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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:06:02 AM | I was having trouble with my computer so I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.' Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the " little shit ". | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:38:46 PM | A young woman was pulled over in Morgantown , WV for speeding. As the WV State Trooper walked to her car window, he was flipping open his ticket book.
She said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the West Virginia State Police Ball.'
He replied, ' WV State Troopers don't have balls.'
There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:52:12 PM | The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by
saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
'What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the
word 'bathroom' at the dinner table.'
'And you, little Johnny, can you us e your brain for once and show us your
good manners?'
'I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands
with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted... | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:34:32 PM | To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown Savannah
Reply to: pers- XXXXXXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the home less guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
- Alex | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:55:47 AM | From a female friend...
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:27:32 PM | ENLIGHTENED!
I became confused when I heard these terms with reference to the word 'Service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
State, City & County Public 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!!; It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
I hope you are as enlightened as I am. | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:56:29 AM | On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:58:04 AM | Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly-----wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem .
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these! | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/17/2009 3:41:13 PM | That is a good one Bill...
An old couple, who had been friends for years, whose respective spouses had died, would carry on the tradition of having dinner once a week. Finally, the man gets up his courage and asks her to marry him. She said YES, I thought you would never ask. They had a pleasant day and retired to there respective homes. The man went to bed and couldn't sleep, thinking of the days to come. When he awoke in the morning, he could remember asking her, but could not remember her answer. He paced the floor, he didn't want to call her and expose himself as an idiot. Finally he had to call. She answered the phone and he explained the situation and asked her what was you answer. She said emphatically YES, and I'm so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me. | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:39:52 PM | Bear Remover
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog." | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/25/2009 10:16:56 AM | This is what marriage is really all about . . . . ...
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you're waiting for?'
She answered . . . . ..
(This is great)
**********
'THE TEETH.' | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:48:23 PM | A blonde city girl marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to the fields, the rancher says to her,'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.
I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
The wife takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him,'This is the one, right here.'
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, 'Tell me, lady,'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?'
'That's simple. By the nail over its stall,' she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'
She turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile) | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/2/2009 6:02:31 PM | My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?
and that's when the fight started ....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Shit. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long!
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started... | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:27:02 PM | GOTTA PEE
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
"From all of us at the Sheriffs Department, We'll never forget you.''
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/5/2009 6:55:21 PM | ...too funny!
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ...you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a
couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's
when you realize, you have been listening to your Ipod.
Laughter is an instant vacation~
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/9/2009 10:50:05 AM | Dr. Boudreaux
A doctor in Louisiana wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant. "Boudreaux, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic,' he says. 'I want you to take care of the clinic and
all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Boudreaux.
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks,
'So, Boudreaux, how was your day?'
Boudreaux tells him that he took care of three patients 'The
first one had a headache, so I give him da Tylenol.'
'Bravo, Boudreaux, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomac h burning and I gave da Maalox, says Boudreaux.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third
one?'
'Sir, I was sittin here and all of a sudden da door opens and
a woman comes a runnin into da room. Quick as a wink she tears her clothes off, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and and she laid down on da table. She spreads her Legs and shouts, 'Help
me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!'
'Thunderin' heavens, Boudreaux, what did you do?'
........... 'I put drops in her eyes.'
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/9/2009 4:12:11 PM | A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us
have sexu al intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexu al advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges th em $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens sever al weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Fin al ly, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything...
She's married; so we can't go to her house.
I'm married; and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.
SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT.....
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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/10/2009 5:52:07 PM | A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper,' an ice cream parlor in Naples, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "hemorrhoids."
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/12/2009 10:13:32 PM | Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said.
'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/16/2009 4:48:51 PM | LINES for your Valentine
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7.. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING???
--- .
god bless..linda
---
Live in my own little world.
But it's
OK...
They know me here!
Brad | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/18/2009 5:18:48 AM | Praise the Lord
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, 'I have a praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors
didn't know if they could help him.'
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should heal completely.' All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium. He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.'
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:13:35 PM | very funny!
-30-
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo chip. Someone stole tent."
Live in my own little world.
But it's
OK...
They know me here!
Brad | |
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:05:40 PM | Post Office Job Interview
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you five extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
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| Central Arkansas's Best Humor
Posted: 2/19/2009 7:55:41 AM | A couple in their nineties are having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '
'I'd also like whipped cream. > I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
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