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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 127 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:14:37 PM | Im sorry...but doesnt matter any which way you wanna swing it...dont care what excuse anybody uses...
...if you're in an exclusive monogamous relationship and you're supposed to be 100% committed...and someone's keeping a profile on a dating site...its because they're keeping options open and/or a backup plan "just incase"
Whether they access it or not is irrelevant...its still a backup plan for them.
Ive read alot of threads, have been a participant in dating sites for around 10 yrs now (no I havent been online dating myself for that long it was work related) and for all the denials in the world...there's waaaaaay too many stories of cheating partners doing this kinda thing...or people moving on so quickly cos they've been feathering nests elsewhere before they do. Emotional cheating before even the physical.
Its like collecting phonenumbers and filing them away for when they need them.
And Id be pretty damned pissed off if my partner did that. Game over.
Ive seen for all intents and purposes "inactive" profiles (some for many months & some for years) all of a sudden be reactivated and the game continue to play without skipping a beat. They KNOW they're here.
If someone isnt participating in forums or intouch with friends regularly and their partner has full disclosure on whats going...they leave their profiles there for one specific purpose even if they have them hidden cos you can still find them.
Options.
Anyone who says they enjoy the flirting...well how fricken stupid are you to not only jeopardise a relationship because of it...but how pathetic is it that you need to have your ego groomed by complete strangers on the internet.
Lotsa people say ...oh I just forgot about it... yeah...they remember real quick about it when they're looking for the next 50% committed relationship with some regular sex and fun times that drags them away for a little while. Then they're back again.
The more experience & particularly inside knowledge you have of these kinda situations...the more you know people are talking bullshit.
They leave them here because they WANT them here...and since it usually does nothing but cause problems in relationships...it gives a fair indication of their intelligence level and what they ultimately think of their partner & relationship.
Worse case scenario they can delete them and make another one IF things dont work out...
....but they dont do that...cos it doesnt give them what they WANT.
Options/Backup plan. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:11:57 PM | well u havent known him very long he does like u but i believe he is taking advantage of u you said the sex was great well i believe guys will stay and take u out and have fun but HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! no future there if he was into u he would of said both of u get off of this site if u bug him about this profile he might drop u and he might drop u just because he wants to move to the next one either way hes not the one get a guy who treats u like a queen respects and loves u REMEMBER U R THE PRIZE so whoever gets u is the winner good luck god bless | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:20:45 PM | {I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time}
Here is my opinion......he only tells you that you are great when it relates to sex, based on what you have written. My catch is that he is kind of only wanting you for sex.
Heck..you treat him great, give him awesome sex! Then he keeps his profile up....for a reason. I say run, run away very fast and wake up! He should also be treating you very well and cooking you dinner. If he really cared for you he would ! If he only treats you great in bed and only feeds you compliments about that. Listen and wake up! I wish you all the best of luck! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:38:10 PM | his networking sounds more like net casting to me. I would also be offended. he can hide his profile if he doesnt want to completely remove it. Even if just out of respect for your feelings. Now he is breeding mistrust and suspicion in your relationship.... that sucks and it will ultimatley be the bone of contention between you . | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:28:45 PM | I realize the OP has ditched us..but I just wanted to add my 3 cents!
Cent 1..Op the relationship should be more than 'the kinky, great sex'. You have mentioned that a bunch of times.
Cent 2..You are driving yourself crazy. Someone earlier mentioned that as well. If you are feeling stress..and he cares for you..then he should honor your feelings. Since he doesn't seem to care that you are upset about the situation..then maybe you two are not that 'good' for each other. Doesn't mean he is right and your wrong (and vice versa) it just means that you two are not on the same page nor compatible.
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do? Posted: 9/9/2008 3  03 PM imo you went wrong the first time u had sex with him...if a couple has sex befor you guys make a mentel bond your ****ed either way...but he sounds like a douch he got what he wanted now he is pulling out...falling back...backing up...w/e u want to call it.. LT keep ur legs closed
Cent 3..I like what the quote above me wrote...quit having sex so early on..too many emotions! He's using you...it's not that difficult to figure out.
Sorry to hurt your feelings..... | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:06:07 AM | i know the OP is gone...but i am still cracking up over this one... i mean... she is a single mom, 38, and she has been with this guy since july, and they "love" eachother, and have "great sex." gee... but the guy has his profile up on POF, searchable, and it doesn't say anything about this supposed relationship that he's in! hmmmm...
i am sorry, but this guy is just using her. i am going to bet that within a few weeks he'll have moved on to another single mom for some "great, kinky sex."
lar | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:33:27 AM | I advise stopping your activity. It is just making you crazy. You are starting to become obsessive and that takes the joy away from your relationship. Worse, he can track you too (if you know computers ) This is like looking a gift horse in the mouth. Enjoy being with him and forget this. You are in a good place if you stop making yourself upset.  | |
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reba06
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Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 135 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 1:04:18 AM | | Look I have been there, I am dating a guy who i was spending all of his free time with..I know he wasent seeing anyone else but he was talking to other women online.. I asked him why he would do this when we were seeing each other..his response was there is nothing wrong in typing letters..he is right,,but his profile said he was still avail..and single this bothered me...So i figured i had a couple of choices to make. one end it all together..I didnt want to do that..I have fallen in love with him so the other was back off from him..make it clear what our relationship was...so i suggested that we still date but have the option of dating other people. It has done wonders for us there is no more fighting over this issue and we are actually spending more time together. I have also opened up my options to find mr. right rather it be him or someone else. Dont make yourself so available to him!!!Men no matter what thier age like a challenge..he knows you are always there no matter what...dont be..he might act differently! He may not be doing anything wrong! And if he finds someone else then you werent meant to be! | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:45:18 AM | I figured it out! OP means "original poster," no? Tell me if I haven't got it right.
Okay - I am not big on unearned trust. I don't trust someone because I love them, but rather the reverse more likely.
If you tell your SO (everyone know that one?) that you want exclusivity, then you can try saying you want their profile to make it clear they are in a monogamous relationship. Most likely a decent, committed lover would be willing to do so; if not, ask for a GOOD reason why not, think up another way to make sure, and see if he goes for that. Or ask him how HE can make you confident. "Don't you trust me?" gets the answer "this makes me worry I shouldn't."
And DO check the profile now and then. And you might even want to turn on "let people know I've viewed them" just so he knows. 
ED BEAR | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:47:19 AM | | I have to agree with some one who said he is still 'casting his net'. It is a tough one and nothing you can do about it. He has to decide what he wants to do, you can't control that type of behavior, you just have to decide if you WANT to put up with it. The problem is it is hurtful and that is what bugs you. I knew a guy I saw every now and then and he contacted a friend of mine on line, (he did not know she was my friend) a day before we were going away on a trip together. I was really upset, it was hurtful that a day before we were doing something , like a vacation, they are trolling for 'fish' on the Internet. I dealt with it by not saying anything, sucking it up and just going on the trip because I wanted to go, (white water rafting, I had been looking forward to it). I was terribly resentful toward him the whole time. It lets you know where you stand though, it does not sound like an exclusive relationship in your BFs eyes, you have to decide if you want your end to be exclusive. Bottom line, you can't control him, only yourself. But his actions tell you what his character is. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:49:15 AM | my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Leave him.
For me.
I won't change my profile though.
Or
Ask him to let you see his messages...
But do it right in front of him, not over the phone, as that would allow him time to delete everything. However, you will tell him over the phone, and give him time to delete them as you need to protect your own sanity, and prevent from being hurt.
Its easy! If he was serious he would at least have hidden his profile whilst waiting to see what happens. That he has not just says he is still "fishing". Aint rocket science!
Defending him eh? Who says he is that bright? | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:50:18 AM | | You are his "f*U*C*K Buddy. I hope you enjoy your status. If not, then break up with him. He should be pretty easy to replace. You do not hold a special place in his heart! Do not throw your pearls to swine! He's really not that into you. Get the book Why Men Love B**I**T**C**H**E**S. Read this and live by it. It is your only chance to understand what is going on in your life. I care about you and I want you to get out of this situation you have found yourself in. Pleas e-mail me if you want. You can order this book on Amazon dot com. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:23:00 AM | | I an in a similar situation, & I'll explain why I am still on (hopefully that will help you to see what may be in his mind). My 'Friend' is also still on here. When I asked whether I would be better able to contact her thru her personal email, she said that she splits checking personal email & email here. She is here apparently for similar reasons as me. When a woman contacts me or I contact her, I am upfront about my relationship so she doesn't get the idea that I am still looking to date. I have been here to 'welcome' people who are new to my city, to POF, offer any suggestions and help, to act as a sounding board & offer counsel if desired. I also have some relationships where we do virtually little mre than small talk & wish each other a good weekend/holiday. Being here has been quite helpful to me as it has help me with my shyness. I have started a long time ago, & feel more at ease doing it, just dropping an 'out-of-the-blue' compliment to a particular woman. WHo knows what kind of a day that person has had. Maybe a single compliment could raise their spirits for the rest of the day. I have had 'random' compliments 'rescue' the remainder of the day from a bad mood that I had from work. I have on my 'favorites' list people who I have had conversations with (& still have occasional conversations) as well as people who I want to get to know, but for some reason don't have time at the moment, but want to e able to find them again when I have more time (I had 'lost' one person who I hadn't put on 'Favorites' & it took me 2 1/2 weeks to 'find' her just so I could drop her a line). Instead of putting an 'Update' on my profile, I just revise it to reflect my current situation. The reason I have not changed my status to 'Friends' is that so many seeking 'Friends' that I have seen, it seems to be synonymous with 'friends...with benefits.' That is not an idea I want to covey. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 11:09:26 AM | | Trust is something that isn't given lightly. That being said, I would never ask someone to take down their profiles. I make lots of friends online. I wouldn't want someone to be so insecure that they felt threatened simply because I'm social. The real test is WHO do I spend time with and talk with the most? | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 11:50:37 AM | | If I meet someone from here or off of here, I would stay for the forums (which are very entertaining at times) but would certainly not be looking for anyone for chat, e mail or to hook up(hell I don't do that now). I also would not lie to a signifant other. I met someone one here that tried playing games and lying, but it all came out in the end. And what he was doing here was nothing compared to his life full of lies off of here. I trust anyone until given a reason not to. | |
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CSIN
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 145 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:35:49 PM | This man is single and available. You were introduced as what you were, Female-Girl, Female friend, hence, "Girlfriend." Most adult men would have introduced you as their "Lady" or their "Woman" if they are/were serious about you. Men mark their territory.
The man is not getting off of here and is not going to let you control him! He probably is reading your post, also, and laughing. You keep talking about "good sex", which means nothing. If you really want the truth, give us his user name on here and let your "girlfriends" on here have a go at him. The truth will be in the pudding. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:30:06 AM | Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.
OP it's bad enough that you have a profile with 'long term' written on it, never mind the fact that you obviously don't trust him, therefore you shouldn't be with him. If you can't trust him and have to log in and out and add and delete him from your favourites, to my mind you are acting like a mad woman. He probably sees this on a subconscious level, which is why despite the fact that he may find you attractive, he probably doesn't think you have long term potential. If you continue being devious and jealous, he's not going to trust you either, and if you don't have trust in a relationship, then you don't have a relationship worth having IMO. Either come off here altogether and do your bit, then tell him you expect him to do the same or you're going to move on, or stop moaning about the fact that he's still on here looking, when by all accounts, you're still keeping your options open too, whilst deviously trying to spy on him. It smacks a bit of double standards at the very least.
Edit: Just realised the OP has already left the building. | |
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| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:40:41 AM | | Dump him he is playing the field while having his cake and eating it to. He is a player.. simple but true, you deserve better than his sorry butt. Find yourself a good, decent and kind man. This one needs to be filed in "The less than zero " file, I have known a few myself. The only thing he is looking for is a woman who is better than you, so he will keep you around until something better comes along. Get rid of him. | |
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