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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:00:13 PM | | Thanks for your reply, but quite the contrary, I am not needy at all, I NEED to know if he is full of crap! that is all....I have not ever needed a guy or depended on them for happiness.... I am happy with myself and family and friends , I am a mom and am blessed with a happy healthy child.... I have many great things that are a part of my life... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:10:43 PM | | Oh yes, he is full of crap! You are better than this. Concentrate on the good in your life and back off from him until you are satisfied that he's for real. A break up is only hard for a little while but a bad relationship is misery for the long haul. Bet if you cool your jets his will warm up fast if he really cares. You need to decide how much you are willing to put up with. A lot of guys are good in the sack. Think with your brain. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:20:23 PM | | Seriously, you have insecurity issues. If you can't trust him then why are you sleeping with him. You dont trust him on the computer but you trust him in your bed??? I say if you have to ask these questions then you are very insecure. At age 38, you should know better! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:24:03 PM | I imagine that your boyfriend still has his profile up as "single" because he is indeed still available for dating, if the "right" opportunity caught his attention.
Sorry.
News flash: Hot sex does not make every man feel monogamous.
I think your repeated posts about it are a little strange. The situation is real simple. Talk to him. Let him know how much it bugs you. He will take it down or he won't. You either accept it and go on as you are, or you don't. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:26:54 PM | | Hon..in my opinion, it means what it says- he's still single and he's still available for dating. IF he was serious or meant what he told you he would have already corrected his profile. In some cases- there are alot of people that come here strictly for the forums, or have in their profiles they are only looking for friends-penpal type friends like I have in my profile. I don't have any kind of relationship going wih anyone but that's how I prefer my profile to read. In my case it's because I don't care for the types of men that I did meet from the net!! Seemed like every one of them were --well---I won't go there.......But,in your situation- it sounds like he still has his feelers out to see if he can get more acion even though he's having his cake with you as well. You can either sit back and trust him until he proves different..or turn around and go and let him just keep being one of those type of men that can't be happy wih what he has. Good luck to you. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:55:42 PM | He may call you his " girl - friend" . But , you are wisely paying heed to your instints. He is not committed to you by his behavior or actions. If he is still " networking" then there is no reason for you not to " network" too, he is contining to see if there might just be something " better" out there. Why shouldn't you? Didn't he tell you how much he appreciates your open mindedness. Of course he does. Is he open minded too? Doubtful....
You allowing him the perks of a committed monogamous relationship and all you require is the title. He feels free to continue to behave as an uncommitted male. He has no reason to behave differently, because you give him none.
You want to know how to handle this. That depends on what YOU want. The true question is do you have the courage to do what it takes to get what YOU want. Think twice about living your life on what he wants because he clearly does what benefits himself without regard for you. You can not control another person's behavior BUT you can control your own.
Raise the bar. For yourself ,not for him. Good Luck. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:02:12 PM | this is a really bad sign. he is still keeping his options open. there is no way around it. i would tell him that you are uncomfortable with it. if he has an issue with that, then i thihnk you have your answer. you are 38. you don't have time to waste with this kind of stuff...this is kid stuff!
don't let him snow you!
lar | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:05:37 PM | | Dear...trust your guts, sometimes we don't listen to them, and pay for it later! There are people that will say, you don't TRUST me, and there just total players, and users, and trust me, there is a LOT of them out there on these sites, my sister got abused badly, and she didn't listen to her guts, he was very good!!!! and he scared her for life!! Maybe he is a good man, i don't know. If you honestly had no doubts at all, there would be no gut feelings. Why find someone, say you love them, and still be here??? Makes no sense to me at all, Also if you talked to him, and told him how you feel, and he made excuses for having it, instead of listening to your feelings, valuing them, taking you by the hand, and deleting it in front of you....has BIG RED FLAG written all over it! I would bend over backwards to show my love how i felt if she had any fears, then if she was insecure, she wouldn't be for long :) One more thing to add....if you sit back and wait for something to happen to have proof, could be messing with your life!! I wouldn't have unprotected sex at all, if it was me and the tables were turned, and i would step back, until she showed me some respect for my feelings. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:23:34 PM | | Cheating is for those that have no morals, no character, no self-respect for themselves and definately not for their s/o...and that's the sad part. If they would put themselves in their partner's shoes first and see if they would like it done them..then it might deter them from hurting the one that loved them for them and not for just a few minutes of sex!! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:39:02 PM | Its really amazing how players know all the right things to say to the playees to make them think they are all that to them. If he really felt you were all that, he would remove his profile and you two wouldn't need to be on a dating site anymore. You would have a life offline instead. There are lots of other sites online for forums that aren't dating sites.
I once dated a man like that. He knew I had trust issues so to ease my mind he even gave me all his passwords even though I didn't ask for them. I did check occasionally and didn't see anything wrong so I didn't check anymore. I received many emails from woman he had propositioned right under my nose. They know just what to say and do to gain your trust. Its part of their game. raise the stakes and don't get caught and its more fun for them. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:50:48 PM | Ok, I may have felt for you SOME but not after I read this:
"Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn."
First, why the hell are you cooking and cleaning FOR Him? That is something couple DO together.... Secondly, why would any person in their right mind leave someone who would Cook, clean and have kinky sex for them.... Ok, it's not my cup of tea, but DUH!!! and third, why is he in your house when you have a child? You don't trust this man not to f*ck around on you but this stranger is near your kid? (I hope you said somewhere he was the father and I missed that part)
But guess what Hun, He'll now know you're here because he'll see the forum just like every other person on POF....plus you ONLY signed on to keep tabs on him and that's sad...either it a big enough issue for you to walk away from him, *(and if he's not done dating you should ) or if you're not going to walk away, you need to stop complaining...You asked him to take down his profile and he said "no'...so the balls in your court.... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:53:19 PM | Than we are in the same boat!
Same thing is happening to me, I met this guy from here 6 weeks ago, we clicked, and started seeing each-other. Both of us have active profiles up looking for ''long-term''
I ****ed about it to him, and he said he uses it for entertainment, nothing else, it's fun to browse profiles, (and it actually is) yet I confront him many times about it. I check when he loges in, even though he does not log in for days, and I log in several times a day. He claims he does not receive messages, appears on the fav's list of 3 women (one of them is me, lol) while 250 men favour me... He claims, he uses it to contact me, which is true, but when he logs back in, after he already sent me an e-mail, then i have an issue with that.....I am on and off this site for 3 years now, and i do have friends, but he only joined 6 weeks ago, and right away met me. So what is really the need for him to be here? he has a huge ego, so he looks at who rated his pic, (once a gay guy did rate him too lol) but i don't think any of us should be here. This site is for singles, so the guys who message me, and I never answer, are in the belief, that i am available, which is not the case. Once I wanted to ask a friend of mine, to ask one of his pretty girlfriends (who happen to have a prof up here) to contact my guy, and see what his reaction is. Best way to find out. But finally, i thought I have better things to do with my time and energy. I even told my guy, that I was planning to do it, arrange a beautiful girl to hit on him | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:56:20 PM | | In my humble opinion, you have to ask what you are seeking. If you are looking for a long term relationship, should that not be built on trust? Without trust and respect for your partner's feelings, you have nothing. It is largely irrelevant as to who is to blame for the lack of trust. The point is, you seem, by your actions, that you don't trust him and he, by his, does not seem to respect how you feel. Either that or neither of you appear to have communicated effectively to each other as to what you want. Respectfully submitted. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:16:50 PM | You are being neurotic in many ways...
Anxious
Jealous
Paranoid
The list can go on...
It is not what is happening that upsets you it is what YOU think is happening that upsets you.
Do not worry about problems that you do not have.
Sounds like you have a good thing going.
Instead of driving yourself crazy on this site, go out with friends or by yourself and stop surfing for trouble that may not exist.
Ever hear of a saying... " We create our own reality"
If you are bothered so much by his behavior on this site than get away and move on.
Real self esteem babe ... long term satisfaction with yourself.
It is not anyone else that makes you who you are.
Think about it.... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:27:44 PM | Well, you can find out if there is a lady that would be willing to play a "decoy" for you. Any volunteers? You apparently have a feeling about this, and usually those feelings are right. It doesn't seem legit to me either. If he wants to "network" there are plenty of different types of media to do that.. MySpace, Face Book etc.
But you constantly obsessing about it isn't healthy for you at all!! If I found someone I loved and wanted to be with POF would no longer be needed. But make sure that the relationship is actually where you "think" it is. If he hasn't said "I am committed to you", then what he does really isn't any of your business. If you don't like that, then you break it off....
The King of Stooges... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:33:37 PM | | i think you should dig your key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carve your name into his leather seats, take a Louisville slugger to both headlights and slash a hole in all 4 tires. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:01:28 AM | Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.
OP~ go with the gut instinct.
If he was a forum poster~ I am really not seeing the issue. On and off this site regardless of status could be two things. He is checking to see if you are on here, or he is trolling females. Not much else. Men don't network on dating sites. This is a crock of shit. Also~ servitude does not make you bf + gf. Either does great sex.
He can see when you check him. If you add someone to favorites, they send you an email. So if you add him 5x per day and delete, he is getting 5x emails that you were on this site checking up on him if he chose the option to receive emails from PoF.
Perhaps a talk is in order. Obviously~ this is bothering you.
Communication is key. FWIW~ I think this guy is taking advantage of you. Actions speak volumes on character.
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:06:22 AM | Luckeeinlov do what I do.
First, completely ignore what members of the opposite sex say (talk and listen with them, by all means) - but look mostly at what they do. What they do is more difficult to identify because it involves time and self control and putting 'what you want them to do' to one side. If you have impulsive urges you must suppress those whilst you take the role of a 'reality observer'.
Second, pay even closer attention to yourself. The poster who mentions you have 'issues' has a point in that you're 'cooking with gas' on the situation and you need to take a step back and not get drawn into this 'is he, isn't he? will he, won't he?' stuff.
You need to get clarification on what you want the relationship to be, then clarification on what he wants it to be, and if you can't get the two to match then end it.
If you end it though, end it on the basis of what you see and not on the basis of what you want to be seeing.
B/f and g/f doesn't mean exclusive unless you both agree that's what it means and behave accordingly. If he's not matching you behaviourally then it's not going to work for you. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:10:46 AM | | I understand mistrust, luckee, does he know that you check up on him? If so, does it bother him and if he doesn't know maybe you should somehow let him know that you do. If it doesn't bother him then you probably don't have too much to worry about. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:16:16 AM |
luckeeinluv: "He has told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known" that I was also the most intelligent open minded girl he knows..."
I'm sorry but if you two are bf/gf you both need to adjust your status and profiles to alert everyone to this fact. (See my profile, for example.)
It sounds like he's still chatting up women in dialogs in his Inbox here. He either doesn't think you two will last as a couple or he's just using you until he finds someone better. My gut tells me he at 40 thinks that there may be some younger girl who will date him. (Sorry.) He's just trying to butter you up with being "open-minded" when that just makes it easy for him to try to be a player. He may have just firmed up the relationship to keep *you* monogamous. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:28:44 AM | | I think you should copy all the posts you've made here, so you can be honest with him about what you do daily, show them to him and ask that he be just as honest with you about what he does here and whatever other dating sites he's on. That way you can both get it all out in the open and you can decide, after he tells you what he thinks, if you want to keep dating him or not. Really it sounds like you both play minds games with each other and neither of you are being honest with the other. The bottom line is, if he's doing something you do not like, why are you sticking around for it? | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:40:28 AM | My sister has this same problem on another site. I say don't make a mountain out of a molehill. He loves you, he cares for you, and he has changed his other stuff to 'friends.' If you press it, you might drive him insane, or push him away. Give it time and don't fret to much.
At the same token, from me to him, 'hey guy, you have a woman that loves you. Don't be stupid and blow it away over something as silly as a profile on POF. Show her a bit of courtesy and modify it so she does not have reason to suspect. Where there is smoke there is fire, so get out the hose and put this out before it burns down your forest.'
How's that for balanced advice? Good luck to you both.
Ulysses. | |
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