| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:26:22 PM | | Both my BF and I have our profiles up. I'm not the jealous type, we bot say we are only looking or friends and love the forums. I would never cheat, he was devastated by cheating in his marriage and we trust one another. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:31:07 PM | | Whoa Nordic, I stand by what I said. He is having her on alright. She should just let go of the controls.....that's what I'm trying to say. I was not putting her down, I was pointing out something glaringly clear. It's amazing the freedom one can have by letting go of control. It is super liberating. I have experienced this for myself. Haven't you? | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:56:13 PM | | There is nothing you can do . He is free to do what he wants. if he wants to look for other women by stating that in his profile after he told you that you were his gf what does that tell you about the relaltionship. If it was me , I would take the relationship as non serious and keep looking as he does | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:01:31 PM | "he says for networking "
I really want to know what kind of networking one does on POF. I thought it was for dates, I could be wrong. When I'm dating exclusively my ad comes down and so does his. It really is that simple.
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:19:25 PM | Hi, have you read the book "He's Just Not Into YOU". Give it a shot, good read. I guess, you should trust your instincts on him. I don't know of any good reason to keep a profile up and active if he is really into you. Does he seem sincere? Honest? Do you have reason to doubt his intentions? Does he disappear for a period of time and you can't get a hold of him? Any "flags" with him? You know what I'm talkin' about. Is there something you are looking 'past' because he is great in other ways. I really don't understand the networking part. If he put in his profile "found someone special, not dating any longer", would that help, is he willing to do it? Is your profile still active? Maybe yours should be active too, see what he thinks of that? I'm not into games, but maybe it would start some good conversation between the two of you. One more thing, if you didn't have a previous discussion on being his girlfriend, I wouldn't be thrilled he introduced me that way, but that's just me. I see a flag of communication between the two of you on that one.
Good Luck. Go with your instincts. It should bother "him" if it bothers "you".
All my personal opinions. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:40:09 PM | Nope can't tell ya what to do because I know you wouldn't do it anyways!!
But I will just speak from my view point on this. Building a healthy strong relationship is like building a house. Before you set the key elements of trust security and respect in order to build a strong foundation you need to first go over the blue prints.....
At the beginning of any relationship I always lay my cards out on what it is I am looking for versus what it is I am not looking for. And the most important thing for me is the key elements Trust, Security and Respect.
I look at it this way, if I met a man off a dating site and we became serious and I noticed he took himself off the site on his own free will that would SHOW me that he was serious about working on the foundation of our relationship. And along with that it would make me feel happy and secure the way I should be feeling. And it would TELL me that he has respect not only for me and how I feel but for the relationship as a whole. And this is what I look for and what is important to me.
I NEVER judge a person by what they say to me I judge by their actions.
On the flip side if I was dating a man and he continued with keeping himself on a dating site that would not only tell me that he is keeping his options open but also that he isn't as serious on building a healthy relationship as what I thought he was.. and how it would make me feel knowing this well it would be the opposite of above. It would no doubt bring out my insecurities and make me feel insecure, and it would make my mind negatively wonder all the time. Who the HELL wants to start off a relationship built with negative feelings? Not me!!! I stay away from men who bring out negatine feelings inside of me. I do NOT care how good looking or sweet talking they are, if they are not showing me what I want to see I RUN!!!!! I wouldn't even give him the chance to explain why he is still on it because I am not a sucker who falls for the B.S excuses...lol
I honestly would just end it and move on I wouldn't even waste my time because I am not one who would tell anybody to stop doing something that I don't like I don't operate that way. I prefer people to do what it is they want and if I don't like it then it is up to me to decide if I will put up with it or not.
I have enough respect for myself and know what it is that I am looking for in a mate that I will not settle for anything less of that. So it all depeneds on what it is you want and what it is you will settle for. Do you really believe that you deserve to be feeling the way you are right now? I don't!! You should be feeling special, secure, able to trust this man, you should feel confident and happy. But you are not......and that is sad.
When you build an unstable foundation to a house what happens in the future? Think about it!! ! Good luck | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:52:46 PM | OH DEAR!!! The OP began this thread on the 5th and has already permanently left the building. She did take quite a beating early on. OUCH!!  I'll save my comment on the OT since it clearly makes no difference at this point.  | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:23:19 AM | | What a bunch of crap ...your just here for the forums LOL flying a profile why not hide it at least ? Arn"t you netWorking also ? Why not change your headline at least to ...say..."..i found my man "or "just here for the fourums" and in your discription box very first thing explain your "no intrest in being contacted" ...women and men cheat with cheaters i'm not saying your cheating but how many men have boldenly contacted you? | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 4:24:21 PM | | Obviously he still feels single . People treat us the way we allow them too. You be the judge of what you should do ,but do not be dumb about it. Tell him it bothers you and if he truly respects you he will take it off the site. If he chooses to keep it up then is there any question what you should do. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:21:08 PM | You can't have him change anything that he does not wish for, you can only look out for yourself. Its better to keep quiet, laid back and observe. If his stance doesn't evolve naturally into a comfortable state for the both of you, then you can assume he does not care about how his behavior affects you, and safely remove yourself from the situation. Don't confuse love with wanting somebody who does not equally want you back, there are plenty of men who would be happy to announce that they have found and maintained a special someone. Life is way too damn short for wasted energy.  | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:48:30 PM |
Obviously he still feels single . People treat us the way we allow them too. You be the judge of what you should do ,but do not be dumb about it. Tell him it bothers you and if he truly respects you he will take it off the site. If he chooses to keep it up then is there any question what you should do.
The OP is gone. I just can't resist.
When he responds that it that he is bothered by attempts to control his behavior and that if she respects him she will allow him to make his own decisions, if she doesn't respect his decisions then is there any question what he should do?
Funny, one of the indicators that I was all grown up was my ability to allow other adults to make their own decisions without attempts to coerce, manipulate, or cajole them into complying with my whims and desires. Perhaps she's just not grown up yet.
Best,
ACP | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:55:58 PM | Hey guys! Why are we still advising this girl when she has already "left the building"?
Apparently, she didn't really want to hear the truth or maybe she expected us to be all over how great he was and how he really DOES care?? Who the heck knows?? She really needs to grow up. I'm outta here, bye. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:17:08 PM | | This whole post just pisses me off......if you feel the need to be his warden and control him then you have no realtionship.. if you spy and him and don't trust him then you should walk away... he is doing what is right for him.... if you love him... LET HIM BE | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:33:52 PM | As a girl who has had her heart ripped out by a lying cheating man - I applaud the OP for watching her own back. No one else will.
If she has trust issues resulting from past relationships, unless she is a mental case, her scars are real. Her new boyfriend should be understanding that she has scars and be willing to delete or change is profile to gain her trust. If he is not willing to help her heal or understanding of why she needs time and a feeling of security in order to heal, he is probably not deserving of her trust.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... I can't be fooled again. (' ')
If OP is smart, she has already set up a new, very different profile without a pic. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:42:27 PM | Simple.. logic...
Your boyfriends profile is still up on POF. Clue... he is then NOT A BOYFRIEND! He is bootycall and using you as such; plus as a housekeeper, cook, etc. He is paying you compliments about your brains, logic etc.. to stop you in your tracks about complaining about him being still of POF. Its called diversion...if you complain then you aren't logical, or have brains? The guy has you wrapped around his finger. Good luck..you need it. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:17:19 PM | | I would not put up with that. There is no reason that he should still have a profile on a dating website. I certainly would not put up with that... Networking? I'm sure he has plenty of friends. Tell him to take it down, and you're not going to take no for an answer. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:43:15 PM | I can't believe this thread is this long and that half of the people bashed the poor girl.
They had been together for three months. He still had his profile up and searchable for "networking." After three months, if he were serious with her, he would have deleted his profile. And nobody is here for "networking."
Unfortunately, she was dating a liar and got played. The girl didn't deserve any of the scorn she got here. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 11:36:57 PM | Oddly enough.. your still on POF too.. whether your profile is up or not.. is TOTALLY IRRELAVANT!!!!
BOTH of you should have deleted your account.. but.. then again. thats just my way of thinking...
tell him to delete the account.. if not.. then stop putting out for him..
for "NETWORKING"????
IF YOU HAVE AN AD IN THE PAPER TO SELL YOUR CAR.. AND YOU SELL IT.. DO YOU KEEP THE AD IN.. TO SEE IF PEOPLE WILL STILL CALL?
hes not talking to anyone.. but keeps it up for networking?
take your blinders off... see the big picture. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:32:55 PM | I just can't believe some of the responses that people have put up here. it's as if many of you think she's being jelous because her bf is hanging out "networking" on a dating website! puhhhhleeeeezzzz! this is ridiculous! there are business websites for every industry under the sun. if he was serious about networking he'd be doing so on a site that is relevent to his industry. that is the biggest line i have every heard! lol!
if a person just wants to play around then sure, they are free to do so, but when someone is in a committed relationship, they shouldn't be hanging out on a dating website. if a person is just here for the forums, well, that should be made clear, and the person should also make it clear to others on the site (in the profile) that they are no longer single. this is relationship 101. this is kid stuff.
and OP, it doesn't matter what he says. and it doesn't matter that your sex life is amazing. so what? look at his actions. this guy is keeping his options open. and he apprecieates you being "open minded" because apparently that means that you'll be happy to be the house cleaning hook up, that is in reality a place keeper, while he continues to find that ever elusive "ideal" woman out there.
the guy is a cad. you are a grown woman. don't waste your time with this wanna be lothario.
and not only that... this bothers you... you wouldn't be posting this right now if it didn't cause you some anguish. if this guy really cared about your feelings he'd remove his profile or change his single status. that is what people do when they care about someone. i know how men are. if some man was crazy about a woman... i mean... absolutely head over heels for her.... he'd do it in a heart beat. no question. why? because he'd be afraid of screwing up the relationship...or be afraid of losing the girl...
your guy isn't doing that, and he could take or leave you.
brutal but honest....
lar | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:49:36 PM | You both have to decide if your exclusive.If thats whats agreed to then the profile gets deleted.Otherwise its casual dating /open ended you do what you what he does the same.AKA friends with bene's if thats what you want.Takes 2 to tango.If your not up for the dance move on.No such thing as networking on a dating site.Too much temptation.I wouldn't agree to the hidden one either .If its on here and hidden then he is still using his account.As far as the forums I don't believe you have to log on to read them perhaps just to answer a question.Either you like your fish or you throw it back!!!If someone wants dating advice they can get it free on many non dating type of sites like ask men etc.If its friends on here then you can chat offline thru email etc.Logging on and adding him to fav's just to "stalk" him isn't healthy either.Trust is paramount in a relationship. And he says you just "have to trust him" well no one makes you do what you don't want.Decide what you want out of this.If your both on the same page great.Otherwise your being played.Been there done that.Same senario!! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:50:03 PM | imo you went wrong the first time u had sex with him...if a couple has sex befor you guys make a mentel bond your ****ed either way...but he sounds like a douch he got what he wanted now he is pulling out...falling back...backing up...w/e u want to call it.. LT keep ur legs closed  | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:56:18 PM | | Sounds too familiar to me. I dated someone for quite awhile who kept his profile on myspace kind of like yours did here on POF. The only people he added on his friends list were single women, no men, no family, and no married women etc... When I asked him why he did that he said he could have friends and I should trust him, and that I had something none of those other women did.... his heart. Well, let me tell you, I found out a few months later that not only did he have them on his myspace but he was on 3 or 4 other sites trying to pick up women for dating etc... None of them knew about me until I intercepted a message from one of them. Needless to say, I dumped him. So, if your guy doesnt care enough about your feelings to take his profile off, I say that hes up to no good and you should go on without him. Just my advice... good luck!!! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:05:35 PM | | I like your reply. It just so happens I have been seeing a guy and he has a profile on here, however this is not how we meet. He has been saying how he likes spending time with me and wants to spend more time with. Although we both have a profile on here. mine is hidden but not his but that didn't seem to really bother me but I have now seen that he has signed up to go to one of the gatherings where all the singles meet each other. That seems a little fishy to me... no pun intended there.... I say let them go and find somebody else that wants to really get to know me. So, I might as well unhide my profile at this point and have fun | |
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