| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 12:58:46 PM | Ok.. caught in a computer loop.. 4th try..
Ron, I have tried but her settings are keeping me out since I live in Canada.
Sweetpea.. drop me a line and let me know if your ok hun.
Arpeggia2 | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 1:36:37 PM | I emailed her and asked her to post to the thread...I'm going to be gone all weekend so it would be pointless to ask her to email ME.
What is it we are primarily worried about? That our reactions have hurt her so deeply she's gone into a "decline"? Yes I'm sure that she wanted to hear that he was just joking around and everything's gonna be just fine...but handing out sugar coated rainbows isn't what they pay us for,right? LOL 
Personally I hope she tossed him out on his ear...if he was not paying rent, his name wasn't on the lease/rental agreement, I doubt he has any legal standing.And I'm quite sure he'll find shelter somewhere( probably already has his next convenience gf lined up and waiting). Guys like him are algae in the dating pool.
Cindy O | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:02:32 PM | I went back over and read every post again, and still come to the same comclusion. The best thing to do is to pack all his things,keep them in a safe place, and when he comes home, have a police officer standing there so there will be no trouble. Tell the truth to the officer ahead of time, in you want him out, and want them to stand gurad "just in case". You do have the right to do that... That way in case he tries to say something is his and it isn't, then the officer can lay cliam that he can not remove anything of question,. He will then have to go before a court of law and prove the item or items is his. Two cents says he won't.
Giving him ultimatems,and letting him stay, but takng away all of his play things might prove it worse than you thought. It's hard telling what the guy might do. Even "good guys" have tempers... We all do and have breaking points when put in situations.
Don't give him two weeks, heck don't even give him two days. You need to stand your ground, and not back down.
Girl, just be careful ok? Life isn't always easy, and please let someone here know you are ok... Good luck.....  | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:08:51 PM | if someone i loved treated me like that and went around saying you were a conveyance to hm id be packing his bags right then and there it wouldn't matter just put them out the door and when he got back he would have to find somewhere to go wouldn't he i bet you it wouldn't take him long anyway good luck with it all
i hope your doing well and good i hope you find what your looking for
feel free to email me if you wish to everyone needs some one to talk to every now and then ......shaz just click on to my profile you'll find me    | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:18:37 PM | Well, I checked the OP's profile listing and she's been on-line here recently, so she hasn't been murdered and she hasn't committed suicide. She has obviously chosen not to reply, which is her perogative, of course.
But I do agree that some of the postings on PoF have been absolutely vicious - not just this thread, of course, but as a general tone.
If anyone complains, they are told "well, this is an open forum and we can say what we like because you asked for it''. Obviously, people will get all sorts of ''truths'', but the feral glee in some people's responses are repulsive.
I hope I speak for the majority here - blunt is fine, cruel is not. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:58:52 PM | Arpeggia... I agree that she does not need to become a clone of what other people want and go with what she wants. I often rebel against society and their rules.
Sweet Pea - just keep in mind, there are actually people out here that do have compassion and actually care about what you are going through. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:27:58 PM | I wanted to thank all of you directly for your kind and wise words on this forum and the emails I have received . Yes I have always had somewhat of a self-esteem issue but have been working on it for quite a while. Just still have a ways to go. You see, I was married at 18 to an abusive husband and divorced at 25. Raised 3 children alone. I have never truely trusted men since then. I never remarried and didn't even start dating again until a couple years ago. Figured it was time to start trusting again. Had 1 relationship 2 years ago that ended with him leaving me for my best friend. So again, I stayed to myself until I met this man whom the forum was about. I allowed myself to trust again for my own good; however,it looks like I picked the wrong one to trust. Chalk it up to lack of experience. And in trying to overcome my trust issues I find myself in this situation.
Now, here is the update. When he came in from work the other night I had placed a sticky note on his laptop saying for him to check his email. He read it. I asked him if he had anything to say about it. He said some was true and some not. That he had been on the other site for a few years now [showed me old pics as proof] and that he was feeling lonely and unhappy but it had nothing to do with me. He has been trying to get custody of his daughter for a while and it was his birthday the day before so he was feeling lonely and unhappy about that. [These are facts that I already knew.] He also had run out of his meds. [Didn't know about the meds] He went to the doc wednesday and got more antidepressants [Lexapro] He said that the convenient part was a matter of having no car and knowing he wanted to spend time with me and proximaty to his job. That he just didn't think things would move this fast between us. And that he wasn't trying to put a move on the neighbor, just being friendly and is a natural flirt. well, I listened to what he had to say and some but not all makes sense. I have been holding to what I need. We have talked and are still talking, trying to see if we can work through this or not. I am not caving in. However, if the eratic behavior was due to lack of meds, that can be handled. I am keeping my eyes open to see what happens now before I make a final decision. If there is a second occurance or anything else comes up he will be out the door. I also have NOT slept with him since this happened and he has not tried to influence my decision. So you can tell that poster she lost her bet!
Let's see what time brings. I don't know where this will go. But I do need to learn to trust my gut feelings and trusting others as well. Thank you for listening. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:28:17 PM | I emailed her and it shows the message was read. I let her know that I personally was sorry for harshness, that it wasn't to be mean and I hope she knows that.
I also let her know everyone on here cares and wants to know she's ok so hopefully she will check in. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:33:26 PM | Sweetpea, glad your ok. Just be careful. Nothing said on here was meant to harm you even though somethings might have sounded that way.
I think that many, included myself, just got angry at seeing someone being used and not standing up for themselves. Some just say it wrong (pick me pick me!!! ).
Whether it's a male or female, noone deserves to be used and hurt. Again glad your ok and wish you the very best. jen | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:35:04 PM | Hey..sweetjemgirl...look above you. I just did. Thanks for the email.  | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:16:37 PM | | Sweetpea, I think you could do a whole lot better than a guy with no money, questionable behavior, no car and on anti-depressants. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:31:40 PM | I am glad you are ok.
If you were my sister - I'd say ............ git rid of him.
You are buying his excuses and double talk. But ...... you look to be over 18 so. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:43:03 PM | Just glad Pea is ok. I'm cool with that.
Note to the sharks that see blood in the water...f**k off and find a different pool in the future, k?
Don't get Daddy upset...
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:38:06 PM | OP-
I certainly feel for you on a zillion levels-but just keep this in mind 'sometimes it's far better to be alone for all the RIGHT reasons than to stay with someone for all the WRONG ones'. Advice is nice-opinions vary, but you have to do what is in YOUR best interest. I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do, because plenty of folks have already said the same things I would.
You are in my thoughts.
MM | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:46:06 PM | me-sweetpea.. so glad all is well and that you are working through things. Things are not always black and white and we learn to adapt to our surroundings to get by. Looks to me like you are doing pretty well even though things are stressful to say the least. The offer to talk is here if you need it.
Arpeggia2 | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:10:17 PM | For all the people who are whining about the posts being harsh. What a lot of crap!
Yes the people have been expressing intense opinions. But every single one of them has been on the Original Poster's side and concerned about HER welfare.
The OP's situation is serious in that the man taking advantage of her kindness and ethics could wipe her out of everything she owns while she's at work, or simply continue in the relationship they are mucking with until she has less selfesteem and ability to stand up for herself than she does now (which in my opinion is the more serious danger because selfesteem and confidence are extremely difficult to regain).
The circumstances call for some straight out truths and the appeals for her to show herself respect by ending his opportunity to take advantage or her show CARE for her, not flaming. In the end, the stronger stand she takes, the stronger, more confident and proud of herself she'll feel.
As well, the OP is under no obligation to come back and check in with us. I appreciate knowing how things work out, but I understand if she decides not to return. She has every right to read all the posts and decide if she wants to use the advice offered, if she wants to give us updates, if she wants to go her own way. And she has the right to change her mind concerning all of the above from minute to minute if she wants.
We have the right to give our opinions or not and to return or not as well. I don't think making comments someone doesn't agree with gives any of us the right to stalk this woman and hound her with questions, opinions or concerns.
Nutt | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:20:36 PM | | Sometimes I'm amazed at the men and women both on here when they write things like this. Now color me stupid but if your partner is still looking for someone else, there's nothing to salvage. It's right there in front of your nose. Your guy is still looking...dump him and move on with your life. Find someone who want YOU not just a place to be. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:38:02 PM | To the OP
You joined this site August 10th 2008 and on September 8th 2008 . You have already moved a guy in about a month ago that you met here . So if we calculate correctly you moved him in at hello! You still don't know him! All the warning signs that should be on everyone's mind. You disreguarded em all!
He doesn't have a car. Does he have a licence? Be sure it isn't revoked and he gets caught driving your car- it will get impounded. Maybe he might "loose" or "it got stolen" when he needs some money.
He is on meds that he didn't tell you about--hmm. Bi-polar? Watch out for the mood swings, and the punches! Maybe he can sell some meds for extra money?
Can't keep a place to live on his own, do you need to take care of him?
Intimacy right off the bat--what else says take advantage of me more?
Have you ran a check up on the police blotters about him--I bet it would be quite interesting.
And you really thought that fast he fell in love to live happily ever after---never!
You owe it to yourself to be free of this user of convenience before he feeds you some more lines. You deserve a lot better.
Do it before he cleans you out of house and home! | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:03:06 PM | Just glad Pea is ok. I'm cool with that.
Note to the sharks that see blood in the water...f**k off and find a different pool in the future, k?
Don't get Daddy upset...
I said I was sorry!!! 
Sweetpea ... Glad you let us know your ok!!!
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:07:54 PM | | I think she is pathetic, and wants some drama and attention, she is actually sicker than he is for tolerating him . She doesn't really want help, so this is a waste of time. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:09:24 PM | | Sometimes just an ending to an unfair relationship can be categorized as a happy ending. He's using U. Show him the picture you found with him on YOUR couch. and tell him to get packing. | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:18:44 AM | Ican understand the insecurities in yourself it takes a long time to get over the way that some people treat you in life i should no i was there once were you are know it was the hardest thing to do was to leave but when i did i didn't look back i have a better life know i have more confidence in me would not be a convenience to any man
i really hope you can work your way through this part of your life and hope one day you wake up and smell the roses you take care ..........shaz  | |
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:48:58 AM | me sweetpea. It's easy to get sucked into someone else (be it man or woman) when you aren't comfortable being alone. It's also easy to put blinders on when you want so much for things to work out.
As rockman so well put it --- put a boot up HIS aZZ if he doesn't want to make changes, whether that's by tossing him to the curb or whatever you need to do.
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Whatever your choices, they are yours to make. If he won't change then you need to make changes for you.
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| Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:19:13 PM | A person is only a convenience if they allow themselves to become so. The sad thing is, there are some out there who take joy in that. Do what you do to make them happy, and you've just fed into their ego.
If he can't deal with reality. That's his problem. The longer he denies that. The farther from how great life can be will slip through his finger tips. No excuse that he can come up with, will be able to heal that truth.
You're a brave lady, not to mention patient. But share those qualities with someone who wants to share them with you as well. Life is about positive progression. Anything less is a waste of your time. | |
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