| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:21:02 AM |
Regardless of the man he was, the man he is needs compassion and care.
He might need it, but he's not "owed" it from his wife. He can get compassion and care from medical care workers. If you ever think you might "need" something from your (hypothetical) wife, don't ever do this to her, and you'll have nothing to worry about. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:26:15 AM | I'm with Mary Freakin Poppins and Racygirl. Call the girly friend and have her nurse him. Is it proven beyond any doubt that he was in fact with his male buds when he fell out of the golf cart, and not out with the girlfriend?
Does he need to re-learn his motor skills only, or are you saying he is (or will be) the equivalent of a newborn himself, without any memory of his former life?
She was visiting him at the hospital - so does he recognize her or no?
If this man is now a virtual vegetable pending rehabilitation, he'll not remember her, the child or anything about his life whether she stays or not. There's a very good possibility she'll be nursing him for the rest of their lives and no guarantee he'll ever progress beyond the development level of her 11-month old.
She was already at home taking care of the child while he was out cheating or having fun with his friends. Let the family that raised him to be the kind of man he was, now take care of him. It'll be their karma, too.
Otherwise this will be a life sentence for her. There's really nothing to regret here. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:26:43 AM | | He wasn't the person she fell in love with the minute he decided to screw around on her. So the accident had nothing to do with the fact that he's not the man she fell in love with...he changed who he was (or who he pretended to be) long before the accident. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:37:11 AM |
What is the proper thing to do here?
Pray to God for his recovery, talk to his family and explain what's getting ready to happen, call a divorce lawyer, and move on. May sound heartless but her self-preservation and that of her child's is key. His family should help him out, knowing that she's not leaving because of the accident, but because of his infidelity. If he's that young and screwing around on her already, who's to say that he would stay with her in the end anyway? | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:38:46 AM | | I'm really interested in all of your responses. I'm so upset about the whole thing. The husband was in fact on a golf trip with the boys. That was no lie. As of now, he lays in a coma, he survived the surgery. Now as far as I can understand, the part of the brain that instructs your body what to do, as in, walk, talk, pick this up, turn around this way, is completely messed. He will have to learn it all from scratch. As for his memories, I'm not sure how that would work. Will he still have them? Will he recognize his family? I don't know. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:26:06 AM | that's drama...
if it was me, I would not stay with a partner who cheated....not even once.
as I am not in this situation it's easier to speak "from the outside".
all in all it's the ultimate "dealbreaker".
when you marry, you promise to be faithfull.
if your partner wasn't faithful, he broke the contract....
however, in this situation the woman should find out really if it was indeed cheating.
could be the 21 year old "other woman" wanted to be with him,
it was her imagination....
so the wife has to find out first what was between the two.
perhaps try to talk to the woman in person....
easier said than done....
very miserable situation for all... | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:51:44 AM |
Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Yes.
People make mistakes and this guy certainly did big time by hurting his wife and child. That aside does not give the go ahead to desert this guy when his recovery may depend on the support he receives.
The focus should be on this guy's life and getting him through this difficult stage. When the tough times are over the knives can come out.
When the daughter asks why her parents are not together could the mother relay the true story? Daddy was seeing another woman, then he hit his head and was in a coma so I left him.....Nice. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 6:53:52 AM | Personally nope. Old habits die hard. People can't change for others, they can only change for themselves.
Calling him out on it, TELLING him to change would do nothing. When you do the person called out feels bad. Why? They feel bad you CAUGHT them. If they thought what they were doing was wrong they wouldn't have in the first place.
I might sound cold for saying so, but that's some karma for you. Don't expect to put someone else in hell and be the victim at the same time. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:00:15 AM | I cant believe im saying this but id nurse him/try to help as much as i could.
Despite his unfaithfulness,i wouldnt be able to turn my back on him & walk away....
Really sorry for your friend................. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:03:37 AM | | My heart goes out to this young woman whose life has been shattered. She needs love and support for herself and child right now just to get through hour by hour. She would be in no state of mind to make any major decisions. There will be plenty of time for that down the road as his prognosis is clearer and she can begin to find the strength to deal and sort out her feelings/emotions. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:04:13 AM | Anyone ever see the movie " Diary Of A Mad Black Woman?
This sounds just like the plot line to that story
Like the poster said ..In sickness and in health
She's hurt right now and needs time to think
She will forgive him and stick to her vows . She's a saint in my eyes and probably everyone else that knows the real reason why he is in this shape
As for him ? I guess he truly knows the meaning of karma now | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:11:08 AM | """Should I get a big hat, with lots of pockets?""""
This is a second hand story obviously, and I have to ask how a 24 year old guy "falls off a golf cart" and must be in intensive care. How bad can things be at 5 MPH? I'm thinking he was drinking (wanna bet?) and one of the mistresses bashed his head in with a golf club. You and your friend should go take a trip to the golf course, and examine the "Rock" he fell on from 2 feet away. Look for blood stains, police reports, yellow tape, etc.
Yes, if the boy is 25 and was cheating, your friend should call up the mistresses and split the time. Say a week at wife's house, a week at mistress#1, and a week at mistress#2. etc.
edit: OH, I am late to the party """""I'm with Mary Freakin Poppins and Racygirl. Call the girly friend and have her nurse him."""" | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:25:53 AM | While my first kneejerk reaction would be to tell this young woman that he got what he deserved and leave his cheating ass, What I did in my life with a cheater was very different.
I am divorced the second time from her and still took care of her this year when she almost died from a busted appendix..
I just cannot be cruel.. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:27:38 AM |
While my first kneejerk reaction would be to tell this young woman that he got what he deserved and leave his cheating ass, What I did in my life with a cheater was very different.
I am divorced the second time from her and still took care of her this year when she almost died from a busted appendix..
I just cannot be cruel..
Really? 'cause that's a pretty cruel thing to do to yourself.
If you can't love yourself and respect yourself first how can you do it for anyone else? | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:37:19 AM | Look its hard one i guess...
But once you start an affair... for your selfish sexual gratification, then its just that… selfish…
Why anyone would cheat is beyond me… As far as im concerned, for those who have cheated such as this gentleman, your on your own… go back to mummy…!!! | |
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DD10
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Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:55:22 AM | I guess this is where the for better or worse is a struggle. He broke the vows by cheating (it's such a humiliating thing to do to your partner) so I'd leave. Let his blood relatives nurse him back to good.
She's not obligated once the vows are broken in my opinion. Shame she had a kid with this sack o shit. you really have to be careful what sperm you let in you... I wish her well. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 8:18:24 AM | I was ready to leave my Ex when he suddenly needed emergency heart surgery. I took care of him until he was healed. It took almost 6 months. But it did not change who he was for one minute.
In the young wife's case she needs to do some heavy soul searching and speak with his family as well. Cheating within the first year of marriage indicates a very poor choice of a spouse. Perhaps the care should fall to his parents if she is unwilling to do so. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:40:23 AM |
It's one thing to leave a cheating, lying, alcoholic husband...then you are SMART. It's another to leave a cheating, lying, alcoholic, dying husband...then you are CRUEL."
I'm sorry, but this is akin to glorifying a dead person and saying how wonderful they are...no matter what an ass they were in life. The cheating, lying, alcoholic husband was being cruel...in a horrible, humiliating calculated way--why would anyone think that type of person should be given the benefit of the doubt because they're dying or have a brain injury? | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:10:33 AM | VERY SIMPLE ,MORALLY SPEAKING.LOVE HIM AND THEN FORGIVE HIM EVENTUALLY.EVERYONE I BELEIVE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE .MARRIAGE SHOULDN'T BE TAKEN SO LIGHTLY,LIKE SOCIETY
DOES.WHAT WOULD SHE WANT HIM TO DO? SHE WOULD PROBABLY HOPE
HE WOULD HAVE A HEART.WHICH SEEMS RARE THESE DAYS BECAUSE
AFTER ALL,MOST OF US ARE "IN IT" FOR WHAT OUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
CAN DO FOR US.
NOW ALL OF THAT SOUNDS LOGICAL,BUT WILL SHE HANG IN THERE,
I DOUBT IT,BUT HEY I'M PROBABLY JUST BEING A PESSIMIST(REALIST IS
MORE LIKE IT). | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:31:45 AM | | By the sounds of it OP most everyone sees love as conditional. Whilst I don't condone cheating of any kind, there are always two sides to every story, and this man is the father of this woman's children. It's a horrible deal she's been dealt, but to just expect her to walk away and become completely cold and indifferent towards him under his present circumstances is completely mad IMO. No, she doesn't owe him anything, but if she really loved him she would still care about the situation he is in now, despite what he did to her. I can't begin to try to put myself in this woman's shoes, all I will say is once you have really loved someone making such an enormous decision isn't so cut and dried as everyone assumes it should be. If he were still as he was before the accident, then she would have to walk away in order to maintain her dignity. As it is now, what is dignity going to be to her compared to the present plight of her husband? Some things can make a difference. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:35:22 AM | it's so hard to really have any idea what i'd do, without being in this situation
but as an outsider looking in, i'd say i'd be there for him often, trying to help him regain what he could of his mobility etc. - supporting him as the father of our child...
however, because he cheated on me, our marriage would be over | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 2:40:55 PM |
it's so hard to really have any idea what i'd do, without being in this situation
Exactly, it's an impossible thread to answer really, because it is so beyond the normal. Even the most informed with regards to relationships will have no concept to what it feels like to be put in this kind of dilemna. Therefore I say just stick with your friend, and try to stand by her, even if you don't agree with her in principle. No -one can ever know how to react in this kind of situation unless it really happens to them. | |
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| Would you nurse your cheating partner?
Posted: 9/18/2008 2:45:12 PM |
Now I feel anger. How could he have done this to her?
Well -- he was a man -- that's how the gender is programmed by nature to behave -- you can't hold that against him.... but it doesn't sound like he's got much to offer her now -- so she should likely dump him fast... (women are also programmed by nature to do that -- so don't hold that against her either) | |
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