| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:41:55 PM | Mikey...
Ah.........I get it. Sorry baby...you've got a one-sided, lop-sided thing going on. You're much more into her than she was into you.
It happens...yes it sucks. But think of it this way...do you REALLY want that type of woman in your life? I bet you'd say no.
Try to see it as a weeding out. She weeded herself out EARLY in the game...you should probably thank her the next time you see her--especially when she sees you with an attractive woman!!! | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:46:12 PM | Heres a point I haven't talked about but the way this whole thing starte between her and I was we found each other on MySpace, we went to the same high school, I saw her out adn about, although we never really talked in person or anything, but I write blogs every day that many people read, expressing my inner feeligns about love, life, etc, and she would read them everyday and constantly compliment me about how I was so much different than other guys, how I deserved someone great, etc.
So you would think that 1 comment like that shouldn't have changed her whole perception of me. Any sane person would think and say, he must have meant something else, this isn't like him. Wouldn't you think? | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:05:18 PM |
Any sane person
Mikey...you said it right there love. Sane...as in someone who's got some sense. You are lucky--she showed you how silly she is.
You deserve a woman--not a GIRL. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:10:15 PM | I guess that's my whole take on this situation, for someone who told you for a year how much they cared about you, for everything to change just because of one misunderstanding like that, guess she never really cared at all, once and for all, seriously, I will admit I should thought more about that comment before sending it, but I told her I was sorry and what I was really trying to say, reasonable adults could talk things over and get past it.
I for one am the type that is very forgiving, maybe too much so, and if someone was truely sorry, especially someone I cared about, I can forgive them rather easily and quickly. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:11:39 PM | I'm sorry but that wasn't a compliment. Unless you're telling someone they look fantastic or they're embarrassing themselves (spinach in their teeth), then how they look shouldn't be mentioned unless its solicited.
Now given that you unintentionally insulted her, if she was your friend she would have given you the benefit of the doubt. Frankly, it sounds like you ceased to serve your purpose for her. You were an ego boost that she enjoyed spending time with, but once you didn't find her attractive (and any critique tends to mean unattractive) then she booted you. I'm sorry that it happened to you, but it seems she did you a favor. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:17:42 PM | ~OP~ I think you need to remember one critical detail and it may explain her willingness to just dispose of you: you met her when she was not available to be met. This should tell you a great deal about her, the way she views things and why she is in a constant (according to what we read here) state of turmoil of some sort. She was in a relationship, kissing you at times (and probably others as well) and then you go on and off at her will. This is not reeeeeeeally friendship material and definitely not someone you need to be linked to romantically and/or permanently (in my opinion.) She's a "ME" person and you probably aren't. Hence, you were, in fact, disposable to her. You won't be disposable to someone else. Not all people view interpersonal relationships with such lack of commitment. Just forget about it and move on to someone who isn't so thin skinned and self-absorbed. Good grief, my ex hates my hair long ~ he's entitled to that opinion. I don't like his trashy new gf ~ I'm entitled to that opinion. We just avoid both subjects and carry on!!  | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:38:55 PM | That's another great point, its not like this is a girl I just met or something, we have alot of the same friends, I know almost her whole family pretty well too and am friends with her sister and cousin too, and I work with her mother and she likes me too. You'd think if anything if she told them about this they would say, obviously you took it the wrong way or he misworded it.
But one thing someone said is correct, shes the type of girl who never leaves the house without being totally made up, wearing revealing clothes, always putting revealing pics of herself on MySpace, stuff like that. I am starting to think this girlw as just starving for lots of attention, and while she was in her relationship, I was enough, but now that she is single, she wants it from more than just me, she wants constant attention from the entire male species. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:46:06 PM | Re the Opost
I do not see how in the age of feminism and equality and honesty, the OP's comments was insulting.
Let's assume a woman commented to a man:
By the way, your hair is much better short I don't think the long hair look does you justice, but that's just me, whatever you like is all that matters.
Double standard? The OP did nothing wrong IMO, including the comment, and should be glad to have been weeded out by woman, blogger's groupie or not! | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:58:45 PM | | did you say it because you were upset it didn't progress? Just asking. She might be thinking that's why you said it, even if that's not the case. Maybe it did hurt her feelings, but you spoke your opinion. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:03:25 PM | Nick
I see what you're saying. I don't think double standard. What I think is there's always a better way to say something. And it's been noted that the lady in question might have been looking for a reason to be silly.
Funny, when I say things like that to a guy...they listen and do whatever anyway. But...they also have common sense. I agree that he should be glad that she's weeded herself out of his life. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:11:42 PM | | No I didn't make that comment to her because I felt jaded or anything like that, in fact the rest of the message before that comment was all just the normal friendly conversation we have always had, I only made the reference because I had never seen her hair curly like that before, and the enxt week it was back to being straight again, I thought maybe she was just trying something new out and maybe didn't even like it herself, so I was trying to give her some advice that yea the straight look is much better on you don't change it. That's really all I intended to say all along. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:18:33 PM |
By the way, your hair is much better short I don't think the long hair look does you justice, but that's just me, whatever you like is all that matters.
In my opinion that's offensive if the opinion isn't solicited. Unfortunately for the OP, his comment also happened to be a negative towards how the girl is in her natural state. That's like saying a woman looks much better with make-up on. Sure, that's likely true but is it really wise to tell her that? I don't think this justifies her breaking off the friendship, but I can understand why she may be taken aback by the comment.
I have a male acquaintance that wears his hair long despite the fact it's thin, scraggly and dried out. It looks heinous, but he's never asked me how he looks or complained about being judged by his looks.
I think it's wrong to comment on anyone's looks unless they ask. That may just be me though. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:15:31 PM |
I do not see how in the age of feminism and equality and honesty
Simple, because while this may be the age of feminism and equality it is in no way an age of honesty. We are in an age of political correctness, we skirt honesty and dance around the truth like it's toxic.
People only want honesty if it doesn't hurt anybody's feelings and since that rarely happens we are taught to either say nothing at all or tell a little white lie.
I expect my friends to be honest, if I look like a dillhole they tell me, and then I thank them and then either choose to stay the same or change, but I always respect them more for telling me the truth. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:56:10 PM | I think her reaction was kind of over the top. I do this there was a possibility that she was testing you to some degree. I have a lot of women in my life and often notice that they will kind of test guys with what they say. I will ask them why they said a specific something and there answer is often I don't know, but "insert name" isn't who I thought he was.
What you said isn't really all that bad, but she may have had a terrible day and just took it the wrong way. I do think your reaction of being sorry might have completely turned her off. You really didn't say anything bad and on some level she must know that. So by you going all sorry on here you might seem very weak to her as a potential partner. I personally would have asked if what her problem was and if she had a bad day. Tell her to lighten up. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:15:43 PM | This thread is fascinating; so much angst and analysis over what, to me, seemed like such an innocuous comment.
Honestly, if she got her knickers in such a twist over such a nothing comment, then really, it all sounds like too much hard work.
Actually, her response in combination with the yo yo 'sort of invovled' thing you've had going on seems to me like she was just deliberately picking a fight. It sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants.
You have done the right thing in the past and walked away, letting her know the door was open if/when she was ready, but it sounds like it is just not meant to be. And her extreme reaction to such an innocuous comment is just more evidence of that. I'd be letting this one go; for good this time. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:27:30 PM | ^^^
Actually, her response in combination with the yo yo 'sort of invovled' thing you've had going on seems to me like she was just deliberately picking a fight. It sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants.
I agree with this whole-heartedly.
~ds~ | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:42:02 PM | | "I liked your hair better the way it was before" equals " I don't like the way your hair looks now". It's not "probably" a poor choice of words, it is. Just own up to it. You said the wrong thing and it was offensive to her. Doesn't really matter if it's offensive to anyone else. Next time wait until you know someone better, such as if she has naturally curly hair or not, before you critique her appearance. Live and learn. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:29:49 PM | I gotta feeling OP.....that posting her new pics on myspace, she was trying to attract someone else...but you jumped in an criticized her hairdo......so she crossed you off her list
Leave the hair critiquing to her girlfriends.....i wouldn't have said anything unless she asked for my opinion | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:31:38 PM | I have known this girls for years, especially the last year, she has had her hair curly exactly 1 time in all that time, so how was I to know her hair was naturally curly, if she liked it that way so much, why doesn't she always wear it that way?
Secondly, the comment I made was that you look better now, not that you looked better before. To me that would make a significant difference, the whole point of the comment to begin with was for me to say you looked really good tonight, I just worded it completely wrong which I admit.
To the poster who suggested that I look weak for appologizing to her, she was someone who meant alot to me, so seeing her that upset about this bothered me greatly, so I tried to undo the wrong I created, what's wrong with that? I think she needed to know what I really meant to say, and if she valued our relationship at all, she would eventually understand that and move on. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:33:36 PM | | I guess I have another question regarding this for everyone. Do I have a right to be just as upset, if not more for the way she lashed out at me, or did I really deserve that? I think what she said back to me was 10 times worse than me making a comment about her hairstyle, don't yous think? | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:56:41 PM | Dude, you never knock a chick's appearance...they are very sensitive in regards to this. You basically told her that her natural curly hair looked bad. Hair is very important to a woman. You fugged up bigtime.
To tell you the truth, it sort of seems that there is more to the story...maybe this was building up inside of her, waiting for the smallest infraction for her true feelings to come to the fore. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:58:25 AM | I would be offended if someone said that to me. I would not stop talking to them but I would tell them what they just said was very rude. I do not make comments in a negative way about the appearance of others for no reason. If they ask me how their hair looks and I think it is unflattering, I would tell them "I prefer it this way." It is the same thing as telling someone their shirt is ugly. It all comes down to manners and having respect for others.
~Carrie | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:15:01 AM |
Sorry OP, you screwed up. Notice that even OTHER women are offended by what you said! Doesn't make sense in manglish, but that's just the way it is. Just roll your eyes and move on... (also stop commenting on what a woman's wearing, her hair, makeup etc., unless you're asked. If you are asked, the correct response is "you look fabulous.")
This is the best advice here, and I agree with all of it except the very last part. I don't pull any punches when I give my opinions. The way I see it, it's good to be honest with people. If you only tell them the good things, eventually they can grow to question whether or not you're being sincere. Plus, you're not doing them any favors letting them look bad if they actually do look bad. If someone else says something, they'll often rail you later for not pointing it out.
We are in an age of political correctness, we skirt honesty and dance around the truth like it's toxic.
People only want honesty if it doesn't hurt anybody's feelings and since that rarely happens we are taught to either say nothing at all or tell a little white lie.
I expect my friends to be honest, if I look like a dillhole they tell me, and then I thank them and then either choose to stay the same or change, but I always respect them more for telling me the truth.
100% agreed. I actually get annoyed when people bullshìt me or aren't truthful with me. If something is wrong, I'd rather know so I can fix it.
I guess I have another question regarding this for everyone. Do I have a right to be just as upset, if not more for the way she lashed out at me, or did I really deserve that? I think what she said back to me was 10 times worse than me making a comment about her hairstyle, don't yous think?
Sure, you have a right, but you'd be silly for using it. Just blow it off, man. The best response to negative comments is complete indifference. | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:31:42 AM | Hmmmmm.......Raphael? You have a lot of wisdom for 29! I like the way you think. I have enjoyed your posts in many threads. You tell it like it is. Period!  | |
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| A Compliment Gone Terribly Wrong....
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:00:32 AM | The problem is the girl is not really all that interested in OP, nor is she ready to date.
Is two seperate problem. OP's bad comment and her overeact.
If I stop be friends every time they or I say something wrong, I would have no friends. So the woman do not mean what she said, or there are other problem not mention, or she is not interest in be friend anyways. But this do not change that OP said some thing unwise. | |
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