| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/8/2008 6:58:56 AM | | Whats the use in worring who he has been with in the past?? You cant go back and change it so its a waste of energy to worry.......But then there are exceptions.......if a guy has been into swinging, orgys, is bisexual.......then I would worry..... | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:42:40 AM | Of course I care. I very much want to know how the man I'm thinking of sharing my life with treated the women that came before me as I could easily become one of "them" one day.
Personally, I don't care about past mistakes or numbers or anything like that. I only care to know whether or not this man standing before me has owned his stuff. And if he's an owner, he's as good as new as far as I'm concerned.
The way I see it is we're all flawed...we've all made mistakes and done or said things we're not so proud of. Well most of us anyway. I know I certainly have.
And it goes without saying that the older we are, the more stuff we're likely to have accumulated along the way. So to me, it's not where a person has been and what they've done in the past (good or bad) that matters as much as knowing that they've owned it and that they're now (mostly) at peace with their past and with themselves.
So if there was forgiveness to be given or granted from one or several individuals from their past, it's been done. Any lingering feelings of bitterness or anger for any real or perceived "wrongs" that have been bestowed upon them has been dealt with and put in it's proper box on a shelf somewhere under the heading of "life's lessons learned and owned".
And contrary to what seems to work for many people and what is probably the healthier way I know, I don't mind if someone occasionally wishes to talk or revisit their past with me.
So if my man needed a friend to sit beside him when he felt he needed to have a look through his box of memories once in a while to see where he's been or "just because", I would gladly be that friend.
As long as the box is then returned on it's proper shelf and not allowed to become the proverbial elephant sitting in the middle of the room between us, it's all good to me (and in my opinion).
And yeah I know...not healthy (or so they say). Ah well...to each their own and all that jazz.
JMHO
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:59:05 PM | long history of abusive relationships, IV drug user or if he is bi-polar. Those are the things I watch out for. There are many red flags, based on each situation. - Mafiachixrule
Most of these I would agree with, Mafiachixrule. I also try to avoid men who have been very slutty. I was single for 3 years once
& I find it difficult to respect someone who has a FWB (or several), or ONS, simply because they can't deal with a dry spell maturely.
While some people seem to outgrow this behaviour as they get older, to me it says something about the person's morals & views
of sex & intimacy. I don't think I would be comfortable with /or able to trust someone with that kind of "baggage".
Many aspects of past beaviour I can accept, but I think it's important for a couple to be more or less "on the same page", morally/
ethically & sexually.
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Oh yeah, thanks for mentioning that, trayc91007 ^
Honesty is very important to me, I doubt I would ever consider someone who has cheated on their partner. Depending on the
circumstances of course & how long ago, there are exceptions.
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:09:49 PM |
I raise my right hand.
I have dated the so called *player* many times. Actually~ they can be great men. Assertive, high octane and often extremely intelligent. You have to know how to handle this type of man correctly and deflect the scumbags. It's not the "player" you have to worry about. It's the game. The player can and has been reformed in the past. HA! I'm really not one for social labels in general to be honest.
I've met a few pathological liars that weren't players. They were just liars.
True, true, oh so true. One of the reasons these "players" are able to reel us in is because of their intelligence. I do believe that the mind is the ultimate _ _ _ organ. That's what makes some of us women want these flirtatious bad boys, and I have to admit I was a willing participant going in.
Pathological liars, however, do absolutely nothing for me.  | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:23:35 PM | I care to know how long ago that the last relationship and sexual relationship was, for many reasons.
1. Is she going to pop into the picture trying to get him back.
2. Question any STD's that usually show up within 3 mths of contact. (I know all don't, but some do) My Dr. told me that 6mths of abstinence or with the same person, is a safe guideline to get tested.
3. Is he over her and the relationship on an emotional level.
4. Am I a rebound situation.
5. Did he practice safe sex in his past sexual relationships. | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/11/2008 9:25:11 PM | Someone's past can tell a lot about them and how your current relationship will be. I would like to know about his past but not necessarily a list of all the women he has been with, when, what they did and all that.
But I generally want to know why his most recent relationship ended and certain things that can clue me in on his approach to women and relationships which can help me to understand him better and what I am getting myself into. | |
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gfom
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Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 36 | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:19:21 AM | I only care that he's
a. free from STD's
b. over all of them and emotionally able to be in a relationship with *me*
of course curiousity *does* rear it's ugly head sometimes and we're all prone to asking "those kinds" of questions , but generally speaking I try to quash those nosy urges! | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/12/2008 9:05:36 AM | | Do you ladies care? Not care? Or sort of care? Is this a multiple choice test? Seriously, I say "ditto" to what hapeenurse said. I also care whether or not a man is bi-sexual, I don't mess with that. | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:30:04 AM | There's a difference between being nosy and being informed and smart.
Jobs do backghround checks to know who they're hiring them being nosy would be asking you questions about what kind fo underwear you wear to work or some absurd thing.
When buying a used car you would go to Vehix or try to find out as much as possible about it's condition before you buy it. Nosy would be trying to find out if the previous owners had sex in the backseat or not.
When buying a previously owned home you try to find out about its issues, things that may be a problem, the good stuff etc. Nosiness would be trying to find out how many times a week did the previous owner have sex.
You get the drift...same thing with your partner. Nosiness would be asking the absurd: asking about his sexual escapades in details with pictures, if his previous women were prettier than you  and all those questions that the root reason are jealousy and insecurity. That is totally different from healthy questions that will clue you in on who they are and their relation ship style and where they've been before you take them on. | |
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| do you ladies care? not care? or sort of care?
Posted: 9/12/2008 11:00:46 AM | | I guess it depends on the situation. If it was someone famous, then I might be a little put off or think it was odd. Or if he kept comparing me to her or had pictures of her all over his house, that would be a problem. | |
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