| |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:34:18 AM | I think the fact that you have your profile hidden and feel the need to check up on him should tell you ALOT! There is no trust! Without trust in a relationship what do you have?
I don't think that this is the place to do networking, I think he is on here scouting out other potential females...you said he is very sexual? Well I would be concerned, but thats just me.
I hope it works out for you... | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:55:47 AM | I'm in a serious relationship and I still have my profile up on POF. I did, however, change the body to read that I was in a relationship and no longer looking. I left mine up for two reasons - one, I get bored at work and like to frequent the message boards. Two, I have a couple of friends that the only way I can IM them is through POF (since I'm at work and cannot download yahoo).
So either you trust your boyfriend or you don't. Go with your gut feeling. There's no black and white answer. It seems obvious you don't trust him or you wouldn't be sneaking around looking to see when he last logged on and stuff. In that case, maybe it's time to find you someone you can trust.
Best of luck. :) | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:14:59 AM | | you have some trust issues and the what you are ridiculing him for , your doing the same. so please tell me what the difference is and have you talked to him about it before posting this.. Just curious... If not then try what they call COMMUNICATION | |
|
Pers14
|
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 180 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:24:08 AM | | OP - you guys have barely started to date, and trust issues are already coming up. He may be all the wonderful things you shared with us but he's not listening to your feelings, he doesn't care about how you feel about this, etc... What kind of "networking" does he think he's accomplishing on PoF? LOL Also, this situation is turning you into an obsessive mess. You're playing 'checking up on him' games - and this lowers you. You don't need this crap. Good luck OP! | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:33:07 AM | | He doesn't live in Fenton does he???? Sounds alot like the guy that told me he loved me, gave me a key to his apartment then just turned on me for a stupid reason. Meanwhile kept his profile active on POF. Get back with me on that if you would.....I'm really curious now. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:25:57 PM | | Thank you Glitter-you are the type of person I am....you are honest straight up front..no games...I am happy for you for finding that special someone.I also love reading these forums!I think that I have also found a genuine person...........finally!!!!Good luck to all of you! | |
|
magik9
|
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 183 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:41:51 PM | I think if he wants to post his profile, that's fine, but I personally would have a problem if he still lists himself as single, which does lead others to believe he's available. Of course, you want to make sure you both have a mutual understanding that you are in fact in a relationship.
So, talk to him and tell him how you feel. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:51:47 PM |  I see you still have yours, as well and your active in The POF FORUMS... 
 Do you think it is at all possible that YOUR BOYFRIEND might have other friends on POF that are not related to dating???
 I mean I DO!!! and I always have had plenty of POF friends that are not related to Dating...  | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/17/2008 7:41:09 AM | Crock of crap. If the profile reads dating, he's looking for dating.
As for him saying you have to trust him -not true. You don't. You can choose to if you want. You can't control him -why try? He is not interested in taking the profile down. You met him on POF, why would he change that? Kind of like meeting a guy in a bar and then when you become a couple asking him to quit drinking. Either like it and move on, or just move on.
Well, honestly, if he's not talking to anyone, then he doesn't need it for networking, does he?
Him saying you are the coolest person he's ever known and the most intelligent open minded girl he knows... -just because he doesn't take the profile down doesn't mean those statements are not true to him.
You're drawing a line in the sand and daring him to cross it, and that's the answer to your question. Either get over it as he told you to do, or tell him you're not interested in someone who remains on the site. Bear in mind that once this is done:
a. He feels you are trying to control him (and you are) so he becomes resentful
b. You try to convince yourself to trust him, but distrust makes you resentful, so you become hostile toward him.
c. You become a sneak and hope you can figure out his password to log in under his username and check up on him -you lose your own 'I am trusted' credentials
sleep with him more...hes losing interest in you.
BrianN23 -cute. Now that was funny. | |
|
| |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:29:06 AM | "...he could HIDE his profile for the time being and see how we go... but he is not willing to do that either..."
Girlfriend you have your answer there STARING YOU IN THE FACE.
Networking my azz. If you want to network you go on websites such as Linkln. You come on sites like POF TO FIND DATES. If you are only using the forums most folk edit their profiles to say that they are only using the forums or are not looking/not single.
I think your bf is trying to 'pull the wool over your eyes' and fill your mind with bullcrap.
 So the joke's on you sista if you don't WISE UP. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:53:13 AM | I met a guy here recently - and we corresponded through normal email channels. His email address includes his last name. Bad move. I did some initial digging and for the previous two years had not been in jail. So I figured he was okay to go out with. I did. He was completely charming and romantic the entire evening. However, the only thing that did not seem to fit was his real age. He posted 45 on his profile, but he acted much older than that. Physically, he is in fantastic shape. The next day, I did some more digging. I found out his true age of 55. Court records do not lie. He did. The more digging that I did (a few mouse clicks here, a few there) the more that I found out.
That same week, he cancelled two dates on me. I was furious to say the least. He said he was so serious about me and how he was looking for our future together, blah, blah, blah. 
So that Friday (we went out on Tuesday of the same week), I sent him a email. I confronted him on his lie about his age. He said that I did not ask him when we went out what his age was and why did it matter? It does matter. Ten years is a generation gap of sorts. He was mad at me for "snooping" around. Very mad.
If they lie at the beginning, they will continue to do so. You can't change the spots on a leopard. The fact that this guy got mad at me for finding out the truth is unacceptable. His profile name is beachboyus. I should put him on dontdatehimgirl because that is where he belongs. I found out that he used the same profile name for other websites. Just do a google and you will find him.
But enough about my story. If your gut says not to trust this guy then don't. Cut it off irregardless of your feelings towards this guy. It will only hurt for a little while now. It will hurt a lot more later down the road if it continues. And you say you only see him 3-4 times a week? I would wonder why it is not all the time. If you only live a short distance, do a drive-by. There is no difference in doing that and checking up on him online. But be careful. It is extremely hurtful when you find out things that you don't want to find out. I did this trick years ago when a guy that I was dating was only seeing me 3-4 nights. I found out that he had been seeing someone for quite some time. I confronted him on this, and he at least admitted the situation. I cut him out of my life.
Trust is absolute. Without it, there is no point in having a relationship with someone. Your gut does not lie. And if you have the "spy" in you, you are better than those that do not. Digging around is your inner-self protecting yourself from potential and hazardess situations that you do not want to be involved in --> again. I read page 1 and page 8 of this forum, and it is amazing how the guys are slamming you for "spying" and some of the women support you.
If you have done nothing wrong, have kept your nose clean, stayed out of trouble, then no one can dig up anything on you. In this day and age that we are in, it is substantially easier to find out about things than it used to be.
And with respect to my particular situation --> I dug up so much dirt on this guy that I ended up in a sinkhole! | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:45:41 AM | Having a profile up per se is not an issue. Having a visible one up that gives the impression that one is single and looking for partners, when one is not, is an issue.
In my view, the OP is being entirely reasonable in her reactions, and is showing a normal human level of insecurity that any normal person would feel (male or female) if they are in love with their partner and that partner is continuing to broadcast signals that they might still be available and looking for other partners.
That said, the OP is clearly frightened of losing her partner, as she cares about him, and so has opted to start "snooping". That is a seriously bad road to follow, and will cause problems all of its own. The only sensible way she can tackle this is by being direct, and addressing these issues to her partner, and asking him to clarify the status of their relationship from his perspective. Either he wants to be in a monogomous relationship with her (in which case he should change that profile) or he doesn't (in which case she should boot him out). Whilst I can sympathise with her situation, ultimately, if her partner is still looking to "play the field", then she will lose him anyway, and it is better she boots him out sooner rather than later. If he refuses to change it, he is basically saying "I will keep looking for other partners if I like".
Other than on the snooping issue (which is just not good at all), those people on this thread (mostly men I am sad to say) who suggest she has trust issues sound to me like they are defending the right to have one's cake and eat it, to have a close personal, emotional and sexual relationship with another person and at the same time advertise openly that they are seeking "the next one". At least, that is how the situation as described in this thread reads to me.
As I see it, this is not a "trust" issue. It certainly is not a gender-specific issue (in that this could happen from either male or female side). It is a matter of respect for the person who one is in a relationship with. | |
|
eve555
|
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 190 | |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:35:36 AM | | Hi there, I can understand how you feel, I am in the same situation. And have been told the same things as you, have to trust him but won't or can't say why. Mine is on fav list and he has been sending roses. hmmmm am not that nieve been here too many times before. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:19:45 AM | In my opinion he is not showing any respect or feelings to you.If I choose to be in a relationship with someone is because I believe having found most of the qualities I am looking for in a woman .Someone to be my best friend and lover which I always would respect,listen and care for.
Anyways ,you should set your own boundaries as far as being tolerant to certain issues .Are you happy with that?If not it all comes to communication with your partner.Good luck | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:07:57 PM |
Hi there, I can understand how you feel, I am in the same situation.
No, you understand how she felt when she asked the question two months ago, but at least you have the problem and there is a reason to revive the thread. She appears to have deleted her account. Maybe she has a new profile, but the one she used as OP is gone.
have been told the same things as you, have to trust him but won't or can't say why.
You don't have to trust him if he doesn't think it is necessary to give a reason. the main reason would be other contacts, and old friendships. I have made a lot of friends on this site, and I am not giving them up for any woman. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:48:36 PM | | Having a profile up and being in a committed relationship is a no-no. If he was serious about you, he would take it down because he wouldnt want anyone to think he is available for dates. It shows lack of concern for you and for the relationship. If he wants you to trust him then he has to act in a trustworthy way... | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/29/2008 3:45:18 PM |
Having a profile up and being in a committed relationship is a no-no. If he was serious about you, he would take it down because he wouldnt want anyone to think he is available for dates. It shows lack of concern for you and for the relationship. If he wants you to trust him then he has to act in a trustworthy way...
Oh, It's the profile up that is wrong. You will have to excuse me, I thought they wanted me to quit the site. I suppose it isn't always the other people who don't understand the problem. Chalk up another boo-boo for gottalight.
Eve555, did you see that? I just read your profile. If you want to feel a little better about yourself, and not just worry about your boyfriend who hasn't taken his profile down, you should take yours down before you throw stones at your boyfriend. Click on the "edit" link, and then look for the link to "hide" your profile. | |
|
| |
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:33:45 PM | | If i were you and your really concerned with it then just put up a fake profile. Go on the net find some pics and post them so when he looks at your profile he wont be looking for you. Even chat with him and see if he bits and dont let him know until you know if he will cheet or not. If he bits then arrange to meet him at a bar or resturant them just show up there and ask why hes there and make him sweat. then dump him. | |
|
| my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:40:15 PM | luckeeinluv,, I can't tell you what to do as almost every guy I met on here and some of them claimed to be in love with me but never removed their profiles, What does that say?they all had long term, me I always went into hiding and then removed mine.
The only ones I found did remove them was the guys a fair bit younger who I'm sure were in lust instead of love, I think as they get older they are unsure of their feelings and maybe low self esteem, It did mean I wasn't the right one,
I didn't like it , But I never questioned it as I felt they still hadn't found what they wanted and if I wasn't worth removing a profile for I wasn't worth much to them and to be honest I don't want or need a man like that in my life...
Never want to be anyones seconds.
I would have my doubts about him,, | |
|
| |
n2art
|
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 199 | |
| |
n2art
|
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 200 | |
| |
Home
login 
