| It does take two..............
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:30:59 PM | I know this is off-topic but I wish I could read women's minds so I know if they truly feel something for someone or myself I would know it and give it my all to take care of their desires and needs, it would be so much easier  | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:45:50 PM | I agree with what you said. I think that I would not get into a safe relationship ...
BUT
...I think there is a small, minor flaw in the question :-)
How can you really know that you could "never" grow to love that person or be attracted to that person even if you are not at the moment.
I know I have, and certainly expect other people here, have met someone that we were not attracted to and became attracted to over time.
Attraction can be funny that way. I think attraction can develop in certain situations.
But like I said at first, overall I would say the answer would be "no" to your question | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:25:25 PM | | I really don't see the point.. it's sort of like accepting a guy that I really respect and consider my friend for marriage. I can't see where two people would ever be on the same page with that arrangement. Or stay on the same page... no, I have friends in my life so I'm not lonely or lacking where that is concerned... I need passion in my relationship... and it takes two people to keep it there... | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:33:08 PM | | No, be with them sure as Friends. Friends with benefits, but no commitment. Sounds like the other person makes alot of money or could help you financially. Women usually do this for financial reasons. Pointless to commit to someone you don't love or have any real passion for in a relationship. You need to tell the other person that, "You're just not that into them." | |
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| It does take two..............
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:10:45 PM | I'm okay alone, so no, I would never consider being with someone just for the company. Not even as roommates. It's all or nothing for me.
JMO | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:59:10 PM | Hummmm.........it sounds a lot like room-mates.
A good friend of mine once said, "The quality of your life is directly related to the amount uncertainly you can take in your life." And I find it to be true.
To be totally alive, and in the moment, you must jump out into all the uncertainly you can find. We have no real certainly anyway.
Arranging it so at the end you are certain you will not be hurt, only insures you will bored out of your mind.
Use the rocking chair theory, when you are 80 years old, sitting in your rocking chair looking back over your life. Do you want to remember the room mate and the things you shared, or do you want to remember the love of your life, the one who took your breath away?
In the rocking chair, You will regret the things you did not do far more than the things you did.
I know heart break, know it all too well, but would never settle for less than love, no matter the cost.
Great question! | |
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| A fine line between friendship and a relationship..................
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:23:45 PM | I can't say no and never to this. :)
I know in the end, I too, can be bought. My standards for settling are high though.
MY answer is:
We could have nothing in common at all, but if she wasn't a high maintenance woman and she looked like Maria Sharapova... why not?!
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:54:08 PM | If you want to raise children with someone who is your best friend and a great companion, fine, but does that mean that you have to commit to never falling in love with someone else? Why would you close that door? Unless you have decided that you don't want a romantic relationship now or in the future, but that you do want children. Also, what about sex? If sex is unimportant to you, then again, fine, but if you like sex, and want sex, then why would you have to commit to being sexually faithful to someone with whom you do not have sex with? I don't get it? As for never having a heart broken, well, there's never a guarantee on that. I don't have children, but I would guess that if anyone was capable of breaking one's heart, it could easily be the father/mother of your child/ren.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:59:43 PM | | i don't understand your assumptions. why would someone i love, be able to control me? nobody controls me or vice versa. and...the answer to your question is no. however, we may have very different definitions of love. if by love you mean chemistry, i would need chemistry, but i realize that there are other parts of life and a relationship besides chemistry. therefore, chemistry by itself is insufficent. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:05:31 AM | Ok folks, I dont wish to repeat myself over and over again here. I explained "control" statement a couple times already throught out the thread. First one being post # 42, so please refer to it.
Also, It seems some are giving me advice, which would be great if I had ask ofr advice. This is not a situation I am facing. It was a mere question for you to answer from your personal thoughts on the situation.
It would help if people either answered the original post, or actually read the entire thread if intersested in participating here. I know it is a lot.
I dont mean to sound irritated but some sound very "judgemental" and haven't a clue what they are speaking of.
I still haven't seen anyone straight out say yes. Thats great IMO. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:43:25 AM | I think most of us have read everything here, most of us are not giving advice, we just see your idea as totally ludicrous. We interpret your idea as just starting a relationship (and heaven forbid having kids in it) and building a life with someone who you like to hang out with but wouldn't choose as a person you even want to try to make a long term partner.
We just think F#%@k buddies probably shouldn't start families, the divorce is going to be Really ugly since the two people really didn't care about each other, the kids are just about guaranteed to suffer.
In our opinion we just interpret your idea as starting a relationship with all the things that generally end many | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:47:16 AM | OP, it would be very difficult to find someone willing to participate in such a union, most people I know, including myself, do not want to close the door to romantic love and make such a commitment barring them from that special feeling. Romantic love is THE thing to have, if i can put it like that, these modern days in western cultures - passion comes before everything else. But how many people get to fully committed relationships out of those passions? Many revert to the 'sensible' ways (i.e. mutual understanding that you talk about, even if disguised by some sort of love), because they grow tired, insane, bored, unsure, lonely, frightened, or all of these. It is just very difficult for them to admit it, they all want to believe in love!
However, the virtue approach to moral reasoning, which assumes that there are certain ideals to which people should strive to reach their full human potential, in the context that love is one of them, seems to be prevailing in the answers, so i might be cynically wrong, and these nice pof forum readers do still hang out there for passion to touch them once again :). | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:50:58 AM | Wings: Undoubtable you didn't read the thread, it is obvious by your post, or maybe you just dont "understand" it. Others had no problem giving opinions about it.
My post had nothing to do with "F-buddies" either. Maybe you didnt' comprehend it. Thats ok though.
I'm not sure why you think you can speak for all other in this thread when you say "IN OUR OPINION". Please only speak for yourself. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:55:33 AM | | Goldie: Thank you for your response. I'm curious, were they happy together? It's great to hear that someone has made that situation work till death do us part. It should be easier for those who are madley in love to make it work than it was for them. No I wouldn't do it either, at this point in time in my life. I dont really see it being any different then the show called "The Golden Girls" lol Just an example how friends could provide companionship. In the case I was describing, it would be male/female rather than sames sexes. But none the less, they satisfied each other's needs for companionship. Just not all of them!! | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:21:41 AM | Msg 42... the "control" explanation...
Reply to all who have issues with my "control" statement:
I'm not speaking of physical control, such as "you cant go here,you can't do that", not PHYSICAL CONTROL.
If you have ever loved someone, then you realize that love has control over you, therefore, the owner of that love, does too.
No one chooses to have thier heartsbroken by a lover. That would be crazy. Therefore, where love is, control also exists. You are trusting that person with a part of your heart. So anyone that has been inlove, that has been heartbroken has had their emotions CONTROLLED by another individual or else they would have control to stop the hurt and anger themselves.
How many people in these forums that are angry and hurt, do you really think has control of their emotions?? NONE
It is obvious that love does control ones emotions and sometimes even better judgement..
I don't view control or trust in the same way you do. Somehow this is hooked up as "If you fall in love with someone you have handed control over to them."
Being careful with love... in the effort to either maintain control in a relationship or to attempt to not get hurt so much if it ends... kills love. It is not possible for love to happen whilst one is trying to play it safe (careful) or maintain control.
We cannot control our emotions... they are going to come up whether we try to repress them or not - but we can choose our reactions to our feelings.
This issue, quite frankly has nothing to do with the other and everything to do with your relationship with yourself. You do not trust your own reactions or ability to rise to meet challenges in life... so you try to control your environment so you won't have to face the choices. You just have feelings... they don't have or control you.
Finally the people who are caught up in anger and hurt are "stuck" in their emotions. No amount of controlling them will heal them. The paradox is to heal one needs to go into their feelings more, not less. No control is actually a much healthier place to be than attempting to control. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:06:36 PM | Margo: Good point, you are right about it being an attempt to control you environment. I don't agree about the person whom you love not having control over your emotions. They can hurt you, they can anger you, they can do thing to make you happy. In every relationship I have been involved in, the real ones anyway. I gave that person my heart, fully. They chose what to do with it. Also, in past, I have been blinded by those emotions and made some decisions against my better jugdgement.
Maybe some people are stronger, or better at self control than others. Maybe I'm just a helpless romantic, but the person in my life has always had some sort of power/control over my emotions . Thus, the saying LOVE CAN MAKE YOU DO SOME CRAZY THINGS. Now I have never done anything illegal for love, but have made decisions to help someone I love, thus neglecting my own self for that person. | |
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