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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 4:56:19 PM | I spent countless hours listening to the families
and friends of people who had the horrible fate
of mental illness. It takes a rare human being to
deal with any mental disorder from depression to
borderlines.
I could not and would not give advice to anyone
on dating someone with a mental illness. I will say
that except for being blessed with genes that do
not produce them, it could be the fate of anyone
and I hope that someone would show compassion.
BB | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/24/2007 6:07:08 PM | Oh yea. Been there done that *sigh*. How did I cope? Moved on because I am no one's shrink. How did it end up? *chuckles* - I'm sure the other ten women on speed dial are giving him therapy...... ha ha ha ha but that's just my two cents worth  | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 6:51:13 AM | i am concluding, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
you end up enduring alot, for nothing really.
i don't think i was in it for the challenge. i truely thought and felt there was something beautiful and real there. but now i am thinking it was all just an illusion...just a phase.
a totally bizarre story with a sad end. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 8:49:12 AM | | Raked is your name?? I guess so- Ever date someone with BPD? You poor poor man. You know like the male version of BPD considered by some is Anti-Social Personality Disorder. DO you know where they live? Mostly in Prison. Even most clinicians are reluctant to treat BPD because they create absolute chaos at every level everywhere in there life. I do case work- I am considered pretty good working with them and thats only because I really cant stand that type of person, so they never reel me in. Drama, manipulation, lies -The hallmark or BPD. Cannot be controlled with meds, most conventional therapy does not work. Please for your own sake- RUN RUN RUN as far as you can! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:16:57 AM | Oh boy, did I ever....
My ex-fiance put me through two years of living hell, and running didn't get me away nearly fast enough; rocket packs would have helped immensely. The thing I remembered most vividly was coming home from a exhausting day at work (I was supporting both of us...) to his abusive tirades over where he imagined I had been, what he imagined I had been doing, and with whom he imagined I had been doing it. He was mind-numbingly insecure and controlling. I don't think that it ever occurred to him that these regularly occurring and totally baseless temper tantrums made it impossible to be around him. And how sad is that really? Here was someone who feared abandonment at the same time that he drove people away. 
Bottom line... you can't do anything to help a person with BPD, and you only destroy your own sense of self in the process. Isn't your life worth more to you than that? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:21:41 AM | | Yes, I did for about two years, it ended for us about 5 years ago. If anyone truly wants info. or input on this just email me and ask. I did a lot of research on this disorder and it is not a laughing matter for those who think it's funny. I suppose you laugh at cripples, the blind, or mentally retarded as well. This is a very serious illness and a living HELL for those who suffer it or care about those who suffer with it. This is a self destructive mental illness that usually ends in suicide when they just can't take the torment any longer. Until then it is an illness which includes self mutilation, that's right CUTTING, BURNING, and BRUISING their own bodies. Sorry but there are no happy faces or laughter rolls on this post. It would take a real sick individual to laugh at BPD or any physical or mental disorder for that matter. My relationship with this woman taught me a lot and I would not trade the experiences I had with her but would never want to live in that world again. I have befriended many mentally handicapped persons and once you get past the mental illness symptoms they are some of the strongest and wisest people you will meet. I assure you that it is not an easy thing to be friends with the mentally tormented but behind the illness and torment are real people craving the love and attention we all need. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:11:12 AM | chameleon,
the site would not allow me to contact your email, if your write me first tho, then i can respond.
i appreciated your words alot.
i felt and understood his torment alot, and am trying to keep at least a friendship with him going, but as the poster before you said, they fear abandonment, but drive you away anyway.
it is a labyrynth of catch 22's.
my heart goes out to him big time and i really hope he can find some peace.
he was very relaxed and content around me, but his need for chaos won out.
it is very rough on one's ego to be with these people...and yet, i too learned alot about myself, love, and a whole lot of other trippy stuff. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:22:07 AM | | Yes I have and don't do it. Too much drama and mindless chatter about nothing, causing trouble with everyone and some real craziness. Prone to telling lies to make drama, keep it going. Makes jumping into a tank of pirana seem appealing | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:34:03 AM | Borderlines .... ugh! ^^^^^ agreed - swimming with pirahna would be WAY more fun than spending a day with a BPD. It's a PERSonality disorder. Fixed. NOt likely to change significantly except that "about 75% will regain close to nomal functioning by the age of 35 to 40 years, and 90% will recover by the age of 50". The mechanism of recovery is not fully understood, but impulsivity generally decreases with age, and people learn over time how to avoid the situations that give them the most trouble. (CMAJ jun 2005) Unfortunately, about 1 in 10 bpds are successful in committing suicide.
If you don't mind marked impulsivity, instabilty of mood and unstable interpersonal relationships, date a borderline pd!
However, no single factor is identified in its development so I do have to empathize. Thankfully, the prevalence is only 1% of the population. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 4:17:43 PM | Again,with the stereotyping...the last few statements have been broad generalizations..with no thoughts towards the individual people.Of course,when one is a perfect specimen,I guess one can knock down everyone who was born with a flaw....NOT.It's not much different than saying all fat people eat like pigs,or that ll beautiful women are biatches.....it's just a different form of prejudice....we should just gather them up and burn them at the stake!!!Better yet,euthanize them at birth,that'll stop them from messing up our lives!!
I am far from perfect,I'm an insomniac,and I can't handle large groups of people...does that make me less of a person?
I agree that there are plenty of BPD's out there who can be a real risk to date....but what about the one's who aren't?I guess I sound like a broken record,but stereotypical generalization gets up my a$$ big time.I thought we lived in a time of enlightenment,when people were able to be judged on thier own merit?And before you yell at me lol,I realize there are plenty of posters who will not judge someone wholly based on a diagnosis.....I'm speaking to the ones who hear the term BPD and say "oh god run away,that person is a freak!!"
There was a time when women,african americans,asian americans et al were considered less of a person because of thier gender or race....i really don't feel this is much different.
Let me reiterate,I am not speaking about BPDs who embrace thier disorder and use it to make the rest of us miserable...I'm talking about the ones who hide themselves from the world,for fear of persecution...and after reading some fo these posts,I don't blame those people one bit. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 4:30:45 PM | snoogins...for myself...i still want to be with this man i love and have tried my best to understand what he has to deal with in terms of what might be going on in his head, and i have been very supportive and loving in many, many diferent ways.....
it is him that is shutting the door and closing me out, probably cause being genuinely close to someone makes him feel like he is suffocating.
we had many amazing conversations in a year and he is aware of what he does, but has no clue how to change it or control it.
he knows he destroys everything and he deals with high levels of anxiety about it all.
he felt very calm around me, but still he has all but ended it with us. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 5:18:41 PM | | While I myself have not, all my old girlfriends have. BPD is a catch-all for people who find themselves dealing with shrinks and refuse to kiss their asses. If you go online and examine the "deffinition" of the "disorder" you'll find it describes about 80% of the people you know including all of them that are even vaguely interesting. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 5:31:04 PM | ladyrcmt,thanks for your post luv.
It's admirable that you are not giving up on your guy,and I hope it works out...BUT...no disorder should give anyone a right to treat anyone like crap.It sounds like your guy is trying to protect you from his darker side,which is also admirable on his part.
Good luck to you both! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 7:51:09 PM | thank you snoogins, that was very sweet of you.
i have learned and experienced a ton of amazing things during my relationship with him, and i too think there is a sweet side to him that is protecting me.
i hope for the best for him too, tho this thread sure did make it sound grim for him. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 8:53:15 PM |
Splitting: the self and others are viewed as "all good" or "all bad."
Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me).
Great difficulty trusting people and themselves. Early trust may have been shattered by people who were close to you.
Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.
Feeling of "needing" someone else to survive
Heavy need for affection and reassurance
Some people with BPD may have an unusually high degree of interpersonal sensitivity, insight and empathy
What if these all apply to you, or your loved one, but not all at their most extreme interpretation? Is BPD considered a 'spectrum disorder'? And what if some of those traits apply, yet there is no tendency towards self-destructive behaviour?
Just curious, that's all. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:57:26 PM | phieeel
the book "i hate you, don't leave me" i believe says that all of us at times can experience these kinds of feelings and boarderline traits...but that it is when they totally control your life is it a more of a serious mental illness that is beyond ones control without extensive therapy.
i have also heard that the hard knocks of life can sometimes modify the behaviors as well.
not trying to pretend i know anything here, just saying what i read and heard from counselors. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:19:24 PM | Sure, its the simplest way to an orgy!!! Wait, sorry, that's MPD. Shucks, is there a thread on that?
But really, most people do, to some extent, display signs of BPD. It is a far more common disorder than what we are commonly lead to believe. Most times it is treatable with therapy. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:24:50 PM | I was married to what I believe had BPD for 16 years and separated for 18 months. Divorced officially for two months now. Whew!
High functioning, very engaging. However, you forget who you are. I did. Why? Because if I kept myself and my personality, I couldn't get along with her. That or keep boundaries far enough away that I won't get hurt. Then I found myself no longer in her spell. that was the end of the relationship. a Song that reminds me of people with borderline personality disorders is " She's Always a Woman to me" by Billy Joel. Another description is breaking up with someone infinite times and getting back together. and not ever agreeing why it happened and not resolving much conflict.
its a good ride emotionally with someone like this. It becomes addicting and you are hooked.
They can be very high functioning. Sad and Funny, if you get really close and get enmeshed, you can act like one as well. its called bpd fleas. I happened on another book. Not sure its referenced on the string: Stop Walking On Eggshells. It is very descriptive.
I am not trying to slam borderlines. Just my experience. I think I can deal with just about anything now. Truly so. If you want to know more about group discussions concerning Non-borderlines and how to cope look them up on Yahoo or ask me. A popular portal website for more info is www.bpdcentral.com. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:49:43 AM | | I am new to this posting thing but I read this Post and agree with both sides of it. However, Asthma etc is not the same as Mental issues, BPD, the main point here I think is that if you are with someone that has BPD and this person refuses to admit the issues and do something about it then that is the time to run... to protect your own emotional weel being. I was with a man for 5 years who had BPD due to extreme abusive childhood and young adulthood, ran in his whole family, and I thought that with enough "love" and understanding and helping him find help to deal with this all that somehow I could make a difference. Tried counceling, and that lasted as long as 3 trips til the Therapist asked him questions regarding his childhood and family and then he RAN from that office and never returned. His BPD did destroy our relationship, the constant "yo-yo" emotional roller coaster rides were too much. And yes one minute they are happy and the next they are angry and are totally another person, a Dr. Jekyl/Mr.Hyde personality. And research shows that without Therapy and possible medication these personalities dont just up one day and are better no matter how much love you give them. I was in the relationship 5 years. And went through the "Ilove you" so much to me and at the same time he was on the internet telling another woman the same thing that he had not been in a relationship in 2 years and asked her to marry him after less than 3 weeks emailing and never meeting this woman who lives IN New Orleans (we are here in SD) and she thinks tht he is the most loving gentle kindest giving (he sends her $$ ) and has proven to herself that he lied to her about me and him but doesnt get it what type of person that he is.. She unfortunately after she moves here will "get it" and see as these personalities can not sustain the "good side" long term... And she will see these personalities also.. I feel bad for her but we sometimes have to learn the hard way. Mental illness is not a shameful thing, it only becomes shameful if the person refuses to seek help and lets it destroy their relationships and life sometimes. That is my blah blah for the moment. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/26/2007 8:28:54 AM | Hi Floridalady
About yahoo messenger try this it has worked for me
Delete the person from your list and the next time he messages you hit the block botton
on the top of the chat screen then he can no long bother you ....Hope this works for you | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 2/23/2007 7:32:50 AM | Hi all, Im probably not going to do myself any favours, but im gonna stick
my neck out and say that im Diagnosed with Borderline PD. Whilst i CAN understand those that simply say - "run away and dont look back", i find it upsetting somewhat
that a person would not entertain me simply because i have an MH problem. Ive done years upon years of therapy, even spent several months and at the well known Henderson Hospitals in '99. I am able to have meaningful realationships, empathise and even brought up my lil' one before i separated. I have been accepted, CRB checked and am training to work with children in a pre-school/nursery setting. So eh, i cant be that bad!!
We are difficult b***rds without the right therapy - i fully admit that, but just give sum of those with a PD that have DONE their treatment, like myself - a chance to prove that were not all bad. I learnt alot about myelf along the way, and about others, because i had the balls to admit that i had a problem, somwhow "I didnt fit in and wasnt brought up right". Plus i was lucky to be accepted to stick to a regime of shitty therapies, re-learning my behavours. Im still saying "BE CAREFUL" - but dont dismiss us all thats done the hard work and sorted 90% of ourselves out!!! Cheers Rog xx | |
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