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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
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 vixen03
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 76
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.

Luckee, your boyfriend may already know that you are spying on him, as every time someone adds you as a favourite the person recieves an email alerting him/her to the fact. Why don't you have this conversation with your boyfriend and explain how you feel? Then you have to accept what he has to say and hopefully he will take into account your feelings of insecurity over his apparent availability.
 RavenRayne
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:06:53 AM
Without TRUST, a relationship will NOT survive.
POF is a dating site. Not networking or any other claim he makes.
We all understand its purpose.
Let him go...If he chooses not to delete it!

RR
 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 78
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:32:30 AM
oh dont be so possessive woman
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 79
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:57:27 AM
OP You said he was "kinky". Make up a fake profile and check out some of the sex sites. Bet money you'll find him there. Not that there is anything wrong with a little kinky unless it is deceitful. I don't think after reading all these replies that you could even feel the same about him?
 wiktor1985
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 80
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:01:04 AM
just networking........
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 81
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:18:54 AM
Ulysses
Have you read any of this? He never said he loved her.
 firedupdesire
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 82
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:29:29 AM
YOU still have your profile on POF too apparently. First step, quit being a hypocrite.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 83
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:41:51 AM
Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.


OP, please reread what you have written above here and tell us you don't have any control issues. You are going to draw to you the very thing you fear. In other words, you are sabotaging this relationship. Go ahead, you have free will, but don't get all high and mighty on your horse on this one, you will fall and you will fall hard. I hope you know this may be a pattern for you. Please go and talk to a counsellor. You will benefit greatly from that and you deserve to get the support that you need.
 Nordic33708
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 84
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:02:34 AM
"Control issues"
What is control issues? It's when someone is trying to control another person. OP does NOT have control issues. She might have issues, but they are not control issues.
She's not forbidding him to not do this or do that. She is concerned about what he's doing and she's resorted to trying to find out if he's having her on.

So many people seem to put her down for it. They seem to say she should blindly trust him. Well....say she does that and three months down the road she comes back here and tells her story of being fooled by this man. What are you guys going to tell her then?
What is wrong with wanting to find out if a person is telling the truth or not?
I wish the world was so simple that one could trust people but the fact is that we can't. Many people lie all the time.
You guys should already know this if you read all the stories in the forums. You know that people lie. So what's the deal with putting down a person who is trying to find out if she can trust a person BEFORE she gets hurt and disrespected?

She does NOT have control issues. She is NOT trying to control him. She is trying to find out the truth.

"Control issues" is a term that's right up there with a term "player" for being one of the most misused concepts in these fora.
 snakebite58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 85
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:07:32 AM
This is totally unacceptable, he is still placing himself on the market, so to speak. This is one time an ultimatum would be called for. Just the fact that he argues it with you, rationalizes it, is a bad sign....
 TrinB
Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 86
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:53:40 AM
slowwwww down honey......how important is this guy to you..? you are not the gatekeeper here...ya, it may suck...but.... you have to give people time...if you start displaying controlling ways he won't even have you as his girlfriend anymore....enjoy the time you do spend and if it becomes unbearable...then change the guy...not the behavior! You're 38 you outta know this by now.....
 TakeMeTheWayIAm
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 87
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:50:09 AM

Fleur de lis: "She deleted her profile"

If you look at the timing it took her a full month to do so.

My original advice stands: let him go, he's a player and he thinks he can get someone better. He's using you.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 88
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:57:31 PM
I was just saying that people are responding to someone who's no longer here

Although she could be lurking :)


 TygerLaw
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 89
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:35:27 PM
Coming from a reformed lover of the bag n tag games...telling you that you're open minded leads you to act in a way that would be open minded to allow him to do as he pleases. Then if you didn't he would say, "wow, you've changed, you were so cool, open minded and fun in the beginning." Whereas you would get back obediently in line and let him play some more to reinforce that you're cool and open minded. It's a great way to string a woman along, because women love compliments, use them in their knight in shining armor fantasies and tells all her pals what a great guy he is. Words are easy, actions are not, but words have tons of power with women and can make them out of their minds, or keep them in line. If all it takes is words to keep an easy/good lay in his sack while he's keeping his options open on here, that's what he's going to do. The only person that can ever successfully network on a dating site is a divorce lawyer, so unless he's one of those then he's networking for some greener grass to plant his pole in. A guy that really wants a woman and is serious will shut down a profile on a dating site or have it hidden, unable to have anyone communicate with them. If you have what you want, male or female, there's no sense in downgrading eh?
 Irishlass17
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 90
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:55:03 PM
With all the sites out there he has to network on POF? Gimme a break. I'd tell him to ride the rope. And anyone who has to go to these lengths to check up on someone, I'd dump you in a sec. I think the 2 of you should go your separate ways and find someone else. It seems the only good thing you have going is sex. This thread sounds like something out of highschool. After only three months you already don't trust him. And he has his profile still up on POF? If you want to stick it out, both of you stay off of POF and do something like realllllly getting to know each other. Shheeeesh!!! This isn't rocket science!!!!
 kolobus
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 91
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:02:32 PM
well if you want you could always report his profile until it gets it canceled.. use your devious head games girl..lol
 ~1Silverfox~
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 92
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:48:01 PM
Posted By: badkitty718 on 9/6/2008 359 AM
Subject: my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Message: sounds waaayy familiar ... the guy who did the EXACT same thing to me with the EXACT same excuses... well when he found someone else online in april..or early may.... he decided that we were through...if you find someone and are serious there is a way to hide your profile... that way you are not available on the "searches".... when i asked my guy why he was online he said" well it is because i have freinds i've met on here, that i still talk to .. even though they are just freinds" .........sounds like bull??? it was...he was looking for his next victim even while we were very happy together....be very aware that he is still active on the sites means he is still on the market....

I agree with bad kitty on this one, I was in a relationship, engaged to a girl (who is still to this day on p.o.f.) I walked into the bedroom with a cup of tea for her, and she changed the screen, on my P.C. though not quick enough, when I confronted her about it, she told me some work mates had put her on p.o.f. for a joke & she was just deleting her name from the site, only to find her on there weeks later with her headline, looking for fun/good hearted man, she told me it was a little bit of fun & not to worry, because it was me she loved & wanted to spend the rest of her life with. HA! not so, she had told her parents we had split up @ x-mas, though we were still sleeping together Etc I had no knowledge of this until april this year, when I found an intimate E-M in march on my P.c. to a bloke, & she had slept with him on the second meeting. for two hours I asked her about it, she said it was a joke & I got the wrong end of the stick. well I finished with her the next day, she was in tears saying all the right things, and I felt a real born outta wedlock till her phone rang. oh-dear!!! anyway, to cut a very-very long story short, to this day though he is living with her, she phones, text's me every day, sends cards, letters etc and has turned into a real "BUNNY BOILER" , the standing joke down 't' pub is " has she phoned or txt yet?? & you've got the best of both worlds "no sex & plenty of nagging" (thing is she is leading someone else on from pof,) :0(
So my thoughts would be, if he loved you, he wouldnt need to go on the site. I know I wouldn't, as It would show (in my mind)I wasn't being loyal.
sorry if I have upset some people with my veiws, but I'm old school, loyal, honest & faithfull.
take care all, and be safe.
 mystery2me
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 93
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:24:02 PM
Well, isn't it true that if you write a testimonial, it would show up on his profle?

Why don't you write a testimonial that says how awesome he is, such a sensual, fantastic lover, and how happy you are in this exclusive relationship. See what he does! Haha - don't know if I could do this if it were me, but in the spirit of just brainstorming for ideas, I thought I'd share mine.

But the stealth approach you take is not so good. I'd say, just put your profile up. Take it as a sign that he isn't ready to give up his freedom to meet other potential dates.
 SereneTee
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 94
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:30:09 PM
I am going to give you the same advice I give any woman. Read the book "Why men love ****es". When you do let me know! I am sure you will thank me!
 imnotyourstar
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 95
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:34:53 PM
Wait a second...don't YOU also have a POF profile?
I would probably tell him that I was very uncomfortable with him having a pof profile that suggests that he is single when he's not single.
 bitania
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 96
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:39:11 PM
I think you should have more respect for your self, and leave the cheater.
 sparklyshell
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 97
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:52:59 PM
The fact is he knows this is something that bothers you and yet he hasn't done anything about it. How much respect does that show for your feelings? I wonder what it will be like further down the line as the relationship becomes more serious?

You do need to trust him but if you both are official I think he should at least indicate in his profile that he isn't looking and that he is taken.

Don't waste too much time on him if he's unwilling to compromise with you. Find someone else who is proud to show you off as their girlfriend and who respects how you feel.
 ~~weeone~~
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 98
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:21:46 PM
To the OP and all others who have responded:

I have had the same happen to me....Found myself in awesome relationships, only to see their profile "online" the next day/week...

Why do they do it??? Who knows ?? I personally, think they are afraid of being left alone when goings get rough and they like to keep their other "options" on the backburner...

It sucks and it hurts big time

~~weeone~~
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 99
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:26:22 PM
Both my BF and I have our profiles up. I'm not the jealous type, we bot say we are only looking or friends and love the forums. I would never cheat, he was devastated by cheating in his marriage and we trust one another.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 100
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:31:07 PM
Whoa Nordic, I stand by what I said. He is having her on alright. She should just let go of the controls.....that's what I'm trying to say. I was not putting her down, I was pointing out something glaringly clear. It's amazing the freedom one can have by letting go of control. It is super liberating. I have experienced this for myself. Haven't you?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?