| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:34:46 PM | | Just ask him to estimate how long it will take for him to feel comfortable deleting or hiding his profile. He gives you a date (which may in fact be never). You decide whether you can put up with it or not. Honestly I wouldn't put up with it. Even though it's only been a month. But I also wouldn't do that adding to favourites and deleting to check up on a guy (why wouldn't he know you do this, btw? I get an email everytime someone adds me to their favourites - it's one of the settings options). Would I break up over an issue like this? Maybe, especially if my gut was telling me that he was going to be unfaithful. Sorry to hear this is happening to you. Guys, it's really not rocket science how to make your girl happy. This shit is ridiculous. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:44:19 PM | Wow, you guys are really picking on this girl. I'd have a discussion with him that it bothers you. Both of you should take down your profiles and go from there. What's so hard about that? He has a profile for networking? Uh, I call BS. It's a dating site. Anyone in the pond could be fair game at some point.
Why not tell him if he wants to stay on he has to have email restrictions of age 38 (you), must live within whatever your distance is from him and other restrictions that would fit you in but restrict many others? Then we'll find out if he's "networking." I don't get why people who are dating have to keep coming back here when they have something real. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:53:22 PM |
Wow, you guys are really picking on this girl. I'd have a discussion with him that it bothers you. Both of you should take down your profiles and go from there. What's so hard about that? He has a profile for networking? Uh, I call BS. It's a dating site. Anyone in the pond could be fair game at some point.
I've been on this site for over three years, and I've been through a few girlfriends, and none has ever asked me to take down my profile, or even change my "single" status.
Blaming someone else for your own discomfort is one of the first signs of an abuser. If nothing else, control issues are evident. Perhaps she is just needy and clingy. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:57:18 PM | | ^I would be an exception to this statement. I'm here not to commit atrocious acts of infidelity of behave abominably like some depraved connoisseurs of lewd sexual debauches on the side; I'm here spectating the dating game from afar while watching others struggle with it, as I had once done which I see as viable entertainment like a true to life gossip column or soap opera with recurring colorful characters. The forums offer the strangest exhibition of human mating rituals. It's of vital anthropological interest. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:07:59 PM | | Show me your Phd, then I might take your "opinion" a little more seriously....but just for one second, lets say you become involved with a woman, you both are very,very into each other, it is seriously hot between the two of you, BUT she still has her profile up and lists that she is single and available for dating?? Come on dude, wouldnt you friggen wonder why is she acting that way? When you and her are supposedly exclusive and call each other pumpkin and make love on your work out bench in the back yard under a full moon??? just for a minute, try to feel what I do? I am very sane, I do not have issues, promise. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:10:01 PM | Hi luckeeinluv
I am assuming he is not on POF for the forums. He was/is here to meet women. He has you now so he does not need to be here on POF anymore. Tell him your feelings about the situation and ask him to take down his profile. If he refuses even after knowing how bad it makes you feel then you know he does not care as much about you as he says he does. If you are really "the coolest women he has ever known" then it is a small sacrifice for him to remove his profile. "Networking" is not an acceptable excuse to hurt someone you really care for.
As for the people that are insulting you in this thread, IGNORE them. It is ok to defend yourself once or twice to insulting people but if the insulting people keep arguing then all they are wanting to do is pick a fight and cause drama. They will not stop. Do not let a bunch of miscellaneous profiles ruin your day. You do not know them and they will cease to exist in your world when you turn off your computer. IGNORE the trolls. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:13:23 PM | Did you two agree to date each other exclusively?
Frankly I do not know what he means by "open minded"
Does this mean he can be friends with other women?
Does this mean he can date other women?
Does this mean you are tolerant of the above?
I would ask him to agree that by such and such a date BOTH of you will be off of POF.
That does not seem like much of a commitment. If he doesn't agree to that, keep on fishing
Jim | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:13:33 PM | | That is a great idea, thank you very much! We have been exclusive since July 8, and the only thing he changed was from "longterm" to "friends" I am happy with him and like I said we talk it is all open, but I am trying hard to see his side for months now and I just am unable at this time, that is why I posted. thanks for your reply ALOT! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:15:54 PM | | Thanks I appreciate your idea, my prof is not up, it is hidden, I am not searchable. But I just may as well take it all off, and just trust that what happens is supposed t0 happen, thanks for your time :) | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:19:42 PM | | Maybe your Gf's didnt really care if you were searching or were searchable....you are so missing the point man, I am not blaming anyone, you are so typing words in my text here! I am asking for help to try and see his side not JUST my side.. I want to understand how he is feeling.... you are watching too much Dr Phil my friend.... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:25:30 PM | | seems to me a simple solution is at hand ask him for his POF password then if you must or feel compelled just log on see what he writes and reads. hell I have had a few woman's passwords (to help them with there profiles uploading pic etc I suspect they changed them but I never would have got on there site. But in the OP case I think that the guy is keeping options open with others so maybe he was a little fast with the girlfriend introduction especially since he is still here. I love the forums they are a riot sometimes. But I think you may have a problem OP | |
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| Here's what you do!!!
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:28:19 PM | Ok, make up a fake profile & if u want, put a nice girl photo on it!
Then send him a message but write it in a way that he won't recognise it's you.
Then wait to see if &how he replys. Even arrange to meet if it gets that far. This will test his commitment to you. If he wants to meet, you meet him & that will be a shock for him lol  .
Bob | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:35:34 PM |
I don't get why people who are dating have to keep coming back here when they have something real.
I totally agree with this!!
You'd think if two people met on here and it was the real deal,you'd both be off here in a nano-second ?? I mean,why would you still want to be here??
And,particularly if he's showing he's "single" -- therefore leaving the door open to meet new people.....................?
If you'd made friends here,surely you'd have their personal email addys.............
Op,i dont blame you if this is making you feel insecure.
So,i think you should tell him that & if he knows its upsetting you and he cares, he'll have no probs removing his profile.
Least thats what id hope he does ,for your sake......
Good luck..............sounds like he's lucky to have you !! | |
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| Here's what you do!!!
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:37:55 PM | | uhhh, thanks BUT I def would not go that far..... THAT would be a chic with issues, to all those dudes that think I have issues, I would not want to do that ever...but you are right it would be interesting.. thanks for your time! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:39:42 PM |
He says you are one of the most open minded women he knows? Hmmm, but not on this issue evidently.
Personally, I would not worry about it. Some people are just on to flirt and engage in interesting dialogs with others.
Darlin', he is with you for a reason, now trust him and have some faith in yourself.
A glimmer of hope shines brightly against a background of darkness. Well said!
Best,
ACP | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:43:18 PM |
Forgive me, how have you come to that decision that "I have serious issues" I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time. We have known each other since April...He tells me I am the sexiest girl he has ever known! BUT he cant take his profile down OR HIDE IT.... or update it to say he is not single? I have issues....NOT
How do I come to the conclusion that you have issues? You hide your profile and only keep it active to spy on him. Adding him to your friends list and taking him off again just so you can keep track of him? You portray serious psychological issues with your behavior. So yes, you have issues, and you should seriously speak to someone about them.
I have to agree with RustySurfer. This behavior is pretty bad especially since you've only begun to date. I have a feeling that you had trust issue's in your previous relationships as well.
He has been very upfront with you, HE has not hidden his profile and lied to you or spied on you. As for the fav's. I get people putting me in their fav's and yet not heard one thing from them. A person doesn't control who puts them in their fav list.
Does he come on the forums or read them? Many on here come only for forums. Many do make friends both men and women and enjoy the connection - nothing to do with relationship or sex. I wouldn't expect my new partner to give up his friends just because we started seeing each other, and visa versa.
OP I am not trying to put you down. I don't think that your far enough into your relationship to warrant such behavior or demands. Heck it should never be warranted no matter how long. I would worry if he was lying to you but he hasn't. To be honest, he should be the one concerned if your going to such extents to keep an eye on him.
If your having this kind of problem now then maybe you aren't ready for this relationship. Without trust then there is no foundation. For me if I am going to the point of having to "spy" on someone whether online/emails/phone msg or whatever then it's long past time to get out. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:48:07 PM | Girl, first of all ,to quote an old song, "if it don't come easy, you'd better let it go". If you have to drive yourself nuts about what he is doing, you do not have him in the first place. If you were both on the same page you would not be asking us. He is still looking while he gets it on with you. Trust me, I have been cheated on by the best of them and heard most of the lines. He knows this bothers you and he couldn't care less.
Also, all the things you do for him need not be mentioned. You sound needy. Sorry. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:54:33 PM | | I respect your reply and appreciate your time, however anyone can see anytime that another is logged on.... so IS EVERYONE spying on all those that they "choose" to put on their favs list???? Plus, he is not saying that he has friends on here that he just cant give up.. thats not it... he says for networking.... his profile says "single" and leads one to believe that he AVAILABLE for dates!... are you able to see HOW that would concern me?? seriously...... I have never demanded or even became mad or any of that I have really tried to see his side and I am not able... at this time... that is why I am asking all of you. I dont see how anyone can explain away that his prof says "SINGLE" and that he is AVAILABLE for dating???? I mean really..... but thanks for your opinion. | |
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