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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:41:21 PM | This is how the BPD acts, not my words...the definition according to
(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)
[DSM-IV Definition of BPD
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
Following is a definition of splitting from the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me by Jerry Kreisman, M.D. From page 10:
The world of a BP, like that of a child, is split into heroes and villains. A child emotionally, the BP cannot tolerate human inconsistencies and ambiguities; he cannot reconcile anther is good and bad qualities into a constant coherent understanding of another person. At any particular moment, one is either Good or EVIL. There is no in-between; no gray area....people are idolized one day; totally devalued and dismissed the next.
Normal people are ambivalent and can experience two contradictory states at one time; BPs shift back and forth, entirely unaware of one feeling state while in the other.
When the idealized person finally disappoints (as we all do, sooner or later) the borderline must drastically restructure his one-dimensional conceptionalization. Either the idol is banished to the dungeon, or the borderline banishes himself in order to preserve the all-good image of the other person.
Splitting is intended to shield the BP from a barrage of contradictory feelings and images and from the anxiety of trying to reconcile those images. But splitting often achieves the opposite effect. The frays in the BP's personality become rips, and the sense of his own identity and the identity of others shifts even more dramatically and frequently.
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world.
There is no "pure" BPD; it coexists with other illnesses. These are the most common. BPD may coexist with:
Post traumatic stress disorder
Mood disorders
Panic/anxiety disorders
Substance abuse (54% of BPs also have a problem with substance abuse)
Gender identity disorder
Attention deficit disorder
Eating disorders
Multiple personality disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder ]
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(Seashoreartist)
Repairing the damage from this relationship took therapy, I am proud of myself for getting the help I needed. Fortunately for me, these therapist had personally experienced his wrath and impulsive behavior. I was treated for PTSD and now have a clean bill of mental health from two professional Psychologist Phds.
You are right, he did have other personality disorders and as you can see from the description in the above article...that is part of having BPD. Borderline means it borders on other disorders...it isn't just one disorder but several.
I don't wish this disorder on anyone. Most BPD experienced abuse as a child. Are you girls sure you have BPD, there are hormonal changes and imbalance that mimic Personality Disorders? There is help for that.
I don't hate this guy, I felt the total opposite...he will never know happiness or joy. He will never have peace. He has no one and will grow old and spend the rest of his life alone. I was a member of several organizations that had over 100,000 members at a given time...all in relationships/marriages...the children of or the parent of or the spouse or GF/BF of a BPD. We ALL experienced the same treatment by the BPD in our lives, we all were looking for answers and had hope. I am not the exception, there were people who had it much worse than I did.
So...no, I don't have a mental problem...had never had one until the compassion I showed for another human being came back and bit me. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:55:09 PM | This letter is written by the only recovering BPD I have ever heard of...it hit me right in the heart, but I needed to read it and learn the lesson. She is well known and has a website if you are interested in more information. I copied it as it was written...so, don't write me about any typos.
__________________________________________________________
CAN A NON-BORDERLINE HELP A BORDERLINE?
I added this article as it had such an impact on me when I first read
it. I sort of went through the grieving process over this article - I
denied what the content was saying, I got angry over some of her
conclusions, but then it dawned on me that A.J has recovered from this disorder
and she was speaking from a BP perspective. A perspective that was hard
to accept, let alone follow. I have included a lot of A.J's writings on
the site as she gives an understanding that most Non's battle with. I
hope you find this, and the rest of her articles, helpful. ~mjtacc~
A Recovering BP
I receive so many questions from many people who are in relationships
with people with Borderline Personality Disorder. (BPD) The question
most asked is: "Can I help the Borderline in my life?" My answer is, for
the most part, NO!
The biggest problem with this dynamic of the "non-borderline" (for lack
of a better term) trying to help the borderline is that with very few
exceptions (rare exceptions) any attempts made to "help" the borderline
will not be in the best interest of the "non-borderline." It is also a
tricky place to be with anyone. Whenever we think that we can change
someone else, or that our "helping" them is dependant upon their changing
we are setting ourselves up in codependent/enmeshed styles of relating.
Most borderlines (until a certain amount of healing takes place) do not
see "other", they do not see you, they see only themselves. You, if you
exists, emotionally to your borderline are likely just a mirror
reflecting back what the borderline chooses to see about him/herself. More
often than not, the borderline will not accept what is in this reflection
and will transfer on to "other" what is unacceptable to him/herself
about him/herself.
In my opinion, you (non-borderline) cannot "make" a borderline see
anything, understand anything or "get it". The changes necessary for any
borderline to "get it" (to emotionally grow up) and be able to relate in
an age-appropriate way -- consistently must come from within. The
borderline has to want to first recognize that change may be necessary in
order for him/her to be able to build and sustain relationships. The
borderline has to come to an understanding of how he/she effects those
around them. Then he/she has to learn how to be in touch with their
conscience and ability to hear what others say, to appreciate how others feel
etc, aside from oneself. The borderline is often caught in a very
self-absorbed trap which itself is a defense mechanism by which the
borderline seeks to not feel annihilated. (That is to say it is a protection
against any perceived or real threat to what is already a fragmented and
vulnerable ego)
When I was in the worst throes of BPD, no one could help me. I know
this first hand. Many people tried. I would just use them and turn
everything on them. I didn't know any other way to relate. I didn't know I was
doing that for a long time. Whatever I felt those around me had better
feel too or there would be hell to pay. If I felt something that no one
else felt then it left me feeling unreal because my existence was
dependant upon and defined by "other" and not from within myself. I had no
identity all on my own. This is one of the major reasons why you can't
help a borderline. It takes a lot of dedicated work in therapy over time
to unwind the defense mechanisms that operate in BPD.
The people who tried to help me were played with and manipulated in my
past. Sometimes it was calculated. Other times it was just habit. It
was one of the toughest things to heal and to learn to STOP. Until a
borderline takes personal responsibility for his/herself the games,
manipulations and lies will not stop. Until a borderline learns how to feel
their own feelings, cry, and take care of themselves emotionally there is
just nothing anyone else can do to help them or to change how they
relate to anyone else, or themselves for that matter.
The best thing to do if you love someone who has BPD is to put your
energy toward suggesting that they get professional help. Even this can
cause explosions and difficulties.
Each and everyone of you who loves someone with BPD the single-most
important thing I want to convey to you, is this:
Take care of yourself first. By taking care of yourself and by staying
out of the borderline dance of intimacy, dance of anger, dance
of.......etc etc you can send a clear, honest, and loving (tough love, but
loving) message to the person with BPD.
What helped me to change the most, aside from therapy and a
dogged-determination to work through the thoughts and behaviour was beginning to
realize what I was doing to myself and to others. It was the honest
mirroring back of people, therapists first, people in my life, secondly, as
I slowly began to let more people know me (and as I came to "know me")
that made all the difference in the world for me. If people had
continued to try to please me (which was IMPOSSIBLE anyway) I might never have
suffered the heart-wrenching losses that I had to suffer and learn from
in order to grow and to grow up.
Each of us must take care of ourself. It is nice to be able to care
about someone else and to have some positive impact in their life.
However, when it comes to personality disorders, and especially to BPD, the
only saviour that exists is the individual borderline, him/herself.
Try to be supportive but in taking care of yourself you will have to
give clear messages and stick with your boundaries even when they are
challenged by the borderline in your life.
I can honestly say that after all I have gone through with this
personality disorder one of the hardest things to reconcile and live with is
how I treated people in the past and how my closer relationships
unfolded, and blew apart. It was only my own willingness to look at my role in
these life experiences that enabled me to make changes. I had to heal
my past, let go of old-patterned maladaptive ways of coping. I had to
change to fit into what is deemed "healthy relating". Anything short of
this and I would still be being emotionally abusive. The line between
"appropriate" and "abusive" can get very blurry when one is in a
relationship with a borderline. I urge anyone in this situation to keep that
line in sharp focus at all times.
Not a popular answer, not the answer that most want to hear, but, NO,
you cannot help a borderline. Each borderline has to help him/herself.
Even if you could lead the "horse" to water you can't necessarily get
him/her to drink.
I think it is important to care. But, if in the process of caring for
yourself you have to put space, time, distance, etc between you and a
borderline -- most of which many borderlines find totally intolerable and
will experience as abandonment, then do it. Do what you have to do for
yourself and or any children involved.
In the case of BPD, it is cruel to be kind to the extent that you
enable abuse of any kind. It is cruel to insist on anything less than
acceptable adult behaviour.
© Ms. A.J. Mahari September 6, 1999 | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:17:30 AM | I will add more later, when I have time....
I don't know if this will help anyone, but even though I am BPD, and I have dealt with BPD extensively, I have had to end relationships because my BPD was too abusive, or making my life too chaotic, or dragging me down with them.
Every case of BPD is individual, and the bottom line is, that I couldn't change my BPD any more than any of you could. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:16:39 PM | | was hoping i could get some help here. i am just a little over 1 yr out of a 2 yr relationship with a female bpd. she was high functioning. the realtionship was filled with the usual moodswings. i had no idea of this illness till it exploded. she had a hugh life trauma and she came home one day and just up and left. met some guy, moved in with him and several months later was married. i think when she left she was dissociating and said she was going through another cycle. she said she was attracted to this guy because he was depressed. i later found out he has a history of violence. i got the worst slander campaign of my life. it was disgusting the horrible things she said. i have pretty much stayed home for the last yr in recovery. i didnt want to run into her in public. the look in her eyes the last time i saw her spelled murder towards me. i had done not a thing. there have been several unsuall things lately. a few months ago i think i saw her i my area. she lives half hr away. when she comes in contact with friends she is so sure to tell them how very happy she is. i feel she does this so it gets back to me. when she got married she sent my neighbor whom she hasnt contacted since she left a pic of her and the new hubby. that was a little close to home. last week i finally ran into her and the husband in a restaurant we frequented. mind you, she lives quite a ways from here. first i wanted to bolt, but then i said no, i walked up to her, not making eye contact, she turned her head immediately and looked away. and said hey back to me in an angry voice. ok, so whats up with the anger? part of me wants to leave her because she kinda gives me the creeps now. she admits to doing this leaving thing often in her life. i feel weird and dont know what to expect. i really wish she would just move away. also the psychotic thing really scared me. will this pass with her and the anger will leave? is this part of the cycle? i really dont want to live in a town with an emotionally unstable woman around who hates me. i am still recovering and want no set backs. this is all so confusing and scarey. andyhelp is greatly appreciated. thanks,! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/9/2008 8:16:12 PM | Unfortunately, pretty much everything you've said is kind of standard BPD behaviour.
I wish I could tell you what to expect.
The "leaving thing" probably has to do with one of two things...
She either got the idea in her head that you were going to abandon her, and she pulled the plug first
or
She somehow felt that you were getting too close to finding out about the "real" her, and she had to escape.
My guess is that she got it in her head that you were about to abandon her....there would be big anger attached to that.
The "slander campaign" should give you clues to what caused her to leave, and if you should expect anything more from her.
If this problem is becoming big enough that you are changing your lifestyle because of it, you should seek help for yourself. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2008 5:45:27 AM | | it might be a combo of both. she said she felt trapped here and i felt she knew i was on to the manipulation thing. i had quit jumping hoops. she said she was guilty of her ex husbands death and the new guy reminded her of him. she said this before she left. she left so much stuff here i ended up putting it into storage and sending her the key. she knows i know of the illness, we discussed it before she left. i guess the love is temporary and the hate thing is permanante. she did admit to ruining ALL her realtionships. i think what i am going through now is just another part of the healing thing. its good to be off the rollercoaster though. she said eventually i would figure it all out. she was right. weird, just plain old weird, and sad, really sad. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2008 6:46:06 AM | Yes, he was an alcoholic and a Dr Jeckl Mr Hyde type,I never really knew who he was right up to the end,and 7 years down the line in an alcoholic rage,he beat me up for no reason....he didnt even recall why to thi day!!!...so he said.
I sustained many injuries and had to walk with a stick for 18mnths as well aafter injury to my back,some were permenant it had a devastating impact on me as a whole so 7 years of my life wasted with a total fruitcake!
More fool me to listen to all the lies of how things will be better how sory he always was etc etc so my best advice to all you people if you encounter a person like this walk away and FAST! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2008 6:13:32 PM |
i think what i am going through now is just another part of the healing thing.
you will get your 'self' back. and, in time, you will heal.
see, you spend so much time trying to say the right thing to the bpd. you alter what you would say to a normal person. because, in conversation, logical responses set them off and you know that. so, you try to come up with something that they want to hear. and you do this so regularly that you forget how your own sensibilities handle dialogue.
i guess the love is temporary and the hate thing is permanante.
you will not always hate. after some healing, you will find a way to replace the hatred with pity. and in time that will turn to apathy.
do all the reading and the soul-searching and one day you will awaken wondering why and how such a toxic individual caused you so much turmoil.
good luck on this journey. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2008 7:38:57 PM |
it might be a combo of both. she said she felt trapped here and i felt she knew i was on to the manipulation thing. i had quit jumping hoops.
Not jumping through the hoops would piss her off in a big way, on it's own.....it's also not uncommon for someone to become angry to cover guilt. She may have actually felt guilty about leaving you, but wouldn't admit it in a million years. (A good offence is the best defense)
she said she was guilty of her ex husbands death and the new guy reminded her of him. she said this before she left.
Not quite sure what you mean by "guilty" of her ex husbands death, but, if I broke say....a lamp, and felt guilty, I might try to replace it, with a similar one quickly, so that I didn't have to look at the "hole" where the old lamp should be....get my drift?
. i guess the love is temporary and the hate thing is permanante. she did admit to ruining ALL her realtionships.
If I ruin all my relationships, who do I really hate....the others involved in the relationships, or myself. I am the common denominator in all the relationships...chances are, I hate me.
i think what i am going through now is just another part of the healing thing. its good to be off the rollercoaster though. she said eventually i would figure it all out. she was right. weird, just plain old weird, and sad, really sad.
As I mentioned in my other post, if you are uncomfortable being in the same area as this woman, and it's limiting your life, you may want to seek some counselling. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/11/2008 7:58:01 PM | | thanks for the in put guys. as for her feeling guilty about her ex husbands death, she divorced him to be with me. do to the divorce he lost all health care. he was in poor health at the time of the divorce. they were married for 14 yrs, most of it in the on and off fashion. she claimed had she not divorced him he would have gotten the help he needed. i did believe her when she said this. our relationship turned for the worst after his death. she took it very hard but kept it all hidden deep. i have no anger towards her. if anything i just want her to know i understand. i now know the feelings of mood swings, the feelings of lonliness. when she left i felt all of those feelings all at once. till then i never had mood swings at all. i also for a brief time in the beginning lost contact with reality. the shock of it all was to much for me to handle. i guess it just sucks to have had all my patience wasted. now only to be hated. its been over a yr and i still got a mean look. i had a therapist for a short time last yr, and she said i was fine, just ptsd and i would recover. this was also my first time with depression. i am so much better now then last yr. i have been able to make peace with all my exes. i know this one will be different. i am almost to the point where i want to start dating again. you could be right about the anger being a defense mech. she always used them all. i wouldnt change this experience for the world. it wasnt the affair that hurt, it was the lies. her family tirned their backs on me to. once again they came rushing to her rescue. no doubt this scenerio has been played out many time with them as well. thank god i am out of that darkness of depression. i did break my promise of no contact with her if i saw her in public. i didnt realize i broke it till it was all over. i felt like i just had to stand up for myself. i had to say, "yes, i do exist". i felt like a burden was lifted off me that day. i always figured i would have a full blown anxiety attack. not even close. anyhow, thanks again. there are still a few questions i have to figure out about this experience. they have to do with the behavior durhing her dissociation. it was as if she almost had another personality come out. not sure who she was, but she scared the hell out of me. thanks again............. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/11/2008 11:56:12 PM |
it wasnt the affair that hurt, it was the lies. her family tirned their backs on me to. once again they came rushing to her rescue
I've said this so many times on this thread....even though I am borderline myself, and I understand the behaviour, and where it comes from, when I'm the target, it still hurts like hell.
Borderlines can "spin" a situation, so that it's totally unrecognizable. She may honestly believe what she said......that's the part that's sad.
I can tell you now...it's herself she hates, not you.
I hope you find the answers you need to the rest of your questions.... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:37:23 AM | | There is no personality disorder that a few hundred grains of lead won't cure. I let those with disorders know that I know this, and they tread lightly around me. Call me Dr. Beretta. ("take two hollowpoints, and call me in the morning"). | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:09:53 AM | gee quazi, you couldnt have used better words than"spin a situation". it was like parts of the day would go fast forward, then stop, then rewind. then erase. i never ever knew what was going on. her mind was always elseware. you are right, she really hates herself. i understand defense mecahnisims. they are intriguing things. its funny, when i realized what they were and how they worked, i began to use them myself, but in a healthy way. they really can help if not taken advantege of. we have to control them, they cant control us. quazi, i must admit, nothing impresses me more then people working on themselves. kudos to both of us. some say there is no cure for bpd, i for one dont believe this. anything is possible. feelings are very powerful things. we just have to use them for our own best interest. thanks again........... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:40:55 AM |
Borderlines can "spin" a situation, so that it's totally unrecognizable. She may honestly believe what she said......that's the part that's sad.
and you kind of walk away scratching your head, waiting for the director to yell 'cut!'
because it seems as though the bpd has a script already written in which they expect you to play a role. but, you've not read the script. so you negotiate with the logic you've always used. then all hell breaks loose!
i got to a place where, although it no longer bothers me, it does make me quite curious. and i re-examine every exchange i had with the person, armed with the information and insight provided in this thread. and i totally can see why the individual reacted the way they did.
nothing impresses me more then people working on themselves.
me too. but the bpd i knew would never consider this. terribly, terribly sad. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:49:20 AM |
and you kind of walk away scratching your head, waiting for the director to yell 'cut!'
because it seems as though the bpd has a script already written in which they expect you to play a role. but, you've not read the script. so you negotiate with the logic you've always used. then all hell breaks loose!
I think that you, Junipermoon, realize that the "spinning" results from being de-valued by the BPD.....
ANYTHING can be turned 180 degrees to mean the exact opposite of what you really said....if the person will cooperate, I ask them what I just said. Without fail, it's repeated back totally different than what I actually said. I will repeat what I actually said, and say..."now that you know what I actually said, would you like to change your response?" That can solve the dilemma, for the moment....usually a very short moment.
nothing impresses me more then people working on themselves.
Thanks femspirit....I've said this before as well...I wanted to get out of hell, and I realized that I was the one causing it, not everybody else. Taking responsibility for oneself....I am the common denominator. Takes guts...I've got lots of those.
It's funny...I'm back at school full time. Because I've been "off" for so long, I'm having to ask for "special considerations" on deadlines and due dates. My professor, a PhD congratulated me for asking for help. I told him, that I'll take help from anywhere I can get it...makes my life easier. He looked me right in the eye and said " I wish there were more people like you" Wow....I feel like an idiot because I can't handle the workload, and this man is thanking me for using the resources that are available.
*on soapbox* Getting help is good! People admire you for it! AND it really does make your life easier!
 | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:04:40 AM |
see, you spend so much time trying to say the right thing to the bpd. you alter what you would say to a normal person. because, in conversation, logical responses set them off and you know that. so, you try to come up with something that they want to hear. and you do this so regularly that you forget how your own sensibilities handle dialogue.
I'm having problems with this....I have BPD friends. I don't want to ditch them, just because I've changed, and my relationship with them is good...
After I stop talking to the BPD, my thinking patterns are noticeably different, and I even feel different than normal. It takes a few hours of being away from the "influence" before I get back to "me". | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 2:32:55 PM | | Even though I see that people are making light of these conditions...if someone has a true mental illness it can be very difficult to deal with. Schizophrenia is a horrific disorder...I know this because I work with people that suffer with this illness. Use caution as this is not {nor are many other mental illness's} an illness that will ever go away. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 2:38:12 PM |
I see that people are making light of these conditions
we don't make light of these conditions. we've all had experiences with sufferers of this disorder and use this thread to share our experiences. we've all either shared what happened to us or learned something that may help in future dealings with bpds.
and, if you read through the thread, you will see that most of us realize that many of these conditions will not 'go away.' they can, however, be managed and individuals who suffer with them can get their behaviors under control to the point where they can enjoy relationships, interactions and life in general. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:26:45 PM | | you guys know, i just realized from what quazi said, its they use another language all to gether. couple this with the different type of thinking, we end up with a real communication problem. i mysef this yr. have been learning new ways of thinking and looking at things. its was like walking right through the middle of a tornado. like i said before, i wouldnt change this experience for one minute....... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:34:30 AM |
you guys know, i just realized from what quazi said, its they use another language all to gether. couple this with the different type of thinking, we end up with a real communication problem. i mysef this yr. have been learning new ways of thinking and looking at things. its was like walking right through the middle of a tornado. like i said before, i wouldnt change this experience for one minute.......
You sound different than you did in your first post, femspirit.
Less confused, I think.
A better understanding of the illogical....priceless.
I have a feeling that you'll be able to move forward now, even while you're still figuring this out...I hope so. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:20:04 PM | This letter is written by the only recovering BPD I have ever heard of...it hit me right in the heart, but I needed to read it and learn the lesson. She is well known and has a website if you are interested in more information. I copied it as it was written...so, don't write me about any typos.
CAN A NON-BORDERLINE HELP A BORDERLINE?
Thank you very much for taking the time and effort to put this on POF forum. I no doubt know it will help not only the person(s) who suffers who a Personality Disorder but also those that love them and care for them dearly! Also thanks for Ms. A.J. Mahari for sharing this with us and answering questions many of us have been asking for years.
Thanks! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/5/2008 12:56:21 AM | This topic has been quiet a while.
I have a question, per say....
I guess it is about when first meeting someone with BPD... what did the non BPD's think of them.... and did they tell you (or even know) they had BPD....
And what did you think at first?
And why would someone.. (a psychology major even) not run very far way from the BPD? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:05:46 AM |
I guess it is about when first meeting someone with BPD... what did the non BPD's think of them.... and did they tell you (or even know) they had BPD....
And what did you think at first?
the one that i knew presented fairly well, if a bit 'off.'
but ~ these people know how to draw others into their psychodrama. they appeal to your way of thinking and become experts in what makes you tick. over time, you realize that they have manipulated you into their martyrdom. before you know what hits you, all the traits you once considered 'quirky' become manifestations of a deeply disturbed mind...particularly exasperating when the person refuses to admit they have a problem.
prepare yourself for tantrums the likes of which you've never seen. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:31:38 PM | | I lived with one for 20 years went through hell and still in hell she never told me that she had BPD when we met but over the years our relation-ship became like a roller coaster.We have three teenagers .thanks god that i have the children with me .people who suffer from this ilness don't have any values for family but on the other hand they befriend friends as their mentors could not step out of line with their friends .during the 20 year relation-ship in the first six years i have never could imagine that our relation ship will result to what it is right now .Like every one else who had experience with people who have BPD i have done every thing even bit my lip so hard over the years i therefore have no lip to bite any more .As I once been told by a mental health doctor people with this illness you can draw up a contract and they sign it over hundred times till the next day it means nothing to them then i was told to stop beating my head against a brick wall and face the music .people with this illness are unstable self destructive beyond the limits and can not stay in arelation-ship for long period of time.they needed to explore all other avennues and they are on illegal substances . And thats what my wife was on and will never give it up because she needed to keep her head numb all the times through out the day I mean her habbit was almost to $400 aweek .and thats a lot of money.in order to finance the habbit ,things started to disappear from the house ,for instance i ask her where is my power tools have gone simple answer she (I don't know) like a cam recorder went missing with my father last dying moments was on the tapr and that camera vanished,i bought her a $3000 24 carrot gold braclet .when i asked her to wear it on an outing the was(i don't know i later found out she sold it for $300 to a pawn broker .It costed me $900 for the loan and intrest .well you may ask did I have an argument with her NO I didn't.Until now she has been in a 2 year relation ship with a guy who are both compatiable And alrady had 5 fall outs which she left him from previous experience she used to blame for every that goes and that she found her soul-mate nothing could go wrong .Well I let answer that your self It has been now 5 weeks since she spoke to the children.This is nothing compare to other times the longest was 6 months I can not imagine how could the barrier of those children can stay that long without speaking to her children I mean from my self i can not go to work every morning with out saying good morning to my children even when to go to bed.I don't understand how is it possible for her to do that.well i think i said enough.people with BPD they usualy keep it hidden from others . | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:47:41 AM | I have done this.
My experience was not a good one. I am not sure, but I don't think that I would do it again.
She was just so very volatile. She was angered by the words that an ex used to describe her. He had said - 'I just never know what I am going to get when I talk to you'. That pretty much hits the nail on the head.
You never knew what you were going to get from one moment to the next. How something might be received. Always walking on egg shells. It was exhausting. | |
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