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 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 32
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm short on time but wanted to read this at length later. But briefly, there's a good website for this, founded by a survivor that anonymous input/forums for survivors *and* their partners. It's SandF.org (SurvivorsAndFriends.org)

My heart goes out to anyone directly or indirectly affected by this.
 tanzanite99901
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 33
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:02:36 AM
Brooker, just because a lot has been written about it does not make it fact. There has been a lot written about those who abuse have a trend to abuse others. That does not mean that it's not a crackpot theory. It goes back to what I originally posted. It comes down to people who need professional help not getting it. It's always easy in our society to label people. Well, sometimes there are no labels. There is just pain, suffering, and a person in need. You wrote "What is often present in a BPD's past is something unbearable (sp?) to the child and abuse can be one of the causes." How can that not ALSO be labeled PTSD? There are analytical minds who want everything catagorized. We are humans. We can't be catagorized. All we can do is support and help those in need and who have survived. And maybe, just maybe....we can stop the stigma of the 'secret' and make sure this does not happen to our future generations.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 34
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:19:19 AM

You wrote "What is often present in a BPD's past is something unbearable (sp?) to the child and abuse can be one of the causes." How can that not ALSO be labeled PTSD?

Yes, it could also be labeled PTSD. Disorders often do not stand alone. My ex (diagnosed bipolar and treated for it) has NO recollection of his childhood - a ten year block missing. However, when someone directed me to look up BPD, after a 5+ year relationship that was both wonderful and bewildering, all the broken pieces fell into place. I don't understand your argument with me and I welcome you to make it more clear.

I guess finding a label or an explanation is trying to make sense out of the unsensable.

All we can do is support and help those in need and who have survived. And maybe, just maybe....we can stop the stigma of the 'secret' and make sure this does not happen to our future generations

I couldn't agree with you more.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 36
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:06:54 AM

As far as BPD...there are a lot of people out there that haven't been diagnosed with it and have it. There are mild cases and there are extremes. My mother has it in spades and she wasn't abused sexually as a child or teenager.

How do *you* REALLY know?
Is it not true that some adults who were sexually abused have the memory cut off from consciousness?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 38
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:27:21 AM
People are a combination of their life experiences and their DNA. We see this in parenting. You can't treat each child the exact same way but you try to hold them to the same standards, etc. But you recognize in your own children, one is stubborn to a fault, the other easy-going. They had the same parents, i.e. how they are hard-wired impacts who they are a great deal.

I would suspect that you have done some work on yourself to try to make sure that the way your experiences impacted you do not continue to control your life. I suspect that your sister is stuck in angry and has done nothing to try to get beyond what you suffered as children. Perhaps you are able to see your mother as damaged where she cannot?

This like any other traumatic experiences can affect dating and relationships, how much it does depends on the person and the work that he/she is willing to do to be the healthiest person he/she can be. It is also dependent on recognizing behaviors that come from this. If you are pushing someone away and there really isn't a good reason for it, you probably recognize its origin and work on it. Others don't take the time and continue to have failed relationships.

Looking at your page 2 reposts, I would also add that some of the men you meet may be afraid of inadvertently doing something to hurt you and are not up to getting into a relationship that they know is possibly not going to be easy. It doesn't make them bad people, actually the opposite, they care enough to not want to hurt you again. It is frustrating but in a way, it is a good thing.

As far as this not being about you anymore, you are fooling yourself. Your problem is that you don't know how to make this man stop what he is doing and you want to, which is totally understandable. Most people are able to get away from the abuser but because he is still in your mother's life, while he "cant hurt you anymore," his mere presence does this. How you work through that, how you don't let it get under your skin, is probably not going to happen. I think the best you can do is try as hard as you can for it not to and accept that this is your life.

There is no comparison but my mother shreds me emotionally on a regular basis. I just don't talk to her that much and I try to do what I think is right to be a good daughter. Moving 1000 miles away helped, lol. I just ask God to help me deal with it and go about my business.
 ***blue***
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 39
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:38:20 AM
I believe some mental disorder can be made worse by abuse, and it maybe has some cause of them too.
But My sister loves to blame her mental issues on the abuse we suffered. She has been diagnosed with BPD. boarder line personality , TSD, and depression all from different Dr.s. The only one i will put any stock in is the one who said she might have a personality disorder, because he actually spoke to both my mom and I after he spoke with her. She lives in a fantacy world and blames all her problems on the abuse. Well she was just the same before the abuser came into our lives, there was no change in her or how she acted. She also lies about the abuse she suffered and makes it sound and flat out say's things that didn't happen. She has hissy fits and all the other good crazy things she does. Like chase me through the house with a very large knife.
I'm terrorfied for her little baby girl and how she is going to raise her.

Oh and as far as her relationships go they have all been bad for her and those she has dated. She is abusive to them verbally and physically on occation.
 pandamoose
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 42
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 1:32:49 PM
I didn't bother to read the whole forum since I've got a bunch of schoolwork I'm working on. I couldn't help but click on this since I am a neuroscience-psychology major in college right now.

First off, to clear up some misunderstood information since there is a lot of misunderstood concepts about psychology:


People are a combination of their life experiences and their DNA

This is only half right. People are NOT a just combination of these two. A person's DNA accounts for 2 things: Potential and Aptitude. What I mean is, your DNA will account for where you start out, and how far you can go in any direction. Some people are born more emotionally unstable, and some are born less emotionally unstable, but these things can be changed.


Is it not true that some adults who were sexually abused have the memory cut off from consciousness?

What you are referring to here is something that can potentially happen, but a memory cannot be erased, only blocked. Even though in your conscious thought it does not exist, it still chemically affects your brain in the same exact way as if your conscious mind did not block it off. This point is moot when referring to bipolar disorder.


I believe some mental disorder can be made worse by abuse, and it maybe has some cause of them too


Mental disorders do not get worse with abuse. That's a common misconception. What is true however is that abuse causes extra stress in many forms, and a person with a mental disorder will often fall to the symptoms or excuse of their mental disorder as a way of coping with the stress, thus aggravating the effects of these mental disorders. It's pretty much a downward spiral of self-destruction.

Now that this has all been explained, there are ways to get over the hurt that you've experienced in the past. For some people, it's harder, and for others it's easier. What absolutely WILL NOT work is relying solely on medication and/or relying solely on talking to someone about it. To come to terms with a traumatic experience where another person abused you requires you to come to terms on several levels:

1. You need to come to terms with the abuser. It's not just saying "ok it happened, so I'll just deal with it since I can't change it anymore". You need to completely forgive the other person of everything they've done to you. Respond in love (not romantic love) to the person instead of responding in hatred. Then you will cease to dwell on it.

2. You need to come to terms with yourself. You have been hurt, but that doesn't change who you are. You are still you...not the you that is governed by the pain that you hold, but the you that is governed only by yourself. You need to make sure that you're not letting this influence your life.

3. You need to come to terms with your feelings. Here, I'm talking about your prejudices to others. Just because you have been hurt by a man doesn't mean that you need to put up your drawbridge to men and let them prove themselves before letting them in. Take a step of courage and go for someone without hiding your personal pain. Sure, you might get hurt...people aren't perfect, but when you're hurt, just get up and try again. Keep a positive attitude always, and you'll eventually find the one that will make you happy.

I hope this helps, sorry for such a long post.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 44
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:51:08 PM
"Is it not true that some adults who were sexually abused have the memory cut off from consciousness?"


What you are referring to here is something that can potentially happen, but a memory cannot be erased, only blocked. Even though in your conscious thought it does not exist, it still chemically affects your brain in the same exact way as if your conscious mind did not block it off. This point is moot when referring to bipolar disorder.

Does "cut off from consciousness" mean *erased* to you?
And this point is NOT moot when referring to bipolar disorder. The point had NOTHING to do with bipolar disorder. Nada. Nyet.

Back to the books. Next year add reading comprehension 101 to your courses.
 ***blue***
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 45
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:58:33 PM
^^^^ You might want to too. I'm not sure that he meant it the way you are taking it.

Go back and read it like it wasn't your words he quoted. I think he was just giving information, not saying you were wrong.
 pandamoose
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 46
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 5:49:12 PM

This is the hard part. Lol...
I might be DNA oriented, too. I subscribe to a thought process that is instinctively female. A male has to prove himself to me before I allow myself to start getting serious about him. Is this evolution/DNA instincts or is this actually from my past?
Life experiences ..plus...(potential and aptitude) = Daisy being very careful.
Maybe it's a good thing considering that I haven't had too much pain in my romantic/relationship life.
I am seeing a man now that is so solid and giving. He says I was not easy at all to run to earth. It took him a year of calls and visits to bring me to what it is now. He is very alpha male. High senior Mgt. and very bright. Very patient and gentle with me, though. He walks into a room and has presence. People stop talking and look at him. At 6' 4" he could stop a train. He values me because I did make him prove himself to me and he gladly did.
He makes me feel safe.


That's good. One important thing to keep in mind is that being in a relationship can be a catalyst to help you come to terms. Sure you have to do it on your own and with your own thoughts, but having another person around can help. My advice is to be careful. As understanding and sweet and perfect that a man can be, don't let your insecurities cause you to lose him. It sounds like you really did find someone good.


Does "cut off from consciousness" mean *erased* to you?
And this point is NOT moot when referring to bipolar disorder. The point had NOTHING to do with bipolar disorder. Nada. Nyet.

Back to the books. Next year add reading comprehension 101 to your courses.


Do note that I did say that I DID NOT read all of the posts. All I know is that you said what you did in response to a post on bipolar disorder. If you simply scroll up, you'll see that...but I'll quote it for you here:



As far as BPD...there are a lot of people out there that haven't been diagnosed with it and have it. There are mild cases and there are extremes. My mother has it in spades and she wasn't abused sexually as a child or teenager.

How do *you* REALLY know?
Is it not true that some adults who were sexually abused have the memory cut off from consciousness?


Sure that point might not have been directed towards bipolar disorder, but you definitely made it sound like it. Try putting a space in between your lines next time if that's the case...and if I did misunderstand, then I apologize.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 47
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 6:07:22 PM
Pandamoose (great name btw, chinese and canadian)
My quote that you highlighted was asking "how do you REALLY know that she wasn't *sexually abused*".

BPD is the acronym for Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar. The two are continually confused on POF forums. They are very distinct from eachother, although a person may be affected by both at the same time.
 pandamoose
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 48
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 6:29:37 PM
I see. I apologize then. When BPD is used in any of my classes, it's referenced as Bipolar disorder because I deal with neurological chemical imbalances...Bipolar is almost exclusively a chemical imbalance and borderline is less likely. Either way, you guys can disregard the comment on BPD I made in my first post. Thanks for clearing that up.

Also, I'm not Canadian, nor do I really have any association with Canada. I'm called pandamoose because some girls thought I was "cute like a panda or a moose", and people have been calling me panda or pandamoose ever since.
 Helen Waite
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 49
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:54:48 PM

Back to the books. Next year add reading comprehension 101 to your courses.

That was just uncalled for.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 50
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:22:33 PM
pandamoose....ya need to get those pathology's straight!


Sexual abuse is not a criteria for BPD, but abandonment is. Many abused children feel abandoned or "alone" while/after being abused, even if they come from a normal household. The perpetrator could be anyone....

Abandonment or feeling "alone" is the main ingredient for BPD. Trust issues are also huge...." they say they love me, and then they hurt me".

Victim's are often told that what is happening is their fault. This can lead to a "core" belief of truly "believing" that one is "bad" or "evil".

I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

I will not accept that anyone who was sexually abused as a child escapes unscathed. Babies who were abused by caregivers grow up BPD. They don't remember the abuse, but they grow up BPD anyway.

Is a diagnosis of BPD, Bi-Polar, PTSD a label, that allows one to become a "victim"?.It shouldn't be, it should be a way to discover pathology (examination of disease) with the aim of "recovery".

The stigma attached to "labels" aren't very encouraging for people who need help. It kind of discourages them from seeking it.

To be fair, I will point out that BPD, and Bi-Polar people are resistant to acknowledge their illness. They believe that their thinking is right, and everyone else is wrong, and with BPD, acknowledgement can lead to suicide in some cases.

Children are vulnerable, and it's amazing what they will "deem" themselves responsible for...things that you wouldn't even think they would remember. And if not addressed, and set right, it can ruin their life.
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 51
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 1:02:47 AM
How does it affect dating and relationship? By reading the answers, what comes to my mind is "a lot".

Would I date a former victim?
Sincerely, I don't think so. What is clear from the posts here is that they are always waiting for the hidden predator to pounce, for the gentle soul to show its inner nastiness, and for men to "prove" that they're not like that. And not only once, but at all times. One slip, and you become what they fear. The stress they put on a partner sounds unbearable.

Do I deserve such a treatment, such disdain, such mistrust? I don't think so.
Should I pay for other people's crimes and mistakes? I don't think so.
Should I dedicate my life to prove that "I'm not like that"? Again, I don't think so.

My sympathy goes to all those victims, but at the same time, life is too short and I deserve better.
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 53
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:08:57 AM
^^^
Wow OP...sorry to offend ...but that came across as even trippy to me

Let me interject a little.
I dont actually think what rock hunter said was particularly wrong.
I do think however it was a little naiive and it *does* look to me as if his comments have triggered your feelings of worthlessness because of whats happened particularly when you know your own sister is "valued" for although being the "image" of a woman to many men...she really displays no emotional depth of a woman and which you clearly do.

He can write these women off if he wants to...but its all relative to the person & the reconciliation they've had according to the trauma they've experienced.
So in that regard...abused women are likely no more "damaged" than anyone else by anything else.
As pointed out...the abandonment issues are of more concern and is more definatively researched & directly related to personality disorders than anything Ive ever come across on this subject.
Considering divorce statistics...that should be far more of an indicator and concern to what "baggage" a person carries than whether or not someone has come to terms with their abuse.

Besides screening for obvious "red flags"...I believe we need to take each person as an individual which is basically the point you mentioned yourself hunter

Should I dedicate my life to prove that "I'm not like that"? Again, I don't think so

Neither should victims of abuse have to prove themselves to you.

As for what the OP discussed re. her sister...Im not sure what the statistics are as to which ways victims "turn" in behavior...but unfortunately she's right having seen the actions of someone similar.
And although that person was certainly not a "beauty" by todays standards, short and quite rotund...she definately had the qualities of vanity, callousness and anger, has become the abuser she once feared.
Which is the point I think OP was trying to make.

Its frustrating to then watch other adults allow themselves to be manipulated and victimized in this way by the "new abuser" without them even understanding the dynamics...
...its bad enough feeling completely helpless as children not being able to stop what was happening...and then to watch others purposefully walk into it...guilt and anger because you cant stop it again.
I suspect second time around its like being the "mother" and not doing anything about it but this time its because you really cant.

So it works both ways...a woman devoid of emotion who uses herself to manipulate a man...isnt any better than a woman who is completely irrational and uses emotional outbursts to do it.

Emotional balance is the key and that's individual. Abuse or not.
 pandamoose
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 54
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:04:49 AM

Emotional balance is the key and that's individual. Abuse or not.


Absolutely, for any kind of relationship to work out, one person has to take the initiative and trust the other. No matter which one starts it, if the other doesn't respond in kind, the relationship is doomed to fail.
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 55
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:37:50 AM
I am not attracted to men like you.

You know, I've always find curious this "I wouldn't date you" thing. Why to say that to somebody who has unequivocally stated that wouldn't date you first? Is this a type of "you can't fire me because I quit" defense?
Just what you wrote substantiates my thinking about men like you.

And what you wrote below substantiates my misgivings about women like you. You don't even know me, and it took only one or two statements for you to decide exactly what type of man I am.
Apparently, the most common package is like my sister.

Your sister obviously has a problem, but your story only shows your sister's capacity for deception. Unless you fault a man by not thinking that every woman who is pretty, shows sex appeal and looks quite normal may be a victim of child sex abuse.
Weak.

So not wanting to have somebody making me pay for what others did to her makes me "weak"?
You'd never make me feel safe with your fears and worries.

Curiously, such a thing doesn't bother me at all.
Is that like a phobia or something? What you described in your letter

That's calling "thinking in advance". If people used it more frequently, perhaps we would see less divorces and breakups.
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 56
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:45:19 AM

He can write these women off if he wants to...but its all relative to the person & the reconciliation they've had according to the trauma they've experienced.
So in that regard...abused women are likely no more "damaged" than anyone else by anything else.

Actually it's not how damaged they are, but how healed they are. The woman who does the things I've mentioned obviously hasn't healed enough. Remember, dating takes two. If the victim thinks she's ready, but her potential partner don't, who are you to believe?


Neither should victims of abuse have to prove themselves to you.

Of course not, and in no way I'm advocating such a thing.


Emotional balance is the key and that's individual. Abuse or not.

Very true. And emotional unbalance can take many ways, some of them hidden, some others in the open.
 Helen Waite
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 57
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:54:36 AM


And what you wrote below substantiates my misgivings about women like you.


What, women who have been abused? Please, don't paint all women who've experienced this with the same brush. It's a different path for each one and some find better help with it than others.

I think you'd be cutting yourself off from a lot of potentially wonderful women by ruling out all women that have been sexually abused. That is going to eliminate somewhere between a quarter and a third of all women - that's a lot of people!

Wouldn't it make more sense to figure it out on a person by person basis? Although having said that if I knew that someone had a pre-existing bias against women who'd been molested as children I'd probably take a wide berth anyhow. Life is too short to try and undo someone's narrow mindedness.
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 58
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:08:56 AM
What, women who have been abused? Please, don't paint all women who've experienced this with the same brush.

I'm not doing such a thing. As I said, I've read the answers, and those are the commonalities standing out.

Wouldn't it make more sense to figure it out on a person by person basis?

Partially. Since every person has an ideal, a mental image of the type of person wanted as partner, why to lose your time by looking everywhere, instead of focusing your efforts on the group of people where you have the highest chance of finding her? You concentrate on such a group, and figure it out on a person by person basis within it.

Let's say I have a thing for Italian-speaking, buxom brunettes. Should I go person-by-person in Italy, or in Sweden?


Although having said that if I knew that someone had a pre-existing bias against women who'd been molested as children I'd probably take a wide berth anyhow.

And you have every right to do it. Why shouldn't I have the same right?


Life is too short to try and undo someone's narrow mindedness.

It's too short to try and play Captain-Free-Therapist, too.
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 59
(Long) Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:14:07 AM
This thread is very raw and enlightening for most. There's a lot to be learned from the victims and their partners here, and some of my comments may be perceived as harsh or illogical but given time to reflect on it, I hope my feelings and what I've learned over the past 20 years are taken in the right vein.

No one can prevent becoming a victim, particularly in cases of childhood abuse. But one can choose to remain one, or through what is sometimes a lifetime of hard work, become a survivor.

I believe that some victims learn how to abuse by default.

Being a survivor partner is one of the most rewarding yet gut wrenching experiences one can undergo.

Rock Hunter's feelings are just that, and I completely understand them. Often potential survivor partners underestimate the far reaching implications of being involved with a survivor, or more challenging, an unhealed victim.

Simply removing the victim from the abusive environment does not 'make it all go away'. Many victims don't display bizarre behavior until their children reach the age at which they themselves were abused.

Many victims have no point of reference as to what 'normal' behavior is. Trust & love = pain & betrayal, so it's no wonder about the internal conflict going on there.

The ultimate goal of therapy (for victims who don't have any other mental health issues) is forgiveness.

I may sound like a kook to some for even suggesting this, but victims and partners can find a lot of solace in Buddhist teachings. One of the Cardinal Precepts is No Sexual Abuse. I don't think of it as a religion, it's a way to perceive reality and it doesn't conflict with any other religion.

To the OP's original question...a survivor partner has to be very strong and remain logical in their dealings with their survivor. Scrawled upon a victim's Tabula Rasa are painful aberrant experiences a non-victim cannot begin to understand. When the survivor is in 'the abyss', their partner has to remain outside of it in order to help them, lest they get drawn into it as well. That doesn't mean you turn your back on them, but rather get a good foothold from the edge so you can lend a hand (only if asked) to help them out of it.

Most psychiatrists and psychologists recommend *not* being involved with a partner while undergoing therapy. Then again, it's a lifetime pursuit, so that can be a rather bleak outlook.

For a quick read regarding the specific types of challenges a survivor partner will encounter, seek out "Ghosts in the Bedroom" by Ken Graber, recently in reprint.

Sorry that was so long.
 Easy Read
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 60
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:22:25 AM
OP,

You both need to get a depth psychotherapy. Counseling and supportive therapy will be ineffective for you at this point. You have characterological issues that are in your way. These are NOT traits of character but states that are inflexible (your words). This in indicative of character pathology. That is the bad news. The good news is that it is fixable with appropriate treatment.

Depending on your age and the severity of violence acted upon you and your sister when occurred you can get through this with help. Hang in there and PLEASE get help. Your tranference and displacement of this pain and trauma is Hemorrhaging into your current relations and will continue until you get help.

I hope he got his in the end... or that he does... Remember the honeymoon night in prison. Sweet...

ER
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 61
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History
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:29:30 AM

they are always waiting for the hidden predator to pounce, for the gentle soul to show its inner nastiness, and for men to "prove" that they're not like that.

This also can be the fallout for any woman (or man for that matter) who has been a victim in an awful adult relationship. Abuse. Cheating. NPD. BPD. etc.

What you have described is not the sole realm of childhood sexual abuse survivors, so rock hunter, you will have to expand your list of women to avoid.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 62
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:56:19 AM

I think that pedophiles are pretty much the same as abusers, so the energy is within the same range.


I tend to disagree with this statement. Perhaps some pedophiles may be abusive and have some overlap, but I do not believe the energy is the same. My dad, for instance was a very abusive person, yet he was not a pedophile or even a physical abuser. So I believe the issues become different. Anyway, just a thought. What do others with the double experience think?
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