|
|
|
|
|
| | Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)Page 30 of 37 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37) | Joules, generally, because they're studies, they pay you, not vice versa. Medication is also provided for free, so you won't have to contend with that. If you live in another state, there are other studies that are being done in your own particular state. Sign up for one, as they generally use the newest thing they can, on the market, even before it's given to the general public. It's free medical, and you're also helping out those who have similar problems.
And, Renassaince, yes, I know..you have the background of all kinds of amazing things...and now, you're a salesperson. Yes, that explains all those years in med. school, hehe.
Lol, now, he's going to try to diagnose someone online? Oh yes, he's a doc, alright. Ok, sure, right! If you were a doc, you would know ATTEMPTING TO DIAGNOSE SOMEONE WITHOUT PHYSICALLY SEEING THEM, ESPECIALLY ONLINE, IN A PUBLIC FORUM...WELL, THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW!!! Amazing, when you go to med school, that's one of the first things you learn, hehe. Can you say busted? I love when they bust themselves. ;)
Oh, and by the way, I don't have BPD. In actuality, I have a daughter who's a 'REAL' physician, a cousin who's a physician, and many of my friends are also physicians. But nice try. ;)
In the meantime, I've dealt and lived with people who have BPD and Bi Polar I and II. Yes, there are REAL solutions, Joules, regardless of what a few naysayers here might tell you. Call them up, I gave you phone numbers. If you need phone numbers for your state, tell me, Joules. I'll be more than happy to help.
In response to the op...yes, I would date someone who was BPD. As long as it's handled properly, they remain on their meds, and you know how to deal with certain issues that come up, one can deal with it. But, just like anything else in life, it has it's ups and downs.
I just love this throw away, judgemental society we live in. Sad, too sad! | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:11:18 AM | I agree, the topic is about dating a BPD. There is too much catfighting going on. I think it boils down to, discussing it. For me, the many many many posts that say..
RUN
RUN
RUN
are alarming.
If someone really wanted real advice. Does that help? No, imo no.... anyway....
The educational resources found in this thread though.. are extreme. Fantastic.
If I were to date someone like me, I'd start there.
 | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:33:01 AM | Well, you are entitled to your opinions, but I do wish you would stop assuming, since when one assumes, they make an ass out of you to me (ass/u/me)! ;)
You know nothing about 'my' educational background, nor would I inform you of it. You also don't know if I know about med school, grad school, etc., and you don't even know if I know how much a real social worker makes. In fact, you are making a number of incorrect assumptions!
To quote a site: "Social workers in private practice earned a median annual income of $55,512 in 2000, a 7.8 percent increase from 1997." Hmm...yes, way too small a figure! And that was back in 2000! I'm growing bored of all this silliness you keep spewing. I'm glad you're under the assumption that I'm making myself look silly. In my opinion, you are the one who appears to be silly, making all these assumptions, stating that you are a social worker, and quite familiar with all these things, when in fact, you're nothing more than a sales person looking on the internet, the same as most people. You happened to run into one person, obviously, and dated or married them, and they had BPD. That, apparantly makes you an expert on the subject, to you! I disagree!
No, you didn't exactly present yourself as a medical professional, but you did indicate, in more ways than one, that you were qualified to be one. ;) And, I have one better...you have no way of knowing my background, at all. Again, this is conjecture on your part.
You are not an expert. Dating one BPD party, does not make you an expert, whatsoever! What it makes you is JUDGEMENTAL, nothing more, nothing less.
If they delete the posts, it's not because anyone of these posts went off topic, because I've attempted to make sure my posts come back to the subject, repeatedly. And how would you know if the mods started watching the threads? Are you one of the mods too? Now, 'they're' deleting a bunch of posts? So much for free speech, eh? Well, make sure to get this post too, Mr Mod. lol
Personally, I take offense to the things you claim about people who have a disability, regardless of the disability. You see, I have a disability too! It's not BPD, but it's a disability nonetheless. Mine just happens to be a physical disability. And, instead of being compassionate toward someone who is presented in life, with an imperfection, you take your high and mighty attitude and express it across the board to others, because you know no better! You, my friend, are someone that I wouldn't give the time of day. If you were a social worker, you would know better. You would certainly be more compassionate to Joule's position, and her feelings. Instead, you talk about what an expert you are.
People with disabilities are not your personal battering ram! They are human beings with emotions, desires, and goals, the same as you. However, they have to face things that you could never hope to understand. Are they dateable? YES, they are! However, you, my friend...well, I feel pity for you. You appear to be the one that is undateable, because you are the one who is sooooo judgemental. That explains the things that happened in your failed relationship! It apparantly wasn't your BPD partner that was the problem. Maybe you should look into the mirror. Now, I tire of your silliness.
In response to the op, once again, there is no reason, whatsoever, that you can't get involved in a relationship with a BPD party, anymore than you can't get involved with a normal party. Is it harder? Anything worth it is difficult, ever hear that philosophy? It applies! If you care about the person, go for it! Don't let a social stigma, or what others tell you, stop you. However, do become educated, so that you know how it will affect you, and your bpd partner.
As you saw, from the site I posted here, there are many options available to BPD patients and their partners. Look into them, and you will plainly see that there are many choices to choose from that can assist you in your growth in the relationship with your s.o. I hope the information I presented here gives you a deeper understanding of some of the difficulties you could encounter, but also, a deeper understanding of some of the joys that are also available, when you are dating someone with a disability. Don't discount them, just because some people have had a rough time in their relationship with them. Not all people have the same situation. My situation was completely different, ending in a very close, content relationship. It's all in how you handle the situations that present themselves, when they do. Don't be like some of the ignorant people though. Look into it, research it, and listen to the 'real' doctors. They'll help you to help her and they'll help you to understand your BPD partner. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:20:36 AM | I've lived with the person most of my adult life, you've lived with the person 3 lousy years, amazing, eh? Now, you profess to know the type of person I am (someone like me)? hehe...You don't know me from adam! So, st0p acting like you do, by saying "someone like me."
Just because people aren't properly educated, and they get into a relationship and find out they don't know what they stepped into, doesn't mean it applies to every BPD party. It is just like any disability, but you don't realize that.
There are ways to handle each and every disability. You wouldn't give a blind man a newspaper to read, unless it was in braille, would you? You wouldn't expect a deaf person to hear, unless you learned sign language. BPD is no different. If you don't learn about it, and you don't know what to do, and you don't make sure they take their meds and go to their doctor appointments, then what do you expect? It's a recipe for disaster.
Schizophrenia? You think BPD is worse? You obviously have never been around someone who had that, hehe. We're not talking about someone who isn't willing to take meds. You see, you're personalizing it, because that's what your lady friend did. However, not all BPD patients do that. That's exactly what I mean. You are GENERALIZING ALL BDP PATIENTS, which isn't fair to the majority of them, because not all of them are your previous gf.
These aren't drug addicts you're discussing (and even in the drug addict's case, there are ways to deal with that too.) Nor are they alcoholics.
BPD is a disability, drugs and alcohol...they're addictions - huge difference! You have to compare apples to oranges. You can't compare being married to a murderer, to being married to someone who's deathly ill, either. There is a huge difference.
With the things you mentioned the party starts out with a choice. People who have BPD don't have a choice! They are born into their disability, or it crops up from abuse or neglect, or other aspects that alter their brain patterns.
As I said, the other is a physical addiction wherein the party assists it along. BPD, the party has no say in it, whatsoever.
So, why would someone get involved with a BPD party? Because, they're human, and they didn't call these things upon themselves.
They're entitled to be loved the same way you are. If you were born with BPD, would you want to be alone the rest of your life, just because you had a disability? Or, would you want someone to accept you, and all your foibles? I'm not recommending you put up with physical abuse, but barring that (many don't become physically abusive), there is no reason not to be in a relationship with one of them, as long as you get as much information as you can about what you're dealing with, and you follow the treatment plan.
Oh, let's generalize all men regarding this, shall we? Let's use your rule of thumb..."when in doubt, generalize!" All men are cheaters! After all, leslie's hubby cheated on her, so did mary's hubby...and christine's hubby...yup, all men are adulterers! True or not? No, of course not. And all BPD patients also aren't violent, all bpd patients also aren't suicidal, all BPD patients also aren't chatty, etc., etc....the list goes on and on.
Maybe that's what you were in for, because you didn't know how to deal with it? That's what I mean. My experience was different! Then again, I became educated about what I was dealing with, I learned the triggers, and I found out things that worked. Did we have some rough times? Sure, but show me a relationship that doesn't! The difference is I always stuck it out, and worked it out, instead of just running after 3 measely years. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:59:47 AM | basically, we can reduce this debate to whether or not the pleasure we experience when interacting with the bpd carries sufficient weight to override the pain they can cause. i say can because they don't have to inflict abuse. as several posters indicate on this thread, the bpd has the power to control their behavior if and only if they take the initiative to keep the disorder well in hand.
actually, you can use this model for any behavior patterns an individual presents. if, for example, you enjoy someone's sense of humor, but can't handle their whining, you need to decide which attribute has more value to you.
in the end, it doesn't matter if they suffer with bpd or some other disorder or none at all. if you've taken enough abuse, if you've taken enough rage, if you've taken enough whining, you don't need to continually put yourself in the line of someone else's deranged fire.
however, if the person's positive traits outweigh the negative for you, then by all means, go the distance. but you better have patience and dedication and an overwhelming sense that the bpd can change. and, as this thread indicates, some absolutely can. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:19:33 AM |
basically, we can reduce this debate to whether or not the pleasure we experience when interacting with the bpd carries sufficient weight to override the pain they can cause. i say can because they don't have to inflict abuse. as several posters indicate on this thread, the bpd has the power to control their behavior if and only if they take the initiative to keep the disorder well in hand.
actually, you can use this model for any behavior patterns an individual presents. if, for example, you enjoy someone's sense of humor, but can't handle their whining, you need to decide which attribute has more value to you.
YOu mean to tell me that some people may have to actually settle 
in the end, it doesn't matter if they suffer with bpd or some other disorder or none at all. if you've taken enough abuse, if you've taken enough rage, if you've taken enough whining, you don't need to continually put yourself in the line of someone else's deranged fire.
however, if the person's positive traits outweigh the negative for you, then by all means, go the distance. but you better have patience and dedication and an overwhelming sense that the bpd can change. and, as this thread indicates, some absolutely can.
"YOu take the good , you take the bad, and what you got? the facts of life!!'"
yup, it was a great song to a so-so television show.
If the person's good things outweigh the bad, then you accept it and carry through.
You just have to realize that even when they are 'there' with you, that they may not be 'there ' with you.
For some people, this is all that is needed to get out. Others accept it and settle for the show.
rather simple really | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:41:04 AM | I have to agree with Renaissance Man's post and to quote from his post ...
" Putting aside the whole discussion of studies, the most popular book on the title, that is regarded by most practitioners I know as a good primer on the topic, is carried by every book chain, and has sold millions of copies, is Mason's "Walking on Eggshells". If you're early on in a relationship, read that. At least you'll have a preview of some of what you're in for, only the reality is much, much worse. "
Read the book (it is a good one)and any other info available...BPD is just very hard to deal with. The medical folks I have been involved with categorigally state that BPD is far and away the most difficult mental disorder for them to treat...bar none.
In my case I have children and when I wanted to separate many years ago the doctors advised me to stay unless I was fearful of being in physical danger...she has BPD and also suffers from Narcissism...a very difficult and an all too common combination I am told. I was informed that if I were to leave her all of my children were at huge risk of being destroyed mentally...and so I stayed for many years until she eventually ran away with two of the children. Through the courts and the police I did get them back ...they live with me now along with two of my stepsons ( now grown up...her kids from a prior relationship).
BPD's can appear to be the perfect partner at the beginning of a relationship ...are very good actors it would seem. If you think you may be with a BPD just find some small criticism to levy their way for example and check the reaction...and if you survive the it then perhaps it is time to move on LOL. They amplify everything to an astonishing degree. I could talk about the variuos behaviours but the literature says it much better than I ever could. Please educate yourself.
Definitely encourage the BPD to get help...but again, I am told that there is very little to be done for them and unlike some other mental disorders there are no meds to prescribe such as for Bi-Polar etc...oh, if it were only that easy!! I do understand that there is ongoing research and some reports of success in the USA ...and some meds in the developmental stage...but not commonly available as part of a mainstream treatment package. It would be great if my kids' mother and other BPD'S had such an option readily available to help normalize their lives/behaviour and help others by making it that much easier to cope.
If you have children then please be careful about leaving them with the BPD in the event you separate from them. I hate to say it but I am going to be very clear here based upon my humble experience, my advice is.....DO NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BPD......UNLESS YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND ARE UNABLE TO LEAVE AND TAKE THEM WITH YOU!! Again, I was told to stay...and even if I were to hate her I was advised to simply sleep in another place in the house...bedroom or whatever...but stay pretty much no matter what for the children's sake. Put simply the kids are in no position to understand much of this until they are much older...and if we as adults can't cope with a BPD very well...then how in heaven is an innocent child to function well at all ??
Think about it...if the medical fraternity is unable to do much for a BPD...what qualifications do you have that make you think that you can accomplish what the doctors cannot ??
And no , I am not a doctor, so for those of you who feel the urge to question my credentials for this post they are simply this...I am a survivor of a life experience living with a BPD over the past 15 years that I would not wish on my worst enemy. It is impossible to explain the full gamut of emotions/situations when involved with a BPD...and then adding children into the mix just makes it that much harder. At the end of the day I am grateful that my children are OK and so , all in all, the effort has all been worthwhile. We are happy and are moving on in life. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:59:45 AM | Maybe that's what you were in for, because you didn't know how to deal with it? That's what I mean. My experience was different! Then again, I became educated about what I was dealing with, I learned the triggers, and I found out things that worked. Did we have some rough times? Sure, but show me a relationship that doesn't! The difference is I always stuck it out, and worked it out, instead of just running after 3 measely years.
Joules.....
I am BPD...I am RECOVERED. Does that guarantee that I will never relapse...no...just like it doesn't guarantee that ANYBODY will not have a problem with mental illness at some point in their lives.
What sweethang is saying is true...it CAN be done. The key ingredients are PERSEVERANCE, and COMMITMENT.
Where I started was with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It's tough, but once you get the hang of it, it will give you a great foundation to build the rest of your recovery on. That was my way of doing it.
If you do this, your life will expand in ways that as a BPD, you don't even know it can expand...the limits are only set by how far you are willing to let yourself grow.
You'll still be you....but you'll be in control of your life. TRUST ME.
Ren....
Please, this girl deserves a chance, and every word I'm saying is from personal experience, and if you want a message about every step of how I did it, I will give it to you.... | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:28:04 AM | I wasn't trying to make this post about me. I just thought, as as BPD, it would be helpful. I understand that BPD's put their partners thru hell, I've been there and done that before. I still feel bad for some of it.
I tend not to like the word Recovered. Because its like you are all better, all healed. I know its just a technicality, but if one were recovered, totally recovered. There would be no relapse. I'm prefer to think of myself being in Recovery, where as, its always a process, and I don't forget that I have an illness. Because for me, thats when it seems to bite me, when I least expect it.
The funny thing, is even though in many ways, in relationships, I am very trying, and hard to deal with. I'm friends with most all of my ex's. They describe me like this.
"Julie you are the most wonderful person, I know you are hard to deal with, but the times when you good, made up for all the other bullshit" And I'm sure with some BPD's this isn't true. But all I can say to people who date or have dated, or think they want to date someone with BPD is this....
Until they want help, and are really ready, there isn't anything you can do. You can stay and put up with the BS, but until they are ready for change, and everything that will come of... its kind of like hitting your head against a brick wall, and expecting it not to hurt. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:48:25 PM | Look folks, you have to do what you feel best. However, I've seen many cases of BPD wherein the party was completely HEALED, as in, they don't go through the symptoms anymore. Now, if you believe it CAN'T be done...then, listen to others who claim that "cancer can't be cured." However, there are thousands of people who would disagree with your findings, based on their therapy and what they went through. I know of someone who is completely CANCER-FREE, and has been for 55 yrs. Could he get it again? Well, you can catch a cold again, too, can't you? Same concept! Nothing in life is guaranteed, but personally, I would consider him cured. However, it's all in the way one looks at it...which is nothing more than semantics.
The point being, for all those that are negative, and wish to believe that it can't be done...follow the crowd. For all those that believe God does miracles...follow God! Personally, I'll stick to the almighty, because apparantly, it works! ;)
While some of you have had difficulty with your BPD party, I have created a very long-standing, loving relationship with a BPD party. Thus, it can be done. Maybe it's just the way you interact with your BPD party? Maybe, it's not your BPD party at all, but instead, the way you deal with them?
I know of a kid, who was diagnosed with severe attention deficit, along with other things (OCD, etc). He was placed on meds, he was in therapy, and he had a terrible time socializing with others, etc. He was doing very poorly in school, even failing his entire 3rd grade, and falling asleep in class. No one could teach the kid!
He was removed from his meds, removed from the school system, and now, operates at two full grade levels about his normal grade. He's happy, content and plays with other students, well. He no longer takes meds, and he's no longer in therapy. This was a child they thought was untreatable, because the adhd and other deficits he had were very severe. Yet, he's fine now! Did he grow out of it? No, he was just taught different methods that many aren't aware of, and thus, he was able to beat it and excel quite well.
You folks think it can't be done...and that's what keeps people like Joules down. (And they worry about carrying baggage, hmm.) Folks, get rid of your own baggage and then, maybe you will be able to see what can be done to help people like this. It's not rocket science, people! ;)
And, Joules, you're right! They have to want help, but that applies to any illness. And, once a BPD has been diagnosed, most want to straighten out the mess in their heads. That's much of what they're seeking, and why they do much of what they do. They're looking for answers. Then again, I've never seen anyone who wasn't seeking answers in life, have you? ;)
If Quasi can do it, and my friend can do it, so can others. That should tell you something, right there. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:09:25 PM | Momarks...would you settle with someone who has cancer, because they were inflicted with it, and now you have a mound of bills from the hospital? Isn't that settling too? Life is what it is...and it depends on how one chooses to live it. If you consider standing by someone, "settling", so be it!
Personally, I call that caring, love, and being there for one another. Umm, I believe God called it 'COMPASSION!' A wonderful, beautiful, trait that human beings can actually experience, when they stop thinking about themselves. ;) | |
|
| |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:19:54 PM | OK
First, you ought to knoow that there is sad situation for borderlines, and dating one not under treatment is risky, as you never know what cah are gonna get.
But why have you not told everyone to find a therapiost offering dialectical behavior therapy.
I hope they include this in your masters training, and that you yoursef are un nuty enough YOURSELF , I mean cary little baggeage yourself, so that you take ion the huge needs of a bpd p[erson
A true bpd disorded person who KNWS they are disorded is always unhappy, and opften commit suicide.They are loveable, as I have a brother who has some b p d traits, melded in with Manic Depressive.
I would recommend only a social worker date him, as he is also a gen ius, a comedian, insightful, and magnamous.
Furthermore, I will say this of you.
I think your lack of compassion evinced by the us vs them attitude , separating bpds from the reat of us normal folks. Well who the H defines just WHAT IZZZ n o r m a l ?
Getiong back to to date or not to date, there are different intensiteis of bpd... and I truly belive that NIONE of us can be called normal in the final analysis.
I believe all of us normal people are sometimes manic, sometimes depressed, spmetimes forget our "Boundaries", just like full blown deeply suffering BPD's.
So if you havinfga pleasant chat with a b p d and suddenly he turns dark, dont get upset. It's just that he is unlucky in his w i r i n g . ( and ther are no MEDS for bpd!)Wait an hour. The sweet person will return, while perhaps you take a lil time out and regroup.
I KNOW this, as I have seen how my brother's bpd has arffected his ability to have relationships with women.
He never has had a theapist to deliver Dialectical Behavior Therapy, so.. he remains undrugged for that and drugged for the bipolar disorder..
Dating one , I agree with some other posting person, is not for the judgemental or faintheated.
Or ill informed.
I just get annoyed at the world's attidute and lack of empathy for those who are "ordered differently" | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:28:25 PM | I think its marvelous that you can hold down a job with b p d > Be proud!
My brother can't.
Keep up the good work.
All the normal (lol) people have psych issues that hold them back in some way or another.
So, when you can , get a therapist trained in DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY, and just try staying as present and conscious as you are able in the meantime.
It's not YOUR fault you have this faulty wiring, so give yourself a break, even if others do not, like that not nice man who is studying for his Masters degree in the mental health field.
I do not believe he has the heart and love in him to be a good therapist for anyone! | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 12:51:41 AM | I think personality disorders are just as common as dysfunctional families. They just vary in amount of how dysfunctional they are.. You meet great people who are quirky and then sometimes you meet people who are so extremely messed up you think that the next place you will see them is on Jerry Springer chucking a chair.
Being a “re-formed rock person – Thank you Frosty for the description” I have sworn off dating people who have extreme personality disorders. I figure I just don’t need the drama in my life.. I know I have been a lot more content with sane people.
I think to really give you good advice though I would really take a good look at yourself and really ask how much your willing to handle emotionally for the sake of a relationship and with that form your boundaries for that person and STICK TO THEM.
You might find you’re really able to handle the needs of someone who has extreme personality disorders but you might be able to handle the quirks of someone who is just sort of quirky..
To ask a question of my own.. Who do you think is more susceptible for the personality disorder of being narcissistic women or men?
With the depth of a cheeto I amaze myself,
Kerry
 | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:04:31 AM |
To ask a question of my own.. Who do you think is more susceptible for the personality disorder of being narcissistic women or men?
This is another subject that hasn't been discussed.
My research says that some men have been diagnosed Narcissistic, when actually they are Borderline.....
Some men, while they are feeling the emotionsx100 that every Borderline feels, will die, before they let anyone know that they are feeling these emotions. The result of this often entails an emotional "withdrawal" from situations....which looks like lack of empathy
Borderlines who are trying very hard to maintain control look very much like they are very self absorbed......
Unless the "grandiosity" factor is really dominant, I think that some men could be a toss up between Narcissistic, and Borderline.
To answer your question, strictly based on the differences in emotions between men and women, Men are more likely to be Narcissistic, while Women are more likely to be Borderline. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:36:10 AM |
Unless the "grandiosity" factor is really dominant, I think that some men could be a toss up between Narcissistic, and Borderline.
could you explain the 'grandiosity factor?' i think i know what you mean, but i'm not quite sure. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:45:02 AM | | I was married to a girl that had this condition for 11 years we were together, and she was and had every classic symptom of BPD and one day I came home after being gone for four days....and guess what? She freaked out and packed up and left, at the behest of her parents who got into her head and told her lies about me, which since I was gone for FOUR days, meant I had abandoned her. I had a business trip I HAD to go on and she was mad and refused to go with me and also refused to let me leave to go on it.....She tried to kill herself several times.....It was ....horrible...I had to take her to the ER over 200 times in 11 years....I also do not think that I could ever return to that kind of life, and if there is even a hint of that sort of behaviour I will not date a girl like that....I was soo in love with her....It was truly horrific..... | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:48:31 AM | Hi - I'd say the rules for dating someone with BPD are the same as the rules for dating anyone else in a transitional phase of their lives. If they're well medicated and dealing with it, no big deal - date them and have a great time. If they've just recently been diagnosed, and are trying to deal with both a mental disorder and the fallout from the diagnosis (feeling unworthy, unloveable and like a failure as a human being) they probably aren't ready to be dating.
A lot of us are going to have to deal with a mental health issue at some point in our lives. Try to deal with the condition separately from how you deal with the person. Hope that doesn't sound too weird - but it's just a condition, like epilepsy or diabetes. It can be controlled. | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 11:11:43 AM | Hi Junipermoon.....
could you explain the 'grandiosity factor?' i think i know what you mean, but i'm not quite sure
I good word to describe "grandiosity" is "entitlement".
Narcissists feel "entitled" to pretty much whatever they want....and they will go to great lengths to get it.
They believe that they are more "important" than other people.....(read "entitled") in whatever they do....if they have a problem, it should be dealt with first, because it has more "importance" than someone else's problem.
My ex-hustband's favourite colour is "Royal Purple" and he fully believes that he should have been born into Royalty. His idol.....Elvis "King of Rock and Roll"
I can give more specific examples of "grandiosity", but these should give you an idea | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 3:42:00 PM | i see. i think i knew someone who may have had something like that going on. he felt that everything he did, regardless of how mundane or mediocre, was truly outstanding.
how about someone who spends so much time imagining themself in heroic situations that they come to believe it and will brag endlessly about things they claim they can do? do you think someone living in a fantasy world will ever get a grip on reality? | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/7/2008 5:34:02 PM | Hi again...
Wow, that's a good one.
My opinion on this one is...it could be either Narcissist, or Bi-Polar.
My ex still fully believes that he should be "Dictator of Canada" he has plans made up of the Military budget for Canada, and how it should be spent...how many tanks, jeeps....you get the idea.
The deciding factor would be other contributing symptoms. If the person were Bi-polar, they would eventually crash.....hard (if unmedicated). Again with Bi-polar, if medicated properly, yes, they could get a grip on reality.
With a Narcissist, if they can be convinced that they are being very "unrealistic" and agree to get help, a grip on reality is a possibility.
This kind of illustrates the difference between "mood" disorders (Bi-Polar) and Personality Disorders (Narcissism). Bi-Polar is Axis I in the DSM, while Personality Disorders are Axis II | |
|
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/8/2008 9:30:52 PM | About 10 years ago I had a date in a pub/restaurant with a girl I met through a local paper lonely hearts column, when I met her in the flesh she must have been a good 25 stone which took me completely by surprise, she was really friendly and we were getting on like a house on fire when after about 20 mins or so I noticed that she was paying more attention to the people sitting at the other tables than she was to me.
I pretended not to notice but eventually she started whispering things to me like "those people are staring at me because I'm fat" things became quite extreme from that point on and It became clear that she was really quite paranoid about her weight and what she was imagining others were thinking about her weight.
At one point she went to the toilet and when she came back she said "wow I didn't think you'd still be here when I returned" It was then that I wished I had ran off while she was gone 
I assume that she had this BPD? disorder that you guys are talking about. | |
|
| |
| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/10/2008 6:28:32 PM | I thought she was cute and smart and entertaining
I thought it wasn't as bad as it turned out to be, I thought I could deal with it... After all, they are all crazy to one degree or another right??
Nope, she was NUTS... scary nuts, in the "How does she manage to get along with soceity" kind of nuts...
I tried to put up with it, to be supportive and considerate, but the more "understanding" I became, merely enabled her to get more off base she became.
I finally couldn't deal with it any longer, so I broke up with her. Of course she blamed me for being too self involved, but we stopped dating.
I see and talk to her occasionally, to be friends (only). Not her eccentricities are merely humorous, since I don't have to deal with them constantly :-) | |
|
|
|
|
Page
30
of
37 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
|
|
Home
login 
