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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:20:31 PM | When you begin to think video game characters are hot...
When you don't have anymore black socks...
When you area gets an imprint from your hand, like a couch does from your butt...
When you start paying for porn...
When there are more holes around your house an car then there should be... | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:27:55 PM | When you get so depressed from lack of sex you drink so much that you mess in your boxers, take them off then make love to your own mess because it's at least something wet to be in...
When you start to self pleasure & near the end you put your bottom parts in the air & finish on yourself so you can at least feel that someone liked you enough to desecrated your soul...
Your toilet & paper towel rolls inner cardboard are saturated with WD-40...
You the cleanliness in your apartment go so bad that you see 2 roaches making love & you sploog on them because it makes you hot... & you hate them so much you want them to drown in your power at the same time...
FOUR originals!! Who wants some?! No one? Oh well, back to the drawing board (white ink)... | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:36:03 PM | You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
you think Hentai porn is kinda hot.
your laptop is sticky.
you pleasure yourself, and it leaves a rust stain on the kleenex, rubber plant, or catchers mitt, (where-ever.)
you've been cleaning yourself in the shower so long, you suddenly become aware that the shower water has gotten really cold.
You leave your own nypple print in the peanut butter as a sexy surprise.
Bea Arthur is sexy. | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 10/3/2008 5:29:22 PM | ...having a partner is considered kinky sex.
...you pinch your partner lovingly and she flies out the window.
...your date doesn't come with an air pump and a can of patches.
...hesitate.
...you watch porn with popcorn. | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:49:13 PM | Marge Simpson looks hawt to you.
When the host of Oxygen's "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" on Sunday nights becomes your special wank time.
You're having a wank and the callouses on your palm develop callouses (ribbed for YOUR pleasure?).
When your 5-minute power nap each afternoon in the office is a re-occurring wet dream.
While daydreaming, you wonder to yourself "Why can't men put it in themselves?" and you answer, "Because its not long enough".
You wonder where Marilyn Manson had those ribs removed and if your provider will cover travel expenses and the surgery.
In doing your monthly budget the cost of "Kleenex" becomes an issue of whether you buy the regular or the premium with lotion.
You search the web for deals on 55 gallon drums of KY jelly to save money. | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:26:26 PM | When your condoms expire.
When a blow drier turns you on.
When your excited you car finally has a strang vibration.
When you figure out the car AC can be put at the perfect angle when you are wearing a skirt.
When you giggle every time you here the number "69". Then start trying to picture it and think "how would that actually work? Is the #69 even accurate? Why not 96? If it's two lesbians would you call is 66? 99? Which is the girl? Maybe it should be 67?..." | |
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:40:34 AM | you cheque the DSM-IV-R to see if a criteria for "self-abuse" is listed and you become aroused while reading the entry.
your attraction to a client is so overwhelming you begin to close out the case and cheque the state by-laws for when you can begin dating her/him.
you convince your supervisor that a couch in your office will allow your clients to feel more "relaxed".
you giggle each time your Freudian colleague says "anal retentive" during staffing.
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| You know it's been too long since you've had sex when...
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:19:50 AM | A gust of wind makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.
The spin cycle is "great" quality time.
A random stranger in the produce section flexes his muscles and you have to ask the sales associate if that was a flirt or an open invitation to an ass kicking contest.
And finally, you have to critique the sexual position on any random porn video...
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