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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tb1570
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 201
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
my god smileee4u, where were u & ur advice when i was half way through my last relationship??

"On the other hand, you are filled with anxiety, because there has been no reassurance or stability and the commitment necessary to calm uncertainty is not there... because he continue to post his profile.

Without the predictability that commitment provides, the relationship can make you feel intensely vulnerable, exposed and frightened.

Your fear of abandonment and rejection will be instantly stimulated. You are in psychological danger. Your self-esteem will erode more quickly, the longer you stay in this devalued relationship. He is not valuing you.

If he does not make a commitment to you soon, you are in danger of losing your self-esteem, by feeling inadequate, and a deterioration of self-respect. Better act quickly. "

indeed!!!
 Polonica
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 202
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:37:22 AM
Holy truth! But maybe not necessarily on POF looks like most of them doing that anyway. Or maybe we have to high expectations. I do not believe in finding a boyfriend on POF, good friends, people with similar interest yes, but not a boyfriend! Can someone please explain the male point of view in using a POF. Thank you.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 203
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:48:02 AM
If the person you are dating is still active on dating sites, do not become exclusive with them...keep going out with others. If he really wanted you, and you only, no one would have to tell him to close his accounts, he would just feel compelled to do it on his own.
 pitipiti
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 204
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:05:03 AM
[I asked him why he still has his POF profile still up and he says for networking, etc and changed it to "friends" although the body of the profile still reads as though he avail to go on dates.... it really bothers me. He says I have to trust him and that he is not talking to anyone....but what girl would put up with that? He has told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known" that I was also the most intelligent open minded girl he knows... so What gives, I dont know what to do... some one please tell me how to handle this... he always has 6-7 people that he is on "their" fav list???????????]

If there are no trusts this relationship it ain't going to last, come on you are an adult and the relationship is still new, if you feel like this already then you won't get very far, you need to learn to trust if you really like this guy, or another option is learn by instinct, have words with him, tell him you don't feel comfortable about him talking to other woman on the site, be truthful, if he still insist and you are not happy then this relationship is not for you, being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you become a recluse, you can't restrict someone's life and tell them who they should talk to.
 Jimmerwi42
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 205
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:15:35 PM
My take, I am big on looking at ACTIONS, talk is way to cheap. My dad used to say your actions speak so loud, I cant hear a word you say. So in my opinion if a person values you and cares they will act like it.

He knows it bugs you, but what actions did he do (and saying trust me isn't an action it is a cop out)

Nuff said

Jim
 InVictoria
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 206
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:58:17 AM
I totally agree with blueangel33.
Best.
Lydia
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 207
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:12:29 AM
he should change his status ,and write that he has a G/F,i know i have made good friends on here.
 Brains4BizNiz_Body4Sin
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 208
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:11:23 AM
If he wont bend on something as insignificant as a profile .... what happens when something of importance does , will your opinion matter ? His wants , who the hell networks on Pof ? Thats what facebook is for lol
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 209
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:21:20 AM
who the hell networks on Pof ? Thats what facebook is for lol

Yeah, why read open-minded discussions when you can just read peoples opinion without replies? Why read the editorials in a magazine if you enjoy the pictures?

Why have depth in personality when you can be shallow?
 return-to-the-sea
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 210
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 6:46:42 AM
You may not want to hear this, but him having a profile up or not is his business, not yours. If what he does isn't to your liking, by all means, let him know and if you're pulled into moving on, do so, but again, what he does is his business. I strongly suggest that you read (and do) the work of Byron Katie. You can check out her site at: www.thework.com Among other things, she talks about the dangers of trying to live another's life for them. Sooner or later, they will come to resent it and you'll have another problem on your hands. There's a reason why the expression, "Mind your own business" exists.

Good luck to you.

RTTS
 CheekyMissy
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 211
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/16/2008 5:15:16 PM
Listen to your intuition.

I myself wouldn't stay around.
 Brittany1011989
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 212
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/16/2008 6:23:17 PM
I wouldn't expect anything of it unless he's acting weird ya know because maybe he's being about networking. If, he's distant you then have to worry because I hear on this site a lot of men you date on here like to date every Jane, Mary and JoAnn on this site so, definitely be careful.
 Elanafanadana
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 213
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/16/2008 7:15:32 PM
My BF still has his profile up, but it says:

" Thanks POF !I'm happy with my new girlfriend! GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!"

And my profile says about the same (though I feel I say it in more colorful words then he. That's what comes of being the smarter of the two. LOL JK)

I once got jealous when I found out he came on here once in a while and he thought it was cute (the yutz LOL). Then I realized I come on here to do forums, too, so who cares!

If your guy won't SAY he's your guy, then he's playing around.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 214
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/16/2008 8:24:56 PM
Networking with a

body of the profile still reads as though he avail to go on dates

is networking for dates.

He has told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known" that I was also the most intelligent open minded girl he knows.

Yeah. So what? You are so open-minded that you'll let your guy openly shop for other women right under your nose. And for the flattery, you allow it.

Unlike the others, I wouldn't trust him. You've made it clear that his profile bothers you and yet he continues to have it up. It shows how little respect he has for your feelings and how little respect you have for yourself.
 Jimmy1954
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 215
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/17/2008 4:17:08 PM
I have always thought that you remove the ad when you've sold the car.
Honestly, When I find a good match my profile will reflect it.
 simplylp
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 216
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/17/2008 6:55:29 PM
Tell him if he is serious about you he needs to change it and if not you will be open on your profile to date that get to him lol
 punem264
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 217
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/26/2008 9:39:25 PM
Hi OP, I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing as you are. My friend is very distraught over this. He tells her he loves her, and wants to marry her and yet they have not been on a real date for six months. He just comes over every second day, just to spend an hour. It is her birthday coming up, it looks like I may I have take her out because her bf won't do it. I even hinted around it too, for him to make the move for her birthday. She asked him to take his profile off a month ago, she took hers off he said he would but he's never done it yet. My friend is asking if it's the same man, lol. Sometimes she feels she is just a fill in till he finds something better.
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 218
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 11:26:05 AM
There are reasons to keep an active account even if you are not single, but you can hide your profile. There are married people on the site who state that they are married on their profile and they are not looking. I actually it is quite closed minded and distrustful of your significant other to assume there is a problem with leaving the profile up. Requesting that it be hidden is not too controlling in most relationships, though some might even object to that. It is much better to ask than to demand anything.
 EaglesCry68
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 219
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 3:10:29 PM
1. Stop obsessing and checking into what he's doing! It's a waste of your time and violation of his privacy.

2. Put your profile back up and keep looking. You don't have to be intimate with other people, but you'll feel better about yourself if you don't put all of your eggs in one basket with this guy. I would date other guys and have fun.

Life is too short to obsess over men- just have fun! When you're with the right person, you'll know. I don't think he's it.


Ditto!!


Maybe stay off POF for a little while and try and have a relationship with your bf away from the online environment, if you know what I mean.


Hence the double standard with which so many breath. Why the hell should she stay offline, yet he get's to play??

If this man cared at all about her, his intuition and self worth and moral fibre would make him hide or remove his profile. Not to mention, just by hiding your profile, does NOT mean you cannot contact or; be contacted by those on your favorites list.

As time went on, from the point of the first meet, I would slowly ween my profile from POF. Spying is wrong, BUT; if something were to lead me to believe I am not capturing the amount of attention and focus I believe I/we deserve, I would certainly be checkin into things. Be it online, or through questioning.

Call me jealous, call me what you wish, I don't rightfully give a hoot!! Trust is not a given, but given with the benefit of the doubt, and when said trust is not being built upon, then it's obviously being picked apart toward the negative.

Do the math.

**OP** Follow suit, have faith in him, and go sparingly on those eggs, for the basket seems poorly woven!! (Respectfully)

Happy Holidays and God Bless.
Scott
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 220
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 4:11:34 PM
Hello??? Has anyone noticed that the OP removed her profile from POF??
*hears crickets*
 EaglesCry68
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 221
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 4:19:45 PM
Crickets????

anyone???

I hadn't noticed Miss W, thanks..Don't I feel toopid!!!
 mystery_mike
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 222
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 6:17:00 PM
I think it's pretty underhanded for someone to have a dating profile up after the 'exclusive' talk AND especially after being told it bugs their partner.

Personally I dont see the reason to leave it up at all if youre in a committed relationship (unless the text is edited or its forums only). I don't buy the people in this thread saying it's a trust issue, it might be for the specific case of the OP here...but instead I agree with the others that say it shouldnt even be an issue at all, cause if 2 people like and respect each other the whole situation would never happen in the first place.
 changes14
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 223
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 7:00:28 PM
He needs to change the dates portion in his profile...and you need to tell him that...he will do it.
Favorites...dont worry about it
Have him change his status to friends.
Before Facebook, this site was the way to communicate...after...I still have 1 friend that has no facebook. She is here and I think she is the best...a good friend.
Insecurity wont end here if you let it.
I had a GF I would never cheat on...the most amazing girl...but if she got a pizza she would accuse me of checking out the meat. I couldn't spend 8 hours away from her(I didnt want to either) without her getting suspicious even tho I worked 7:30-4 and she worked whenever. The dating profile drove her nuts...she checked if I was on daily and had her friends check too...(I did meet her on lava). I would have ended up with her but she accused me of wanting the girls on Coronation Street(in tears) one day and I realized why she was diagnosed borderline schitzophrenic and taking paxil.
Bottom line...think it over...
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 224
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 7:41:12 PM

Has anyone noticed that the OP removed her profile from POF??
*hears crickets*


I had noticed, and I was responding to a more recent poster who chose to revive the thread based on a "friend" who has a similar problem. I simply restated the clarification that I realized late; which was that you can make changes in your account or profile which should relieve most of the paranoia of an insecure person who requests your profile removal, but would not likely save you from the abusive controlling type who would make you quit the site.
 EaglesCry68
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 225
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 9:39:39 PM
Ummmm.....Has anyone bothered to check out the post on "What to do if she's obsessed with the TV"????

I reiterate, I have a Louisville Slugger for loan!!!



Sorry, guess it's time for bed....

God Bless & Happy Holidays and all.....

Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?