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 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 120
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

young girls who are molested have 'learned' that sexual favors gain them things


No offence, but the words "young girl" are making me uncomfortable...they could mean anything, and be misunderstood.

My Mother modelled very "sexy" behaviour in front of me. I learned it from her. She had Borderline Personality Disorder...I have Borderline Personality Disorder. The main symptom is "fear of abandonment". What better way to make sure you're not abandoned, than by using sex?

The guy next door is innocent until proven guilty....just because he's been charged, doesn't guarantee he did anything....until I heard the word "guilty", I would treat the guy the same as always.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 121
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:10:38 PM
Steve is, unfortunately, right. Little children (that means us guys as well as the girls) 'learn' that doing what our abusers want gets us 'something' in return, whether that be favors, affection, attention, presents, or in many cases I guess, to just be left alone for a while after the abuser has had his or her 'fill' of us. I think we've all seen the 'sexualization' of very young females in our society; even as babies, mothers pick out stuff that is blatantly female sexual clothing, giving their baby girls all sorts of jewelry, crop tops, shorts that are dead ringers for victoria secret shorts in all but logo, you can see this stuff in stores all over the place. They also fashion their little girl's hairstyles similar to what sexy 'grown up' girls wear. I even see toddlers with make up on. While these 'moms' can delude themselves and say to herself that the child is just 'cute', the resemblance of the little kid's clothing and appearance to a grown woman's sexually enticing clothing is unmistakable. To imagine that this won't have any effect on a disturbed person who is already attracted to children is just plainly just a perfect definition of what is stupid thinking.

The 'frozen in time' effect of abuse is familiar to a lot of people who underwent some sort of traumatic event during development. You don't exactly have to act, or behave as that age, but experience some of those exact the same feelings, thoughts, fears, hopes and desires that you did when the trauma was happening. You don't 'feel' like you ARE that age, it's just sort of a deja vu experience. Example: Part of me is 'stuck' in adolescence; being told throughout my entire childhood that I was supposed to be a girl, I patiently awaited god to 'fix' his mistake, and thought that when all the other girls started to 'develop', that I would too. My delayed puberty exacerbated this confusion. Going through almost all my high school years never becoming more of a man, nor more of a woman, really left me wondering what the hell was going on. I can't say that it's a separate personality thing; I don't experience that. But there is a lingering feeling at times exactly how I felt all those years ago, that recurs with the desire to crossdress. I feel exactly the way I did back then, only, thanks to years of studying, without the guilt.
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 122
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:30:20 PM
I intentionally chose 'young girls' versus 'women' - the difference being that 'women' implies independence and responsibility for one's self to me. Whereas, 'young girls' - to me - means they are someone's charge. As such, whoever they are charged to - should be responsible for their well being. Again, to my way of thinking, this means that the parent, gaurdian, whatever is responsible for demonstrating behavior that they would not mind their charges emulating. IMO

However, if was all think back I am sure that we can find various behaviors of our parents, say, that we have emulated and, at this stage in our lives, we might well find that these learned behaviors do not serve us well or are not to our liking. Whether it is parents raising their voices and fighting in front of the children or anything else - children learn and will emulate. What else do the see/know????

I am aware that someone is innocent until proven guilty. That does very little to help resolve my feelings about this.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 123
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:58:02 PM
"being told throughout my entire childhood that I was supposed to be a girl"

I am always shocked by how many parents say this kind of thing to their children. I was in a playground with a group of mothers and one of the mother's stated she was sure her next was going to be a girl in front of her son. I hope the little boy was not paying attention to that.

Why is gender so important as long as one has a child?
 Onlyforumsonly
Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 124
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:31:58 AM
Kind of amazes me that "young girls" are thought to use sex to get things by sexual abuse. I learned the opposite, to never, ever accept anything from a man, no gifts, no dates, nothing, if I didn't pay it back twice over in kind. I've even delayed break-ups until I thought that slate was clean. What I learned is that men do these things to buy sex, and it's not even worth it to me to have sex if he's going to set a dollar value on it. Hearing men say that all women are essentially whores is one of the things that has put me off dating entirely. I was tired of the whore thing by age six.

I no longer call myself a "survivor". The old saws are right. Women like me are, indeed, marked for life. Yes, I've done the therapy and the meds, and at the end of the day, nothing measurable had changed. I'm still myself, warts and all, still ambitious, introverted, low-key, not a fun chick. Then again, why should I be anything other than what I am?

One of the most damaging messages one gets from sexual abuse is that one is defective. Sadly, therapy just harps on the same tune. The "damage" from the abuse is just another way to be defective. I had to go through years of therapy before I realized that I was being lied to. I was never going to be "cured", because there was nothing wrong with me. PSTD is a normal response to intense, chronic stress. Anxiety is a typical thing for it to devolve into over time. It's normal to be fiercely protective of certain aspects of oneself, and normal to struggle with other aspects of life because you just didn't learn the skills. It's normal for experience to shape perspective. None of this is pathology.

What is pathological is the continuing message of self-hatred. Why should the victims--and yes, I say victims in this context--be punished ad infinitum for the sins of the perpetrator? Can't we come up with a kind of normal that it's possible to be compassionate about that includes expected effects of trauma? I don't expect every man to be eager to date us in general or me in particular. I do question the labels we get. Unless that label comes with an established, consistent, proven protocol to manage the problem in such a way that our overall lives are measurably improved, and not trendy psychobabble, I'm not interested.

Sadly, I've found very few such protocols. Most of what I've found has been some pshrink's pet theory, and they all contradict each other. In the meantime, I'm learning to stop beating myself up and trying to compensate for not being whatever it was I might have been had none of this happened. We don't live in that world. We live in this one, and no therapy can ever fix that.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 125
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:56:22 AM
Mine had a few effects:
1) The abuse put me off casual sex. So I'm just not comfortable with the current trend to begin relationships with sex.
2) It also opened me up to bisexual feelings, so I never quite know where I am.
3) Because it came from a man, it makes me feel threatened by men in general, and so I come across as quite lacking in confidence.
All that, combined, had made it very difficult for me to even date, let alone get a proper relationship going. I can easily date women I'm not attracted to, and they've fallen heavily in love with me as a result. But I find it very, very difficult to deal with women I am attracted to, and usually end up putting them off me, mainly because the abuse locked off those parts of my brain for such a long while, I'm very unsure, and unsure meant danger in my childhood. So I come across as very lacking in confidence, and sometimes even creepy, because that is how so many women interpret my nervousness, as somehow intended against them. But if a woman is too pushy, I'll feel that is dangerous and back off as well.

What I've learned is that in order to come across as confident and not act too nervous, I've got to quell all of my inner demons, and that seems to be sorting out ALL of my problems. So right now, I'm having to focus on therapy for dealing with all the aspects of this. It's very difficult, because I'm having to re-write my mental and emotional DNA, and then work out how I would be as an adult.

What is much, much harder for women to deal with around me, is that I come across very confident and self-assured when I'm NOT dealing with things that remind me of that abuse. So a lot of men and women assume that I'm extremely confident. But then when they see me in a situation that reminds me of that abuse, that lack of self-confidence returns, and it's like I've changed into a mouse. Usually people then assume that I'm a mouse all the time, and they were mistaken. But then when I'm not remembering the abuse, then I return to being very confident, and they cannot handle it, because they are so used to thinking of people as "black-and-white" when it comes to confidence. So my friends tend to be the sort of people who can survive just about anything, to such an extent, they never even bother telling anyone, because they just don't need to.

I'm a dichotomy, that few people can handle.

You also have to understand that although 1 in 6 men have been abused, and 1 in 4 women, most men will NOT reject a woman just because she was abused, and that if a man rejects a woman, it is because she is not attractive to him, or she is just too much of a b*tch. But in my experience, and from other's reports, women do regularly reject men because they've been abused, as it is seen as a weakness to allow yourself to be abused, and weak women are attractive, but weak men are not, at least not in our society.

I agree with this. I also think women go for help more often than men do. I still think there is a stigma attached to males of sexual abuse. I hope that changes and more male survivors get the help the need.
Actually, that just isn't true. Men seek help all the time. However, what does happen is that it is assumed that men do this to women. So when a man says he was abused, such men are treated as if they are liars, and that they are really wimps using made-up claims of abuse as an excuse for their own inadequacies. So they don't get heard unless they fight for it 100 times as hard as women do. There are lots of shelters for domestic abuse of all sorts. But there are hardly any at all for men, or that even would deal with men at all. So women are getting lots of help on this issue, and men are getting almost none at all.

I'm pretty sure I'll get the hang of things one day.
 mightbeme04
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 126
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:42:17 AM
This is a really great thread, I am glad that you ladies are coming forth and telling your stories at the age you are now, because this is one facet of abuse we don't often hear about, and that is later in life, how one managed to cope, how it affected them, how and where they found their healing or a way to deal with it or manage to shut it out.

As a male I sorta like to be aware of these "footprints" because it could affect a woman I might date or be with, and you know she may not be up front about her childhood and her past at least until we get to know each other a little more. The more I know about abuse and it's aftermath the better equipped I am to be accepting of her, and her reasons for being how she is.

I have dated those that were abused as a child, one in particular that came to be a great love in my life had an ability to turn her feelings off like a light switch and go on like nothing happened. I know because she did this and our relationship ended abruptly with no closure. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but I healed eventually, and still never have heard from her, and I am okay if I don't.

She also had the need to make things perfect, she had trouble with this one in all her relationships, and it was getting to the point that she was afraid anymore to enter a relationship with a man because she would pick it apart trying to make it perfect.

Another thing she did, was avoid having to ever feel guilty for something. Say a decision needed to be made over something, something that had consequences either way she decided, she would avoid making the decision and leave it up to someone or something else to make the decision so she wouldn't have to feel guilty, having not made the decision herself. I attribute that one directly to her abuser telling her not to tell anyone, if she did, she would get in trouble. She knew it was wrong, she knew she wanted to tell, but her fears forced her to shove her concerns into a little closet and shut the door. This is how she lived with it, and this is what it left behind. This is the damage it did to her decision making processes.

We talked at length about many of the things that caused her to be how she was, we discovered some significant things caused by that period in her life, and although I am no shrink and no I am not qualified to diagnose or treat anything other than small cuts and bruises, she told me that in the short time we had known each other, that I knew things about her that her family didn't know, and that she could tell me things she wouldn't tell her counselors, and she was glad to have the insight of someone who was very close to her and someone she trusted with her most guarded thoughts.

When we broke up, it hurt me to know that she would not have that anymore, because I felt that she was taking strides that she had only dreamed of taking someday, and dealing with the issues she grew up with in a positive way. In my heart of hearts, I wish her well.

So not only are the direct victims of the abuser affected, so are those that come into their lives later. We also pay a price for their abuse as well.

Would I date another abuse victim? Of course I would. Hey they have every right I have to love and be loved, but I keep this thought close at hand, if you are going to sail these waters, better have you some good charts, and have your wits about you. You may come to mean more to that person than you will ever know.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 127
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:52:26 AM

We talked at length about many of the things that caused her to be how she was, we discovered some significant things caused by that period in her life, and although I am no shrink and no I am not qualified to diagnose or treat anything other than small cuts and bruises, she told me that in the short time we had known each other, that I knew things about her that her family didn't know, and that she could tell me things she wouldn't tell her counselors, and she was glad to have the insight of someone who was very close to her and someone she trusted with her most guarded thoughts.

When we broke up, it hurt me to know that she would not have that anymore, because I felt that she was taking strides that she had only dreamed of taking someday, and dealing with the issues she grew up with in a positive way. In my heart of hearts, I wish her well.


This is a theme that I've experienced myself, (I haven't been sexually abused), and with SO's as well (that have been sexually abused)

I call it the "You know too much, now I have to kill you" theory. A few times, after divulging particularly painful information, my SO would break up with me....or vice versa. In a convoluted way, it almost seems, that if you get rid of the person you divulged to, the pain will go away too.

My SO and I caught on to what was going on after a few years (we were together a total of six years) and we would just say the "You know too much....." line, and not do the breaking up. Saying the line would indicate to the other that things were gonna be a little dicey until we could deal with the feelings, rather than turfing the other out of our life.
 Onlyforumsonly
Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 129
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:29:38 AM
Between my sister and me, there is no clear winner or loser. Both of us emerged with different strengths and weaknesses. She's married, but no kids and fears them. I have a kid, and fear re-marriage. She's a functioning alcoholic, something I've had to learn to be compassionate about because my own sobriety is a matter of luck. Alcohol gives me headaches. Both of us have problems dealing with people, but that could be a side issue as our mother does, too, and she was never molested. She and I can both switch off our emotions, but in different areas of life.

But that's exactly the kind of thing I mean: when we look at someone who learned what we think of as the "wrong" lesson from sexual abuse and label them weak, we're participating in the abuse itself. Do I castigate my sister for her drinking, or laud her for how well she runs her lab? Because this is the same person, one who busted her rear for that lab. She has a husband who adores her, and while I inspire a lot of things in men, genuine affection isn't high on the list. I'm both a good mother and a good teacher, while she's hopeless with kids. She has a much, much stronger desire to please people than I do, and I'm not sure how to judge that one.

I didn't come out of the experience with any desire to use sex to manipulate men, but I did come out of it with a serious case of contempt for men who are easily manipulated by sex. I see them as no different from the man who molested me, who was a slave to his impulses to the detriment of everything good in life. So while I'm disinclined to waggle my rear and flutter my eyelashes for stuff, which makes me a good girl, I'm also disinclined to pity for those who fall for it, which makes me a bad girl. See what I mean?

No matter what you've done or how much work you put into it, you will always, always be judged defective in some way if you've lived through this. Live through any other kind of trauma, and you'll get a bit of a pass, unless you turn out to be a sociopathic thug, but sexual abuse? That's another story.

Oddly, I'm grateful for my disinclination to please and my ability to shut my feelings off like a light switch, because I can drop the whole thing. I can also realize, as I have growing older, that some things are actually easier for me than they are for women who weren't molested. As with any other trauma, there are lessons in it that can be of enormous benefit later.

But we're not allowed to say that, because then we're seen as having "enjoyed" it or "benefited" from it, which makes the rest of society turn their backs on it even more than they already do. So no, I'm not a survivor, or the strong one, or any of that. I'm someone who has had this experience. End of story.
 Extremely_Different
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 130
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:20:59 PM
I've taken the time to read over quite a few comments and perhaps I just have not happened across one that is applicable to me.

I was a young pre-teen male that was abused by two different men on two separate occassions. I "recalled" these memories when I was in my early 20's. Very soon after acknowledging these memories as fact, and examining them in depth I discovered 2 things:

1) I was not disgusted, ashamed, embarassed, or regretful of these experiences. I associate NO negative feeling whatsoever with them.

2) I found myself experiencing a whole new level of fantasies, including the more taboo topics.

I am very respectful of women and am very open about my past and how it contributes to who I am today. Am I the only person that has experienced these things and has walked away feeling at peace???
 ***blue***
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 131
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:36:06 PM
^^^^ As long as your taboo fantacies are not going to end up with you abusing others, I guess you could e doing ok. I didn't check your age so I'm not sure how old you are now, but are you sure you just didn't bury the emotions tied to it again? If not good for you.
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 132
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:03:15 AM
I see posts here from/about some that have used sex to gain things per se, then others who are at the other end of the spectrum - they feel it wrong or dirty (a great over simplification).

Too, what they seek or strive for - to be 'normal'. Well, there is no normal. Personally, I believe that 'normal' is merely the 'feeling that you are normal' such that you are not always focusing on those things that you feel make you not like others.

There are people who have not been the victims of sexual abuse as children that have those same issues. Yeesh, I was raised a catholic and the catholic church is, in my opinion, an great inducer of 'guilt'. 'You do this - you are bad and will go to hell' (now do not go off on a religious bend and crucify me for my experience with the catholic church)

I wish all that 'suffer' from feelings of not being normal or issues about sexual intimacy as adults (whether having been sexually abused as a child or not) you hope that you may one day heal.

Again, I suggest seeing a therapist - yes, there are some that feel they are all quacks and some might well be - however there are many good ones that are good at what they do.

As for my wish for 'hope'..... I will relate my story - Widowed 'young' - I woke up one day about a year or two after my wife had passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat up in the bed and I felt as though the weight of the world were placed on my shoulders. I thought to myself - 'if this is the way the remainder of my life was going to be like - then I do no want the rest of my life' After a few thoughts of suicide passed through my mind in the next few hours/days I decided that I had a problem and needed to see a shrink. I did - and that was 17 years ago. That therapy literally saved my life. I owe my life to that therapist.

Again - my wish for hope for all you (friends, family, etc) that suffer/have suffered from sexual abuse. There is peace out there for you. Go look for it. I hope that you and it find one another.

Best to all.
 phillis_07
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 133
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:09:22 AM
i find it hard 2 commit and i haven't had a relationship in 3 years. i cant get close any more and when i was in relationships, they left me because i couldn't tell them my circumstances and they thought i didn't love them.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 134
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:09:20 AM

i find it hard 2 commit and i haven't had a relationship in 3 years. i cant get close any more and when i was in relationships, they left me because i couldn't tell them my circumstances and they thought i didn't love them


Phillis...

Think about the circumstances....go over them carefully. Remember what was said to you....is it true?

I haven't been sexually abused, but I know plenty of people who have. Have you bought in to what you were told, and now feel like it was your fault. It wasn't...abuse is just that...something done AGAINST your will...no matter how the perpetrator tries to disguise it.

You should not be held accountable for what happened to you.

Could you be rejected if you told a lover? Yes, it's possible. At least it will be an honest rejection, and you won't have lost a lover, because of your "secret". Your lover could also decide to stick around and "deal", and help you heal.
 *Sassy Redhead*
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 135
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:29:58 AM
I would think that it is because you both had different experiences within the context of the family and abuse. You are both using coping mechanisms to deal with the treatment you received at the hands of your mother and step father and yes it does affect your dating and relationships. The trick is to recognize what you are doing in your relationships and seek professional help to work through the things you identify.

We all have different perceptions of experiences that happen in our lives. People deal with trauma in different ways hence the differences in you and your sister's behaviors.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 136
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:46:51 PM
"Am I the only person that has experienced these things and has walked away feeling at peace???"

No George Hamilton falls into that catagory. He was on The View talking about having sex with his step-mother when he was 12. He thinks he is perfectly fine and a lot of people do, but if you look at George Hamilton's life, you got to wonder. The people who love them may think differently.

My ex-boyfriend started having sex when he was 12 with his much older female cousin. This lasted until he was about 16. He thought he was "being a man," but he was actually being molested. He had very warped ideas about sex and used it as a form of currancy. He thought everyone was that way about sex.

So is it "at peace" or denial?
 Ameerra
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 138
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/1/2009 9:15:26 PM
^^^^^Wow, just wow!

How are you dealing with this? Are you going to speak to a counselor or someone -- you have to speak to someone!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 140
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:33:58 AM

My self-esteem and confidence doesn't come from some dirty old man who tells me things I want to hear.


You have your self-esteem and confidence IN SPITE of the deviant old man.

What you do positively and passionately and who you are positively and passionately is what builds self-esteem.


That's how you survive.
I prefer to say....that's how you THRIVE.

This is a "designated" time to grieve, Daisypetals....use it for all it's worth....for yourself....
 Ameerra
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 141
Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:12:19 PM
Daisy, you're my hero!

Your story sounds so much like my own story. I don't know what I'll do when my father dies! I haven't spoken to him in years!!!! I don't have any feelings at all towards him. No anger. No love. Just numb. I do feel I've forgiven him, but maybe when he dies a lot of stuff will start coming to the surface, I have H U G E memory blocks.

It's so inspiring to read what you've gone through, how you've handled your toxic family and grown and become a strong woman.

Thank you so much for posting your story. Sometimes we don't know how sharing really gives a glimmer of light and hope to those who are reading
 Texas Sky
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 142
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:21:12 PM
having been a victim as a small child & my husband knowing the facts only gave him ammunition during heated arguments between us, which totally tortured me inside to think that he would used something so sensitive which happened in my past as a child against me, over & over & over during the length of our marriage & tell me that I was the 1 who had a problem. the conflict combined with my ex-husband who cruelly physically abused me, he also would throw into my face, he would take great pleasure in doing so & in the end I could not function sexually at all with him for these last 10 years & now he has walked out on our marriage of 23 yrs saying I made him do it. making me feel so inadequate as a woman, allowing the men who have assaulted me while in his presence. when u combine sexually abuse with physical abuse, they go hand in hand, but when an outsider with whom u think that u can trust such as your husband with such a delicate discussion, uses is against u, it is the worst kind of mental abuse u can imagine...
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 143
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 1:33:20 PM

My self-esteem and confidence doesn't come from some dirty old man who tells me things I want to hear. To my sister it does. Sadly.

Confidence comes from self worth, not from external sources.

Note to all women. Be aware of yourself if you are vulnerable to men who tell you things that you want to hear. That is not a confidence builder.

But, given the advice you're giving to all women here, about men, why would any man ever utter any kind words, or complement, or voice any appreciation for a woman again?
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 145
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 2:04:08 PM

But, given the advice you're giving to all women here, about men, why would any man ever utter any kind words, or complement, or voice any appreciation for a woman again?



ummm...you want to debate me? Do it in another thread. Read the topic.

All of a sudden you're at a loss for answers?

As long as we're giving commands, don't goad me.

I read the topic.

I also have a right to ask you a question. This isn't your forum, or personal blog.

I asked a simple question to a far reaching comment from you. It is germane to the topic.

But, feel free to avoid answering any questions to your statements.

Your skills of dialogue need work.

Is that what you wanted to hear?...
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 146
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 3:51:11 PM

All of a sudden you're at a loss for answers?

As long as we're giving commands, don't goad me.

I read the topic.

I also have a right to ask you a question. This isn't your forum, or personal blog.

I asked a simple question to a far reaching comment from you. It is germane to the topic.

But, feel free to avoid answering any questions to your statements.

Your skills of dialogue need work.

Is that what you wanted to hear?...


You are taking Daisypetals comments out of context....and you know it. You're spinning her words, and trying to turn them against her.

This is very familiar to me....shall we discuss how it's familiar to me?

Stop now, please.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 147
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 4:07:00 PM

All of a sudden you're at a loss for answers?

As long as we're giving commands, don't goad me.

I read the topic.

I also have a right to ask you a question. This isn't your forum, or personal blog.

I asked a simple question to a far reaching comment from you. It is germane to the topic.

But, feel free to avoid answering any questions to your statements.

Your skills of dialogue need work.

Is that what you wanted to hear?...
You are taking Daisypetals comments out of context....and you know it. You're spinning her words, and trying to turn them against her.

This is very familiar to me....shall we discuss how it's familiar to me?

Stop now, please.

Stop projecting.

Stop begging me to stop. If you have an axe to grind with me about my comments to you on that other thread, take me up on that thread.

Stop trying to censor.

Stop what?

Asking questions about the OP's statements that are germane to the first two sentences of her OP?

quote from the OP : I have looked hard and long at my relationships with the men that I have had in my life.
They all have had to prove themselves to me first so I would feel safe with opening my heart to them. If he is not strong and a leader type A, then I have no respect for him.


If the OP is going to proselytize and attempt to coach other women on men with her advice, and negatively characterize them, then she should be prepared to answer a simple question.

Or are you promoting censorship?
 Texas Sky
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 148
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Victims of child sex abuse.How does it affect your dating and relationships?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:18:04 PM
while u 2 women are hashing each other's rhetorical comments to each other, the facts remain the same, at least pertaining within my life span, men have been the most un kindest demeaning animals. i need not have a man to build what little i have escaped with once again. i have the brains & capabilities to take care of myself without the need, help or desire of a mentally cruel abusive man, who's sheer desire in his life is to incapacitate me & make me vulnerable to himself in his manipulative world of pain. it has really amazed me, with all my ambitions, all my intelligence, how my life became so manipulated by such a cruel human being AND always remember, a man need not ever lay a hand upon u to become abusive...
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