| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 10:26:27 AM | | just don't answer your door or maybe just move again....I can see why you are creeped out. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 10:56:55 AM | Thanks for the responses - I totally appreciate it.
P.S. I live in Canada where maternity leave is one year long (we get 55% of our prior income for this one year), and my baby is 10 months old now. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:07:17 AM | this person obviously wants something from u from the way u described it.u said he started getting nasty.once he realised he wasnt getting something thats when i guess he got nasty.and the fact that hes married too makes it worst.if he was single then i would think this is simply a single guy trying to score with u but hes more like a married guy with kids trying to get the new girl next door so he can dump his wife or have an affair while shes working like a slave to support the kids.
by the way tough i have to say this.u say this guy creeps u out in other words but in your profile u said u enjoy people-watching.i dont know about u but the fact that u write somewhere that u enjoy watching people just sounds strange and creepy to me too lol.maybe thats the reason that this guy is acting with u like this.maybe you could be encouraging him by the way u act.who knows.we dont know ya so its hard to tell.
anyways the best sollution to this problem is just give him the hint that u dont want to be friendly that much with him anymore.when hes outside with u just keep the conversation short and answer with short answers.if he doesnt get the hint and continues tell him straight up how u feel and him to stop. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:10:03 AM |
Thanks for the responses - I totally appreciate it.
Oh come on. Don't leave us in suspense! Which direction are you leaning?
- Paranoia must move immediately
- Triple lock all doors and windows and set up motion sensors and never go outside again
- Play undercover detective and research through neighbors
- Take no Prisoners and drop all evidence on wife’s doorstep
- Reconsider point of view and see if it is mostly all in your head
Or are you considering my offer to move next door to me :glow: | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:31:48 AM |
She seems depressed. I've never spoken with her
Wow...how do you diagnose depression for someone you have never spoken with? Amazing!
Some people really are just nice, and would prefer to forge friendships with their neighbors, over crazy tiffs and constant arguments. Maybe your neighbor had a previous neighbor from hell? (Ask WeldersGirl about crazy neighbors! LOL) My neighbor takes it upon himself to mow my lawn when he is mowing his...of course he only mows the half bordering his home...lol...but it is a nice gesture! When he noticed me outdoors setting up for a graduation party....he offered a second grill, as well. Nice!
And yes...your neighbor sounds a little...creepy nice. But...how common is it for men to be stay at home dad's, in your area? Would you be as freaked out if it were a woman offering up the food and such? Are your children of similar ages? What are the sinister aspects to his joking/teasing? (People have different sense of humors...senses of humor??...whatever! LOL)
I am most definitely not saying to ignore your instincts or to continue to do something which makes you uncomfortable!! But consider everything. There is a little story of a neighbor who would shout out a hello to their neighbor...who never answered...and was assumed to be a mean, loner sort. Later, it was discovered they were...deaf! | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:40:02 AM | | Creepy. I guess that sucks being a woman. As a man I would continue to accept everything (except food -- incase they posioned me) until they stopped. I have a handicapped neighbour who *always* wants to talk and hang out...you eventually learn to just tune them out and ignore them. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:41:48 AM |
You obviously don't live in Canada...
Nope! And I was just thinking with their year long maternity benefits, it might be kinda cool!  | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:11:08 PM |
*Finally,I find it unusual that the first place you came seeking advice is POF...if it was an immediate threat you would have used other means...still you make it sound serious and this doesn't correlate well...the cops would probably be a lot more grilling and wouldn't appreciate being called out for nothing serious...that's why you have to use them wisely and not get black-listed where after a while they don't believe you.
I find it unusual a forum poster is thinking someone is unusual for seeking advice in the very place thousands of people look for answers/information/advice all day everyday. Not everyone has encountered such weirdness, nor is it ever a bad idea to get non-bias opinions on any subject. Police intervention is not always the answer and it's not always a smart idea when you don't know exactly what/who you are dealing with. Angering someone who is as creepy acting as this person she speaks of is probably not in her best interest, and more often than not, they don't do jack until it's rape/murder or some other tragic scenerio. The OP needed some instant information ~ she got that and I'm certain it was appreciated. That's what forums are here for ~ and that's why we all fiven the privilege of posting. JMO  | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:19:39 PM | I'd never accept anything else from him.. and I'd give him the CD's back..
Then I would say "I understand that you are married with a family and I find the attention you are giving to me is very inappropriate and I would appreciate it if you would not come over ever again". Be sure and smile when you do that .. look him in the eye.. and in the end.. quit smiling and look very serious at him.
You have to be direct but not insulting. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:57:58 PM | | uhhh, what do you think it means??? the guy is hitting on you! married or not! My daughter ran into the same thing, when she was around, the guy ignored her, otherwise he was always in her yard pestering her. Tell the wife to have a talk with hubby or else! | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 4:13:52 PM | is this a relationship thread? wrong forum?
anyway, best way to deal with creepy neighbour is to channel the direction to his wife; and let her sort him out.
next time see his wife, chat to her and play nice, thank her and her husband's warm hospitality for giving you and your kids so much food, and you don't feel comfortable to accept too much gifts from them bla bla bla, she should get the message.
don't expect to be friend with her after that. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:11:17 PM | Hm... I had a friend with a similar psychotic neighbor. She was polite to him at first, but he got creepier and creepier. She finally started wearing a ring and as she walked to a from her car she'd hold her cell phone up to her ear so he wouldn't bother her. Since you have kids, get a hands-free bluetooth! Unfortunately, it didn't cease until she moved.
Another idea, if you're a good actress - it's still early enough that you could develop an even MORE psychotic nature and completely turn him off. We women are good at that, right? 
But seriously, refrain from gardening and outdoor stuff for a while, particularly during the hours his wife isn't home, or the neighborhood is fairly empty. Wait until other neighbors are also outside working. It's inconvenient, but safety trumps inconvenience. I think avoidance is better than confrontation with someone like this. If he's confronted, he'll act like you're a loon, and he's just the altruistic neighbor.
I also agree finding a strong, strapping, young male friend to come over a few nights over the next few weeks should help. Then follow that up with the ring! | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:29:06 PM | Wow, this sounds incredibly creepy and stalkerish. I've seen situations like this before happen to my female friends; he's giving all this stuff to you because he's basically trying to buy your bod, when you didn't oblige he started getting pissy and insulting (THAT was the big tipoff). I know a few guys who operate like this because they don't know how or don't want to relate to women any other way.
Maybee it's a Canadian thing or something, the dark passive aggressive side of our overly polite society.
Bonus creep points for being not only married but having kids too, it's bad enough when single guys are like this.
I would strongly advise you to cut off contact with this guy, this can't end well, he's just going to swing back and forth from extremes of trying to buy you and resenting that you are'nt for sale. Stop accepting presents or food or anything. Be polite but distant. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:34:56 PM | Hi everyone,
Ok, he's acting pissed off with me. I think it's because he could tell I was really weirded out yesterday with the food he gave me. Plus I'm not talking to him as much. I think my plan right now is to try to have the attention from him peter out rather than confront him on it. So I will be less friendly with him and hope he gets the hint. And I won't accept any more stuff. Of course I was friendly with him at first, I mean he is my neighbour! Ya can't fault me for that. Normal people would realize it's just me being a friendly neighbour. Other stuff he's given me: a potted rose, flowers in a vase, an Ipod adapter for my car, clothes for my baby, his old patio furniture, a couple of his old baby items, new toy water gun for my son, etc. The second-hand stuff I don't really have a problem with, but him buying new stuff for me/my kids is weird and inappropriate, and the flowers are super-weird. Plus he didn't like the first 2 places I put the rose, so I moved it twice. Can you say controlling?
About his wife: I wouldn't be surprised if she's abused. She looks so unhappy. She barely looks anyone in the eye, and never goes outside, just from house to car and back. I don't feel comfortable right now involving her.
The people-watching thing in my profile is that I think people are interesting - sometimes if I'm in a mall or a coffee shop, I just look around and try to maybe guess what the people around me do for a living, if they look like parents, etc. Is that weird?
And I realize I'm taking a risk posting about this, because he could very well be on POF! | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:49:56 PM | OK, second hand stuff is one thing, I'll often give people my stuff if it's something they need and it's just taking up space anyways (and I've had lots of my friends do the same with me).
New stuff is a big, big red flag. Him giving you a rose is even huger and redder. Frankly I can't imagine every buying roses for just an aquiantence, but that's just me. Him making you move the rose twice is a "run for the hills, run for your liiiives" sort of flag.
There's nothing really wrong that you've done, nothing wrong with trying to be friendly, that's how I try to live every day. Your instincts are definetly right about this being a bad scenario that will end badly, and I think your on the right track with how to deal with him.
The big test will be the next time he tries to give or buy something for you. It'll might be something big or significant since he has probably sensed your cooling to him and will try to "win you back". I would strongly recommend turning it down. Be prepared for resentment and pissiness in return, but this is probably a better ending than him wearing your skin one day. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:56:09 PM | Does HE have potted roses around his place? Maybe he is an avid gardener? (I know, I know...I like to see the best in everyone!) LOL
The fact that some of the items are "ok" and some are not...kinda makes me think he is just being friendly to his new neighbor...and as a stay at home father, has maternal and paternal instincts. Maybe he is just bored, and considers you "one of the fellow stay at home parents?"
Again...key point is, you feel uncomfortable enough to hoist some red flags. So go with your gut. I just hate to see someone's nice-ness being mistaken for creepiness. Kinda reminds me of how women will assume a man paying for dinner or an event, expect a piece of ass...so not true...always! LOL | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:07:35 PM | Boundries!!!!!!!!!!! He has none and YOU must set them NOW.
So what if he's your neighbor...lots of neighbors dont talk. Next time he comes over dont answer the door. If he knows your home perhaps he'll get the hint, but that type usually doesnt.
You have let this go far too long. Tell him you appreciate his kindness but you would prefer that he doesnt bring you any more food. Tell him that you are a private person and not used to doing all this socializing with neighbors and its making you uncomfortable............If he doesnt stop just refuse the food. Tell him your sorry he went to the trouble but you will no longer accept it.
Tell me...........would you feel as uncomfortable if it was a female doing this? If he is a house husband he may have totally taken over the female role and is feeling the need for adult company.
In any event you must be firm.......JUST SAY NO...........
GOOD LUCK | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:27:37 PM |
Other stuff he's given me: a potted rose, flowers in a vase, an Ipod adapter for my car, clothes for my baby, his old patio furniture, a couple of his old baby items, new toy water gun for my son, etc.
I just want to know why you continued to accept all these things?
I would think that after the first few times that he'd done this, you would already have an idea that it was peculiar?
He's in your space because you allowed him in your space. You have two children, why would you even bother getting this friendly, neighbor or not?
It never ceases to amaze me the risks people take. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but, this was super dumb.
Hopefully, ignoring him will help... | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:40:26 PM | Pip... If you know his name, (or can find out what it is), go down to your local criminal registry. You will find a computer available to the public. It runs a program called "Justin". Enter his name (hopefully it's not a really common name).... Justin will give you his criminal history for any criminal offences he's been accused of in BC.
Don't hesitate to ask the people at the counter for help. It doesn't cost anything but it may give you some idea of how much you have to fear from this guy.
If you google "Justin B.C.", it will tell you what you can find out but I think that is what I would be doing...
I'd also be trying to strike up conversations with female neighbors and subtly asking if anyone has had any problems with him. Information is what you really need to know whether or not you have any reason to be very concerned. The criminal court registry is in the Courthouse. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:43:22 PM | Okay.. I just looked at the Court Registries for BC. They closed Delta's courthouse so you have to go to Surrey (or get a friend in Surrey to run down and do the search)...
Here's the address:
Surrey Court Services (Provincial Court)
14340 - 57 Avenue, Surrey, BC V3X 1B2
Tel: 604-572-2200 Fax: 604-572-2280 | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:53:59 PM | | Yes I have had the crazy neighbor from hell for 8 years, and you have no idea what was done, throwing things over the fence if I didn't talk to him......this guy is way too friendly, give him boundaries and don't accept food as that is his "little trap" as a way of talking to you. It's like feeding a stray cat....make it clear and of course get ready for the insults as that is part of the pattern of the "nosey neighbor" whether you live in Wisteria Lane or not...these people are every where, and they have "mental" problems of some for or another...just stay focused and don't chat. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:06:31 PM | | If he is a sociopath--and it sounds like he might be--his behaviors are likely to be irrational and often inappropriate to yours. So it doesn't much matter how you set the boundary, but do set it. Someone else brought up a great point that you can go online and check the sex offender registry in your area. I just found out I have 7 sex offenders in my condo complex, and most are in my building. Lucky me! You can sometimes pick them out by their lack of boundaries when you talk to them and a general creepy feeling you get. | |
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| Crazy Neighbour - help me!
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:26:40 PM | So I hear you saying you want this weird guy to leave you alone.
Fair enough.
How to get this to happen?
Assert what your needs are.
And tell him directly.
By stating your 'needs' assertively, you are being very non-offensive and are hopefully disallowing him his imagined excuse to get angry with you.
'I NEED you to leave me alone'.
And of course he will ask why.
Then you look annoyed and say.. 'I NEED you to leave me alone. Do you understand?'
If he responds with anything other than a 'Yes ma'am', or by walking away, repeat a few more times as required.
If he still doesnt leave you alone, go inside and phone the cops and start your own detailed file on his harrassing/stalking behaviour patterns, which by now it has become.
Your needs are more important than anything else here, they are entirely your own, and are private and not subject to interrogation by others.
And he has no right to be, or should be, offended by your needing to be left alone.
So you don't have to feel bad one teeny bit.
Honest. | |
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