|
|
|
|
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/15/2008 5:39:00 AM | I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1-------- I do physical labor.
2.------- I work at great depths.
3.------- I plunge head first into everything I do.
4.------- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5.--------I work in a damp environment.
6. -------I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7.------- I work in high temperatures.
8. -------My work exposes me to diseases.
Reply: Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
Five reasons not to be a penis .
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:48:06 PM | LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
------------------
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
------------------
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
------------------
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Super$ex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supers$ex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
------------------
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
------------------
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
------------------
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a Cadillac - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
 | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:49:44 AM | WOW! Lots of good ones posted since I was here last. Keep them coming.
Laughter makes my day go better.
Top 10 Reasons Why Halloween is Better than sex
You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack
If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
The uglier you look the easier it is to get some.
You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
The person you're with doesn't have to fantasize you're someone else.
40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy
If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
Much less guilt the next morning
If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
  | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/16/2008 5:10:00 PM | Bill sent me this one this morning, just had to share!
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet,' said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.
When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow, and when he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?' | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/17/2008 2:51:49 PM | Morning Briefing
The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure?'
The X.O. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%.
The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
With out hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, Sir, it absolutely has to be 100% pleasure."
The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, Sir, began the Private First Class, "if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent! | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:24:47 PM | A Senior Moment
A self-important university student attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.
"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon.
Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars.
Computers with light-speed processing, and more."
After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows:
"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young ... so we invented them.
Now, you arrogant little turd, what are you doing for the next generation?" | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:34:42 AM | 11 "Don't-Tell-the-Husband" Secrets All Women Keep
By unknown author
1. Everything we buy for ourselves—shoes, a skirt, even just stuff from the drugstore—really costs 20 percent more than we tell you it did.Just because it's a classic sitcom plot doesn't mean it isn't true. "Sometimes I'll buy an outfit and charge half of it on our credit card and pay for the other half in cash so my husband doesn't know what I'm actually spending," admits one 32-year-old, who requested anonymity to protect her sneaky secret. Yeah, we know honesty is the best policy, hiding your spending habits is bad, blah blah blah. But sometimes we just don't want the hassle of arguing over the price of the fancy shampoo. Is that so wrong? We don't think so.
2. We actually think about sex—with you!—a lot.
Sometimes we think about it all day long. It's just that by the end of the day we're too darn tired to do anything about it. Now, if you could only catch us at lunchtime…
3. We're just as nervous about commitment as you are.True, many girls grow up dreaming of Prince Charming, the white wedding, and happily ever after. But we're human, just like you, and when it comes down to the reality of tying our life to another person's, we get scared, too. "The idea of getting married completely freaked me out at first," says my friend Lisa, 34. "I know this sounds like a guy cliché, but I saw it as giving up my independence and being tied down." The good news is, once we're hitched, we're generally pretty delighted about it. Says Lisa, "Now that I am married, having a life commitment is so comforting and wonderful. I love knowing that we are a team and that we're going to be on the same team forever."
4. We may be modern and independent, but we still want you to be "the man."
We do want you to be sensitive, caring 21st-century males, but even the most ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners woman still wants to feel taken care of by her man somehow. Whether that means you take charge in bed, know how to fix the car and kill spiders, or even just carry the big suitcase when we're on vacation—when you act all manly, even if you're 98 pounds soaking wet, it makes us feel more feminine, more safe.
"I love that my friends and family always comment on how my husband opens the door for me and does all kinds of other chivalrous things—especially when I was pregnant, when he was so protective of me and my belly," says Lorraine, 29, of New Hartford, NY. "At the end of the day, being in his strong arms is definitely a good feeling, no matter how independent I know I am."
5. Our ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.
You know how we're always telling you things like, "No one does it like you do"? Um, yeah. Well, we may have been stretching the truth just a teensy bit. But we'll never actually tell you that a past lover was a bedroom dynamo—we're smarter than that. Just know that whatever toe-curling orgasms the other guy gave us, sex with you really is a million times better—because it's you, and you're the one we really want.
6. We're scared that we'll turn into our mothers.
We love our mothers, really. We admire them, we're grateful to them, we think they're the most amazing women on the planet. We just don't want to be them. That's why one of the worst insults you can hurl at a woman is, "You're acting just like your mother."
But here's one that's even worse: "You're acting just like my mother." It sends a horrible oedipal shiver down our spines—did he marry me because I'm like his mom? Will he start expecting me to cut the crusts off his PB&J? So please, if you value your sex life, never ever compare your wife to your mother. Out loud, anyway.
7. We want you to be jealous—but just a little bit.
We want you to notice—and care!—when the waiter flirts with us, or when other guys check us out on the street. It makes us feel that we matter to you. But please don't get all Neanderthal and possessive on us. "I'm very loyal, and if my guy can't understand that I would never do anything with anyone else, then that just makes me mad," says Paulina, 22, from Brooklyn. So, to recap: Raising your eyebrows when we introduce you to our cute coworker—good. Punching him out—very, very bad.
8. Yes, we fantasize about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn't mean we want you to be them.
Christian Bale is sexy and all, but can you imagine having to clean that Batcave?
9. We tell our girlfriends more than we admit to you (but less than you fear).
Yes, we tell them about the latest marital spat, complain about our mothers-in-law, and sigh over the hobby that sucks up all your free time. But we don't tell them how big your you-know-what is or that you cried in our arms when your dad died. Some things are just too important and intimate to share. "I definitely don't tell my girlfriends details like what my husband said when he proposed, the feeling I have every time I see him look at our daughter, and the little wonderful things he does for me every day," says Lorraine. "Those are just for me."
10. We really do notice and appreciate all the chores you do.Why don't we say so often enough? Because we can't get over all the things you don't do. My husband, for example, is incredibly diligent about keeping a 6-by-10-foot carpeted patch of our apartment vacuumed and cat hair–free, and I love that. But it kills me that it never occurs to him to dust the furniture sitting on top of that piece of carpet, or to sweep the hardwood floor adjoining it.
Blame our lack of positive feedback on that stubborn female belief that there is Only One Right Way to do any given household task—our way. It's probably the real reason why men don't shoulder a greater share of housekeeping duties; we complain about how you did it wrong, so you never want to do it again. (Sounds familiar, right?) Let's make a deal: You promise to dust the lampshade (or wipe down the kitchen counter after you wash the dishes, or take out the garbage and then put a new liner in the can) once in a while, and we promise to sing your praises. Agreed?
11. We love you with all our hearts, but we still get wistful about the fact that we'll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.
I'll just come right out and say it: Most women are love addicts. And while we appreciate the depth and richness of long-time love, there is simply nothing like the giddy, fluttery, crazy feeling we get (or rather, used to get) with a brand-new guy. We know we'll never feel that high again, and there's a little part of us that will always miss it. (Why do you think we watch so many romantic comedies?) But in the end, what we get instead—you, and a lifetime of true devotion—is more than worth the price. | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:37:51 AM | THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT
CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
While walking down the street one day a US senator is
tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met
by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high
official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with
you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher
up. What we'll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in heaven. Then you can
choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to
be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, b ut we have our rules."
And with that,
St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself
in the middle of a green golf course. In
the distance is a clubhouse
and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy
and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
shake his hand, and reminisce
about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then
dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very
friendly guy who has a good time dancing and
telling jokes. They are having such a good
time that before he realizes it, it is time to go..
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell
and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the
door reopens on heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud
to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They
have a good time and, before he realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell
and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he
answers: "Well, I would never have said it
before, I mean heaven has been delightful,
but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and
he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black
bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulder. "I don't understand,"
stammers the senator.
"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster
and caviar, drank champagne, and danced
and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends
looking miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning......
Today you voted."
 | |
|
| |
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:42:09 AM | In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it
has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we
can no longer call this a soft drink,and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
| |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/20/2008 3:58:27 PM | Jim (Dufus) sent this one and I just had to beat him posting it!
The Back Pew
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation
and asked for a raise.?
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's
family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to
get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to
discuss the preacher' s expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the
clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more
it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair
and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts
as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation.
I n the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said
in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too
much of it, we wear rubbers.'
The entire congregation said, 'Amen.' | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/22/2008 4:07:05 PM | Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work,
But I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.' | |
|
| Some chuckles.....:-)
Posted: 10/24/2008 5:58:16 AM | THE CABBIE AND THE NUN
The Cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, ‘Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'
HAPPY HALLOWEEN 
You all watch out at the POF HALLOWEEN EVENTS.    | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/24/2008 11:39:45 AM | | one night a husband says to his wife. tell me something that will make me very happy and sad at the same time. with out looking at him she said well your penis is bigger than all your friends. | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:42:41 PM | DRUNK IN THE BATHROOM
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes
later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few
minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is
screaming. 'What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring
the customers!
''I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles.
'With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says. --------
You idiot! .....You're sitting on the mop bucket!
  | |
|
| |
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/24/2008 4:52:57 PM | | thanks to all posting some very funny stuff had tears in my eye's from laughing tonight. some of you lady's need to get your minds out of the gutter and and put them in the sewer with mine. | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:13:57 PM | 'Wooden Leg Insurance'
A man and his wife, moved back home to Newfoundland , from Ontario . The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Ontario was $2000.00 a year! When they arrived in Newfoundland , they went to an insurance agency, to see how much it would cost to insure. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Ontario ! The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen,it says: *Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.* | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/25/2008 7:58:01 AM | Good one Tater Thanks to all who post here and give me smiles and chuckles.
How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink."
and the clerk replies, 'Go ahead'. | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:07:45 PM | A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP…BUMP...BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...FASTER...
BUMP...BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping on his heels, the terrified man runs.
clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
(hopefully you're ready for this)
The coffin stops
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
  | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:03:50 AM | Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to
know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom
broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over
and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little
whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Sounds to me like she's been .... sweeping around!!! | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/29/2008 2:35:12 PM | Another good blonde joke.......
Blonde helicopter pilot
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.
So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.
As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.
"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 10/29/2008 3:26:24 PM | That is a big fan on top of those helicopters.
THE FOLLOWING IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT BUT NO OFFENCE INTENDED.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in
Laramie, Wyoming while awaiting their respective flights.
One is an American Indian passing through from Riverton. Another is a
Montana cowboy on his way to Cheyenne for a livestock show & the third
passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at the
University of Wyoming from the Middle East .
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two
Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the
conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table
and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.
The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is
flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At
one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few.'
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people
were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from
the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl, 'That's 'cause
we ain't played 'Cowboys and Muslims' yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.... | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 11/1/2008 5:14:40 PM | A Sense of Freshness...
A new supermarket opened in Topeka, KS. It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on,
you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you
experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh
baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
YOUR FRIEND Jack | |
|
| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 11/2/2008 6:59:15 AM | Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years.
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it?', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.' | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
