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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:47:58 PM |
I have an identical twin sister who is severely affected with this disease.
Did we cross paths on a bipolar forum? If it was you, I owe you a hundred thousand thanks for steering me in the right direction.
Formerly,
Willowtree | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/18/2008 8:22:13 PM |
Run? That is the easiest solution for a non-BP in a chosen relationship... or is it?
I guess for me it was a matter of would my BP face her demons and take the most difficult path to recovery. I truly believe that if she did I would not have left.
I still ask myself if running away was the right decision. Right or wrong, it was all I was capable of at the time.
Ceij
Well said, Ceij.
I often wonder(as a non-BP myself) if I am angry at me for not being able to tolerate it anymore and getting out, or if I am angry at her (1) for putting me through the hell she did, whether she could help it or not(2)for wanting to have a child, which we did- and then trying every way under the sun to separate me from my daughter as the ultimate mechanism for turning the knife in my ribs... I hate you/don't leave me/now you're a sonofabeetch...
Everything you wrote rang so clear, as do the writings of many who have actually endured this. It is amazing the extent of damage that a BP can do to a nonBP, and while I understand how I got this way and am as comfortable with it as I can acceptingly be, I still am angry with myself because I feel "had", and so it plays on my sense of confidence, adequacy, et al....
I would comment more on the daughter thing, but she(the ex) is on the site here, also, and I'm not going to air that bunch of laundry where she has access to it. I really don't think she'd come near me in a forum, though, because to do so would force her to acknowledge herself. Meanwhile, I am healing, and fighting this battle in court. Nuff said.
To all of you who have paddled this particular schitcreek, hang in there. As long as you have a child in common, you're gonna have to deal with it, but for you personally, it WILL get better over time. Right, Ceij?
-damoN- | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:02:39 PM | | Yes, I have dated several women over the years with borderline personality disorder. If they are genuinely good natured, usually you can work your way around it and possibly decrease the harm it may cause with good communication. But sometimes when you meet someone with this condition, you can't do much to salvage things no matter how hard you try. I dated a gal about eight years ago, that was the sweetest person you could ever meet. But suddenly her mood could change with little to no warning. The most frustrating thing was when she would call and really want to talk on the phone and then her personality would switch and she would act disinterested in any conversation. She also had a bad habit of putting everyone on hold for too long (including me) and was not able to end a conversation gracefully and politely. She could go from sweetness to rudeness in the blink of an eye. That's a pet peeve for another thread. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:34:29 AM | | I don't know if this was her problem or not, but I tend to do things like that at times. (I have been diagnoses with BPD). I will have a conversation and the emotions will get so intense for me, I just want to hang up the phone. I try so hard not to, but all I can think is to hang up. I barely say a word or act interested. Its because I'm upset. My close friends have all realized this. They usually tell me a joke or act stupid, because whatever it was that upset me, usually is really stupid, and I tend to take things too personal. So, I just thought I'd share that with you. I'm not sure it really has to do with BPD, but... I thought I'd share anyway. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:27:24 AM |
I don't know if this was her problem or not, but I tend to do things like that at times. (I have been diagnoses with BPD). I will have a conversation and the emotions will get so intense for me, I just want to hang up the phone. I try so hard not to, but all I can think is to hang up. I barely say a word or act interested. Its because I'm upset. My close friends have all realized this. They usually tell me a joke or act stupid, because whatever it was that upset me, usually is really stupid, and I tend to take things too personal. So, I just thought I'd share that with you. I'm not sure it really has to do with BPD, but... I thought I'd share anyway.
Yep, it's BPD. It's the old "overreaction x 100" trick.
In my best BPD impression....." what she said to me felt just like she was sticking a knife right into my heart".....that was me a couple of years ago..... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/19/2008 4:32:01 PM | | I haven't read all the posts, gosh their are 32 pages on BPD but I do have insight into the disorder. I work in a Psychiatric hospital and believe me when I say " Unless you are ready to devote an over abundance of attention to said person because they will do whatever they have to, to get it, then just don't get involved" I have seen marriages and families torn apart with BPD and I have to admit they are my worst mental condition to deal with for me. It's not like they can just "snap out of it" this will be an ongoing struggle and yes some do get suicidal ideations in their head when they feel no one is paying enough attention to them They blame everyone but themselves. Don't get me wrong, some have had horrendous up bringings but the bottom line is, it's constant work and exhausting, are you up for it? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:57:52 PM |
Don't get me wrong, some have had horrendous up bringings but the bottom line is, it's constant work and exhausting, are you up for it?
This is true, but for a BPD in recovery, or trying to recover, its exhausting too.
I also like what you said about attention, because that is so true. The thing is, at times, I could care less about attention, but certain moments, I got out of my way to get it. I don't realize till after the fact, or in the middle of fact, that I'm out of control. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/19/2008 11:06:09 PM | Yes, I have...I was in a relationship with a BP. Run, Run, Run...don't walk...Run.
Did I say Run enough??? After the 10th therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist refused to continue seeing him...I got the message. They were in fear for their own lives.
They CAN NOT be helped and DO NOT improve...it is an endless cycle of abuse. Read a book called "Walking On Eggshells" and another called "Emotional Black Mail". The scars that lead to this disorder are deep and entrenched. It is a defect within the brain...love doesn't heal it. I know, I tried.
Most often it requires a restraining order to end a relationship with them. I worked with abused GF/BF and spouses of BPs as a counselor. Many of these people had been fortunate enough to survive attempts of their BP trying to kill them...some were not so lucky. One of the saddess and most memorable was the woman who was shot and killed in front of her children by her soon to be ex husband after he came home from church.
You can't help them and if you are foolish enough to think you can...you will lose YOU in the process. Someone I highly respect said "If the cost of being in a relationship means giving up who you are and your diginity...the COST is too HIGH." "GET OUT!"
RUN...tell your family, friends, the police...go to a domestic violence center for help with an escape plan. YOU don't tell your BP....most abused women who are killed, are killed the day they try to leave their abuser.
Men are just as much a victim of BP women. A very dear Minister friend's BP wife ran him off the road with her car at 60 miles an hour while he was driving his truck...their children were in the truck with him. They survived by a miracle. $300,000 dollars (what he spent fighting for his children), later a court awarded her custody of their 2 children in a Texas court room. He had all the evidence on his side, but the judge ignored it all. The stories are endless. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:20:54 AM | Thank you SV- very well put!!! (I also read your other post on the same page). I broke off my engagement 8 months ago to a man with BPD . I read everything I could get my hands on about this illness and tried everything I could. It is an uphill battle with no appreciation and a lot of pain. Most therapists will not take on BPD patients because of the difficulty and poor prognosis, and difficult to diagnos. My ex was in denial most of the time. When he crossed the line(and I was finished with him) he would agree to take his meds, go to therapy, admit to his terrible behavior,etc. Within a short time he would go off the meds (usually I found out the hard way by his nasty, moody ,impulsive , abusive behavior). When confronted (gently) he would site his ok...so I lied, big deal!! I didn't feel well, they made me tired, etc.
They go from putting you on a pedestal one moment to literally hating you another. The cursing, screaming, embarrassing and humiliating you in public or private. The lying, the impulsive dangerous behavior, and disregard for your feelings. They can spend the night telling you how much they love you over and over and suddenly without any seeming reason they want nothing to do with you. Everything is your fault. Then they beg you back. They are hypersensitive about themselves but totally insensitive to others. They don't want to be alone. Intense short lived relationships mark their lives. Falling in love at first sight. Friends, family and loved ones feel they need to walk on glass . Communication is difficult. The meds make it easier and help them control the impulses and mood swings somewhat. But you still walk on glass. Someone mentioned jeckyl and Hyde- that would best describe my experience. Someone mentioned truth being stranger than fiction- that's the truth. Putting distance between yourself and this person is the best thing you can do for yourself. There love is very selfish. I didn't want to walk away from this person because of their illness -but believe me you will be replaced quickly and forgotten.
never do the same for you- ask the family, the exes, the siblings. Honestly, I have not heard any success stories and feel very relieved and greatful to be out of it. I am back to being the happy, positive person with my self esteem intact!! Instead of never knowing what or who I was going to deal with. Please run -don't walk!!!!!!
By the way you may want a copy of "I hate you, don't leave me". Ck the library-Good Luck!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:44:41 AM | I am BPD, and this post seems a little hysterical, even to me....."most often, it requires a restraining order to end a relationship with them". I know LOTS of BPD....not one restraining order....
This is not a NEW disorder....my Mother had it, and her Mother had it. My Grandmother was married for 50 years...my Mom's second marriage was 35 years. Were their lives chaotic.....hell yes. My Dad dragged my Mom down two flights of stairs, when WE all showed up at his girlfriend's house at 2 in the morning (I was 7). But no deaths....my Mom got her nose broken, but she deserved it.
This is not a NEW phenomenon.
Do horrible, dramatic things happen? Absolutely. The Columbine shootings, and Virginia Tech shootings were committed by BPD (among other things) kids.
Tell the truth now, did the therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist's really stop seeing him because they were in fear for their lives? Did they say that? I don't think so.....was it maybe more that they didn't want him to commit suicide on their watch? Or maybe he was being so abusive, that they said, "I don't need this crap", and discharged him? A little more likely, I'd say. I think the person that feared for her life was you....whether warranted or not. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 10:06:46 AM | looking back, it strikes me how i used to 'tailor' the way i'd normally interact with someone. i had to constantly monitor my reactions to the incessant demands for guidance. common-sense solutions would never work. such suggestions would elicit tantrums. it felt like an alternate universe with its own set of rules.
finally i got to the point where i realized that it wasn't my job to 'fix' the person, no matter how much they begged. i have a great deal of pity for people like that, but i lack the intestinal fortitude to absorb anyone else's hysteria ever again. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 10:28:09 AM | | Date one? I married one! Didn't go well. Ended in divorce. I doubt a relationship with such an individual is possible. To para-phrase Mr. Gump; They are like a box of chocolates, you never know when they're going to be nuts! And then if they seek help and get meds, the real person might turn out to be the azzhole or the b1tch! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 2:14:42 PM | I know LOTS of BPD....not one restraining order..
Quazi this is true, every borderline is different and some people are talking about the extreme of the disorder, from their own experiences. All I can say is that I work with every personality/mental disorder on the books and if you have a good therapist and psychiatrist and take your meds controlling impulse behavior can be minimized. Saying that I am not a person who could be with a person with BPD because I know myself and working in the field for over 24 years a 8 hour work day can feel like a 40 week some days.
I wish all of you with bpd the best of luck and if you feel out of control you know you need some tweaking in the med department
Bless your hearts | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 3:07:43 PM |
Most often it requires a restraining order to end a relationship with them.
WHAT?!?!?!?
Because people have mental issues, or otherwise, doesn't make them BPD. I have never had to have a restraining order, I don't try to be with guys that don't want me. To say that, is a little messed up.
I know other BPD's that have never had a restraining order. Matter of fact, none of the BPD's I know have had a restraining order. However, I know a bunch of drunks and drug addicts when I was growing up, in my family that had to have restraining orders.
Not all BPD's are the same. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 3:47:33 PM | I really never heard of such a thing .
I was involved in a relationship for almost 3 years with a man and his daughter was bi-polar, I heard that this was hereditary and I believed that must have been the reason's for his unusual behaviour. When I was thinking everything was fine between us , I would come home to our apartment with screws put through the knob on my door , stopping me from getting in . Saying he didn't know why he did it and he loved me , wanting me back each time we broke up . yet he went chasing other women , on this site and other sites as well . he 'd keep his cell phone secret and said his friends were his and i had no business getting involved with them . he would not introduce me to his girl friends that he claimed to have for years . He told so many lies and kept so many secrets. He'd be great for a week or so , couldn't ask for a nicer person then all of a sudden he would change into someone i didn't even know. This past 3 years were like hell but I loved him and wanted so much for this to work . He was in and out of a lot of relationships all his life , never felt like he was capable to settle down but refused any help . He would feel like the victim if I suggested any doctor's help .
He moved me around from apartment to apartment 5 times in 2 years and had numerous jobs, he found it very difficult to keep one job for any length of time . We both ended it on Wed. night but I feel like always ( he blames me ). Now he refuses to talk to me or text me at all . I need to get over this physical and emotionally draining relationship, I know that but How ? I feel my heart will never heal. Could he have BPD or Both | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:10:50 PM | Oh I am astounded by all this info . You are sooo right . I was in a relationship with a man for 3 years and he made me feel like I was the one going crazy and most of the time I believed it myself. The relationship was very selfish on his part . One week he loved me the next he wanted out and I never knew why . I tried questioning myself over and over that I must be doing something wrong . But the only wrong I have ever done was love this guy completely.
Life is cruel with all its sickness. I wish he never behaved this way and I wish i never had met someone who treated me this way . I'm so scared that once he's back to feeling ok again and calls me ...I will answer. It's a never ending roller coaster ride of lies , deceit, and mistrust . He sleeps with other women , then can't forgive me for not trusting him and says it won't work between us because I won't trust him . He makes me feel it's all my fault for being nosy and checking his cell phone , finding text messages going to other women that he cheats with . Now he has two cell phones. One for his work and the other he leaves in the truck with his contacts on it . | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:32:35 PM |
I often wonder(as a non-BP myself) if I am angry at me for not being able to tolerate it anymore and getting out, or if I am angry at her (1) for putting me through the hell she did, whether she could help it or not...
Yeah I wondered a lot too about my being angry, but I'm pretty sure the root source of it is over the fact that I am angry at myself for having behaved codependantly, and thus having chosen to expose myself to this sort of abuse from people for decades. Only lately have I begun to be aware of how hardcore my codependant childhood upbringing was, and the profound and long lasting effect that had on my life. Knowing that, I am a lot less angry and a lot more kind to myself.
Quazi, that post about you muttering 'I hate you' to yourself, it seems nuts to admit it but I experience similar to that myself. Thanks for shedding light on that. Good post. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:17:39 PM | Actually the police dept and all of those doctors were concerned because I didn't want to see how dangerous this man was. It wasn't until he wrapped his hands around my throat and attempted to break both my jaws that I got the message. His temper tantrums were highly abusive...that in itself is enough of a reason not to be in a relationship with a BPD. Yes, it is a FACT not an assumption...said straight to me in every case, that these specialist (doctors) were afraid for their own "safety" Some of them put it in writing as well. An entire health clinic denied him access to their facility because he was so abusive verbally to their employees and the CEO was in fear for his employees safety. My own primary doctor stopped seeing me because of his threats to her in faxes...she stated "He is dangerous and I fear for my life if I continue to see you"
These doctors facilitated my having access to literally over 500 reports written on this disorder. Many of these research/studies supported these specialist in their decisions not to treat BPD, it was a wasted effort. Still, I stood by my guy and endured his abusive, impulsive, angry behavior.
SO THERE...that is the TRUTH! There was over $200, 000 spent in mental health care for him...it cost me another $250,000 out of my pocket and what was done to me emotionally...there is NO price tag.
Every form of treatment was tried...I would see tiny rays of hope and hang in there with him. Then he would decide that he didn't need to take the medication...everyone else was the problem. We are talking a highly intelligent and highly educated man. He lost many a job because he was so explosive with co-workers.
The suicide threats were his way of getting attention, but he loved himself so much that he wasn't about to do that...HE had NO problem causing physical and emotional pain to others. I gave him 6 years of my life, I am the only person that stood by him...his family was tired of the drama and never wanted to see him again even to this day.
The state of CA issued a LIFE TIME restraining order that is VALID in every state in the US after the endless stream of witnesses came forward in court...each speaking of their being abused at his hands, both physically and mentally. There were HIS friends that had come to fear him. He has destroyed countless people in his wake...
NO abuse is acceptable abuse...the cost of being in a relationship is too high. One of the worse things people can do is stay with a BPD for the "childrens" sake. The children are damaged for life...they see that boundaries mean nothing and that being abusive is a way of life. Self-esteem isn't part of their world. The exceptions to this are few and far apart.
I am sorry for those of you who have this disorder, if you are seeing a therapist...great, but that doesn't give you the right to destroy someone else who tries to love you. One dead person at the hands of an abuser be it BPD or any of the other mental disorders is one too many. There is research going on at a number of major University Medical Centers, if you have BPD I suggest you get into some of those research programs...you will be the first to know when there is a break through and God knows I pray for that. This man is out of my life forever, what he did to my life and my son's can never be totally erased.
I respect other people's opinions here, so please don't treat mine with disrepect...they are MY experiences. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:45:10 PM | | I do understand that they are your experiences..seashoreartist, just please understand that BPD's are not like that as a group. I think he may have had other problems, none of which I can really think to pinpoint right now. ( I know I'm not a professional, but there are other diseases and things that would attribute to his behavior) Things such as growing up in an abusive home, or being abused as a child. Many many things. In your case, YES you should of left at the first sign of abuse, and I'm glad the Dr's and others helped you realize that, but please don't think because of the label BPD, that this is how all of "us" act. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:21:06 PM | Quazi, that post about you muttering 'I hate you' to yourself, it seems nuts to admit it but I experience similar to that myself. Thanks for shedding light on that. Good post.
Thanks...since I did my battle with the "bad", "evil" thinking thing, I have been trying to share anything that I think may be helpful for someone else..I refuse to "hide" anything anymore. I hope you notice a difference since you figured this out.
Seashoreartist....
I meant no disrespect....I am BPD, I understand the behaviour...I have stayed in BPD relationships, to show my partner that "someone" loves them. But this is above, and beyond, even for me. Can you not see how your post looks exaggerated? Again, I mean no disrespect, but are you sure that you don't have mental health issues, yourself? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:14:00 PM |
Can you not see how your post looks exaggerated? Again, I mean no disrespect, but are you sure that you don't have mental health issues, yourself?
As I read her post, I was thinking more NPD than BPD and it didn't sound exaggerated to me, at least not by much. I was married for 15 yrs to an abusive man with horrendous rage issues. The last I heard, he was fired from his most recent job for anger-control issues and he bragged to my daughter's BF that they hired a security cop to be in the office when they fired him. He was proud of it!
His 3 daughters (two are mine) screen their telephone calls for the sole purpose of avoiding talking to their father. He rarely phones them, but when he does it is to scream at them for not calling him more often. After all, he's their father and they should love him!
And who doesn't have mental health issues after being enmeshed in a disordered relationship? No, you all can't stand up together. One at a time, please. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:11:37 PM | Hi damoN,
I wanted to take my time to respond to your post.
I often wonder(as a non-BP myself) if I am angry at me for not being able to tolerate it anymore and getting out, or if I am angry at her
Man does this hit home. The core of what non-BPs deal with is a systematic loss of self-esteem. We are gradually “brainwashed” to believe we need to be perfect, that to not be able to cope with the behavior is somehow our fault. If they are familiar with their disorder they may say we are codependent, they tag us and gradually place us in a position where we feel we need to be perfect else we have no worth.
Run from the non-BP they say and therein is their delusion that they are perfect.
When it ends, we go through the phases of grief, one of which is anger. We may internalize this anger and blame ourselves for not being evolved enough to deal with the behavior or we externalize it and place the blame and anger squarely on the borderline. The truth lies somewhere in-between. We cannot change the BP so being angry with them serves no purpose save to help in our process of grief.
for wanting to have a child, which we did- and then trying every way under the sun to separate me from my daughter as the ultimate mechanism for turning the knife in my ribs... I hate you/don't leave me/now you're a sonofabeetch...
I was not in this situation. My God, I can barely fathom being what it must be like to be separated from your child. Yet, isolating the non-BP is paramount in the BP modus operandi. The thing I am most concerned with here is the affect this has upon your daughter. “Stop Walking on Eggshells” has quite a bit of information and advice for you and children caught in your situation. I was in a chosen relationship. Since you had a child with your BP you have crossed into “unchosen territory”.
I am sure you feel your greatest responsibility is to your daughter. “Eggshells” may be the first of many sources to help with this.
Everything you wrote rang so clear, as do the writings of many who have actually endured this. It is amazing the extent of damage that a BP can do to a nonBP, and while I understand how I got this way and am as comfortable with it as I can acceptingly be, I still am angry with myself because I feel "had", and so it plays on my sense of confidence, adequacy, et al....
Again the non-BP with a BP is subjected to gradual and systematic reduction in self-esteem. What you are feeling is natural and part of the process. Nobody wants to feel that they were “had”. It’s natural to be angry with yourself once you are out of the situation. Take it as a lesson learned. Deal with the anger and do not cease going into future relationships with good intentions.
but for you personally, it WILL get better over time. Right, Ceij?
Yes, it does. The amount of time is up to you.
I want to leave this thread with a quote from the end of “Stop Walking on Eggshells”:
It may mean facing issues that you've been avoiding for
years. It may mean revisiting the unspoken "bargain" you've
struck with the BP in your life: that their needs and views are always,
always more important and more "right" than yours. No
one can hold up this kind of bargain very long without seriously
compromising their own mental health.
We can't promise that it will be easy. But we can promise
that it will be worthwhile. In the process, you will find out what
you really value and who you really are. You will discover
strengths you didn't know you had. Few things in life are more
important than this.
As William Shakespeare said four hundred
years ago, (Hamlet, Act I. Scene iii, Lines 78-80).
This above all, to thine own self be true,
And it must follow as the night the day
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
We hope that the knowledge and tools you've gained from
this book serve you well on the rest of your journey.
damoN,
Yes it gets better. A closing wish for you and anyone else reading this post:
May you find who you really are. May you discover the strengths you never knew you had.
Above all else, may you be true to yourself and therefore, never be false to yourself or another ever again.
I’ve lifted my email restrictions. Should you need to talk further feel free to PM me.
With all my best,
Ceij | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:49:06 PM | And who doesn't have mental health issues after being enmeshed in a disordered relationship? No, you all can't stand up together. One at a time, please.
Good point Lil Brooker....I was trying to be gentle...
Again the non-BP with a BP is subjected to gradual and systematic reduction in self-esteem. What you are feeling is natural and part of the process. Nobody wants to feel that they were “had”. It’s natural to be angry with yourself once you are out of the situation. Take it as a lesson learned. Deal with the anger and do not cease going into future relationships with good intentions.
I have a question, and any input is welcome, I'm getting a new spin on how "non's" feel after a breakup from what Ceij says in this paragraph.
Here's my question....did you feel "had"...as in "duped" or "conned" by your BPD?
My feelings when breaking up with a BPD are very different, for obvious reasons. Until very recently, I was always very confused when I got dumped....because I never did anything wrong......a written admission of guilt....made your day, huh...?. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:24:21 PM | | I was married to someone with that problem. He stalked me for almost as many years as we were married (post divorce). It took a permanent restraining order to stop his stalking and I am still recovering from that job-wise. He set out to ruin me and pretty much did. I have moved on from that and am a very happy person - I also, however, pity his new wife. | |
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