| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:19:28 PM | | To be very honest the first fellow in my life asked me to marry him. After I had married him he told me" I don't love you but I did not marry you for love anyway" I have given a lot of thought to this statement and for a while here recently I thought perhaps I should consider the options of love or not at my age. Life is short and being loved, held, cuddled and kissed is very vital to health. If someone keeps pushing you away for one reason or another it scars you in ways deep in. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:32:00 PM | ......................................................................................................................................
but you "get along" on all other levels, such as friendship, trust, fun, laughter, conversation. Could it work out.
Well - I didn't read all 8 pages, so forgive me if I'm repeating anyone..
OT - No. No I wouldn't/couldn't. The scenario/relationship you've described is a Friendship - not a "partnership"/love interest. I have friends, hopefully most will last my lifetime. A life "partner" - it's either there - or "it" isn't. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:34:08 PM | Without having read everyone's responses I can only say that the reasoning behind this kind of situation is the same for some arranged marriages. A couple may start of as two people who "on paper" (for lack of a better term) seems like they will be a good match. Chemistry, sparks, attraction or any of what we (as Americans) deem to be signs of love, do not come into play. However, both people take their vows and duties as a committed married union quite seriously. Love comes later. And, from what I've read and experienced, love does come later. Real, romantic, deep, passionate love.
The best relationship I've ever had was with someone I was "playing it safe" with. She was pretty, but not "my" kind of pretty. But, on everything else, she was great. We were the best of friends almost from day one. But for me, there was no chemistry. No spark. No "tingle."
But, she made sense "on paper." She was head over heels in love with me. I knew she wouldn't give me any problems. I reasoned that I would "kick it" with her until something I really wanted came along (yes, I know I was being a jerk. But, that was many years ago. And the boy I was at 20 is not the man I am at 40).
However, what happened surprised me. I fell in love with her. The more time I spent with her, the more time I wanted to spend with her. It didn't happen over night. But "it" did happen. I went from being, "Oh she's a nice girl ..." to not being able to keep my hands off of her. I haven't felt that way about someone since.
So, my answer is yes. If it were the right woman, I would consider it. Who knows? Lightening could strike twice.
Lateef | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:45:11 PM | | i`m one of those people that has given up on love but iver been stuck with someone who i lost love intrest for or not sure if it was ever there n no it dont work cause there will be someone with whom those sparks do fly that you would want to be with n give ur heart to but ur stuck with someone else. as saying that i quote from a book im writing "i think life and love is a crule joke n a vicious circle because we all start out nieve sheltered n unhurt my love. theres that one guy that hurtsthat one gurl that hurts that one guy n so on so forth an turns cold by a bad heart break and vice versa till we all hurt eachother over something that someone from the past did to us but i also think that happens to make us stronger because maybe there is that one guy/grl for us that is going through the same pain so that when u find eachother ur ready to put the past behind n love eschother un conditionally"so to comitt to play it safe would just put u in that circle cause u may not love him but who knos he may love u n when u leave him forsomeone u may fall in love with u become the her that broke him that broke her n so on and so forth... thats my take on it | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/5/2009 11:45:58 AM | There are many people here who think of it as settling. I understand that. But, let me pose a question of my own;
Is it settling if you end up with what you wanted from the start? In other words, you start of with someone who you thought you were playing it safe with, but wind up having a very loving and passionate relationship. Would you still think of it as settling?
Lateef | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/9/2009 8:28:55 AM | | Msg1--- Love is strong physical and emotional feelings of connection to other person like an alter ego. The botttom line is if you don't want to give love, you won't recieve love .. If you think that living as a couple for a man and woman who get along on the level of friendship,*trust*,fun laughter,fun,conversation and *sex* there is no LOVE ,then it will collapse like a house on the sand . The word love won't work by it self but the person involve in a relationship must love each other to survive the union....* Romantic*/loving is a fantasy there is no reality on it. | |
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| Playing it SAFE.. Would you consider having a life time partner that you knew you could never love.
Posted: 2/9/2009 10:45:49 AM |
I'm curious as to how many people would consider this. Committing to a life time partner for companionship knowing that this is a person you could never love enough to let them control you or control your emotions.
There's a simple answer. That's not love. Love is letting go, Love is acceptance, Love is choice, Love is want. Love is never control, Love is never need.
I know that the definition of "being in Love" is different for me than it was when I was younger. I really feel a higher sense of self worth than I did many years ago. "Control" is not a word that I could or would ever now combine with the words "love" or "emotion". Besides, nobody can truly control my emotions except me, it's just not possible. The only control I have is over myself and nobody else. I cannot "control" anyone else without their consent. Why would I even want to?
I think when we're talking about another person "controlling our emotions" it's more like that young "infatuation" kind of love. When we've idealized some other person to be some kind of "perfect god" or something. We build-up another person in our mind to be something they're not. Like that person is something that's going to "complete" us and/or make us a "whole" person. Like that person has "no flaws" and "no imperfections" and is somehow "greater than/superior" to ourselves. Indeed, it is we who consent to our own "inferiority" to this "other" - HUMAN BEING. That was the fatal flaw and mistake in the kind of "twisted emotional need" that I mistakenly thought was true love. Indeed, that was not even love at all.
That was more like idol worship, than love. It was basically me trying to complete myself with another person, instead of GOD and MYSELF. Me looking to someone else to "fix/manage" me, instead of managing my own life. Only when we fill US, with US - do we then love ourselves enough to feel a sense of self esteem and high worth, of value, of purpose, of deserving good things and of having something to offer life. Then we become "givers" rather than "takers" and we no longer look for someone to worship or "fix us" anymore.
It's very simple; Love is mine to give, and I can only accept the Love that someone chooses to give me of their own consent. I cannot take Love.
Then the person and the commitment are my choice, and THAT'S true love.
Mike | |
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