| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:29:56 PM | | Novy 28 - I disagree. I have been married twice and have kids from my 2nd marriage. I have watched people get married and their kids from a previous marriage get nothing. If one has a business before getting remairried has a right to leave those assets to previous children. I have assets that I want my kids to have on my death. A pre nup protects this and keeps the gold diggers away. If I find someone I care enough to get married to, I have no problem signing a pre nup for each of our possessions prior to marriage. I dont think signing a pre nup is a sign that you do not love the person, its protection in the event things dont work out. I believe people get married to live the fairy tale, but if people change and things dont remain good, at least you are protected. Based on your comment, would that mean that anyone who buys fire insurance on their house is doing so because they want their house to burn down? | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:12:09 PM |
If you can leave someone for something so trivial, you have no business getting married in the first place.
Weight gain of 10 - 20 pounds over a few decades is trivial. Weight gain of over 100 pounds during the course of a marriage is not trivial. It's a major problem. The OP was trying to come up with a way to minimize the risk that a partner would let herself go like that. A prenup is an unworkable solution. However, barring discovery of a serious, diagnosable medical condition, none of us can blame a person who gets rid of a spouse who puts on 100+ pounds!!! | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:00:32 AM |
O.P
I can't believe that If you Love someone that you would even concider including something like health or weight. If you are happy and in your mariage for the long haul then most people will maintain health and a healthy life style. If you interject the stress that if one should gain weight, especially for women who bare children and usually gain weight, wil feel threatened that their marriage will be over before even having children......no pressure....What about all the middle aged men with bellies hanging over their belt buckels? G-d forbid you should find yourself in that position and your health goes...... I guess Love also goes right out the window......Don't be so negative and shallow
| |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:36:20 AM |  its a major problem for you spit! Don't be so angry..we are all entitled to our own opinion. You are a male and for the most part can't quite understand the changes a woman's body goes through during/after childbirth ect. Men don't ever have their bodies fluctuating like that unless it is a caloric intake/kinesic output. Women are not allowed to diet during pregnancy. They are also limited to how much exercise and heart rate raising activities during gestation. This can and does effect the babies oxygen levels. Some women need to gain weight just to get pregnant. Underweight women can have troubles getting pregnant. During this time if they starve themselves they are starving their babies of healthy nutrients. The healthy weights doctors are asking women to put on during pregnancy is 35-40 lbs. As long as a woman eats good things, its relatively easier to take off AFTER they are done breast feeding, which requires women again to eat a lot of specific things so the baby gets what it needs via breast milk. I can't believe one would leave their spouse after giving them such a gift, because of a few pounds. Next they will have expectations of the amount of time you have to take off the weight after childbirth. Men can have the fun making babies but can't comprehend the incredible gift that women get to experience giving them children. This includes the discomfort of labor,their bodies bulging out of form, and feeding and nurturing the child after they have gone through such a change. Because you haven't experienced this spit...I can see why your view is narrow. Men aren't suppose to know these things as they are just spectators in what happens to a woman's body. Some men love the pregnant form and are turned on by it. I am sorry you just can't get beyond the superficial. You are really missing the boat on this one. You are entitled to your own opinion...but most don't buy into your way of thinking. This is just one big way women's physique changes...add a health issue or a metabolic condition..and its unreasonable to ask for such an expectation. I can think of quite a few things we could expect of men but then they would have some sort of excuse not to do it.
 | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:14:51 PM | I also wanted to throw this in... for that matter you would want to include,things like if you lose your hair, teeth, get wrinkles., menopause.......prenups are for finances, not
not a warrranty. Marry someone who has the same Ideals as you and these things won't be an issue... If someone asked me to marry then said hey by the way if you get older I'm gonna divorce you.......you can guess what the answer would be. | |
|
| |
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:40:28 AM | | My dear, this is a form of abuse.... and not a marriage that would be based on unconditional love and devotion. You know "for better or for worse." I believe this would be laughed out of court if you dare imply such a clause. And she would be stupid to sign it... | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:16:10 AM | gee, Gapeman ... I can appreciate your honesty about your shallowness and lack of understanding about effects on a woman's body over time (especially through childbirth) .... but it makes me wonder ... Why would you ever want to get married in the first place??
Honestly, if your future wife gained 40 -80 lbs you would divorce her ... boot her to the curb (with no money cause you covered that in the prenup as well)??
My only hope for you is that you find someone who thinks just like you ... and includes in the prenup that you too must not gain weight, go bald, lose stamina, or ever have problems "getting it up".
So much for "love"... honor ... for better or worse.... | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 9:48:49 AM | I think I've heard it all now on here. My advice would be don't ever get married. You attitude towards it is all about looks. Where is the rest of the things a relationship needs in order to be successful?
Can you actually sign a document that says cancer or other life threatening illnesses (which can happen to even the healthiest of people) won't happen? Can you say you won't get in a car wreck which causes disfiguring or permanent paralysis won't happen? Come on, life is life and there are no guarantees.
Oh, BTW - I've seen as many men let themselves go too! | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 10:12:46 AM | It's sure good to know that if the guys out there balloon up to 300lbs of goo, stop bathing, learn to love eating bulbs of garlic for snacks, walk around in their underwear all day with the remote in hand, that all these DEEEEEeeeep, loving and understanding women are gonna stick it out, "For better or for worse."
Such heartening news.....
 | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 4:33:04 PM | I can't believe this thread is stttttiiiillll going. Prenuptial for honest to goodness material things doesn't work, so this is so much crap.
Someone mentioned putting on weight when we are pregnant, I think I put on like 60 lbs. for my 3rd child. I was huge. My one doctor was a jerk and told me about not being able to loose it after pregnancy. He no longer works for that OB/GYN group. With exercise and breast feeding it came off. I do think it is important to exercise and be healthy.
I see just as many overweight men as women. It seems like there are too many people that claim a few extra pounds that are really over 20lbs, ok maybe 50lbs overweight. Yes there are those that have medical problems and if they are married, I hope their spouse is understanding. Those that are depressed because of having a bad marriage etc., that is a medical problem too. But if you think it is just because you are older, no excuse in my book for anyone.
I still have a horrible picture in my head of the last guy I was in a relationship with, I tried to overlook his weight and help him to loose it. He just didn't bother to exercise. He wouldn't take the time. He said he liked to run around his house naked...what a horrible picture that was. You know the picture of the man in front of the computer with the joke about it being the woman you are really emailing, yeah, that is what went through my mind and still does...yuck. | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 5:45:39 PM | I always wonder why some women tend to keep their figures and maintain their health but their male partners just let themselves go. IMO, it is an exception that the male partner is able to keep his physique while the woman grows her flabs. And that's my observation. Women tend to try to improve themselves for their partners because society seems to put the blame on their looks when a relationship breaks down.
If there is a prenuptial agreement, which I think is preposterous, it should apply to both.    | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:06:07 PM | Wow... I can't believe anyone would even think of something like this.
Heart meds can make a person gain weight. Thyroid issues can make someone to gain. Steroids and more can make a person gain. Someone who is feeling neglected by her significant other can turn to food for comfort.
Instead, maybe she should have it in HER prenup that you'll pay for her plastic surgery (lipo, tummy tuck, breast lift, etc), personal trainer and chef to keep her the way you want her. LOL Oh, and hopefully she'll request you don't develop a midlife paunch, go bald, gray, or share all your lovely bodily functions with her. Grounds for divorce?
Hogwash! Seriously, if your love for someone is dependant on how they look... to me... that is not love at all. You love a person... mind, body and soul. And, you have to expect changes over time. Hopefully you love them "warts and all."
If you're expecting longterm perfection.... your expectations are extremely skewed.
Sharzi | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:06:17 PM | OP
how would a relationship in which the basis of breaking it off with minimal financial loss is something as superficial as physique facilitate a longer more fulfilling marriage?
the best you could do is try to stay in shape yourself, and hope that your partner follows suit.
But by the time you are ready to wed, I would hope that it wouldn't matter if the person's physique wanned, I mean, what would you do if there was an accident that paralyzed your wife? would you leave her? What about a sickness where the treatment was steroids and she gained a bunch of weight for that? would you leave her? I mean in the prenup' you would be entitled to....
if you would leave her, you were undeserving of her from the moment she said "I love you." | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:20:14 PM |
I always wonder why some women tend to keep their figures and maintain their health but their male partners just let themselves go. IMO, it is an exception that the male partner is able to keep his physique while the woman grows her flabs. And that's my observation. Women tend to try to improve themselves for their partners because society seems to put the blame on their looks when a relationship breaks down.
Hogwash! Seriously, if your love for someone is dependant on how they look... to me... that is not love at all. You love a person... mind, body and soul. And, you have to expect changes over time. Hopefully you love them "warts and all."
Well, two more supporting guys letting themselves go as much as they want and the women still loving them.
It's all good, guys. Grab the remote, a massive bag o' chips and have at 'er.
I, for one, LOVE that women are so understanding. I'd still get a pre-nup, but I'm glad women are so deep.
| |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:27:33 PM | I don't know that i'd go as far as a pre nup, but my partner would be very aware that i find fat unattractive, and if he chose to go down that path then he should expect that my attraction to him could diminish...... ( With the associated disinterest in sharing his body). Even if you have an illness, you can still control what you eat, and eat the things least likely to cause you to put on weight.. Most people will gain weight as they age, but suddenly not looking after your weight anymore because you have hooked your fish???? I'd find it hard to stay attracted to someone with that mentality..
To the women who make excuses about childbirth causing them to put on weight... HELLO!!! It's not childbirth that makes you fat after you've had your baby, it's what you put into your mouth during pregnancy that makes you fat.. There are plenty of women around with kids who still are trim and fit, just takes a bit of effort, And before someone says they don't have time, i work approx 50 hours a week and still manage to get to the gym or go for a run several times a week.. I hate freakin excuses... If i get fat there is only one person to blame.... ME | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:48:25 PM | Rasonage, Msg. #364, you said it perfectly. A sickness where a person takes steriods is hard. The weight gain is not based on how much you eat or don't eat. It just happens and happens in a short period of time. Losing the weight after this is hard too because it is not from over eating, it is stored and processed in your body differently so it takes twice the effort to lose. How do I know this...
I had a scare with cancer, four surgeries in 27 months and took unbelievable drugs which I still can't spell and pronounce, but the one thing that hurt the most was the weight gain. I gained over 150 pounds on steriods. While they helped the other drugs work, they hurt my body in several ways. Gaining weight and having problems not feeling pain was an issue.
I have lost all but 25 pounds from that weight gain. While I will never be the same again, I am happy to still be alive and able to enjoy my life. So if I never lose the last 25 pounds, I am still okay, I have a life and a reason to live. I'm very active and on the go all the time. If someone can't see and appreciate my other qualities as a person, then to heck with them.
OP, disfiguring accident, or life threatening illness are real things that people don't have any control over. Do you honestly think I would knowingly chose to develop an illness which would render me "unattractive" and "deemed lazy and slackard" over not being sick? Get real man, life is life and sometimes its not fair.
BTW, just because I'm still working on losing the last 25 pounds, it doesn't mean that I don't care about myself. It means I had a life trial and faced it with dignity and courage and came out the winner.
My feelings are if a man can't love all of me at this point in my life, then we don't need to be together. I'm not out searching for some super hunk dude who will look 30 all his life, hell, I want a man who has aged just like me, one who is mature, intelligent and has his own life stories, and one that appreciates the entire package... not just the outside packaging.
Good luck finding someone to sign your prenup... my guess is it will cost you far more than money in the end... | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:59:51 PM | I'm not reading all of these posts so I apologize if I repeat somethings someone else says............
The whole idea of putting conditions on your love is just stupid in my opinion. Yes, we all have personal preferences that we like, but men that have those rock hard bodies right now.........you might not have them in your 40's and 50's.......especially if you are injured or something that limits your ability to maintain that body. Does that mean you will then pay your partner double because you couldn't follow your own prenup? I agree with the never getting married if you think that body and appearance are the signs of a good marriage and companion. If that was the case movie stars would never get divorced and we see how well those last. | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:36:00 PM |
I would totally be down for this as long as my spouse agreed to pay for any plastic surgery/gym membership/personal trainer/diet fees LOL to keep said body in shape.
You forgot a personal chef. When you put it that way, it almost sounds good. | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:37:13 PM | I find forums to be part of entertainment, it is like reading short stories...much better than staring at TV. The sort of questions, people come up with never cease to amaze me.
As to your question ~OP~ I won't even bother answering it. The posters have already done this for me.
I may just repeat one of the comment, it is worthwhile being repeated:
SterlingHeart: message N#6
Get a dog. Feed it low-cal dog food.
one of my favourite answers to your query.  | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:47:06 PM |
how would a relationship in which the basis of breaking it off with minimal financial loss is something as superficial as physique facilitate a longer more fulfilling marriage?
You get double bonus cool points for that question. Very nice.
In my personal case, I gained 75 pounds during my 13 year marriage. What broke us up was that, during the last year of my marriage, I lost 65 of those pounds and went back down to my just out of highschool weight. He thought I had to be cheating on him because I started to take care of myself instead of waiting on his lazy butt to the point of exhaustion.
Ungrateful **stard.  | |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/12/2008 5:29:41 PM |
The whole idea of putting conditions on your love is just stupid in my opinion.
Well, love relationships between people who rub body parts with each other is ALWAYS conditional.
Sorry to burst that beautiful shimmering bubble you've been living in...... but, that's just the kinda guy I am.....
| |
|
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:44:28 AM |
The whole idea of putting conditions on your love is just stupid in my opinion.
EVERYONE puts conditions on their love for a partner (unless they are a slave tied up in the attic or something). Everyone. Being a law-abiding person is a reasonable condition. Being and remaining faithful is a reasonable condition. Being employed and financially responsible is a reasonable condition. Being honest and truthful is a reasonable condition. Being mentally competent and well-balanced is a reasonable condition. Being clean and having adequate personal hygiene is a reasonable condition. Being reasonably fit and maintaining one's health as much as possible is a reasonable condition.
Why is it that we can look at all of those qualities and instantly recognize them as reasonable conditions; but when it comes to the last one I mentioned---physical fitness and health---all of a sudden, relationships are about "unconditional love"? BullshÃt! Anyone whose wife or husband doesn't maintain physical fitness within reason is perfectly justified in dumping the slob. Get rid of her (or him). The prenup idea is unworkable; but it is completely understandable that a person would want to GET RID of some slob who doesn't want to maintain her own health.
There is no such thing as unconditional love between romantic partners. | |
|
| |
| Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:56:21 AM | | I think the OP has a point. I mean if he/she just stopped looking good out of pure laziness, esp right after marraige, you should be able to call it off. You should always make an effort to look good for your partner, unless you are physically unable to do so. | |
|
Home
login 
