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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:22:12 PM | | Yeah, I did. She drove me crazy. Every week she'd say she was going to take her own life and was a huge cutter. I know its a bad thing to say but I eventually told her to go ahead but she never did. When I dumped her, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:23:17 PM | You're parallel with another of the myriad afflictions that makes this hard to diagnose... She doesn't drink, wigs out over NEXT to nothing, Always and never are continually in use and I am the object of them, she thinks she's the only one who DOES live in reality, can't get near enough to grilling her because it gets turned around and deflected within a minute or less. Called me a whore-mongering dope fiend when I sold my carhauler and got back under a reefer with my new 'Pete tractor, different revenue picture, always told me if I wasn't gettin' it there, I was gettin' it somewhere else, I said she who smelt it, dealt it. Pissed her waaaayyyy off, and I fookin' left. Nuff's enuf.
I'm gonna educate myself in her disorder, and then get my daoghters the fook away from the psycho beeyatch. It's up to me to break the cycle for my kids sake. It hurts like hell because I DO love her, but realistically, I know that none of us can live with her and have any personal successes. The girls realize that, too, and we're all trying to hang in there until we get through the state orchestrated court crap.
Yeah, I fookin' know. Wish I didn't...
-damoN- | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:33:35 PM | Truthfully dude " were you mongering whores? Could you have driven her to her present state? Did she build a house for you and never harm your children? Was she bit_ _y because you really were cheating on her? Did you never take her on any vacations - EVER? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:38:28 PM | Thigh high, if you're talking to me, normally I'd be on your side. There are some men and women who, even though they aren't at fault for their lack of emotional development, are impossible to deal with. It hurts deeply when you love someone so much, and in the realization that it is toxic to all(with regard to having kids in the mix...)you realize that the healthy thing to do is just get the fook out. yoiu grieve for the failed love by yourself, while you try to stay strong for your kids and hope you can gain control of it before they grow up with too much attritional damage.
Try and feel me here, and the lot of others sharing the same set of moccassins. We're not backing out, out of convenience. We're doing it for the collective health of our fanilies, provided there's enough of us left intact when we get out to orchestrate getting the rest of the "crew" away from the poison in the same process.
If you haven't lived this one, I can see how you wouldn't believe it. But, there are many, many more here than just me. If you can't take my word, ask some of the others to echo me. If that's not yet enough, you may want to seek treatment for BPD yourself.
-damoN- | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:42:20 PM |
Life is not black and white, neither are relationships nor is communication. I do not know what you are thinking. You missed a very important word in my post..."If".
I am truly sorry for you as a child, being parented by a BPD mother and relatives. And I am also sorry that you are dealing with it as an adult. You didn't cause it; you don't deserve it. It must be painful reading the anger and dismissiveness on a thread like this. I think it would be in your best interests to not expose yourself to the rages of NONs.
Lil Brooker...
I would appreciate it if you would not advise me on what is in my best interest... again, you don't know me, and have no idea what is best for me.
You are also not privy to my recovery, so please stop posting "suggestions" that I have a long way to go....
You're trying to manipulate, and intimidate...and OMG I'm so far past that.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:43:17 PM | I just knew that " better living thru chemicals "wasn't the answer. Do you know if estrogens in all our meats might contribute to BPD also? I'm off the heavy yeast forming starchs myself and I do feel 107% better! Not to mention my new kickin' figure.I have been educated - Thanx!  | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:48:25 PM | Thigh high, I built the house and cared for her two daughters whose father hadn't seen them in years. 8 years to be exact. I think you may approach the diagnosis yourself, given your all-out attack on a couple of well stated posts on my situation that WERE relevant to this thread. YOU, on the other hand, have nothing but an ill-informed attack on a man expressing some real facts o the matter here. First, it makes me thing you are pathetically like my ex. Secondly, it really makes me want to tell you as vulgarly as I can, what I think you can, and ought to go do with yourself ,for your insensitivity. On the other hand, if YOU are BPD, well then, I canretract that and exhibit some compassion for you, but you can still go ******** yourself. I don't need your crap, and I really don;t think the balance of genuine people here discussing this highly sensitive and emotionally charged issue need peanut-gallery comments from superficial candidates for BPD diagnosis like yourself. Ciao for friggin' now!
-damoN-(bite my haunches emoticon, please?) | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:53:05 AM |
This one will give you more insight into your BPD partner (or ex-partner). It's called "Lost in the Mirror".
Interesting that you should mention that book. I don't think this has come up in this thread, but an interesting thing to note is that many borderlines refuse to look at themselves in a mirror.
Another book, that's considered to be one of the seminal books on the topic is "I hate you....don't leave me".
You will find this post of mine on page 12.....Oh, and why would you think that some borderlines refuse to look at themselves in a mirror?....any guesses?
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:09:44 PM
I was told that I had Borderline "tendencies" when my Mother was dying. I was sitting in a psychiatrist's office, totally devastated by what was happening, and the psychiatrist was trying to "help" me.
I was giving him one word answers for everything that he asked...how are you?....sad....how do you feel about your Mom dying.....sad....
You get the drift.
He told me to read a book called "Lost in the Mirror". It's written by a psychiatrist, who shows a case study based on a composite of his "clients".
I read the book, decided that I wasn't gonna be like that, and have been working on my "tendencies" ever since.
I recommend that any therapist working with Borderlines read it, and also recommend it to patients, who can tolerate the contents. | |
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usmc67
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Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 536 | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:26:45 PM | What a MAN! A stand by your woman kinda guy - Huh?
If she is Borderline, or other PD, it usually results from trauma as a child. Her husband or SO didn't "cause" it, drive her to it, etc.., so he can't "fix" it. BPD can never be "cured", and she will never be capable of having an intimate relationship that is anything like normal. He isn't "helping" by staying with her. All he's doing is volunteering to go through hell, towards no ultimate purpose.
He already cares, and is in knots, about her pain; but nothing he does will make a difference. If she is to make any progress at all, and I don't hold out a lot of hope, she's more likely to do so, when the "intimacy trigger" is taken away.
This is exactly why the forums on sites dedicated to BPD, exclude the BPD's from posting on the "nons" forums. The title of this thread "ever date someone with BPD?" and the self-proclaimed BPDs are telling everyone that if nons just try harder, they will fix things, and that it's "someone else's fault" for "not caring" enough.
I have great empathy for BPD, but it's like seeing someone drowning, when you can't swim. You can't save the person drowning, and drowning yourself in a futile attempt to do what you can't do, doesn't help. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:54:55 PM | Renaissance, Thank you so much for clarifying that for the well intentioned ones here, and also for shutting down the rest that just want to splatter their verbal diarreah as icing on the cake of misery we who know this all too well continue to be fed daily, even after we have cut ties with the BP. Those of us who have children with them have, in some cases, many more years of this to contend with.
-damoN- | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:13:34 PM |
Those of us who have children with them have, in some cases, many more years of this to contend with.
I was fortunate. My relationship with a BPD was a long distance relationship. It made it much easier for her to hide, and took longer for me to recognize a PD. Still, eventually, the BP rages, black/white splitting, and all the rest came to the fore. I have saved emails, from a week apart. In one, I was the "most wonderful, understanding, and loving" man in the world. A week later, "God told her who I really am, and how selfish, unloving, and unable to think about anyone but myself" I am. It was a "lot of fun" by that point, but I continued to try to "be better" so that the "real" her would come back. Eventually, I began to see, and then read the book "Walking on Eggshells" and the lightbulb went on. It took another year, though, to end things, even without any of the encumbrances of household, children, etc..
It's nothing like the hell you've experienced. I congratulate you on getting there, and hope you've found the support groups to validate your experiences. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:35:10 PM |
The title of this thread "ever date someone with BPD?" and the self-proclaimed BPDs are telling everyone that if nons just try harder, they will fix things, and that it's "someone else's fault" for "not caring" enough.
With all due respect....
I think that if you go back through the thread, you'll see that I've said that unless a BPD accepts responsibility for themselves, embraces the diagnosis, and takes steps to make HUGE changes to their behaviour, and thinking.......chances are, that unless one has an incredibly strong constitution, or they are a travelling salesman, and are home VERY SELDOM....the relationship isn't going to work.
What I object to is the "generalization" about "all" BPD.
There have been a couple of "posters" on this thread, that I would like to smack upside the head, (that was a very BPD thing to say) and tell to get themselves to EMERG.....NOW!
Some of us actually belong to both "camps"....I'm one of those people....and I can see both perspectives, clearly. I can sympathize with the BPD who really doesn't know that they are creating their own misery....and the misery of others (sorry, but it's true...I was the last one to know the havoc I was wreaking, because nobody told me, until it had reached crisis proportions). I can also sympathize with the "nons", who out of caring, love, and probably a whole lot of manipulation, guilt trips, etc., try to "hang in there", hoping that somehow, things will get better.
Unfortunately, the very nature of BPD is resistant to aknowledgement by the borderline. Contrary to popular belief, in my opinion, anyway, the core issue is a pervasive deep rooted feeling of being very bad, and/or, evil...
Intimacy is certainly an issue, and most "nons" think it is the primary issue.
The bad/evil core issue has to do with how the borderline feels about themself first....and affects how they interact with others, SECOND.
PLEASE DON'T CONFRONT A BPD WITH THE BAD/EVIL BELIEF....It took me years, and enormous amounts of therapy to confront this issue. No matter how angry you are, don't do it, the outcome could be disasterous.
Also, keep in mind that there are two people in every relationship....there's cause and effect involved as well. There are clashes in every relationship, it's inevitable..... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:44:46 PM | Renaissance and Quaz... Muchas Gracias.
I just bought Stop Walking on Eggshells yesterday, and barely 50pgs in, I'm already feeling both educated AND validated. Your compassion for what we go through when intimately involved with one of these people is welcomed and is salve for the wounds. If it weren't for my daughter, I could turn my back and never give her another thought, in the knowledge that it is the healthy thing to do for myself. As it is now, I need to work toward removing her from an environment that has already displayed patterns of failure within the family infrastructure, and it's external and societal manifestations.
I thank you.
-damoN- | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:07:43 PM | Good luck in getting your daughter out of a dysfunctional environment, Damon.
If you can manage to do it, believe me, it will be the best gift you will ever give her.
Better than Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, all put together. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:22:44 PM | Quazi 100, I couldn't have said it any better.
If a borderline doesn't accept their disorder and put an effort into changing, then there probably is no hope. However, those that are making an effort and working very hard to change their ways are very different than those that don't. Keep that in mind. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:23:49 PM | | Actually...they are not calling it borderline personality disorder anymore. It's called "emotional regulation" Its sad to see that people whom aren't educated in the disorder actually feel that their opinions are even worthy to discuss it. Yes I agree with the book "I hate you, don't leave me" it helps many people living with a person that has a hard time regulating there emotions ... People who have this can live normal lives and healthy relationships with the skills and the support to learn to think and react differently to the things that hurt and scare them. They are no worse off then the people who get beaten as children and learn to trust again. They are just people who have to learn like ALL of us out there how to communicate and how to live with issues. I bet theres not one person on here that doesn't have an issue..such as alcoholism, depression, anxiety..etc.. yet we are sitting here rippen at the BPD..lol halarious and really ignorant and I mean the real definition of ignorant "uneducated to what BPD really is" .. thanks for the opportunity to have a lil giggle. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:37:26 AM |
they are not calling it borderline personality disorder anymore. It's called "emotional regulation" Its sad to see that people whom aren't educated in the disorder actually feel that their opinions are even worthy to discuss it.
A few therapists are using the terms "emotion regulation disorder", however, the commonly accepted term remains "borderline personality disorder", and it is listed as such in the DSM-IV, that most therapists are using.
They are no worse off then the people who get beaten as children and learn to trust again
Very often, the people who were beaten as children suffer from BPD. Abuse as a child is the most common cause of BPD.
People who have this can live normal lives and healthy relationships with the skills and the support to learn to think and react differently to the things that hurt and scare them.
DBT therapy has shown some promise in helping some low functioning BPD to learn how to function in day to day life. There have been no claims for widespread success in having BPDs function normally in intimate relationships.
I bet theres not one person on here that doesn't have an issue..such as alcoholism, depression, anxiety..etc.. yet
Unlike alcoholism, depression, and anxiety, most insurance plans won't pay to treat BPD, because there is no path to recovery. Unlike bi-polar, anxiety, depression, meds have not been developed that have shown any widespread effect. Cognitive therapy, likewise, has only had anecdotal "successes", none that can be truly documented, that I'm aware of.
we are sitting here rippen at the BPD..lol halarious and really ignorant
Most nons are "here" or on forums on other boards specifically dedicated to the disorder, not to "rip" on BPDs, but to recover from the toll it takes trying to love someone with this condition. It's a heartbreaking condition, and were there a path to recovery, it would be like alcoholism or depression/anxiety, where people would be encouraged to get their loved ones into therapy, or on meds, or into a 12 step program, etc.. Were that it were that simple with BPD.
BPDs are often functional, and unless you're close, might merely seem to be difficult and high strung. The real tragedy doesn't come out, until it's in a close relationship. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:49:10 AM | I was in the Army at the age 25 when the doc (PA) told me I had Schizoaffective disorder with PTSD I was 96B30P that is MI or Intell with the rank of Staff Sgt I had a Top Secret SBIG cleance in the 101 st Airborne i had 4 more year to do before I was done with the Army. I had a loving gf with a kid I love as my own. Then my Army careir was over they said it was not theirto deal with I had it the Schizoaffective before I came in the Army and also the PTSD they said it happed in life before I came in the Army that was in Dec 1989 so by Feb 1990 my Mom and my oldest Bro brought me to the VA Hosp in Seattle after try to kill my my shelf for the first time. by the June the 1990 the VA said yes I have it but they can't treat it because It was not the the Army fault from then to June 1994 I was a outcast to my family because they did know how or what to do with methat when I got on SSDI 634 a month I was living on 339 a month GAX but still not being treat for any thing and were cane you get a a room and pay for your stuff on 634 and pay for your meds that no doc will see you for your illess.
So after two more times trying to kill my shelf and ten relatship were the woman just want the ssdi check on the 3rd of the month my sis brought me to Greater lakes that were on a med coupla I GOT MY FIRST MEDS TO TREAT MY DISORDER that was in Nov 2000 I been on my meds from then on I on take 13 diffene pills a night my weight went up from 230 in Nov 2000 to 360 now ( I stand 6'5") I have a master deg in computer sci. I was homeless from 1991 to 1999 that when I found a hole in the wall apt that live in in till I got my back pay from the VA yes the VA gave me 17 years of back pay.
I been marry two times the first one had the same disorder I did and the second on was norlan she was only marry to me for two months when we got divorce my disorder got the better of me. I now have a very loving woman I love but we are taking it slowy.
My dream job will be a teacher of math or sci. People like me by some of you out there will have me put away from the world for you don't have to see or deal with me or people like me I have a IQ over 140 but the last job I had was a jantor at a mall shapooing the rugs back in Sept 2000.
So to cinn47 and the other people out there who don't know what it like to be on the othere side on the coin (the one with the disorder) please don't talk on thing you don't know about | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:18:44 AM | It seems people are afraid of what they dont understand.
You are lucky you dont have to suffer the challenges of
dealing with a loved one who you will not give up on.
You are very lucky you dont have to suffer the feelings
of fear, insicurities and continuing thoughts of suicide
because your lonely and have feelings of being useless
to societey that people with this awful dissorder do.
Just because you cant see mental illness it dosent mean
the person who has it deserves no commpassion as would a
cancer victim. After all its not as if they chose the illness.
People who have had bad times should remember the good
and have some sympathy for the sick | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:35:06 AM |
If a borderline doesn't accept their disorder and put an effort into changing, then there probably is no hope. However, those that are making an effort and working very hard to change their ways are very different than those that don't. Keep that in mind.
bingo. the denial does almost as much damage as the disorder itself. and the behaviors, including the rages and abuse, will continue unchecked. it makes it frustrating to the other party, who sees so much potential and really wants the bpd to enjoy life.
Just because you cant see mental illness it dosent mean
the person who has it deserves no commpassion as would a
cancer victim. After all its not as if they chose the illness.
compassion, yes. indulgence, not so much. you can play along for a bit and listen sympathetically to the diatribes about how no one cares about them, they don't get what they 'deserve' in life and how you alternate between sainthood and the root of all evil. but, ultimately, the more humane thing would be to refuse to engage in the dynamic of a disturbed individual in denial.
i do think that, with a lot of diligence, the bpd can enjoy intimate relationships. but it takes dedication on the part of both people. so, if you feel deep down, that you may suffer with bpd or if you find yourself involved with someone who does, do some serious soul-searching. examine your true motivations to see if you have what it takes to go the distance. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:03:07 AM |
Unlike alcoholism, depression, and anxiety, most insurance plans won't pay to treat BPD, because there is no path to recovery. Unlike bi-polar, anxiety, depression, meds have not been developed that have shown any widespread effect. Cognitive therapy, likewise, has only had anecdotal "successes", none that can be truly documented, that I'm aware of.
Unfortunately even though You sound like you have some knowledge in this there are documentations.. ALOT..... Linahan is the world known expert on "recovering" from BPD. I sit once a week with over 20 BPD recoveries and listen as they are taught skills and tell stories of how they have recovered from the BPD issues and live normal healthy lives. The facilitators have workbooks written by Linahan and the skills and the way they are taught have proven that it has worked for Years.. The facilitators whom teach this have been doing it for 5 years plus as far as I am told. Linahan has movies and her books on BPD and the documentation on the outcomes of these people. You talk as if they are never cured ..lol that alcoholics etc can get better but they can't that is discourging and sad and untrue. Also, alot of BPD are on meds.. ant- phycotic for the impulse thinking and anti-depressants for mood and ability to focus. They have come along way.. Im not sure how far in the United States but in Canada your claims ring untrue for BPD sufferers. | |
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