong character along with your partner being reasonably 'manageable', it just takes more effort than usual, particularly of a supportive nature.
Says somebody who clearly has not dealt with a SO with BPD. I'm sure that there are stable, strong, supportive people out there who will read that and be offended. Or just shake their head at the naivete of that statement. "Readily cope"? not possible.
sv | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 5:43:13 AM | As someone who was in a long-term relationship with someone with BPD, I must concur with Semper Vera. “Readily cope” a GROSS understatement when it comes to living and dealing with someone with this affliction. DBT is a way for a sufferer to get “in control of their thoughts”. It is a helpful tool, but IMO, it’s a coping mechanism that does nothing to address the “meat” of the BPD issue---severe, inappropriate behavioral problems that have transpired for years.
Using DBT to help the BPD sufferer function better, and treating any life-threatening issues first (drug addiction, self-injury, alcohol issues, suicidal thoughts, etc.) is extremely important, but there MUST also be years of intense therapy if there is ever going to be a chance of full recovery. People who suffer from BPD have ways of thinking and behaving that served them well when they faced trauma, tragedy or abuse in childhood, but this inappropriate behavior reeks havoc when carried into adulthood. The BPD sufferer must learn and understand “why” they continue to behave this way if they ever want a healthy future. There is no magic bullet, c0cktail of drugs, or special diet that will end their suffering.
If anyone is thinking of entering into a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, I STRONGLY recommend visiting BPDcentral dot you-know-what. This is a site for “Nons” (the partners, family and friends of a BPD sufferer). Read their forums and you will learn first-hand that many, many Nons ARE people of stable and strong character and yet, they are facing something that even Superman could not “readily cope” with. Sadly, there are not too many “success stories”. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:07:20 AM | Personally...................the person I met ended up with a severe drinking problem. Albeit very well hidden at first.
My advice................run..............do not stop at go, do not collect $200.
Sorry, this was a bad experience I would never repeat! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:02:32 PM | sv,it was a doctor who diagnosed me! I disagree with the diagnosis also,and feel I was far too young to be labelled as such.
I don't base my self image on said diagnosis,and agree with your suggestion not to,I actually agreed with eveything you said!
You also made a very valid point,on that fact that other posters dealing with partners with BPD were in fact most likely making thier judgements on actions,not with the diagnosis.
Perhaps I was little quick to jump on the defensive bandwagon...thanks for your contribution.
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:12:16 PM | Borderline Personality Disorder my ass! I dated someone with "Already Crossed The LIne Psycho B*tch From Hell Disorder". I used to come home from work and all of my clothes would be thrown out in the yard, and that's when we WEREN"T fighting. I moved across six states to escape, still feel like I need to look over my shoulder even though it was years ago, and I'm a big guy who is pretty much not afraid of anything! I almost bought a gun because of that lunatic.
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| 49 Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:36:49 PM | msg 48 "If you even think someone has this run away as fast as you can. My former wife has it nad everything to do with her is a nightmare and no it is not me being vindictive."
Well, we've been getting several responses from those who've encountered the extreme end of the BPD spectrum (whatever happened to the "borderline", in Borderline Personality Disorder?). Some even sound like the person being described, had slipped well into the psychotic range of personality behaviour.
The decision depends on the individuals: is the person labelled with 'BPD' a big or small challenge to handle, and, is the person considering handling them, strong or weak?
If it's a small challenge to handle, and the person tackling it is strong, surely it's worth a good try, imo. As well, the underlying cause of the BPD should be sought, as it may be eminiently treatable, through counselling, meds and/or improved lifestyle/diet. | |
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