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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:05:43 PM |
I know women who work fulltime (there aren't very many parents who stay home with the children these days), come home and do the majority of the childcare, cooking, housekeeping and yard work. The man does a smaller portion on those same duties even though he works the same hours and the rest of his time is spent on entertainment, relaxation and criticizing his spouse. If they were sharing those duties equally, and she had the same amount of free time that he does, I'm sure that maintaining her body would receive a larger commitment.
I love the way that the "sisterhood" twists every topic, so that men are at fault, no matter what. It's really comical. If a woman cheats, it's the man's fault, for not being more attentive. If she's a drunk, that would be the man's fault, for not being "sensitive" to her needs. If she puts on 100#, now, it's the guy, who it is assumed isn't doing his share of the housework.
In my particular case, she was a "stay at home mom", who didn't work outside the home. I did the cooking, though, because she couldn't cook. I also did the yard work, took care of the cars, and, generally, when I was home did virtually all the child care.
What it was, simply, is that she took in more calories than she used. Even in trying simple things, like buying Diet Mountain Dew, hoping to replace the 10 Mt. Dew's a day she drank, at 125 calories each, would make the difference. She refused. That simple step would have reduced her intake by 1250 calories a day, 3 1/2 # of body weight a week.
Truth is, the vast majority of heavy people of heavy people, are heavy, due to poor eating and exercising habits. It's not someone else's fault. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:50:50 PM | | ^^^Just out of curiosity, is she still fat? Now that you are no longer together? Some people who are unhappy get depressed and gain weight. Doesn't mean the unhappiness is someone else's fault; we are, in the end, responsible for our own happiness, but I was just wondering. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:24:48 AM | Renaissance man and alooha, I love how posters twist everyone's words so they can simply find something, anything, to **** and complain about rather than just listening and accepting someone else's opinions. It's a sign of a pathetic, petty personality.
Truth is, the vast majority of heavy people of heavy people, are heavy, due to poor eating and exercising habits. It's not someone else's fault.
I actually agree with that for the most part--we have become a very lazy society. Just look at the number of people who push the "door open" button for the people who have disabilities, so they don't have to actually open the door with their own hand/arm muscles.
What I'm saying is that many things in life, including homelife and the partnership of duties with your significant other, can play a part in why some women (and maybe some men, too) don't look after themselves as they should. I also agree with Ismene about depression. I know that's fact because it happened to me last year, I was with a man who was constantly criticizing me, negative about everything and absolutely refused to do any physical activities. I gained three sizes (not the best for a woman who weighs 80 lbs normally). We split up, my selfesteem has come back to mostly normal, I went on a diet, and I now am a size 2 again.
As for your speech alooha that a person should merely cut back on their caloric intake, to hell with you! I have never been a pig, we don't even keep pop and junk food in our home on a regular basis--we only purchase if we're having a mom/daughter movie night or she's havign a sleepover. We eat normal meals with meat, vegetables an a potatoe, we don't eat dessert on a regular basis and have fruit and fresh vegetables as a snack. So anyone who thinks I should starve so that I can maintain that size 2 can go **** themselves! Especially when my so-called significant other (who was diabetic, no less) sat stuffing his face in front of the tv every evening.\
Also, it's proven that eating less doesn't help you lose weight unless you also exercise. Your body adapts to the number of calories you are taking in every day and stabilizes the metabolism to suit that number of calories. I know that because I watched what I ate, went to the gym every day, took pilates and belly dancing once a week and still gained weight. I had to actually go on a diet that allows me to eat as much as I want of specific foods I have selected at 4 meals every day, but shifts the type of calories that are taken in each day.
Nutt | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:52:38 AM | A prenup based on "maintaining physique - is quite reasonable.
I'd never sign it...
You may have seen a lot of women "let themselves go" but I have seen a lot more men who have also....
Maybe a prenup should include maintaining hair colour also...
Women dye their hair to keep the grey from showing, are you willing to do the same...?
You do realise, that, as a man, you have much greater risk of having an accident that might make you unable to maintain that "physique"...
I once had an accident, I was bedridden for weeks... gained over 60lbs by the time I could excercise again....
As you get older, your metabolism slows, meaning it's easier to gain weight... are you sure you're not comitting yourself to a deal YOU may not want later on...?
Then, again, your wife could get rid of you by cooking fattier foods for you... Going to do all your own cooking now too, just to make sure you stay slim?
Seriously though, when a woman gets into an accident and becomes disfigured, most men leave the marriage
Actually no, most "boys" will leave the marriage. Men stay in there for the course...
Finally, as you get older, you get that extra weight that most men get...
In truth, the last few women that I have gone out with, are proably in much better shape than I am.... and I consider myself to be fairly fit... | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:53:39 AM |
Just out of curiosity, is she still fat? Now[ that you are no longer together? .
She lost a little, at first, but is still "heavy".
For the record, I didn't "harrangue" her. It came up, now and then, but she knew it's why we weren't having sex, and why, after awhile, I started sleeping in the spare room. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:54:24 AM |
I did the cooking, though, because she couldn't cook.
That was YOUR fault.
If I was dating a woman that didn't know how to cook, then I took the time to teach her... Anyone can learn how to cook. Maybe not a gourmet chef, but certainly enough to cook a few meals...
Yeesh.... | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:06:55 AM | I think you will run into a policy issue as far as weight is concerned. While pre-nuptial agreements are a great idea and I tell any and all clients they need one, your specific clause is NOT enforceable in any way, shape or form. Consider a potential wife putting a clause in a per-nuptial that are not allowed to lose your hair, change jobs, need viagra or otherwise...
ER | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 333 | |
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:11:16 AM | Aw, Gapeman! Sorry I didn't respond earlier; just "leaped" back into reading this thread. Wow, and thank you VERY much! OT for one second: I remember the first time I heard the term "MILF". I thought, "What the heck is that???" Google to the rescue...whoa.
So, can I be a MILF anyway without the benefit of having had kids? 
Back on topic: For the record, I don't believe in prenups -- although if you are contemplating marriage at an older age, it's a good idea to get some financial details pinned down before you make that commitment. And, I also know that men and women both have certain "metabolisms" that are purely physical. I was one of those really obnoxious people who had a high metabolic rate for my first 40 years. I could quite literally eat just about anything, at any time of the day or night, and wouldn't gain weight. I had a skinny bod and no curves.
When 40 hit, the metabolic rate slowed WAY down. It wasn't good because I had never learned how to manage weight, and the pounds added up slowly but inevitably. At least now I know the importance of moderation, yoga and walking, and tons of water and unsweetened iced tea. I hardly ever drink regular soda, and I'm leery of artificial sweeteners (might be OK, but I have too much history of cancer in my family.)
As noted, if I am fortunate enough still to meet someone for a LTR, I'm not looking for Mr. Universe. I would very much welcome someone who is also conscious of healthy eating and moderate exercise.
Besides, we could have so much fun exercising together... And now, back to working on my Gothic Vampira Halloween costume! | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:57:48 PM | Hey zeeba,
sweeteners: try Steevia. It is totally natural, doesn't contain any calories. My parents grew it in our greenhouse. It is sweet but without aftertaste like splenda has. The literature I've read says that it is actually beneficial to our bodies. It can be purchased anywhere, even Walmart as a powder or liquid.
There are recipes available online and actual steevia recipe books. I haven't enjoyed the baking as much--my attempts don't produce the same fluffy textured muffins and cakes as those made with sugar. But I use the liquid in my iced tea. A little drop will do the whole jug!
Nutt | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:24:50 PM | this was probably answered, but too many pages.
Prenups are for deciding how to separate stuff on breakdown.
You don't need a reason for a divorce.
If you want to put in a clause that says she can get an extra $$$ payment when you divorce if she is under X lbs, go ahead, but it will at best motivate her to get thin and divorce you for spite, if necessary.
If you want to include it, it has to be a VERY generous prenup. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:57:52 PM | I haven't read much of this blog yet, and, I will. And, when I do, I am sure I will revise some of what I am saying now.
But, just off the top of my head, first.....I am not getting married, not in the conventional sense. I do NOT like the govt. getting involved in my personal affairs, I try to keep that to a limit and marriage is an institution, one in which govt. is very much involved.......so, no thank you.
A committment can be made without all that, and since there are laws that mandate this....common law marriages, it would behoove anyone who is worried about the safety of personal assets prior to marriage should most definitely get a pre-nup.
About this prenup concerning weight, it is understandable but not realistic. I don't think you can get this held up in a court of law....but, anything is possible.
I want a physical attraction....AND, I want someone who cares about themselves enough to keep "relatively" in shape. Its not just the physical aspect it is the mental/emotional aspect. If a person can't make it to the gym 3 times a week, then they just really don't care and that kind of person is NOT for me.
Is it selfish, self centered.......yes!!!! But, so is any love realationship. As my philosophy teacher says there is no such thing as unconditional love between a man and a woman. We all have conditions (loyalty, fidelity, etc), so why is wanting someone who has the integrity to keep themselves in shape such a bad thing???
I was overweight my WHOLE life from 14 to 31 years old.......I NEVER had women......NEVER!!!!! So, its not just the men ladies.....lol....
Anyways......at 310 pounds I decided to do something about it......so I reversed years of bad habits: (laziness, being a couch potato, eating crappy foods, MAKING EXCUSES for not going to the gym, etc) and I CHANGED THEM!!!!
I work out a MINIMUM of 3 days per week, and I run my own business, go to school and often have other outside personal matters to address and I make it to the gym, eat right, and STAY IN SHAPE.......
I now weigh 215 pounds and I have muscles...........YAY!!!!!!
I am by NO MEANS totally in shape, but, I am in good shape. On top of being as busy as I am I have a herniated, degenerative disk in my back that hurts ALL THE TIME, and I STILL go to the gym, because it is IMPORTANT to ME.
Therefore, I value and only want people in my life who have this same value, AND, who will keep it.
OH, and for the lady who said, "well, what if you can not get it up?" Well, here is how I look at it, either I get that fixed or I allow my lady to have one male mistress......THATS how I would do it. Because I totally understand!!!!! TO ME, that is called love......
Anyway, that's my noise for now.............I hope we all find what we are looking for. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:29:19 PM |
Okay, but there's got to be a clause about balding in there for the guy then. I want an annual hair count!
It's unfortunate but true that men can not change their behavior to avoid going bald. Going bald is pre-determined by their genetics. However, weight gain is determined by actions that can be avoided. If the man or woman is the appropriate weight while dating, they are acting in a way that determines that they are of appropriate weight. To change those actions and habits after marriage is to disrespect the partner.
Personally, I watch my weight for my own self respect. I've been watching my weight for so long that it has become a habitual action and now, very little effort is required. I currently weigh about 20 pounds less than I did in high school almost 40 years ago and am within 6 or 7 pounds of my ideal weight. I have no intention to change that when I get married. If I gain 50 pounds after marriage, I will not be the man my wife married. Why should she remain married to a man who is not the man she married?
I find obesity unappealing. I find morbid obesity repulsive. Sorry but those are just my values. If a person can avoid this, they should if they want my affections. Unfortunately, men can not avoid going bald. It is written into their destiny at birth and nothing they can do will prevent it. People can avoid obesity. It is all in their control. If they avoided it before marriage, they can avoid it after marriage.
I watch my weight partly because I know that I will be able to attract a better class of women than if I am 50 or 100 pounds overweight. If I do attract one of these women and marry her and gain 50 or 100 pounds, what is that saying about my committment to her. I would say "Not much."
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:58:44 PM |
It's reasonable if you're multi-millionaire with a trophy wife that you are buying.
Well you see, that is often not the case. Sometimes, it is just regular guys like me who have carefully watched their money and marry regular women.
I have never earned great amounts of money although I have had a good income. Instead of spending that money on frivilous things, I saved it and invested it and over the years, it has mounted up. To the contrary, almost without exception, the women I have dated have squandered their money on designer clothing, new cars, expensive restaurants and the like and as a result, almost without exception, they don't have two nickels to rub together and several of them have been deeply in debt. Should I insist on a pre-nup? I think so.
My ex had more education than I did and thus, had at least comparable earning prospects. However, she had no ambition and took low paying jobs and was nothing more than a memory in her office after 5 PM. I worked hard and worked long and as a result, earned about 4 times as much as she did. For my efforts, in the divorce, I was relieved of the fruits of my efforts and labor. She was driving a brand new expensive sports car and living the life of Riley. I was struggling to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Before you jump to conclusions, no, there were no children.
Regular guys have to protect themselves too. It's not just the millionaires. I am close to retirement age and I have my retirement financially covered. It is not my responsibility to cover the retirement of someone who has not been responsible unless I choose to. If I do indeed remarry, there will be a pre-nup.
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:06:49 PM |
There are a very few people who have uncontrollable weight issues. The rest of us just have self control issues. I am completely amazed at how people will idle along without concern for their attractiveness to the opposite sex until they find themselves divorced. Suddenly, there is all the time, energy, money and discipline to get presentable and marketable again. Wardrobe changes, activities change, social interactions change, exercise and diet change, and soon they find themselves back into a stable relationship, its back to the good old ways.
Yup, yup, yup! My ex lost almost 60 pounds in the 3 months during the separation before the divorce. She was definitely getting herself marketable again. It's been almost 30 years and she's still keeping herself in marketable condition as she has not remarried. Why didn't she do that while we were still married? Obviously, she just didn't care.
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:07:25 PM |
Now what a guy can do is date women who share his passion for exercising and meet them at the gym, on a fun run or marathon.
Nope, the ex ran every day (weather permitting) and came home and replaced all the calories she had burned off and then some. She was putting on about 20 pounds a year.
If he gets serious about her, then he should meet her mother. That will give him an idea of what his woman will look like in 20 or 30 years.
Nope again. Her mom was very slender and her father and sister were too. There was no one anywhere in the family that showed the weight gain she did.
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:10:13 PM | | I think that anyone that grows a zit ...even if it is not on their feeble parts should be exterminated..... and anyone that ends up in a car accident we should just run them over and put them out of their misery... Gapeman are you alright in the head cause if you are not you are due for a car accident covered in zits... | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:26:26 PM |
also, there is the rule..look at their mother..and possibly grandmother to see if they have the 'fat gene'. I have found that by looking at the parents that will give you a good indication on whats to follow for at least the next 20-25 years.
That is not reliable. Everybody in my family weighed(s) in excess of 250 lbs except me. I'm 6'0" and weigh 176 lbs. and have weighed in that range all my adult life. If you looked at my family, you'd assume I would "blossom" to around 250 or 300 lbs. At my age, I don't think it's going to happen.
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:01:13 AM | That's totally unrealistic and I highly doubt any lawyer drawing up a prenuptual agreement would consent to such a clause being in the agreement. Why are you wanting this clause, anyway? If you don't trust the person you are marrying, why marry him/her?
Judith | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:40:41 AM | This thread is incredibly stupid! Sometimes weight IS genetic! Sometimes its medications, or illness! I can't believe how superficial some people are here...its for better or for worse...if you didn't really mean it don't marry the girl. I have always been fit but the best marriages I have experienced among my friends...these petty things were never an issue! I feel sorry for anyone who measures a person from the outside in....because in the end all they will get is someone superficial just like them..and very empty inside. Some of you remind me of shallow Hals friend with the tail....Gawd..grow up! | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:20:34 AM | No. Weight is not "genetic". Rate of metabolism can be strongly influenced by genetic factors; but weight gain is solely determined by the ratio of calories consumed to calories expended. Period.
All people should be treated well and with dignity regardless of their health status or appearance. However, when choosing to invest one's life and resources in a mate, or to stay with a current mate, you had better believe that things like weight-gain and overall health are (and should be) strong considerations.
We've spent too many years pretending that obesity and overweight are lifestyle choices instead of health risks. Obesity and overweight are health risks, pure and simple. A prenuptial agreement addressing this issue would be impractical and probably unenforceable. However, it is entirely reasonable for EITHER partner in a relationship to insist that weight-maintenance should be an essential criterion for the continuance of that relationship. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:40:19 AM | | I think being that a woman spends a good portion of her paycheck to be the arm jewelry for the guy he should do the same for himself also to turn other women’s heads and say what is she doing to get a guy like that. Oh and again thank you women for that. And yes should stay healthy for your partner for more than 1 reason. | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:59:46 AM | Hmmm..eyerolling here.....^^^^^
For each individual, body weight is the result of a combination of GENETIC, metabolic, behavioral, environmental, cultural, and socioeconomic influences. IT IS one of the factors in obesity according to the surgeon general. Again it depends on the person's, genetics, metabolism, health, diseases, handicaps, CHILDBIRTH, they factor into it strongly! PERIOD! It is NOT solely determined by the ratio of calories consumed/expended. ( maybe in a stepford person..oops healthy individual). Nothing is all or nothing including obesity. I believe I said "sometimes" its genetic, medications ect.
On topic: A prenup for this is absolutely stupid...unless you can guarantee nothing will ever change on you including temperment during the duration of marriage. If you can leave someone for something so trivial, you have no business getting married in the first place.
PS. Haywire..
Don't forget he has to maintain an erection like a 20 year old.......gawd..... | |
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| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:01:55 AM | Directly referencing the OP, it is true that many married people change after the ceremony. Now putting maintaining physique can be reasonable to some people, but one never knows what is in the cards healthwise for the future. I have noticed on this site that some men are looking for a woman who resembles "Barbie" while they sure in hell dont come anywhere near what "Ken" looks like. So what is that old saying - people in glass houses should not throw stones!
Its a known fact that 90% of the women gain weight after childbirth - so if you marry a size 2 and want her to reamin that way - the man should not expect or want her to have children. Now if this same woman is single, living alone and working full time, in a marriage - then the man would need to provide "monitary concessions" for her to exchange her present career time or spare time - into spending time with him, as she may not have any additional time for him if she is to maintain her physical shape and care for him, if she works out at the gym 5-7 days a week to maintain her perfect figure. Can the man provide and continue to provide "healthy food choices" for her once they are married as everyone knows good eating is expensive - remember groceries cost more for 2 people. Now what about the additional time required to do housework, laundry, shopping and all other things that are increased when 2 live together? Many men expect women to do most if not all of these things, while the woman still maintains all her present responsibilities? When a woman gets married, do new hours appear on the clock on the stove she is chained to when she is expected to do all the cooking? When she does not feel like cooking, will he cook or take her out for dinner? It seems many men do not think, and have no regard for the ladys time, but have expectations of mutual needs being done, while they maintain their single lifestyle and are not willing to do more.
My above comments are tongue in cheek, meant as humor, but there is truth in it. I'm not a man hater and find it difficult connecting with the small number of men out there who are in touch with reality and dont have their heads shoved up the a$$ while they are looking for a mate. Its all about personal preferences and connecting with the right someone.
I would sign a pre-nup about maintaining a look, provided the man would also. If a man expects me to look the way I present myself and he presents himself as a man with a nice head of hair, strong, fit muscules, who is active and very well mannered to turn into a balding, beer bellied, farting, belching couch potato machine who will not pick up after himself......oh yea, I would sign......where is that dotted line! | |
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