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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:04:36 PM | Funnygirl
Hard to say...my abuser was ASPD, truly antisocial. I've never had a relationship with a bi-polar person, though I did have a friendship with one...it's difficult because when the mania comes there is no reasoning with them. I had to step away finally.
My BPD/NPD partner was mentally abusive but I doubt he was aware of it..his grip on reality just wasn't tight enough for him to actually get an perspective on his own behavior. To this day he believes that I am the crazy one, with the substance abuse problem, not him. Classic projection. (hehehehe...sorry but it's so completely wrong it's kind of funny now, I don't even drink) He even told his whole family about my "issues". A smear campaign of the highest order. I had to legally threaten him with slander to get him to stop. Shortly thereafter he emailed and wanted to get back together...that's how messed up he is.
Could he have become violent? Probably... disocciation is a scary thing. When someone's mind isn't working properly and their interpretation of events is skewed, anything can happen.
That's all I know.
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/11/2007 10:16:15 PM | It's called PMS baby!
PMS= Potential Murder Suspect
Actually on the subject, yes I did. For a whole week he was wonderful and all was rosy... Then i asked him a question when he was tired and he started screaming and cussing at me and he slapped me.
(Martial Arts training kicked in at that point and we are not dating anymore)
I spoke to his ex wife and 17 year old son and they thought that he was so happy with me that they thought he changed. 
He goes through periods of being really happy and the first thing that ticks him off and he just blows up and is that way for weeks at a time. Till he finds a new girl. Then the cycle starts all over again.
He needs professional help and I feel sorry for his son. Living under those conditions can't be pleasant. I suspect he is Bi Polar.
Stimpygurl | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:02:37 PM | | My daughter in law has this disorder, along with several other mental illnesses. Not pretty! This person has driven our entire family half crazy with her goings on. These people also do not tend to stay with any one person for very long, and are prone to affairs, excess of alcohol and drugs, etc. It is a sad situation. My son truly loves her, but she is steadily chipping away what he feels for her. The police have been called repeatedly. Sadly, there are 3 innocent babies involved, including a set of twin boys, one of whom has Down Syndrome. It is a nightmare that we can't wake up from. She knows she has a problem, and she doesn't want to be this way. There just doesn't seem to be any help for her. She goes to therapy once or twice a week. It is awful. I agree with anyone who says don't walk away...RUN!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/29/2007 11:38:26 AM | I'm diagnosed with BPD. I don't really see myself as being as bad as everyone has described, but I'm medicated, etc. I have been for a long time. I do have my "moments" but they tend to be few and far between unlike when I was younger. The best way I can describe having this condition is emotional childness. We are NOT manipulative or mean. At least I'm not. I don't mean to hurt people. I just do. There ARE people with borderline who can lead normal lives. Princess Diana was reputed to have it, albeit she was a "high functioning" borderline. Also for those people saying we have different "personalities" that we make up, this is NOT true and it's one of the most difficult parts of having this. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM. people with BPD have no sense of self or self image. We change to suit the people around us because we don't know how we should act otherwise. When I'm alone? I feel empty inside.
Yes, I was sexually abused as a child. Yes, I self harm. Yes, I have a substance abuse problem. I'm a cliche. But I 'm still human. I have feelings. I hurt, a lot. I'm really sick of people acting like people with BPD are selfish animals who manipulate others for fun because we get off on hating everyone. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/10/2007 2:52:33 PM | The mother of my daughter is BPD/NPD. I contacted her family to have them intervene, but no one wanted to get involved. In the terrible end, my father had to beg her to move out immediately and go home to her parents. She ended up acting out constantly, being aggressive and destructive. I gave up all rights to my daughter, the most painful thing I will ever do. Today I saw a child in the supermarket, the same age as my daughter, being pushed in a shopping cart by her father, and I broke into tears.
Notlaura, you are nobly trying to adjust, and you should not feel bashed by people. Everyone has their "moments" but sometimes, some of us really do need to get help to make our lives and those of our friends and family healthy and happy. The Type II Personality Disorders are so destructive because many victims refuse to accept help.
Will I ever date someone else with BPD? I don't know, probably not, my sensitivity to this issue is much higher than before the getting on the rollercoaster. I value healthy relationships more than ever. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:05:29 PM | Happy New years all! Hey I'm the 1st poster on this thread for 2008.
If only I had of read this thread 5 months ago.
I had a 5 month relationship with someone who has been diag'd with
ADD-PTSD & Anxiety Disorder. It was rough.But having overcome
emotional problems of past/drinking myself through years of therapy I changed.
So as well as being emotionally involved I thought sharing my experiences with
her would help ( no... not wanting to be therapist!).
Well it all terribly backfired & I was painted black.Since then I found
my way to forums on BPD..which seemed to fit her behavior quite a bit.
Not trying to diagnos to the n'f degree..just to help my own sanity.
I'm still open to the possibilty of frienship with her & if she were to seriously
look at the BPD or other issues & work on it..I'd be there for support.
But at the same time I have the urge to cut & run.As someone mentioned earlier
the dissociative states were pretty scary.She wasn't physically violent-but verbally
I couldn't believe what came out of her mouth.When she wasn't abusing me it was others.
Hindsight is 20/20..but I don't write people off.Once I've healed if she
were to contact me I would respond kindly-with boundaries in place.
Well..welcome to 2008! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:29:55 PM | | WOW!!! My neighbor has something like that. The really scary thing is I live in a duplex and share a freaken wall with her. I had to install a Sensormatic security system on my own freaken house to keep her off my property. I have a sensor going across the top of my fence so if she sticks her head into my business, an alarm goes off. Porch light comes on if she steps on my side. 9 security cameras....... It never ends. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:50:26 PM | hurtinsong, don't go down that path- straight up it is an endless nightmare and a cycle you are not equipped to deal with, there is no quick fix, most BPD's are resistant to self awareness much less to self improvement... this is not some lightweight personality affliction if it is indeed BPD..
Actually if the indicators are present, it doesn't matter if diagnosed or not- you will only throw yourself down the toilet in a hopeless cause.. I lived with one for five years and it is something you as participant will never forget, and if smart never repeat..
But I know what you mean, they are attractive while lucid, but that comes and goes without provocation.. trust me. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/19/2008 6:18:13 PM | I've also been diagnosed with BPD. It's very difficult to deal with. I'm sure sorry for all of you who have had difficult relationships with mentally ill people, but many of these posts show a complete lack of compassion. Also, mental illness aside, there are ALWAYS two sides to every story. Just because you date someone with BPD, that doesn't mean that you were suddenly without fault and can blame them entirely. I wonder if running away from all the hurting people in the world will make it a happy place for all the perfect people.
Also, OH MY GOD!!!!! BPD is bad enough. Let's not tag multiple personalities onto it. That's Dissociative Identity Disorder. Borderline is not characterized by multiple identities but, rather, a lack of identity. We're always the same. It's our feelings that swing wildly, not our personalities. If someone is posing as different people with different careers and names, that person is a con artist, but such behavior does not identify them as having Borderline Personality Disorder. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:01:03 PM | | Snoogins- judging someone with a personality disorder (BPD NPD ANTISOCIAL etc) when you have had the misfortune to live with one is a natural protective defense of their own sanity- breaking the cycle of this type of relationship only happens when you CAN judge who is the sane one... | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:00:27 AM | Hi ZONEALERT.
Yes I do agree.I 've read that therapist burn out fast trying to
treat PD's..specially BPD.
Honestly Im on the fence about the "cut & run" as much as I dislike that term.
However that's something I have to really feel that's right for me.
I was lucky my relationship was 5 months not 5 years!
I do aprreciate where you are coming from.
I've been into personal growth for 20+ years..
I'm in a creative field that I love and have had good success.
She tried to trash all that (& me).As you probably know,
it's absolutely mind boggling.
One thing I am walking away with is a huge creative output
for my work concerning the BPD & me.So perhaps there is some good in it.
H | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:28:34 AM | Splitting - You are either perfect and they love you to death OR you are the DEVIL, and they hate your guts. There is no middle ground at all. Very black and white thinking and you can see it in their other relationships (friends, employers, family) They have a very hard time seeing the gray... in anything. It's a cognitive disorder which is a self protection mechanism.
Projecting - Seeing their faults in you because it is too painful for them to own their negative perceptions. You WILL be accused of everything they do, think or say. Crazymaking at it's finest. Example... when my ex was angry... he would accuse me of being angry... when he had negative thoughts he would accuse me of having them.
Transferring - same as projection, but more permanent. Example... my BPD ex is now convinced that I am a drug addict, and has told everyone this...when in actuality HE is the one with an addiction problem.
I have compassion for those suffering from Personality Disorders, but I wouldn't have a personal relationship with one. I've been there, done that... and it was extremely destructive. I give credit to those who do have PD's, if they are committing to the intense and long term therapy it takes to get better. | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:59:32 AM | Borderline is like any other disorder as there is a wide scale to how the person is effected. At the extreme end a person with BPD can be very scary and unpredictable but at the lower end chances are you will never know the person has this diagnosis unless they tell you. The majority of people with this disorder will never be diagnosed for a few different reasons 1) There life is running rather smoothly at both the family and at the professional level as they know how to make them both work within their own personal boundaries. 2) BPD does not just appear one day it comes from having to redevelop your personality to keep yourself safe so an alter ego is created, if you live in a home where every emotion is meant by a violent reaction you learn very quickly to keep all of your emotions buried deep inside and present an image that is going to keep you safe from harm. The problem is this new personality ends up taking over and when you are out of that situation it is very difficult to get rid of it especially when it is not causing any stress on your life and basically everything is going smoothly, plus to get rid of borderline you need to admit to yourself that your entire life has been an illusion of sort so to really treat it you basically have to go back to when your a very small child and relearn everything the so called healthy way. 3) The stigma that comes with this disorder is brutal and this thread has proved it, every doctor or therapist sees the borderline diagnosis and automatically your an evil person who is basically untreatable before you even open your mouth. There are doctors now who will not diagnose someone with BPD just due to the way society views this disorder as it makes treatment a lot harder to obtain and be effective.
Case One - The person is prone to raging , manipulation to get what he/she wants or needs, very quick to confrontation especially when they feel that they are being challenged, follows an unrealistic set of boundaries and rules to maintain their created self image, seeks attention both negative and positive to satisfy their own needs
Case Two - College trained mental health professional, well respected by both clients and coworkers, aware of his/her own boundaries, open and honest communication is essential to them, relationships are long term and healthy, capable of handling confrontations in a healthy mature fashion.
The first case is textbook Borderline and the second case seems like your average run of the mill person but he or she is also Borderline but just at a different level of the scale. The first one has probably never been diagnosed and does not see anything faulty in their logic where as the second case the person realizes the impact the disorder has on his or her own life so has learned how to handle it and made changes to ensure that the real person shines though and not the disorder. This thread should have been called "Ever date someone with untreated BPD" as there is a world of difference between someone who has gone to work on their disorder to the person who refuses to acknowledge they have a problem. Do you see a person ten years into recovery for substance abuse and a alcoholic or junkie in the same light? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:26:02 PM | | Recovered addicts (with no personality disorders) return to who they were they lose the maladaptive behaviours the drug/alcohol caused. As for 'managed' 'treated' 'learned boundaries' people with personality disorders, Im waiting for a post by a PARTNER of such to acknowledge to me ''I would have had no idea unless he told me'' | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:52:09 AM |
plus to get rid of borderline you need to admit to yourself that your entire life has been an illusion of sort so to really treat it you basically have to go back to when your a very small child and relearn everything the so called healthy way
upfront1974.Hi.
I like the way you laid this out.I think alot of people could benefit from going back &
looking at childhood trauma.Not matter how severely it affects their adult life.
I just know for example I had a lot of professional blocks that I removed by doing as such.
I understand more about about the 'illusive' personality of PD's in general now.
Once again & to a degree most people have a defense mechanisms..but are perhaps able to
step back and see it.
One thing that I found with my xBPDgf was that she was incapable of ever saying the word 'sorry'. That can often be a step towards healing.
Thanks | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/30/2008 1:59:33 PM | I had been seeing a girl for a little while that had informed me early on when we were just chatting about things that she pushes guys away once she gets to like them enough for fear of getting hurt. (found out eventually she had been abused as a child so it makes sense). Well we started getting close, and I told her that I don't know if I should keep going with this because what if it happens to me? She reassured me, I believed her because things seemed to be going so well(SUCKER). Things seemed good, and one day we talked and planned to get together the next day..she seemed happy about everything, excited to get together. She had even mentioned how she tried not to be a leach and wished we had time to see each other more.
So that next day, she texts saying she can't, homework, etc..fine(she's in her first year in college). I reply saying 'bummer' or whatever.. She then ignored me for 5 days. Finally got ahold of her and she just said "I just wanted some me time." Typical cold shoulder, not interested anymore, but trying to avoid the confrontation of telling you/talking about it, treatment. But we had gotten so close and things were going so good it didn't make sense that just like flipping a switch I don't want to see you anymore. Then talked a few days after for a sec, she just said "I don't know" as far as what was going on.
So I was baffled. Of course then it hit me about what we'd talked about before, getting too close, push them away. And I came here and found out about BPD. She doesn't seem to fit most characteristics, she in high school was even considered the "goody two shoes" of the school. So no self-destructive behavior or anything..Seemed quite well adjusted, a real do gooder. But the relationship effects of BPD fit.
So that would seem to explain it. But I'm wondering, she was in a relationship for a maybe a couple years in high school and the first couple months of college. How could she have let herself get so close and not ditch him like she did me? He was abusive(not surprising sounds like abuse victims end up with abusers right?), and once she got to college and got away from him and got new perspective realized how bad it was, stopped rationalizing his behavior, and dumped him. But how would someone with these issues stick with someone so long? Was it something to do with him actually being abusive? | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/30/2008 5:44:17 PM | date one? lol - I married one!!!! lmao!!!! ... divorced on too :) - it goes both ways - good and bad, but only good if he/she is getting help for it ... you don't want to be there on ground zero on that one - a lot of heartache and drama you don't need!!! | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:52:56 PM | to netdates4humanshit
great response
well written
well put
and good advice
ty
and so sorry you had to go through all that
man i wished to God I could wave a magic wand and heal everyone including my pain from all we have gone through and the poor mentally ill ones who did not mean to inflict this on us due to their painand suffering
may God help us all
ugh
hugssssssss
i wish the best for you in the future all of you
all of us
male and female | |
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| Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:57:02 PM | Yes i have and we have NO GOLD PRO
but you are a man and you are meeting woman and there are many great woman out there
sorry but there are not many serial killer woman or rapists and abusers
You seem andlook like a very kind man and I know they are out there
and I think maybe you are naieve about what a woman goes through
it is not your fault and you seem very sweet
its just very different for us woman
much tougher and much more dangerous and yes
we woman are much more guilty of stayin with these men too long
being caretakers by nature and trying to help them or change them or see the best in them or denying it
whenmen are much better in general there are always exceptions
but men are pretty darn good at saying
hey take a hike if anythinggggggggg is askew
sooooooooooooooooo
again some men are codependentstoo taking care of sick woman so
but the majority reality is that woman have it harder sorry but true
and i use to date woman sooooooo i know both sided | |
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